Scottphisto
Acrobat
Note to readers: Sorry about the *ahem* "length" of this script. It was very "hard" to write. I "felt around" for the best words, and, after my thinking became "elevated", it was easy.
Hmm...I think Mona should have passed out from over scandalization by now...
Off with the horns, on with the show...
-------------------------------------
*Echo, and Mona enter the front door of the brand new themed restaurant, The Lemon Wedge.*
ECHO: *Holds hand up to sign, blocking the ?W?* LOOK!! IT SAYS ?EDGE!!?
MONA: *Sigh*
ECHO: Hey, don?t sigh at me. Yer the one who made ?Bono? out of ?Bon-Bon?
MONA: Hee hee?..NOW I?m starvin??
*All along the walls are memorabilia from the popular Irish band. Some of Edge?s guitars?A pair of Bono?s pants (which are under glass and protected by a state-of-the-art anti-theft system, as well as armed guards; they know Mona too well)?an autographed pair of drumsticks from Larry, and an oddly large collection of Adam?s clothing. Above the main dining area hangs the famous Mirrorball Lemon. Quite the collection of artifacts, including a replica of the Joshua tree.*
ECHO: *Whistles* Wow?
MONA: No kidding.
ECHO: Man, I don?t think we?re gonna survive this.
MONA: *Looks over* BONO?S PANTS!! *Scram!*
ECHO: What? *Sees the security* Mona, no!
MONA: *Eyes glazed over* BonoBonoBonoBonojumponBonoBono?
*Just then, two large security guards tackle Mona*
MONA: BonoBonodefileBonoBonoBonoBono?.
ECHO: *Walking over* It?s alright, gentlemen. Just let me handle this?*Gets Mona on her feet* Hey, look, you gotta play it cool, here. You can?t just go running all out toward Bono?s pants, drooling like a hormonally imbalanced fruitcake, you gotta-*Spies The Wall Of Edge?s Hats**Eyes glazed over* EdgeEdgeEdgeEdgesexysexyEdge?.*Starts to walk toward it, but Mona grabs her arm*
MONA: Hey, if I can?t, then YOU can?t.
ECHO: Fair enough. Let?s get a table.
*They walk back to the host?s podium. A young man dressed like Larry stands there*
HOST: Welcome to The Lemon Wedge, the perfect restaurant for YOU TWO.
*Echo and Mona are not impressed*
HOST: Get it? YOU TWO? U2?
ECHO: Dood, Scottphisto can make better jokes than tha-..oh wait. No he can?t?
HOST: Table for two?
BOTH GIRLS: *Nod*
HOST: How about over there next to the lifesize wax models of the band?
BOTH GIRLS: *Big smiles, Nod emphatically*
HOST: Um, right this way?
*The host seats them*
HOST: Your waiter will be right with you. *Leaves*
MONA: He?s not Larry. I can tell. So, Echo, why didn?t you bring A. Edge? I?d bet he?d love this place.
ECHO: Actually, he?s in for repairs. Scottphisto set him on fire again.
MONA: AGAIN? How?
ECHO: The same as the last three times: he over-scandalized him. A.E. combusted, but for real.
MONA: *Sigh* Hey, speaking of Scottphisto, wasn?t he supposed to meet us here?
ECHO: Yeah, where is the little twerp?
VOICE: *From next to them* Are you ready to order?
ECHO: Wha?
MONA: Oh my?
*They turn to see Scottphisto, dressed as the Fly, is their waiter.*
MONA: !!!!!!!!!!!
ECHO: That?s?quite a get up there..
SCOTTPHISTO: Yeah?I mean, the jacket and the shades are cool?but?.
ECHO: But?what?
SCOTTPHISTO: *Leans in close to the girls?.softly* These pants are so tight. I get embarrassed during?.um??..er?.
ECHO: Elevation?
SCOTTPHISTO: *Nods* It?s really embaras-?.Mona? Mona, are you okay?
MONA: *Eyes glazed over* RRRAAAAAAAAAARRRRR!!!!! *Tackles Scottphisto*
SCOTTPHISTO: OOF!! Hey, now, this isn?t right, I mean?waitaminnit?WHOOO HOOOO!!!!!!
