susannag75
The Fly
DISCLAIMER This is entirely my mind fantasy work. Nothing is true. In particular, I have to note that Bono does not have any other woman than ALI! It's just fiction...
Here we are chapter 3. The story is getting near to the end...
Maybe someone already can see where it is headed...
Reality Check - Chapter 3
I enter my room at dinner time. I’m tired. I’ve been around all day. I could not even think of coming back earlier and bear their looks.
What can I tell them? It’s OK to let things like this, for now. As long as they don’t tell Ali, it’s alright. I’ve got so many things on my mind, and there’s a show tonight.
I go on stage and I try to meet Edge’s gaze, but he’s too busy at ignoring me. God, that feels so bad… I’m used to have his support. I turn towards Adam. He’s got quite an angry face, but he’s not cold to me. I rely on him for the whole show.
When the concert’s off and we get backstage, Edge and Larry just avoid meeting me, but Adam sits next to me on the car. He does not say a word, but I’m thankful to him.
I go straight to my room and I can’t tell if I fall or willingly sit on the floor beside my bed. I’m so much tired. And I feel so much sick.
I start crying like a baby, my head on my knees.
I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up and see Adam’s face over me.
“What’s the matter with you?” He is asking so gently… I missed that. But I am a bit pissed off with them, still.
“Oh, nothing. Just my friends believing every fucking word the press would say about me.” I try to sound as bitter as possible.
“OK. Now, would you give me a reason not to believe that? Would you please tell me what’s your problem?”
“I don’t have ANY problem. I just need this stupid rumour to end before Ali can hear of it.”
He kneels in front of me and looks me in the eyes.
“Bono, I followed you yesterday. I had found this one here so I wanted to know the truth. And I think I half understood. I want the other half. Now.”
He places the sheet by the bed and waits for my answer.
He took me by surprise. For once, I don’t know what to say. My sickness helps me.
“Please, would you help me to get to the toilet? I’m going to be sick.”
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I see Adam coming out of your room. I want to know what’s going on.
“So did you tell him to stop acting like this or are you supporting him? I can’t see which side you’re taking. You got on well on stage tonight.”
“I’m not so sure he is actually doing what we think, honestly, Larry. Maybe we just should let him explain…”
I’m trying to control myself.
“I don’t need to hear any of his excuses. This behaviour has to stop.”
Adam, you know well that I hardly believe this thing too. But someone has to tell him. If not for anything, just to help him in saving his marriage. He would regret losing Ali.
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I can hear them argue about me. I’m so much sorry about that.
I feel my heart breaking, again. It’s been happening each day… twice, three times each day. Every time I talk to Ali, every time I lie to them. It has to stop, Larry is right. It will stop. Stop hiding, stop mysterious meetings. This whole thing is not making me feel any good. It’s just time to call it a day.
I pick up the phone.
“Laura? Paul here. No more, Laura. I’m sorry, this is not feasible. I can’t go on lying to them all. Yes, I know… but it does no good to me at all. It’s making me ill. I cannot work, I cannot enjoy anything of what I do… It’s better to put an end to it.”
She said she wasn’t sure this was a good idea. She even sounded sad. But I think I know what is best for me at present. No more lies, no more suspicion.
They will just think I left the person I was seeing and they will be friends again with me. I will get them back. I don’t want them to be angry with me.
I just need them all to be next to me now.
But... if everything is going to be OK, then why am I so scared? Why am I shivering?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You’re extremely quiet this morning. At least, you sit with us at breakfast and don’t mention you have to leave us for any meeting today…
You say you want to work on a song… Well, I would be really glad to join you, yes, of course. I was just waiting for you to ask.
Adam does not take his eyes off you. He’s so quiet as well.
I don’t know what you talked about yesterday, but it was probably something that made you change your mind. Maybe it was hard for you to dump that person… maybe we just had to let you live your life. But I’m sure this was no more than… a mid-life crisis. No more than that.
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Why is everybody still so quiet? Oh, Bono it is your fault, I’m afraid. You messed up the atmosphere.
