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WildHonee

Mr. MacPhisto's Loo Cleaner
Joined
Jul 8, 2001
Messages
6,870
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THE SOUL
O...well I know there's the Dream Out Loud forum, but you know I feel more comfortable in the PLEBA nest. I just wanted to hear any feedback you might have about this poem kind of thing. I'd had writer's block for a heck of a long time before this.

Just a note:
This is quite a long one. And the whole idea of 'eclipse' is one that I've thought of for several years...and here I made it into a place -- and maybe even some other things. Okie doke.

Eclipse (It Should Have Stopped)

They kept saying that we had leeched another heavy HIVy century out of America?s greatest pregnant pause.
And before and after that, I hadn?t changed a thing, except maybe my shirt a couple of times.
Joe went and got sick and broke all kinds of ties and tides and sometimes even time.
And I decided there was no reason to have a reason for anything...just because.
What?d I do before and after that? Nothing, really -- I watched TV, read some books, and made laws;
I wrote down some truth, and fell in love a few dozen times with a half dozen things.
Now I only remember one of them, but that was when it was all about instinct.
I didn?t know then what I would want
I just know it should have stopped.
I was just trying to think clearly and maybe part a sea or two for you and then rejoin them and cross to you.
I was trying to keep my hands clean when they wanted to see
and hidden and warm when I wanted relief.
And we hit the streets like proud poets and found a nice table down in the Eclipse downtown when we wanted to.
We believed we had time for everything and we had everything for a time. We believed just what we wanted to.
It was sweet alyssum or sweet asylum, but after the bleeding we found our ache and edge and lead:
there was always a show down at the Eclipse downtown, singing cars and deals, royalty and real needs;
and ?You know we only got the band together because we were a couple of kids with nothing to do with our forevers
except remind the rest of the kids that they had nothing better to do than get a band together.
Yeah, and we know it should have stopped;
But stopping?s not what we want.

We were too big for D.C. just like you are, you know, and we were too small for our guitars.
The more that we follow the wind,
the more we want to know about where it?s been.
We know we?re never satisfied with what fits.
Don?t touch -- we might burn, and you might just like it.
We were too kamikaze to try to leave in one piece today, and we were too rock n roll to stay.?

Boys like this teach you all you really need to know -- ain?t nothing about love you can?t already find
in the records that you want to buy after a night down at the Eclipse downtown.
Well, I didn?t think they made ?em just like that anymore; and I?d sure like to learn how.
Yeah, I know he was just a baby blue, but I sure did believe in his philosophy -- his Morrisons and his Jesus Christ.
?You?re just the messenger -- or are you the message itself?? that?s what he?s like.
You fall into rhythm, you fall in love; either way you end up the same:
All following someone else?s beat that you wish you made.
Your own desire never hurts yourself, just whoever gets in the way of it.
If you act on it, well, maybe the dreams will stop. You touch the others to get lit.
A little reward if you do something big to win;
just another day down if nobody saw the big thing you did.
If you say it enough times, out loud and in your mind -- does that really make it real?
I?ll interrupt you, and we won?t ever know how it could have felt, how it should feel.
I told Joe how he lifts me up. Fuck the progress when we fill the Safari with summer songs in the fall.
And, yeah, you know I?m gone when Paul comes out to remind me just what I came for.
I?d heard of voices in the desert and singers by the sea -- they make sure
you wake up where you fell asleep and still a million miles right up ahead of it all.
Every time I?m getting as much as I want,
hours after I know it should have stopped.

I was too big for D.C. just like you are, you know, and I was too small for my guitar.
The more that I follow the wind,
the more I want to know about where it?s been.
I know I?m never satisfied with what fits.
Don?t touch -- I might burn, and you might just like it.
I was too kamikaze to try to leave in one piece today, and I was too rock n roll to stay.