ECHO: *Throws glass of water on them* C?mon, you two. You?re making a scene?*Sees an Edge look-alike* Huminahuminahumina?*Tackle*
LOOKALIKE: OW!!! My arm!!
ECHO: Shaddup, little man! Yer mine now!! It?s time to bullfight on the catwalk, if ya know what I mean!!!
MONA: *Grabbing her arms and pulling her off the hapless young look-alike* C?mon, Echo..*pulls, but no use* Scottphisto, help! Scottphisto?
SCOTTPHISTO: *Eyes glazed over, a smile on his face* Hee hee?I was pounced?.hee hee?.*giggles to self*
MONA: *sigh* *Splashes water on Echo* Knock it off!
ECHO: *Blinks* Oops. Mona, we?re in danger here.
MONA: Agreed. We?d better get outta- *Sees a Joshua Tree Bono look-alike* Heh heh heh?*starts walking toward him*
ECHO: MONA!!
MONA: *Stops, shakes head* Oh, man?.we HAVE to get outta here?
ECHO: Yes. Immediately.
*Suddenly, Sting and Stewart Copeland walk in*
STING: Hey, I?m sorry for all those years I was a pompous ass. Lemme buy you a burger.
STEWART: Sure, buddy!
BOTH GIRLS: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
STING: Hey, let?s sit right her, Stew.
STEWART: Great idea, pal!
*The two musicians sit at a booth. The both of them chatting as if they were the best of pals.*
MONA: Heh heh?they?re vulnerable, Echo. Let?s get ?em! You take the tall one, and I?ll-
ECHO: Wait?something?s not right?
MONA: WHAT?? IT CAN?T GET MUCH RIGHTER!!!
ECHO: Since when have Sting and Stewart been all chummy?
MONA: I don?t care! Let?s get ?em while they?re unsuspecting!!
ECHO: Hmm??oh, feck it!
BOTH GIRLS: *POUNCE!!*
STEWART: What the? Hey, let go of my stick!
ECHO: Um?NO.
STING: *Fighting off Mona* Why?d you bring yer drumstick, man?
STEWART: *Struggling with Echo* I figured if we had to shoot a video, I?d be ready.
MONA: LESS TALK, MORE DEFILE!!!
ECHO: LIKEWISE!! *Echo reaches down-
MONA: !!!!!!!!!!
*HEY!! THIS IS NARRATION!!! YOU CAN?T HEAR THIS!!!*
MONA: Oh. Right. Carry on.
*Ahem?as I was saying, Echo reaches down to Stewarts FACE and begins to pull it off!! A mask!!*
ECHO: What the hell?? It?s not Stewart Copeland!! It?s?it?s?..
SCOTTPHISTO: IT?S ME!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
MONA: What??? Then, who is this? *Takes off Stings-
MONA: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*(Narrator glares at Mona) ?MASK. It, too, is Scottphisto!*
BOTH GIRLS: WHAT THE HELL??
*They look around. Soon, they realize that all the look-alikes are, in fact, wearing masks! They take them off to reveal that they are all SCOTTPHISTO!!!*
ECHO: WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THIS???
STEWART/SCOTTPHISTO: Well, I had myself cloned.
MONA: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ECHO: Oh?my??.BONO!!!
STING/SCOTTPHISTO: Well, how ELSE could I get jumped on by each and every member of PLEBA? My plan would?ve worked, too. If it weren?t for you darn kids and that talking dog?
MONA: What? What talking dog?
ECHO: Dude, this ISN?T Scooby Doo!
BONO/SCOTTPHISTO: Oh?heh. Right.
ECHO: Well, I must admit, this was probably your best idea in?.oh, three years.
EDGE/SCOTTPHISTO: But, this was my ONLY idea in three years?
ECHO: Exactly. However, have you thought of the consequences?
ALL SCOTTPHISTO CLONES: Consequences?
ECHO: Oh, God?don?t do that?it?s just creepy.
MONA: Yes, the consequences.
ECHO: The amount of insanity you generate is incredible.
MONA: Very few people are able to withstand it.
ECHO: Now imagine that insane energy multiplied.
ADAM/SCOTTPHISTO: Dear God?what?ve I done?
ECHO: There?s only one solution:
MONA: You don?t mean?
