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Old 03-27-2002, 10:46 PM   #1
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Slippy Loves U2!

Not sure how many people saw this on U2.com but it's feckin hilarryous! This is a new magazine combining sports and music and the writers LOVE LOVE LOVE U2! So we love them right? Hell yeah!

These guys are so cool that they've named U2 their band of the year!

Here's the link to their site, it's well worth the look! http://www.slippyonline.com/slippy/

And here's what they say about U2:

Alright, let’s get something straight before this article commences: I like U2, I love U2, I would pleasure myself with sandpaper if the band asked me to. These four lads from Dublin have had such a profound impact on the musical world today that if they were to perish in a car accident (God forbids that happens) that they would still rule the charts with many post mortem, 2Pac-like, releases. Their previous three tours (ZooTV, PopMart, and Elevation) were must-see shows. They are a top class band and four guys that you wouldn’t mind slugging beers with.

For the reasons stated above, U2 is Slippy Online’s “Band of the Year” for 2001, 2000, 1999, and 1998-1976. Honestly, is there a better band out there today than U2? If I get any emails stating otherwise then I will grab your IP addresses, track down your location, and give you a nice backhand to the face for wasting my time to set you straight.

Firstly, let’s take a moment to see what bands are in the vicinity of the superiority of U2, shall we?

-Radiohead: Produces quality music but it would be great to understand some lyrics every now and then.
-REM: If they maybe put out some decent music in the last half of the 90’s they would be up there. They didn’t.
-Oasis: Had Liam not decided that buying a house was more important than America during the “(What’s the Story) Morning Glory?” tour this could very well have been Oasis being the Band of the Year.
-Creed: Holy shit! Did I just mention them in a U2 article? My apologies, these guys just want to be U2.
-Pearl Jam: Made a great run in the early part of the 90’s, but you also must remember that U2 helped them break Europe when Eddie and Co. opened for them during the European leg of the ZooTV tour. You must also remember they shit the bed after Vitalogy.

That’s all I can really think of right now, but any other bands you can think of to put in that list still aren’t as good as U2 anyways.

“I don't mean to be arrogant, but ...I do feel that we are meant to be one of the great groups.” Bono, Rolling Stone, 1981


Secondly, I would like to take this opportunity to say that POP was a great album. Yeah, so they went techno on a few tracks, so? I don’t see many bands these days taking some fucking chances here and there. There is soul on that album, there is heart on that album, and more importantly, there are quality songs on that album. “Please” is one of my favorite songs of all-time. Performed live, as heard on the PopHeart EP, it is one of the most compelling pieces of music I have ever heard (“Just stop fighting, please, let’s talk…please”… “Cause love is big, and love is tough, but love is not, what you’re thinking of”). Also, the PopMart tour, for as much shit as it caught, was still a spectacle the likes of which has not been duplicated since.

“I must be an acrobat to talk like this and act like that.”

Rock stars these days are very hard to come by. They aren’t appearing out of nowhere like they were in the 60’s and 70’s. Today, however, we have the first true rock star to set foot into the new millennium in Bono. The many who read this will be gawking and gagging at that statement but I pose this question to you: Can you honestly name a rock star today other than Bono? Fred Durst, Kid Rock, and that tool from Creed are all names that will be thrown about. Regret to inform: they are not rock stars, they are posers. Rock stars have longevity. Rock stars hold the ability to captivate you at any time. And rock stars, well, they are fucking cool. Bono has given the Pope his sunglasses, helped elect a president, brought two Irish politicians who didn’t think fondly of each other for decades to shake hands, fought for Third World Debt relief and has given hope to many millions in the world.

Let’s face it: Bono is the man. There’s no denying that. The man has the most stage presence of any lead singer out there now. Going to see a U2 show is as exciting as watching your favorite team upset the favored team every time (on a side note - for me, the Super Bowl was one of the most incredible nights of my life. Not only did my Pats star in the “Silence of the Rams” and capture the first Boston title since ’86 but U2 played the halftime show. “Ecstasy” is a word to describe that feeling. “Drunken” is another.). I dare anyone to email me (editor@slippyonline.com) and tell me a show out there now that is better and more worthwhile than going to see U2 (Quick Note: read the second paragraph again. That is still the standing threat). People have told me that a Dave Matthews concert tops a U2 show. Now, I am being biased here because I’ve never seen Dave Matthews in concert but that’s only because I don’t have the mandatory sandals and socks with a tie-dye shirt or the Abercrombie jumpsuit dress code that is strictly enforced at the gate.

Let me take a second here and just tell you my horrific Dave Matthew’s Band story, it will only take a moment, I promise. It was October 31st, 2000, the release date of U2’s incredible “All That You Can’t Leave Behind”. I was walking through my building after coming back from the store. I have the CD in hand and I was painstakingly trying to open that fucking wrap they put on the CD’s as I was walking. I passed by a neighbor’s door and in a friendly tone the guy asked, “What CD you got there guv?” So I took the pleasure of telling him it was the new, orgasmic U2 release. Then, the tosser has the balls to ask me, “Who’s U2?” After taking a moment to wipe the shit that he had just proverbially threw in my face, I responded, “The best band to walk the earth in the past 20 years, Ace (Ace, everyone, is my name for people who aren’t tools, but in fact a whole hardware store)!” So then the porker says, “Oh wait, weren’t they the Dave Matthews Band of the 80’s?” Unbelievable. Shocked and appalled I just gave him the finger, preceded to my place, grabbed the nearest thing at hand which just happened to be a 15-inch black rubber cock and preceded to batter him to death with it (complete “Lock, Stock” rip, I know, but it worked).