I believe you never meant anything the way that I heard it; and it was all accidents, like David said it would be.
I tried to stay out of the ugly dust of all my mama said I?d do, but your own heart don?t take no for an answer,
make sure you tell that to who you fall in love with; it ain?t nobody?s fault until you stop taking chances.
And don?t it just steal and then steel your skin to know you got no control; and you?re never free
except when you?re someone down at the Eclipse downtown.
If I was older, this wouldn?t be so wrong.
But, then, if I was older, I wouldn?t have stayed so long.
Turn me on or turn on me, because I don?t believe in accidents, not now...
and there?s sure something about imagination of youth.
Yeah, I spent a thousand years here building up this hard town;
and in one night you found you could tear it down.
I wasn?t counting on falling in love with some preacher of the soul and the juke .
I?m sure I took a piece of it with me, in my pockets or stomach or somewhere, but I just know it all started with Matthew.
You know I tried to sing my words in a way that you?d want to hear,
but you?d just hear them through an old man?s ears.
And after school in the afternoon when I?d come to your doorway, Eddie, I really came for you,
we wondered if there was something across each other?s bay that wouldn?t leave us like this horror:
hands blue like this, with our hearts all in opera and our heads all in drama.
I still haven?t told you what it is I want;
Yeah, I know it should have stopped.
I wanted to stand on the big stage down at the Eclipse downtown and see you just as a face in the crowd.
You?d let me fill up and drink if you were sure it?d kill my thirst.
I would make a move from ritual to romance if I were sure a belief could move the earth.
It was all just an idea to keep busy my hands. These hands sure aren?t going anywhere else now.
Where do you get those pretty words from? Did you think that I was going to change?
Try to save some more souls in the jungle, come home empty, and you try to stay the same.
Anything can come out of the dark.
Take me home, take me to heart;
I know it won?t ever happen, and it won?t even matter; anyway it?s getting late
And sweet alyssum and sweet asylum -- the sky is getting soft as suede.
And I don?t trust myself with rhyming with the static tonight as what you want.
Yeah, I know it should have stopped.

I was too big for D.C. just like you are, you know, and I was too small for my guitars
The more that I follow the wind,
the more I want to know about where it?s been.
I know I?m never satisfied with what fits.
Don?t touch -- I might burn, and you might just like it.
I was too kamikaze to try to leave in one piece today, and I was too rock n roll to stay.

Just go on, be electric, and wear me like an eclipse, and don?t think about it.
I know that Janus is a liar; and it won?t help to hear her now.
A man goes down an incline, and they say you?re up in Georgetown now.
Judases and Jackson Brownes -- I?ve lived here forever but I?d never known this town like I did
when I learned how to learn down in the Eclipse downtown.
Neros, guitar heroes, colleens, and beauty queens;
and I still never know what Dylan means.
I?m certainly missing you today, looking for someone who can live on and for some wishes
and who won?t loose up and every time, every time, get blown off his hinges.
It?s still very early in terms of everything, and when you try to leave,
you cannot say good-bye; you cannot say good-bye as you leave,
because it makes you want to come back for all the more that you could ever want,
even after you know it should have stopped.
I rode a train down by Seminary and stared at some clocks with Borges.
I was down in the day, yes, with some kind of flame upon my lips,
I was down in the day with some kind of wish between my hips;
I settled for some crumbs and paper and the fragments he says.
And you take it all with thunder and hunger, a grain of salt and a shot or two of vodka.
There?s a pearl been growing on my tongue, despite all the secrets sleeping violently in packs,
and despite needing to grow up and grow out of it. I spoke up at your wedding, and I never looked back.
I don?t know if they meant counters or cars or wedding vows when they called for the shotguns.
If I told you some molasses (Josephine) was there trying to be a shadow for you
on the door down at the Eclipse downtown, would you want another show or two?
I really just always wanted something of myself in you, and I know it?s weak, but it?s driving me to run.
You can?t even try to keep it all on track;
I spoke up and I never looked back
Even though it was something I knew I?d want.
And I know it should have stopped.

You were too big for D.C. just like they all are, and you were too small for your guitar.
The more that you follow that wind,
the more you want to know about where it?s been.
I know I?m never satisfied with what fits.
I won?t touch -- you might burn, and I might just like it.
You were too kamikaze to try to leave in one piece today, and you were too rock n roll to stay.

When it gets too late, a new day just starts.
Sometimes it rains but it never gets dark.
Sometimes it rains for days more than I want.
And I know the rain and the trains pass your house
And they still remember North and South;
And I know it all should have stopped.

We were too big for D.C. just like you are, you know, and we were too small for our guitars.
The more that we follow the wind,
the more we want to know about where it?s been.
We know we?re never satisfied with what fits.
Don?t touch -- we might burn, and you might just like it.
We were too kamikaze to try to leave in one piece today, and we were too rock n roll to stay.