ECHO: Yes. THEY MUST ALL BE TAKEN TO THE MANSION AS SLAVES TO DO OUR BIDDING!!!!
MONA: Exactly. Wait?.what? *Scancalized*
ECHO: Yes. The PLEBA Mansion is the only structure capable of containing this many Scottphistos. They will be our personal man-sluts, er, man-servants.
LARRY/SCOTTPHISTO: I think we kinda prefer the first one?.
CLONES: Yeah, yeah! We wanna be man-sluts!
ECHO: Well, that will be up to the other girls. Alright, Mona! Get the cattle prods!
MONA: I?um?.did?t bring ?em.
ECHO: What? Where are they?
MONA: *blush*
ECHO: *sigh* You didn?t leave them with BONO again, did you?
MONA: *Nods*
ECHO: The whips? The ropes?
MONA: *Nods*
ECHO: *Sigh* Well, at least we have the handcuffs?
MONA: Um?.
ECHO: Not those too!
MONA: Actually, YOU left those with Edge.
ECHO: I?*blush* Oh yeah. I should probably un-cuff him someday?
MONA: Let?s just push all the clones out the door.
ECHO: Okay. Just don?t touch them anywhere but the arms, or they?ll smile and not move.
MONA: !!!!!!
ECHO: *To Sting/Scottphisto* Guess your plan of taking advantage of the PLEBA girls with this restaurant has been foiled.
STING/SCOTTPHISTO: What? OH!! Oh, yeah?yeah you DEFINATLY foiled us! *Thinks ?This is great! My plan to infiltrate the PLEBA mansion and become everyone?s man-slut has succeeded!!!?*
*As they all leave, piling the clones into 3 vans, the original Scottphisto looks on.*
SCOTTPHISTO: GOD, I love writing these things.
------------------
ScottPhisto
The Man-Slut of PLEBA
Card carrying member of Echo's Boy Cleaning Service.
Devourer of Ewoks
70% water, 30% Chocolatey Goodness!!
"I'm not wearing any underwear! Now gimmie a cookie!!" -Unknown
Is this love? Or is it just rough sex with Michael Douglas?
EAT ME!! I'M A SPEACIALTY BREAD!!
[This message has been edited by Scottphisto (edited 12-17-2001).]
Hmm...I think Mona should have passed out from over scandalization by now...
Off with the horns, on with the show...
-------------------------------------
*Echo, and Mona enter the front door of the brand new themed restaurant, The Lemon Wedge.*
ECHO: *Holds hand up to sign, blocking the ?W?* LOOK!! IT SAYS ?EDGE!!?
MONA: *Sigh*
ECHO: Hey, don?t sigh at me. Yer the one who made ?Bono? out of ?Bon-Bon?
MONA: Hee hee?..NOW I?m starvin??
*All along the walls are memorabilia from the popular Irish band. Some of Edge?s guitars?A pair of Bono?s pants (which are under glass and protected by a state-of-the-art anti-theft system, as well as armed guards; they know Mona too well)?an autographed pair of drumsticks from Larry, and an oddly large collection of Adam?s clothing. Above the main dining area hangs the famous Mirrorball Lemon. Quite the collection of artifacts, including a replica of the Joshua tree.*
ECHO: *Whistles* Wow?
MONA: No kidding.
ECHO: Man, I don?t think we?re gonna survive this.
MONA: *Looks over* BONO?S PANTS!! *Scram!*
ECHO: What? *Sees the security* Mona, no!
MONA: *Eyes glazed over* BonoBonoBonoBonojumponBonoBono?
*Just then, two large security guards tackle Mona*
MONA: BonoBonodefileBonoBonoBonoBono?.
ECHO: *Walking over* It?s alright, gentlemen. Just let me handle this?*Gets Mona on her feet* Hey, look, you gotta play it cool, here. You can?t just go running all out toward Bono?s pants, drooling like a hormonally imbalanced fruitcake, you gotta-*Spies The Wall Of Edge?s Hats**Eyes glazed over* EdgeEdgeEdgeEdgesexysexyEdge?.*Starts to walk toward it, but Mona grabs her arm*
MONA: Hey, if I can?t, then YOU can?t.
ECHO: Fair enough. Let?s get a table.