“We make music you can have sex to.” Bono

Personal stories aside, it is time to get to the main reason U2 was chosen as the Band of the Year: 2001 by Slippy Online. The deciding factor upon giving this highly bestowed accolade is: whether or not the band had the ability to make you care about them for a year; whether or not the band kept you guessing; and whether or not the band kept you excited throughout the year. Personally, U2 did it for this guy. Standing in anticipation, awaiting the band’s entrance to the stage during their Elevation Tour 2001 show in Boston on June 8th, I was sold that these lads were all that music had these days. Not since and not after that concert has a band made me feel that way. On June 11th, I saw the Oasis and Crowes concert, and while it was fucking tit show, it wasn’t anywhere near the caliber of the U2 show and Liam Gallagher would be the first to admit this.

One thing you must realize about the Elevation Tour, which sets it apart from all the other tours out there today, is that it has passion. It has loads of passion and loads of energy that keeps every member of the audience yearning for more. As you may see in the Elevation DVD that is out in stores today, even on a down night for the band they are still the best band on the planet

An example of this passion can be seen during “Bullet the Blue Sky” when Bono struts around the stage with a spotlight ranting about gun violence in America, “War is over, we don’t need your help. America is making war on itself!” The rant rages from John and Yoko, to guns on the street of America, and leading Bono to shout, “Pull the trigger, ya Rock ‘n’ Roll nigger…bigger than Jesus on a bumper sticker (Note: the term “nigger” is not meant as a racial slur).” Towards the end of the two minute tirade, as the music starts to get heavier, Bono pulls the spotlight up to his head as if it was a gun and, with a passion that draws you in even closer to the spectacle, yells “What’s my name? Mark Chapman. What’s my name?? MARK CHAPMAN! MARK CHAPMAN! MARK CHAPMAN!” On the last “Mark Chapman” Bono cocks the arm holding the light and on the last snare of the song, knocks his head back as if he had been shot and the light goes off. Sitting there in the crowd, no less than twenty feet from him while this was going on, I was awestruck. Never can I say that I had been that moved or informed by music as I was at that moment, truly incredible.

“In my dreams I was drowning my sorrows, but my sorrows, they learned to swim.”


Two thousand and one, it was a truly incredible year for U2 and their fans as well. It also can easily be said that U2 even gained many more fans to add on to their large fan base as well. The band bobbed and weaved throughout last year, making it resonate for everyone. “Walk On”, off All That You Can’t Leave Behind, was even made out to be a song that people could turn to post September 11th. The boys were there, thick and thin throughout the year providing inspiration for people, hope for people, and more importantly, self-gratification for people. We here at Slippy thank U2. We here at Slippy love U2. This is why U2 is the Band of the Year for 2001.


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Mirror mirror hanging in the sky, won't you look down to what's happening here below? I stand here singing to the flowers. So very few people really know. I dare a man to say I'm too young, for I'm going to try for the sun.

It's back. The fight. So is anyone giving way? It's just like in the beginning. The tears. Their eyes. Why isn't anyone giving way? It's just like in the beginning…

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.
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Old 03-27-2002, 10:53 PM   #2
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one of my favourite articles, i read it a while ago. nice to see it again.

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Old 03-27-2002, 10:54 PM   #3
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*U2 fuzzies* thanks hippy!!

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Old 03-27-2002, 10:56 PM   #4
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Haha...I'm reading some of the other articles on the site and these guys truly are hilarious! And not pc at all, which is really refreshing!

This is what I have to do when instant messenger goes down

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Mirror mirror hanging in the sky, won't you look down to what's happening here below? I stand here singing to the flowers. So very few people really know. I dare a man to say I'm too young, for I'm going to try for the sun.

It's back. The fight. So is anyone giving way? It's just like in the beginning. The tears. Their eyes. Why isn't anyone giving way? It's just like in the beginning…

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.
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Old 03-27-2002, 11:00 PM   #5
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Hehehe! Thanks for posting Hippy!!!! I love U2 too!

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Old 03-27-2002, 11:06 PM   #6
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Hippy! Thank you. It managed to give me U2 fuzzies and make me laugh out loud!
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Old 03-27-2002, 11:25 PM   #7
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Slippy and Hippy both rule!!!

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Won't you kiss me on that MIDNIGHT STREET, sweep me OFF MY FEET, singing 'ain't this life SO SWEET?' -David Gray

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Old 03-27-2002, 11:56 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally posted by hippyactress:
Shocked and appalled I just gave him the finger, preceded to my place, grabbed the nearest thing at hand which just happened to be a 15-inch black rubber cock and preceded to batter him to death with it
...where the hell WAS he?

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~ALOTWU!~
"It never ceases to amaze me. Here, we have a man who claims professes to enjoy flower arranging, has no qualms over donning a skirt at any given time and, now we learn, prefers to use the ladies' restroom. And yet somehow he manages to embody all that is masculine and sexy. I don't know how he does it. " ~Hallelujah Here She Comes, about Adam
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Old 03-28-2002, 12:15 AM   #9
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Haha, I love that! Thanks for posting it. *feels good*

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And love.

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Old 03-28-2002, 09:43 PM   #10
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This NEEDS to be bumped....AWESOME article!!! I love his refrences to Creed...so right. They just wanna be U2.
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