I’m sorry to see you so depressed, though. It’s been a week since you last left for one of your “meetings”, and you seem to struggle to go on. I’m sure you will thank us when you’ll be home again with your own family. I would if you had done this for me.
I would like to have a talk with you about this one day, though. Just to know what was on your mind… I would have bet all of my money on you as a husband and father.
I look at Adam. He looks quite sad for you. But yet probably he cannot see what you would have lost. He does not know.
“Adam, what’s on? You’re not on rhythm.” Wake up, mate.
“Oh sorry. I’ve got some things on my mind. I just can’t play today.”
I turn and look at you. In my eyes, you are the thing on his mind. You understand and just look at your feet. “I know I screwed things up lately. I’m sorry.” You say this, but you don’t mean a word of it. You just don’t seem to be sorry. I feel like I might just jump at your neck.
“If you are sorry – I mean if you really are – could you at least sing a song giving us the idea that your mind is here and not somewhere on the moon?” My temper is rising.
Edge tries to calm things down. He tells everybody to be patient, to stay calm.
How can I be calm when my band is in a complete mess during a tour?
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“What’s the matter with you? Have you been losing sleep?” I ask you as you enter the changing room. You’ve got such bags under your eyes…
“I’m OK.” You just say and put your glasses on. You seem to be quite worn out. It’s been a month since that “thing” ended… we are slowly getting better.
Larry is still mad at you for living in your world apart from us, but you don’t go away when we need you and we’re sure you’ll be the same old friend soon again.
Adam is always around you and you are always next to him on stage. You don’t talk that much to him too, but it seems that you take some sort of comfort in having him there for you.
I still wonder why you don’t ask any company from me like you used to do...
We go on stage, and there you are, giving one hundred percent as usual.
At one point, though, I see you coming in front of me and gesturing me to go on playing the riff on my guitar. Then you run down backstage.
Larry sees you and he’s so surprised that he loses some beats. He looks at me in disbelief.
I try not to lose my mind and go on playing loudly, while Adam just gets rid of his bass and runs after you.
It seems so long, and I’m getting really worried. While I play, my mind wanders and I soon realize that Adam must know something we don’t. That this could be the reason why you stay with him all of the time.
Luckily, after what seems a millennium to me, you both are back.
I look at you, not knowing whether to be angry with you or just to be sorry for what Larry will do to you later.
What I’m sure of is that trouble’s going to be there.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I take the steps going down from the stage in a flash. I just can’t believe you did that… I forgave you for many things, but this one… this is really too much.
“Fuck off, Paul. I want to know right now what you were thinking when you left us up there... If you ever CAN think.” I turn to look at you and you just pass me by and continue walking towards the car.
I take your shoulder with a firm grip.
“I’m talking to you.” I just say.
You turn to take my hand off, and I can see from your face that there’s something really wrong with you.
“What’s up? Is everything OK?” I’m sorry I did not ask before shouting at you.
Adam comes nearer. “Larry, let him go back to his room. He’s not well. These things can happen.”
“I’m sorry. I did not know.” I just feel stupid. Since last month I always bossed you around. I never stop and look at your face. I should have noticed you're not fine.
“All right. See you in my room when you get back.” You just say and get on the car.
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I can’t possibly understand what is on your mind and this is just making me mad. There’s something Adam knows and we don’t, and I can’t understand why you confided in him alone. Is it because he was not mad at you for that “thing”?
I knock at your door. You’re sitting on your bed and Adam is next to you.
I think I’m getting a bit jealous of him right now.
Larry comes in just after me. He looks concerned now that anger has left.
You just hand us an envelope. It is from a certain Laura Anderson. I already heard this name. I’m sure I know someone with this name.
I look at you and you tell me to open that.
Larry tries to read it from behind my shoulder, but I look at him with an annoyed face… he knows I hate people reading at my back.
I go through the lines very fast and I can’t but open my mouth in surprise and look at you.
Larry grabs the sheet from my hands. “Good Heavens” he just says. The sheet is now on the floor.