*They walk back to the host?s podium. A young man dressed like Larry stands there*
HOST: Welcome to The Lemon Wedge, the perfect restaurant for YOU TWO.
*Echo and Mona are not impressed*
HOST: Get it? YOU TWO? U2?
ECHO: Dood, Scottphisto can make better jokes than tha-..oh wait. No he can?t?
HOST: Table for two?
BOTH GIRLS: *Nod*
HOST: How about over there next to the lifesize wax models of the band?
BOTH GIRLS: *Big smiles, Nod emphatically*
HOST: Um, right this way?
*The host seats them*
HOST: Your waiter will be right with you. *Leaves*
MONA: He?s not Larry. I can tell. So, Echo, why didn?t you bring A. Edge? I?d bet he?d love this place.
ECHO: Actually, he?s in for repairs. Scottphisto set him on fire again.
MONA: AGAIN? How?
ECHO: The same as the last three times: he over-scandalized him. A.E. combusted, but for real.
MONA: *Sigh* Hey, speaking of Scottphisto, wasn?t he supposed to meet us here?
ECHO: Yeah, where is the little twerp?
VOICE: *From next to them* Are you ready to order?
ECHO: Wha?
MONA: Oh my?
*They turn to see Scottphisto, dressed as the Fly, is their waiter.*
MONA: !!!!!!!!!!!
ECHO: That?s?quite a get up there..
SCOTTPHISTO: Yeah?I mean, the jacket and the shades are cool?but?.
ECHO: But?what?
SCOTTPHISTO: *Leans in close to the girls?.softly* These pants are so tight. I get embarrassed during?.um??..er?.
ECHO: Elevation?
SCOTTPHISTO: *Nods* It?s really embaras-?.Mona? Mona, are you okay?
MONA: *Eyes glazed over* RRRAAAAAAAAAARRRRR!!!!! *Tackles Scottphisto*
SCOTTPHISTO: OOF!! Hey, now, this isn?t right, I mean?waitaminnit?WHOOO HOOOO!!!!!!
ECHO: *Throws glass of water on them* C?mon, you two. You?re making a scene?*Sees an Edge look-alike* Huminahuminahumina?*Tackle*
LOOKALIKE: OW!!! My arm!!
ECHO: Shaddup, little man! Yer mine now!! It?s time to bullfight on the catwalk, if ya know what I mean!!!
MONA: *Grabbing her arms and pulling her off the hapless young look-alike* C?mon, Echo..*pulls, but no use* Scottphisto, help! Scottphisto?
SCOTTPHISTO: *Eyes glazed over, a smile on his face* Hee hee?I was pounced?.hee hee?.*giggles to self*
MONA: *sigh* *Splashes water on Echo* Knock it off!
ECHO: *Blinks* Oops. Mona, we?re in danger here.
MONA: Agreed. We?d better get outta- *Sees a Joshua Tree Bono look-alike* Heh heh heh?*starts walking toward him*
ECHO: MONA!!
MONA: *Stops, shakes head* Oh, man?.we HAVE to get outta here?
ECHO: Yes. Immediately.
*Suddenly, Sting and Stewart Copeland walk in*
STING: Hey, I?m sorry for all those years I was a pompous ass. Lemme buy you a burger.
STEWART: Sure, buddy!
BOTH GIRLS: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
STING: Hey, let?s sit right her, Stew.
STEWART: Great idea, pal!
*The two musicians sit at a booth. The both of them chatting as if they were the best of pals.*
MONA: Heh heh?they?re vulnerable, Echo. Let?s get ?em! You take the tall one, and I?ll-
ECHO: Wait?something?s not right?
MONA: WHAT?? IT CAN?T GET MUCH RIGHTER!!!
ECHO: Since when have Sting and Stewart been all chummy?
MONA: I don?t care! Let?s get ?em while they?re unsuspecting!!
ECHO: Hmm??oh, feck it!
BOTH GIRLS: *POUNCE!!*
STEWART: What the? Hey, let go of my stick!
ECHO: Um?NO.
STING: *Fighting off Mona* Why?d you bring yer drumstick, man?
STEWART: *Struggling with Echo* I figured if we had to shoot a video, I?d be ready.
MONA: LESS TALK, MORE DEFILE!!!
