A Man Walks Into A Bar.... - U2 Feedback

Go Back   U2 Feedback > Lypton Village > Lemonade Stand > Lemonade Stand Archive
Click Here to Login
 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 02-22-2006, 09:58 AM   #1
War Child
 
MsGiggles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 905
Local Time: 02:03 AM
A Man Walks Into A Bar....

Everyone knows at least one "man walks into a bar" joke. So what's yours?


A man walks into a bar
He hears a voice saying hello there, you look good today, nice shoes
He turns around and nobody is there
He asks the bartender did you hear that?
Bartender says yeah it's the peanuts, they're complimentary
__________________

__________________
MsGiggles is offline  
Old 02-22-2006, 10:16 AM   #2
ONE
love, blood, life
 
Numb1075's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Tarrytown, NY
Posts: 11,382
Local Time: 11:03 AM
a man walks into a bar

he says "Ouch"
__________________

__________________
Numb1075 is offline  
Old 02-22-2006, 10:26 AM   #3
Refugee
 
Sue DeNym's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: The Beautiful Pacific Northwest!
Posts: 1,608
Local Time: 08:03 AM
A minister, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

__________________
Sue DeNym is offline  
Old 02-22-2006, 10:59 AM   #4
ONE
love, blood, life
 
Numb1075's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Tarrytown, NY
Posts: 11,382
Local Time: 11:03 AM
__________________
Numb1075 is offline  
Old 02-22-2006, 11:13 AM   #5
Blue Crack Addict
 
verte76's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: hoping for changes
Posts: 23,331
Local Time: 04:03 PM
__________________
verte76 is offline  
Old 02-22-2006, 11:29 AM   #6
ONE
love, blood, life
 
zoney!'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: six metro locations
Posts: 11,292
Local Time: 10:03 AM
__________________
zoney! is offline  
Old 02-22-2006, 12:13 PM   #7
Rock n' Roll Doggie
FOB
 
hcbiggs2002's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: "Greatest Bonolover in Finland"!
Posts: 8,980
Local Time: 07:03 PM
I don't remember a "man" joke but I do have this one...

A sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender says "We don't serve Sandwiches".

I know, older than the hills!!!
__________________
hcbiggs2002 is offline  
Old 02-22-2006, 01:26 PM   #8
Blue Crack Supplier
 
waynetravis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Hull, UK
Posts: 36,231
Local Time: 05:03 PM
__________________
waynetravis is offline  
Old 02-22-2006, 07:23 PM   #9
ONE
love, blood, life
 
shari schultz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Sconnie
Posts: 11,102
Local Time: 11:03 AM
A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, "Does your dog bite?". The lady answers, "Never!" The man reaches out to pet the dog and the dog bites him. The man says, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" The woman replies, "He doesn't. This isn't my dog."
__________________
shari schultz is offline  
Old 02-22-2006, 07:47 PM   #10
War Child
 
SleepyDeadMan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 593
Local Time: 12:03 PM
__________________
SleepyDeadMan is offline  
Old 02-22-2006, 09:03 PM   #11
Forum Moderator
 
yolland's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 7,471
Local Time: 05:03 PM
A Catholic joke, a Jewish joke and a musicians' joke...



Father Murphy walks into a bar and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I do, Father." The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?" "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Brien and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?" O'Brien said, "No, I don't Father." The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Brien said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

---------------------------------------------------
A Frenchman, a German, and a Jew walk into a bar. The Frenchman says, "I'm tired. I'm thirsty. I must have wine." The German says, "I'm tired. I'm thirsty. I must have beer." The Jew says, "I'm tired. I'm thirsty. I must have diabetes."

---------------------------------------------------
C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "You're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural.

Eventually, C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental. The judge rules that all contrary motions are bassless.
__________________
yolland is offline  
Old 02-23-2006, 01:19 AM   #12
Blue Crack Overdose
Get me off the internetz!
 
Carek1230's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: wishing I was somewhere else....
Posts: 114,480
Local Time: 08:03 AM
A man walks into a bar and sees, standing next to the bartender, this giant gorilla. So the man, he sits at the bar, orders a drink, and says, "What's with the gorilla?" The bartender says, "Watch." Then he begins to start, like, hitting the gorilla. And the gorilla, he bends over and gives the bartender a blow job! When they're finished the bartender turns to the man and says, "Wanna try?"
"Sure!" says the man, "Just don't hit me so hard!".
__________________
Carek1230 is offline  
Old 02-23-2006, 01:56 PM   #13
Blue Crack Supplier
 
waynetravis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Hull, UK
Posts: 36,231
Local Time: 05:03 PM
Three men walk ino bar... you would have thought one of them would have seen it.
__________________
waynetravis is offline  
Old 02-23-2006, 02:35 PM   #14
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
Rono's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: the Netherlands
Posts: 6,163
Local Time: 05:03 PM
A man walks into a pub and took place at the bar. Suddenly someone shouted, 78 and the croud started to laugh. Another mans shouted 45 and the people started to laugh again. This went on a couple of minutes and the man decided to ask the bartender why all the people start laughing when someone shouts a number. Well, the bartender said, we are so tired to tell the same old jokes over and over again that we did numbered them.

Suddenly someone shouted, 143 and it was quite for a second and than everyone started to laugh so the man asked the bartender, why did they laugh so late ? The bartender, 143 is a new joke, we did not get it right away.
__________________
Rono is offline  
Old 02-23-2006, 02:58 PM   #15
Blue Crack Overdose
Get me off the internetz!
 
Carek1230's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: wishing I was somewhere else....
Posts: 114,480
Local Time: 08:03 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by waynetravis
Three men walk ino bar... you would have thought one of them would have seen it.

__________________

__________________
Carek1230 is offline  
 

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:03 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Design, images and all things inclusive copyright © Interference.com