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Old 01-05-2006, 11:59 AM   #1
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2005 Darwin Awards

Failed Frame-Up
2005 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(19 March 2005, Michigan) "Unusual" and "complicated" is how the Missaukee County sheriff described the mysterious death of 19-year-old Christopher, who called 911 at 1:22am and calmly informed the police dispatcher that his neighbor had stabbed him. Suddenly he began screaming and begging for help. A woman was heard shouting in the background, "Why did you do this?" Deputies arrived quickly, only to find that Christopher had bled to death from stab wounds to his chest.
After an evening spent imbibing large quantities of alcohol, Christopher noticed a shortage in his liquor supply that could not be attributed to his own depredations. He concluded that his neighbor had stolen a bottle of booze! He menaced said neighbor with a knife, to no avail, whereupon he retired to his own apartment to brood about revenge.
Finally he figured out the perfect way to get back at that conniving bottle-thief: he would stab himself and blame the neighbor!
A witness saw Christopher enter the bathroom while he called police. When he emerged from the bathroom, he looked perfectly fine, but a moment later he began screaming as gouts of blood spewed from his chest. He ran to the door of the apartment, and collapsed.
The evidence pointed to self-inflicted wounds. Deputies found the knife that killed him in the kitchen, and an autopsy concluded that he had stabbed himself in the chest twice. The first wound may not have looked dangerous enough to him, so he took the knife and tried again, this time plunging it into his left ventricle. This wound was plenty dangerous: he had only two minutes to live.
Christopher died in vain. His deathbed accusation fell on deaf ears, as a witness stated that the neighbor was not in the apartment, and the neighbor offered to take a lie-detector test to demonstrate his innocence. All Christopher got for revenge was an accidental death sentence.

Freeway Dangler
2005 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(31 May 2005, Seattle, Washington) Strength and endurance are two of the most important characteristics that can be passed on to improve the species, so physical challenges between males are frequent. In this case, two drinking buddies found themselves on an overpass 40 feet above a busy freeway in downtown Seattle at 2:45 a.m. It turned out to be the perfect place to determine who had more strength and endurance. Whoever could dangle from the overpass the longest would win!
Unfortunately, the winner was too tired from his victory to climb back up, despite help from his 31-year-old friend. The unidentified champion fell smack into the front of a semi-truck barreling down the highway at 60 mph and bounced onto the pavement, where he was hit by a car. The car did not stop. Authorities did not identify the winner of the competition.

The Nuisance of Seatbelts
2005 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(5 January 2005, Nebraska) In September of his senior year at the University of Nebraska, 21-year-old Derek wrote an impassioned declaration of independence from seatbelts for his college newspaper. Although these "intrusive and ridiculous" laws saved 6100 lives a year, according to statistics from the U.S. Congress, Derek concluded with the statement, "If I want to be the jerk that flirts with death, I should be able to do that."
Derek's father said he "was a bright young boy, a 4.0," majoring in five subjects and planning to attend law school. He was also smart enough to tutor his friends in subjects he didn't even take. But good grades don't equate with common sense.
Derek was returning from a holiday in San Antonio, Texas. The driver of the Ford Explorer and his front seat passenger both wore seatbelts. Only Derek was willing to buck the system, sitting without a seatbelt in the back seat, possibly reminding his friends, in the words of his newspaper column, that he belonged to the "die-hard group of non-wearers out there who simply do not wish to buckle up, no matter what the government does."
Around 3 a.m. the SUV hit a patch of ice, slid off Interstate 80, and rolled several times. Derek, in an involuntary display of his freedom from regulation, was thrown from the vehicle. He died at the scene. His friends, slaves to the seatbelt, survived with minor injuries.
Alcohol was not involved in the accident.

