untitled little story.

[Little Angel]

I would like to thank youvedonewhat, sad_girl, u2bonogirl and everyone else in this fourm, your stories keep me up at night

ANYWAYS. This is my first story every, it's a little short, but I really hope you guys like it.

I would rate it PG 13 for bad language!

Please read and your comments are appreciated

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh my god.
Is that?
Eyes, you better not be fookin’ with me.
That would be mean.
Really.
Okay, shite.
Bono. Is walking towards me.
Bono, Mr. sex on a Popsicle stick is walking towards me.
Did I say walking? He’s swaggering. Towards me.
oh shite, what do I do?
Fook, fook, think brain!!!
God he bumped into me! There goes my groceries. And oof, there goes me!
God his eyes are incredible.
"Oh I'm sorry sir... “ Why am I blushing so much? STOP BLUSHING.
Fookin' shite, he smells good
"Ah lassie, no worries" God his irish brogue is going to kill me
Oooh look he’s bending over. Jesus Christ those pants should be illegal.
Stop staring. Stop staring. Stop- Damnit, he caught you! No more blushing, stopit!!
“Ahem. There you go, ma’am.”
“Uhhh… [damnit brain, don’t blank on me now!] would you like to come over for a cuppa? Wet and rainy and all that. Shouldn’t be out in this weather. Really. I make good tea too, or I’ve got coffee as well. I just bought a new coffee machine. Well my friend gave it to me for a house warming – “
“Yes darlin’’ He smiles at me. One of them impish grins. Oh be still my heart.
He takes my groceries for me, helping me back up with his big hands wrapped around mine, encasing it easily not letting it go.
We walk off into the sunset together and I make him coffee. He stays.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for reading!

 

[JCOSTER]

You know, when I saw him up close for the very first time, I thought exactly the same thing...except I was speechless...

Bravo

 

[Little Angel]

Thank you!!!

What was your favorite part?

I am thinking of adding another chapter!

 

[amylikesedge]

You might want to consider breaking it up into paragraphs or something, so it'd be easier to read, and I think the Irish "feck" more than "fook". Or, well, certain Irish. There are a few minor punctuation things I'd change but aside from that, I liked this little snippet. Really liked the bit about the "illegal" pants (though maybe "trousers" would be best, as "pants" there generally refers to underwear) and the impish grins. That's so him.

One more thing. I think you could make this longer by expounding in certain places or continuing it. I hope to see more from you.

 

[JCOSTER]

Bono. Is walking towards me.
Bono, Mr. sex on a Popsicle stick is walking towards me.
Did I say walking? He’s swaggering. Towards me.
oh shite, what do I do?
Fook, fook, think brain!!!
God he bumped into me! There goes my groceries. And oof, there goes me!
God his eyes are incredible.
"Oh I'm sorry sir... “ Why am I blushing so much? STOP BLUSHING.
Fookin' shite, he smells good
"Ah lassie, no worries" God his irish brogue is going to kill me
Oooh look he’s bending over. Jesus Christ those pants should be illegal.
Stop staring. Stop staring. Stop- Damnit, he caught you! No more blushing, stopit!!
“Ahem. There you go, ma’am.”

 

[Little Angel]

Isn't it already in paragraphs? Hmm. This is sort of a "thought process" story. You know, I type what I think sort of thing. Does it make it hard to read? What do you think?

Thank you for explaining the difference between "pants" and "trousers" and the suggestion of curse word selection. What other Irish swear words do you know?

I'm trying to make it longer, we'll see

 

[amylikesedge]

It is, yes, but I think it needs, uhm, another carriage return. You know what I mean? Like the way you did in your paragraphs when you replied to me, y'know? I think that might make it a bit easier on the eyes.

Hmm. I think feck and shite are always safe. Outside of those, Irish swear words aren't really my specialty.

Yay. Good luck!

 

[Little Angel]

Okay, so longer paragraphs, check. I really try and put myself into the story, you know? It feels more real this way. And I try to make sure that Bono's as Bono as possible. If that made any sense!

 

[amylikesedge]

Well, sometimes putting yourself in the story can hurt the story itself. You don't want to make the fic a Mary Sue. But making Bono as Bono as possible is a great goal. It's hard to know how he'd react exactly, because we don't know him, but staying as close as you can with what you know is great.

 

[Effanbee]

Little Angel, I love this 'stream of consciousness' ficlet. I'ts a little gem!

By 'putting yourself in the story' did you mean in a more abstract way rather than literally (yourself as a character)?

What I've often wondered about the Mary Sue thing, is how a reader who doesn't know the author would know that a character is a Mary Sue? (Does that make sense? Hope so, end of a long day here in NZ!)

 

[Dismantled]

I love it

 

[~BrightestStar~]

Little Angel, I love this 'stream of consciousness' ficlet. I'ts a little gem!

By 'putting yourself in the story' did you mean in a more abstract way rather than literally (yourself as a character)?

What I've often wondered about the Mary Sue thing, is how a reader who doesn't know the author would know that a character is a Mary Sue? (Does that make sense? Hope so, end of a long day here in NZ!)

From my understanding,the concept of a "Mary Sue" is not simply when one puts themselves (literally) in the story.
It's one thing to base a character upon yourself, or sort of live your fantasy (meeting a star) through a character. Mary Sue's are generally identified by certain characteristics. Typically the author insert's a deluded and idealized version of themselves: they are beautiful, perfect at every task, irresistable, said star falls madly in love with them instantly, etc, etc.

 

[Carmelu2fan]

Short and Sweet. Very cute. I like it

U2

 

[youvedonewhat]

I agree w/everyone else. It's an interesting scene that you've presented. Only one minor suggestion which I think has already been stated: Separate the lines a little more. Short paragraphs are so much easier to read. Apart from that, it's great. Do continue. Oh, and thank you for mentioning me above Appreciate it

 

[Effanbee]

Brightest Star, thanks for clarifying about Mary Sues.

I've been reading the fanfics on here for ages and they're great, my favourites are Out Of Control and So Bono Was In My Drawers

One day maybe I'll pluck up the courage to post my own. Thanks to all the writers who brighten up my days with their stories.

 

[~BrightestStar~]

Speaking of Drawers....when will we get our next dose?


YDW?

 

[youvedonewhat]

Speaking of Drawers....when will we get our next dose?


YDW?

Hi BS

I've done some more of the next instalment of Drawers but I keep on deleting it, writing some more, deleting it again... I really can't decide if it's good enough. Will go through it again though and post shortly..


Mmmmmmmm.....bantering with Bono....

 

[Galeongirl]

Hi BS

I've done some more of the next instalment of Drawers but I keep on deleting it, writing some more, deleting it again... I really can't decide if it's good enough. Will go through it again though and post shortly..


Mmmmmmmm.....bantering with Bono....

need somebody to read it and decide if it's good enough by chance?????



Little angel, cute story.... the pov is different from most, that's a nice change... for Irish swearing..... Bollocks/bollix I've heard more than once (Larry in Comic relief vid thingy is 1) and Eejit is Irish for idiot...


Amy, I think it's good that there's also a bit of criticism here I used to write fanfic myself, and if it's good arguments, you can only improve by it!
(sadly I didn't, since I was a crap writer, but that's another story )