Traffic traps and yellow lights, and you learned that nothing really changes until after it?s been still so long you forget the way to Rome.
I didn?t even know Don then, but I swear if I did I would have caught up to him;
hey, it would have all been all about you and I and how to arrive and stay in.
Nothing?s been the same as when I was someone in the Eclipse. Nothing?s been the same as when I was someone in the Eclipse, I know.
I saw some varieties of immortality, and even got all tooth and nail sometimes.
And I certainly miss it all, because nothing stops the honest man from needing a lie;
and when you leave the Eclipse you don?t need good-byes.
You can come back when you want,
Even after you know it should have stopped.

------------------
~*Mona*~
"I think I just said I was smart there - I'm sorry about that." ~BONO~

LOVE me, give me SOUL

O YEAH YEAH YEAH...
 
Mona,
There's too much beauty in this for me to quote and comment about, so I will just say that is so lovely. I love how blatant and candid it is, and the words flow in a harsh way with beautiful phrases. I'm a writer also, but most of my poetry is deep hidden messages. I like the freshness of your writing! Brava!

------------------
The Proud Owner of the ONLY Cardboard Larry!!!

September, streets capsizing, spilling over down the drain...shards of glass splinters like rain...but you could only feel your own pain... October, talking getting nowhere...November, December, remember. This will never happen again.

I bang things for a living! ~Larry
 
Mona, that flowed so well. I was captivated the whole time. I love writing, but can't do poetry or anything particularly poetic at all. I'm very impressed by it. This is long and has good momentum throughout. It's beautiful and I love it.

------------------
Laura
~~~
Something to do with politics, kids, freshness, and breakthrough.
And love.

(Joan Baez)
~~~

....what's a Bono?
 
Originally posted by WildHonee:


We were too big for D.C. just like you are, you know, and we were too small for our guitars.
The more that we follow the wind,
the more we want to know about where it?s been.
We know we?re never satisfied with what fits.
Don?t touch -- we might burn, and you might just like it.
We were too kamikaze to try to leave in one piece today, and we were too rock n roll to stay.
Mona I just love this passage!
The whole poem is beautiful. You are truly a talented writer. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. ~Jen
smile.gif
 
oh, MONA!!
this is a three-a.m.-best-bottle-of-bourbon-confessional dream! Channelling Bruce and Bono (maybe it's Terry's side of the story in Backstreets) and spun into a glistening web that is all you, Honee... I hope there's a slide guitar moanin' the blues behind you. The rhythm is seductive, and so is the "chorus," the refrain. What a sparkling spell you cast ... thanks, Darlin'.

Deb D

------------------
in memoriam
Peter Gzowski (1934-2002)

He set my feet upon a rock
made my footsteps firm


the greatest frontman in the world -- by truecoloursfly: http://www.atu2.com/news/article.src?ID=1575
 
Originally posted by hippyactress:
Does this have anything to do with the other thread?

Well paint my fence and call me Charlie. YES indeed it does.


------------------
~*Mona*~
"I think I just said I was smart there - I'm sorry about that." ~BONO~

LOVE me, give me SOUL

O YEAH YEAH YEAH...
 
Originally posted by WildHonee:
Well paint my fence and call me Charlie. YES indeed it does.



*paints fence*

Okay, Charlie...
wink.gif


Like I said before...if you ever need to rant, rave, cry, etc. and you need someone to listen...I'm here. You know where to find me
smile.gif


------------------
And love is not the easy thing...the only baggage you can bring is all that you can't leave behind.

BONO: FOAD, Lawrence. Just FOAD. (LOL, Mona)

Create Light, Create Unity, Create Joy, CREATE PEACE!
 
Eee youse guys are *sweetness* of the world
biggrin.gif


------------------
~*Mona*~
"I think I just said I was smart there - I'm sorry about that." ~BONO~

LOVE me, give me SOUL

O YEAH YEAH YEAH...
 
AHEM

i am now going to attempt to overcome my ADD and read the entire thing....

I warn you, I may be distracted by the smallest thing.....like thinking I've seen the pants out of the corner of my eye....
wink.gif


No, seriously, here i go to read it.....
 
Mona, that was fabulous....

I really loved it. I am jealous of your wheaton status. And I have seen skies that were soft as suede...that line was great.

I miss the places you mentioned...the seminary, georgetown...i miss the eclipse and i've never even been there....
 
Originally posted by elizabeth:
Mona, that was fabulous....

I really loved it. I am jealous of your wheaton status. And I have seen skies that were soft as suede...that line was great.

