kafrun
Blue Crack Addict
Err, so I'm back with another chapter 
Sorry for the looong wait for this one 
Just wanted
to thank everyone who's stuck with me on this fic. I know I've taken it to some crazy places, but
it's a lot of fun to write. Even more fun to read the reaction to it
Read on..
Bono sat in the office of Principle Management, half-heartedly strumming one of Edge's guitars. Adam stood by the window, staring out at the greying sky while
Paul paced back and forth, anxiously rubbing his temples "WHAT.. have you done?"
Adam frowned. Bono stared guiltily at his shoes.
Paul sighed, sat down at his desk and dialed the phone. It rang and someone on the other end picked up.
"You've reached the offices of U2.com. Please stay on the line as we're busy at the moment, but we will be with you as soon as one of our
highly-trained monkeys becomes available."
Paul glared at the phone "Damnit, I don't have time for this! We have a critical situation on our hands!"
Coughing and snickering could be heard on the other end along with a few hushed whispers "Shite! It's Paul. Knock it off!"
"We need to make an announcement on the site, immediately. Edge has quit the band.."
"WHAT??"
"We need to release the information before anyone else does. I have a statement here from him. I want you to include it in the announcement."
"Where is he??"
"We don't know."
"We don't know where Edge is???"
"NO, now listen carefully. This is important."
"Alright Paul, what is the statement from Edge?"
Paul looked down at Ege's resignation letter in his hands and sighed. "It says: 'It is with a heavy heart
that I announce my split from U2. It is a day I never thought I would face, but it is the reality. The fun just isn't there anymore, the tensions between
band members have me at my wit's end and I'm sad to see my childhood friendships reduced to such
a state. The only thing I can do is cut my losses and move on. I already lived out my dream being in U2 and making great music. Therefor, the next logical
step is to persue my other childhood dream. I think it's time for me to step out of the spotlight,
but you may see me in the future(haha) with my new project. Until then, love and peace or else. God bless, Edge."
There was silence momentarily, then the U2.com guy spoke up "So Paul, do you want us to announce it now or make a pre-announcement announcement?"
"Do what we've always done! God, how long have you been running this site??" With that, Paul slammed down the phone. He turned to face Adam and Bono. "Well? Do either of have an explanation for me? And WHERE, might I ask, is Larry?? I've tried reaching him. Has he run off too??"
Bono coughed "Uhhh, err.. Larry's been delayed. He'll be here."
Paul raised an eyebrow "So you know where he is?"
Bono nodded hesitantly "Oh yeah, for sure."
"So where is he?"
"Well, errr, it's not so much that I know where he is exactly, but I know he's around."
"What??"
"He'll be here. I'm sure."
"That's not good enough for me right now!"
It was just then(oh so conveniently) that the intercom on Paul's desk buzzed and the voice of his secretary came on "Mr. McGuinness? Larry Mullen
Jr. has just arrived. He's on his way up."
Paul sank back in his chair and heaved a sigh of relief.
Bono and Adam shot each other looks of grave concern. Bono gulped and rose from his chair, attempting to creep inconspicuously closer to the window and closer to Adam.
A dazed Larry walked in with a goofy smile on his face, a sheet tied messily around his body. He didn't seem too concerned about anything at the moment "You know, lads.." He grinned stupidy "Spending time with fans isn't all that bad".
"Larry! Where the hell have you been?" Paul shouted.
"I was, err, detained.. by PLEBANS! I stumbled upon their secret headquarters." He suddenly seemed to snap back to reality at the realization.
The other three men's eyes widened.
"My GOD!"
"How did you manage to escape??"
"I thought no such place existed!"
Larry smirked "Oh it exists alright. It wasn't easy to escape either, let me tell you. I had to formulate a VERY clever plan."
"What was it??" Bono sat forward in awe.
"I said, 'LOOK! Over there! It's Bono and he's naked!' And when they all looked, I ran."
Bono sat back "WOW.. extraordinary!"
"I know," Larry smirked again "I had plenty of time to run too. It took them a good while to stop looking and realize I'd taken off. Those PLEBAns don't take
something like the suggestion of naked Bono in their midst too lightly."
"Good thing you did, too. I shudder to think what would've happened to you if they'd kept you." Adam shook his head in horror.
"Yeah.. well.. ahh, anyway. That's not all. I managed to confiscate something before getting away." Larry held up a book and the other three gasped in
disbelief.
"MY GOD!"
"It really DOES exist!"
"Think of the possibilities!"
"That's right," said Larry, dropping the book down on the table "The Official PLEBAn Manual, my friends. All the secrets of PLEBA, right in this very book."
They all leaned forward. None of them quite able to bring themselves to touch it or open it just yet. They sat and they stared.
Larry frowned(OMGwtfRLY?!!) and put a hand on his hip "Well don't just sit there! Somebody open it!"
They all sat perfectly still. Adam frowned "Oh bloody hell. Suddenly Adam has to do everything." He reached forward and pulled back the first page, revealing
the table of contents. Silently, they read it to themselves.