ECHO: LIKEWISE!! *Echo reaches down-
MONA: !!!!!!!!!!
*HEY!! THIS IS NARRATION!!! YOU CAN?T HEAR THIS!!!*
MONA: Oh. Right. Carry on.
*Ahem?as I was saying, Echo reaches down to Stewarts FACE and begins to pull it off!! A mask!!*
ECHO: What the hell?? It?s not Stewart Copeland!! It?s?it?s?..
SCOTTPHISTO: IT?S ME!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
MONA: What??? Then, who is this? *Takes off Stings-
MONA: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*(Narrator glares at Mona) ?MASK. It, too, is Scottphisto!*
BOTH GIRLS: WHAT THE HELL??
*They look around. Soon, they realize that all the look-alikes are, in fact, wearing masks! They take them off to reveal that they are all SCOTTPHISTO!!!*
ECHO: WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THIS???
STEWART/SCOTTPHISTO: Well, I had myself cloned.
MONA: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ECHO: Oh?my??.BONO!!!
STING/SCOTTPHISTO: Well, how ELSE could I get jumped on by each and every member of PLEBA? My plan would?ve worked, too. If it weren?t for you darn kids and that talking dog?
MONA: What? What talking dog?
ECHO: Dude, this ISN?T Scooby Doo!
BONO/SCOTTPHISTO: Oh?heh. Right.
ECHO: Well, I must admit, this was probably your best idea in?.oh, three years.
EDGE/SCOTTPHISTO: But, this was my ONLY idea in three years?
ECHO: Exactly. However, have you thought of the consequences?
ALL SCOTTPHISTO CLONES: Consequences?
ECHO: Oh, God?don?t do that?it?s just creepy.
MONA: Yes, the consequences.
ECHO: The amount of insanity you generate is incredible.
MONA: Very few people are able to withstand it.
ECHO: Now imagine that insane energy multiplied.
ADAM/SCOTTPHISTO: Dear God?what?ve I done?
ECHO: There?s only one solution:
MONA: You don?t mean?
ECHO: Yes. THEY MUST ALL BE TAKEN TO THE MANSION AS SLAVES TO DO OUR BIDDING!!!!
MONA: Exactly. Wait?.what? *Scancalized*
ECHO: Yes. The PLEBA Mansion is the only structure capable of containing this many Scottphistos. They will be our personal man-sluts, er, man-servants.
LARRY/SCOTTPHISTO: I think we kinda prefer the first one?.
CLONES: Yeah, yeah! We wanna be man-sluts!
ECHO: Well, that will be up to the other girls. Alright, Mona! Get the cattle prods!
MONA: I?um?.did?t bring ?em.
ECHO: What? Where are they?
MONA: *blush*
ECHO: *sigh* You didn?t leave them with BONO again, did you?
MONA: *Nods*
ECHO: The whips? The ropes?
MONA: *Nods*
ECHO: *Sigh* Well, at least we have the handcuffs?
MONA: Um?.
ECHO: Not those too!
MONA: Actually, YOU left those with Edge.
ECHO: I?*blush* Oh yeah. I should probably un-cuff him someday?
MONA: Let?s just push all the clones out the door.
ECHO: Okay. Just don?t touch them anywhere but the arms, or they?ll smile and not move.
MONA: !!!!!!
ECHO: *To Sting/Scottphisto* Guess your plan of taking advantage of the PLEBA girls with this restaurant has been foiled.
STING/SCOTTPHISTO: What? OH!! Oh, yeah?yeah you DEFINATLY foiled us! *Thinks ?This is great! My plan to infiltrate the PLEBA mansion and become everyone?s man-slut has succeeded!!!?*
*As they all leave, piling the clones into 3 vans, the original Scottphisto looks on.*
SCOTTPHISTO: GOD, I love writing these things.
------------------
ScottPhisto
The Man-Slut of PLEBA
Card carrying member of Echo's Boy Cleaning Service.
Devourer of Ewoks
70% water, 30% Chocolatey Goodness!!
"I'm not wearing any underwear! Now gimmie a cookie!!" -Unknown
Is this love? Or is it just rough sex with Michael Douglas?
EAT ME!! I'M A SPEACIALTY BREAD!!
[This message has been edited by Scottphisto (edited 12-17-2001).]
