20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

[MissVelvetDress_75]

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors"

7. Finish All Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don't Use Any Punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Hard. sounds like cujo and u2popmofo

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......

20. Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile..Its Called
Therapy...

 

[Bonochick]

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

I've done #3 before...I do #9 sometimes when walking through the parking lot to my car (but only if I'm with somebody else...well, usually only...)...and I've done #17 when using my friend's ATM card (I don't have one of my own).

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

i am very tempted to write "for sexual favors" on the next check i write.

 

[senrab]

Very nice, Iris.

 

[u2popmofo]

FYI:

My actual wrestling name is:

Hulk Ho

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

that was ho bad.

 

[ILuvLarryMullen]

Playing with intercoms is fun

 

[adamswildhoney]

20. Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile..Its Called
Therapy...

I do that but i never get any emails so i stopped

 

[HeartlandGirl]

That's very funny...in accordance with the prophecy...

 

[bluephisto]

When I really wanted to be a doctor I paid my mom who worked at the hospital a dollar to Page me as a Doctor.

"Doctor Bluey ... report to the ICU."

I then picked up the phone, 'cause I saw how it worked,

"Doctor Lecter ... return to the cafeteria immediately. Doctor Lecter."

I've been spending way too much time with MacPhisto.

 

[beegee]

i do #17 all the time in the casinos.
it's even more hilarious there.

 

[therulz]

and etc.

I love those...so I thought I would add a few more:
Ways to Annoy People

Leave the copy machine set to 99 copies, reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper.

If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking with others.

Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions, "to keep them tuned up."

Reply to everything someone says with, "that's what YOU think."

Practice making fax and modem noises.

Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them to your boss.

Make beeping noises when you back up.

Finish all your sentences with the words, "in accordance with prophecy."

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

When someone is talking to you yell out "Talk to the hand" and hold your hand in front of their face.

Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

Honk and wave to strangers.

Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat the complimentary mints by the cash register.

TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.

type only in lowercase.

Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute entire streets.

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "No, wait -- I messed it up." Then repeat.

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, then scribble their answers in a notebook and mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.

File everything under "miscellaneous."

Wear your animated Mickey Mouse watch and repeatedly press the "It's a small world" music button and whistle along

Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same clothes. Wear each outfit one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.

Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."

Send email to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

Every time someone asks you to do something -- anything -- ask him or her if they want fries with that.

Send email back and forth to yourself, engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the correspondence to a coworker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

Put your trashcan on your desk. Label it "IN."

Send email messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh, you've got to be faster than that."

 

[Salome]

I especially liked #7

 

[yertle-the-turtle]

I hereby want you all to refer to me with my wrestling name

The Mighty Duck

 

[TripThruUreWires]

Re: and etc.

Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets

My husband and I often participate in a variation of this activity. We stand next to busy roads in Singapore and throw the small plastic ketchup packets on to the road, making predictions and waiting for vehicles to run over them. Somehow we always seem to get a chuckle or two. And to think, we are going to parents in less than two months.

 

[yertle-the-turtle]

I must try that sometime

throwing ketchup, I mean

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

Re: Re: and etc.

My husband and I often participate in a variation of this activity. We stand next to busy roads in Singapore and throw the small plastic ketchup packets on to the road, making predictions and waiting for vehicles to run over them. Somehow we always seem to get a chuckle or two. And to think, we are going to parents in less than two months.

nice!

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

 

[TripThruUreWires]

I must try that sometime

throwing ketchup, I mean

yertle, considering you're in the same vicintiy, i'll consider inviting you along the next time we plan one of these adventures. however, if you decide to come along, remember to B.Y.O.P (bring your own packets). . . my husband and i don't like to share. Before you know it, the Straits Times will be publishing an article about the "mysterious splattered ketchup packets littering the streets of Singapore". we'll mark a place for us in Singapore's history

 

[nbcrusader]

Won't you get lashes if you get caught??

 

[TripThruUreWires]

Won't you get lashes if you get caught??

should i get caught, i'm hoping the courts would show leniency on a 7 1/2 month pregnant woman. the hubby and yertle will have to come up with their own sob stories.

if it comes down to the cane, i'll just have to invoke the help of the U.S. embassy here. . . and my plight will be splashed across headlines around the world. . . just like that American delinquent who vandalized stuff here years back.

 

[yertle-the-turtle]

nah that's just under littering

corrective work order is the norm

 

[TripThruUreWires]

nah that's just under littering

corrective work order is the norm

look, don't try to play down my culpability. if all of this isn't audacious enough for you, go eat a Big Mac and fries on the MRT or something hotshot!

 

[yertle-the-turtle]

Big Macs hurt my stomach.

MRTs however, are the single greatest thing we have in this country. Unsmiling faces, people who don't understand the meaning of 'please wait until all the passengers alight', and of course, rushing to the doors. Amazing.

 

[TripThruUreWires]

ehem . . . you forgot people not giving up designated seats for pregnant women

 

[yertle-the-turtle]

dear me, that does suck. sympathies.

we've got quite a considerate culture, don't you think so?

 

[TripThruUreWires]

dear me, that does suck. sympathies.

we've got quite a considerate culture, don't you think so?

as my Singaporean hubby will say, "We're a first-world nation with a third-world mentality"

 

[yertle-the-turtle]

out of curiosity what part of the island are you at? i'm in the east, in tanah merah (near bedok).

 

[TripThruUreWires]

I'm residing in Bishan

 

[yertle-the-turtle]

that place used to be a cemetary, y'know