I miss the places you mentioned...the seminary, georgetown...i miss the eclipse and i've never even been there....

!!! You're so sweet
smile.gif
ROFL you're jealous of my Wheaton status?!
biggrin.gif
Lol there's maybe one girl in my class who knows her way around Wheaton Plaza as well as I do. Everyone else knows the fancy malls
biggrin.gif
awww lol I miss the Eclipse too!

------------------
~*Mona*~
"I think I just said I was smart there - I'm sorry about that." ~BONO~

LOVE me, give me SOUL

O YEAH YEAH YEAH...
 
Beautiful. I can feel you. The pain, the joy, the longing. *sigh* Sometimes...

Does this have anything to do with the other thread?

------------------
And love is not the easy thing...the only baggage you can bring is all that you can't leave behind.

BONO: FOAD, Lawrence. Just FOAD. (LOL, Mona)

Create Light, Create Unity, Create Joy, CREATE PEACE!
 
Those are some mighty heavy lyrics for a woman your age, some mighty heavy lyrics!

Seriously Mona, I am totally impressed. The thing is, for some reason, poetry and my mind don't mix. Most of the time I haven't a clue what the author is trying to say, and my brain just shuts down.

With this, there are huge sections where I haven't a clue what's going on as usual, but then there are other times where it's crystal clear and you get transported for a minute by what's going on. Almost like in a movie. I think the less "clever" lines are the most truthful and revealing, like "You?re just the messenger -- or are you the message itself?" and "When it gets too late, a new day just starts"

Anyway, this is just some blathering from a non-poetry person, which may provide some balance to the heavy poetry people's comments!

Really excellent Mona!!
smile.gif
 
Originally posted by truecoloursfly:
oh, MONA!!
this is a three-a.m.-best-bottle-of-bourbon-confessional dream! Channelling Bruce and Bono (maybe it's Terry's side of the story in Backstreets) and spun into a glistening web that is all you, Honee... I hope there's a slide guitar moanin' the blues behind you. The rhythm is seductive, and so is the "chorus," the refrain. What a sparkling spell you cast ... thanks, Darlin'.

Deb D

DOOD How'd I miss this the first time around? OMD That's the coolest critique I've ever gotten!! *Rapture*
biggrin.gif
biggrin.gif




------------------
~*Mona*~
"I think I just said I was smart there - I'm sorry about that." ~BONO~

LOVE me, give me SOUL

There's a Heaven above you, baby....
 
Mona, is there no end to your rich and lovely talents, my dear??
wink.gif
Wonderful poem...I'm in the Mrs. Edge camp - while I love poetry, I have no talent for it, love to read it, but sometimes I get lost in the mire...

Have you ever thought of getting some of your work published somewhere...I mean, like, *now*, not just in a few years. I know I've said it before, but talent like yours shouldn't be cloistered to as small of an audience as PLEBA, much as we love ya!!
biggrin.gif


Get out there, girlie, the world awaits you.
wink.gif
 
It's great as usual. I always enjoy your writings Mona!
smile.gif


------------------
~"Mirrors on the ceiling, we drink champagne on ice, and she said "we are all just prisoners here, of our own device"~

From Hotel California, but referring to those of us trapped in Mr. MacPhisto's dungeon
 
Originally posted by Mrs. Edge:
Those are some mighty heavy lyrics for a woman your age, some mighty heavy lyrics!

Seriously Mona, I am totally impressed. The thing is, for some reason, poetry and my mind don't mix. Most of the time I haven't a clue what the author is trying to say, and my brain just shuts down.

With this, there are huge sections where I haven't a clue what's going on as usual, but then there are other times where it's crystal clear and you get transported for a minute by what's going on. Almost like in a movie. I think the less "clever" lines are the most truthful and revealing, like "You?re just the messenger -- or are you the message itself?" and "When it gets too late, a new day just starts"

Anyway, this is just some blathering from a non-poetry person, which may provide some balance to the heavy poetry people's comments!

Really excellent Mona!!
smile.gif

biggrin.gif
Aw, Mrs. Edge.
biggrin.gif
BIG compliments from the resident PLEBA writer
biggrin.gif
Muchas smooches to you for taking the time.

------------------
~*Mona*~
"I think I just said I was smart there - I'm sorry about that." ~BONO~

LOVE me, give me SOUL

There's a Heaven above you, baby....
 
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