You seem to have expected such a reaction, and seem quite amazed.
We just stand still. Frozen.
Here we are chapter 3. The story is getting near to the end...
Maybe someone already can see where it is headed...
Reality Check - Chapter 3
I enter my room at dinner time. I’m tired. I’ve been around all day. I could not even think of coming back earlier and bear their looks.
What can I tell them? It’s OK to let things like this, for now. As long as they don’t tell Ali, it’s alright. I’ve got so many things on my mind, and there’s a show tonight.
I go on stage and I try to meet Edge’s gaze, but he’s too busy at ignoring me. God, that feels so bad… I’m used to have his support. I turn towards Adam. He’s got quite an angry face, but he’s not cold to me. I rely on him for the whole show.
When the concert’s off and we get backstage, Edge and Larry just avoid meeting me, but Adam sits next to me on the car. He does not say a word, but I’m thankful to him.
I go straight to my room and I can’t tell if I fall or willingly sit on the floor beside my bed. I’m so much tired. And I feel so much sick.
I start crying like a baby, my head on my knees.
I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up and see Adam’s face over me.
“What’s the matter with you?” He is asking so gently… I missed that. But I am a bit pissed off with them, still.
“Oh, nothing. Just my friends believing every fucking word the press would say about me.” I try to sound as bitter as possible.
“OK. Now, would you give me a reason not to believe that? Would you please tell me what’s your problem?”
“I don’t have ANY problem. I just need this stupid rumour to end before Ali can hear of it.”
He kneels in front of me and looks me in the eyes.
“Bono, I followed you yesterday. I had found this one here so I wanted to know the truth. And I think I half understood. I want the other half. Now.”
He places the sheet by the bed and waits for my answer.
He took me by surprise. For once, I don’t know what to say. My sickness helps me.
“Please, would you help me to get to the toilet? I’m going to be sick.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I see Adam coming out of your room. I want to know what’s going on.
“So did you tell him to stop acting like this or are you supporting him? I can’t see which side you’re taking. You got on well on stage tonight.”
“I’m not so sure he is actually doing what we think, honestly, Larry. Maybe we just should let him explain…”
I’m trying to control myself.
“I don’t need to hear any of his excuses. This behaviour has to stop.”
Adam, you know well that I hardly believe this thing too. But someone has to tell him. If not for anything, just to help him in saving his marriage. He would regret losing Ali.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I can hear them argue about me. I’m so much sorry about that.
I feel my heart breaking, again. It’s been happening each day… twice, three times each day. Every time I talk to Ali, every time I lie to them. It has to stop, Larry is right. It will stop. Stop hiding, stop mysterious meetings. This whole thing is not making me feel any good. It’s just time to call it a day.
I pick up the phone.
“Laura? Paul here. No more, Laura. I’m sorry, this is not feasible. I can’t go on lying to them all. Yes, I know… but it does no good to me at all. It’s making me ill. I cannot work, I cannot enjoy anything of what I do… It’s better to put an end to it.”
She said she wasn’t sure this was a good idea. She even sounded sad. But I think I know what is best for me at present. No more lies, no more suspicion.
They will just think I left the person I was seeing and they will be friends again with me. I will get them back. I don’t want them to be angry with me.
I just need them all to be next to me now.
But... if everything is going to be OK, then why am I so scared? Why am I shivering?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You’re extremely quiet this morning. At least, you sit with us at breakfast and don’t mention you have to leave us for any meeting today…
You say you want to work on a song… Well, I would be really glad to join you, yes, of course. I was just waiting for you to ask.
Adam does not take his eyes off you. He’s so quiet as well.
I don’t know what you talked about yesterday, but it was probably something that made you change your mind. Maybe it was hard for you to dump that person… maybe we just had to let you live your life. But I’m sure this was no more than… a mid-life crisis. No more than that.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is everybody still so quiet? Oh, Bono it is your fault, I’m afraid. You messed up the atmosphere.