Chimney-Cleaning Grenade
2005 Darwin Award Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin
(13 January 2005, Croatia) One fateful afternoon, 55-year-old Marko retreated to his semi-detached workshop to make himself a tool for chimney cleaning. The chimney was too high for a simple broom to work, but if he could attach a brush to a chain and then weigh it down with something, that would do the trick. But what could he use as a weight?
He happened to have the perfect object. It was heavy, yet compact. And best of all, it was made of metal, so he could weld it to the chain. He must have somehow overlooked the fact that it was also a hand grenade and was filled with explosive material.
Marko turned on his welding apparatus and began to create an arc between the chain and the grenade. As the metal heated up, the grenade exploded. The force of the explosion killed poor Marko instantly, blasting shrapnel through the walls of the shed and shattering the windshield of a Mercedes parked outside. Marko's chimney was untouched, however.

Surprise Attack Surprise
2005 Darwin Award Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin
(3 January 2005, St. Maurice, Switzerland) It was the first week of a weapons refresher course, and Swiss Army Grenadier Detachment 20/5 had just finished training with live ammunition. The shooting instructor ordered the soldiers to secure their weapons for a break.
The 24-year-old second lieutenant, in charge of this detachment, decided this would be a good time to demonstrate a knife attack on a soldier. Wielding his bayonet, he leaped toward one of his men, achieving complete surprise.
But earlier that week, the soldiers had been drilled to release the safety catch and ready their guns for firing in the shortest possible time. The surprised soldier, seeing his lieutenant leaping toward him with a knife, snapped off a shot to protect himself from the attack.
The lesson could not have been more successful: the soldier had saved himself and protected the rest of the detachment from a surprise attack. The lieutenant might have wished to commend his soldier on his quick action and accurate marksmanship. Unfortunately, he had been killed with one shot.
And this, kiddies, is why we don't play with knives or guns. Ever. Even if we are trained professionals, and especially if our target is a trained professional.
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Old 01-05-2006, 12:06 PM   #2
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Re: 2005 Darwin Awards

Quote:
Originally posted by Eliv8
The Nuisance of Seatbelts
2005 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(5 January 2005, Nebraska) In September of his senior year at the University of Nebraska, 21-year-old Derek wrote an impassioned declaration of independence from seatbelts for his college newspaper. Although these "intrusive and ridiculous" laws saved 6100 lives a year, according to statistics from the U.S. Congress, Derek concluded with the statement, "If I want to be the jerk that flirts with death, I should be able to do that."
Derek's father said he "was a bright young boy, a 4.0," majoring in five subjects and planning to attend law school. He was also smart enough to tutor his friends in subjects he didn't even take. But good grades don't equate with common sense.
Derek was returning from a holiday in San Antonio, Texas. The driver of the Ford Explorer and his front seat passenger both wore seatbelts. Only Derek was willing to buck the system, sitting without a seatbelt in the back seat, possibly reminding his friends, in the words of his newspaper column, that he belonged to the "die-hard group of non-wearers out there who simply do not wish to buckle up, no matter what the government does."
Around 3 a.m. the SUV hit a patch of ice, slid off Interstate 80, and rolled several times. Derek, in an involuntary display of his freedom from regulation, was thrown from the vehicle. He died at the scene. His friends, slaves to the seatbelt, survived with minor injuries.
Alcohol was not involved in the accident.
I guess his sophomoric thinking stuck with him through his senior year....
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Old 01-05-2006, 03:50 PM   #3
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At least he was willing to die for his beliefs.




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Old 01-05-2006, 03:58 PM   #4
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I guess it just proves some people really are too stupid to live.
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Old 01-05-2006, 04:15 PM   #5
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what's the einstein saying about infinite human stupity?
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Old 01-05-2006, 04:19 PM   #6
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something about how only 2 things are infinte, the universe and human stupidity...and not so sure about the universe.

or something

i know it's morbid, but i love the darwin awards
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Old 01-05-2006, 04:19 PM   #7
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, especially "he stabed me" boy
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Old 01-05-2006, 04:22 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally posted by VertigoGal
something about how only 2 things are infinte, the universe and human stupidity...and not so sure about the universe.

or something
yeah, that's the one. very fitting here
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Old 01-05-2006, 04:36 PM   #9
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The seatbelt guy should have one.

I love the Darwin Awards too .
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Old 01-05-2006, 04:46 PM   #10
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Stupid people annoy me.
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Old 01-05-2006, 05:37 PM   #11
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That first one just sounds tragic.

The others are quite interesting, though.
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