I’m sorry to see you so depressed, though. It’s been a week since you last left for one of your “meetings”, and you seem to struggle to go on. I’m sure you will thank us when you’ll be home again with your own family. I would if you had done this for me.
I would like to have a talk with you about this one day, though. Just to know what was on your mind… I would have bet all of my money on you as a husband and father.
I look at Adam. He looks quite sad for you. But yet probably he cannot see what you would have lost. He does not know.
“Adam, what’s on? You’re not on rhythm.” Wake up, mate.
“Oh sorry. I’ve got some things on my mind. I just can’t play today.”
I turn and look at you. In my eyes, you are the thing on his mind. You understand and just look at your feet. “I know I screwed things up lately. I’m sorry.” You say this, but you don’t mean a word of it. You just don’t seem to be sorry. I feel like I might just jump at your neck.
“If you are sorry – I mean if you really are – could you at least sing a song giving us the idea that your mind is here and not somewhere on the moon?” My temper is rising.
Edge tries to calm things down. He tells everybody to be patient, to stay calm.
How can I be calm when my band is in a complete mess during a tour?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“What’s the matter with you? Have you been losing sleep?” I ask you as you enter the changing room. You’ve got such bags under your eyes…
“I’m OK.” You just say and put your glasses on. You seem to be quite worn out. It’s been a month since that “thing” ended… we are slowly getting better.
Larry is still mad at you for living in your world apart from us, but you don’t go away when we need you and we’re sure you’ll be the same old friend soon again.
Adam is always around you and you are always next to him on stage. You don’t talk that much to him too, but it seems that you take some sort of comfort in having him there for you.
I still wonder why you don’t ask any company from me like you used to do...
We go on stage, and there you are, giving one hundred percent as usual.
At one point, though, I see you coming in front of me and gesturing me to go on playing the riff on my guitar. Then you run down backstage.
Larry sees you and he’s so surprised that he loses some beats. He looks at me in disbelief.
I try not to lose my mind and go on playing loudly, while Adam just gets rid of his bass and runs after you.
It seems so long, and I’m getting really worried. While I play, my mind wanders and I soon realize that Adam must know something we don’t. That this could be the reason why you stay with him all of the time.
Luckily, after what seems a millennium to me, you both are back.
I look at you, not knowing whether to be angry with you or just to be sorry for what Larry will do to you later.
What I’m sure of is that trouble’s going to be there.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I take the steps going down from the stage in a flash. I just can’t believe you did that… I forgave you for many things, but this one… this is really too much.
“Fuck off, Paul. I want to know right now what you were thinking when you left us up there... If you ever CAN think.” I turn to look at you and you just pass me by and continue walking towards the car.
I take your shoulder with a firm grip.
“I’m talking to you.” I just say.
You turn to take my hand off, and I can see from your face that there’s something really wrong with you.
“What’s up? Is everything OK?” I’m sorry I did not ask before shouting at you.
Adam comes nearer. “Larry, let him go back to his room. He’s not well. These things can happen.”
“I’m sorry. I did not know.” I just feel stupid. Since last month I always bossed you around. I never stop and look at your face. I should have noticed you're not fine.
“All right. See you in my room when you get back.” You just say and get on the car.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I can’t possibly understand what is on your mind and this is just making me mad. There’s something Adam knows and we don’t, and I can’t understand why you confided in him alone. Is it because he was not mad at you for that “thing”?
I knock at your door. You’re sitting on your bed and Adam is next to you.
I think I’m getting a bit jealous of him right now.
Larry comes in just after me. He looks concerned now that anger has left.
You just hand us an envelope. It is from a certain Laura Anderson. I already heard this name. I’m sure I know someone with this name.
I look at you and you tell me to open that.
Larry tries to read it from behind my shoulder, but I look at him with an annoyed face… he knows I hate people reading at my back.
I go through the lines very fast and I can’t but open my mouth in surprise and look at you.
Larry grabs the sheet from my hands. “Good Heavens” he just says. The sheet is now on the floor.
You seem to have expected such a reaction, and seem quite amazed.
We just stand still. Frozen.
I think I know...update soon!!