Section 1: PLEBA - What it is and how to navigate
- Section 1:A: Common phrases and their meanings
- Section 1:B: How to start a thread and maximize its droolworthyness
- Section 1:C: Smilies - How to use them
- Section 1: D: The Drool Smiley - Why it has its own section and why it's essential to your posts
- Section 1:E: Drama - Playing nice with other fangirls
Section 2: Knowing Your Men - The Basics
- Section 2:A: Larry Mullen Jr - Moobs, drooms, and deathglares
- Section 2:B: Adam Clayton - Fros, bass guitars, and frowney-smiles
- Section 2:C: The Edge - Beanies, guitars, and edge-stomps
- Section 2: D: Bono - Sunglasses, speeches, and shinies
Section 3: Knowing Your Men - Advanced
- Section 3:A: Larry Mullen Jr - Haircuts - The good, the bad, and the mullet.. and more
- Section 3:B: Adam Clayton - Public disrobing and more
- Section 3:C: The Edge - Greatest tshirts EVAR and more
- Section 3: D: Bono - Why it's perfectly okay that we talk about him 90% of the time and why everyone who disagrees is just jealous.. and more
Section 4: Dancing Girls
- Section 4:A: Getting onstage
- Section 4:B: How to and how NOT to feel up Bono
- Section 4:C: Letting go - No matter how determined, security is STILL stronger than you
Section 5: Meet and greets
- Section 5:A: Autographs - Remembering your name and where you are
- Section 5:B: Pictures - Simple phrases you can remember to request a picture while your jaw is essentially on the ground
- Section 5:C: Touching - How not to combust into oblivion when Bono hugs you, how to cop a feel when security isn't looking, and more
- Section 5: D: Touching - Moobs - Why moobs have their own section and various techniques for touching moobs including - the "accidental brush-up",
the "squeeze", and the "grabby hands"
Section 6: Restraining Orders And You
- Section 6:A: What they are and how to get around them
- Section 6:B: Why they don't really mean it and why you should persue them MORE!
"Good lord, it goes on for over 200 sections!" Paul shook his head again in disbelief "Do you realize what we could do with this information? We could
take PLEBA down from the inside.."
All four stood for a few moments in quiet contemplation. At last, Bono stepped forward, picked up the manual, and started ripping it apart from the spine.
He handed entire sections to Adam and Larry. "Right," he said "into the shredder you go." And one by one, they fed the papers through the machine.
"What in the hell are you doing??" Paul watched incredulously.
"You leave PLEBA out of this!" Bono warned.
Paul shrugged and walked over to their drummer. He put a hand on Larry's shoulder "Well, we're just glad to have you back safe and sound."
"Thankyou, Paul."
"Larry?"
"Yes, Paul?"
"Why are you sticky?"
***
Meanwhile, back at U2.com headquarters..
U2.com Guy 1: So we're going to make the pre-announcement announcement now, yeah?
U2.com Guy 2: Right.
U2.com Guy 1: So here's the wording I'm thinking of "U2.com can now confirm the rumours that The Edge has split from U2. Further information along with an official announcement will be released within the NEXT week."
U2.com Guy 2: Not quite. Not vague enough.
U2.com Guy 1: Huh?
U2.com Guy 2: You need to switch the wording up a bit.
U2.com Guy 1: Ahh, ok, how about something along the lines of "will be released within the NEXT week(s) OR when the information becomes available."
U2.com Guy 3: No no no! Agh! You noob! MORE vague. Try adding: "Whichever comes first."
U2.com Guy 2: BRILLIANT!
U2.com Guy 3: I'd also play around with the font a bit.
U2.com Guy 1: How do you mean?
U2.com Guy 3: Well I'd put "within" in italics, "OR" in bold, "when" in bold AND italics "the" in green, and "available" in Times New Roman font.
U2.com Guy 2: Yes yes, I like where you're going with this, I'd add "whichever comes first" re-written as "wHiChEvEr CoMeS fIrSt."
U2.com Guy 3: Why?
U2.com Guy 2: Why not?
U2.com Guy 3: Good enough for me.
Sorry for the looong wait for this one Just wantedto thank everyone who's stuck with me on this fic. I know I've taken it to some crazy places, but
it's a lot of fun to write. Even more fun to read the reaction to it
Read on..Bono sat in the office of Principle Management, half-heartedly strumming one of Edge's guitars. Adam stood by the window, staring out at the greying sky while
Paul paced back and forth, anxiously rubbing his temples "WHAT.. have you done?"
Adam frowned. Bono stared guiltily at his shoes.
Paul sighed, sat down at his desk and dialed the phone. It rang and someone on the other end picked up.
"You've reached the offices of U2.com. Please stay on the line as we're busy at the moment, but we will be with you as soon as one of our
highly-trained monkeys becomes available."
Paul glared at the phone "Damnit, I don't have time for this! We have a critical situation on our hands!"
Coughing and snickering could be heard on the other end along with a few hushed whispers "Shite! It's Paul. Knock it off!"
"We need to make an announcement on the site, immediately. Edge has quit the band.."
"WHAT??"
"We need to release the information before anyone else does. I have a statement here from him. I want you to include it in the announcement."
"Where is he??"
"We don't know."
"We don't know where Edge is???"
"NO, now listen carefully. This is important."
"Alright Paul, what is the statement from Edge?"
Paul looked down at Ege's resignation letter in his hands and sighed. "It says: 'It is with a heavy heart
that I announce my split from U2. It is a day I never thought I would face, but it is the reality. The fun just isn't there anymore, the tensions between
band members have me at my wit's end and I'm sad to see my childhood friendships reduced to such
a state. The only thing I can do is cut my losses and move on. I already lived out my dream being in U2 and making great music. Therefor, the next logical
step is to persue my other childhood dream. I think it's time for me to step out of the spotlight,
but you may see me in the future(haha) with my new project. Until then, love and peace or else. God bless, Edge."
There was silence momentarily, then the U2.com guy spoke up "So Paul, do you want us to announce it now or make a pre-announcement announcement?"
"Do what we've always done! God, how long have you been running this site??" With that, Paul slammed down the phone. He turned to face Adam and Bono. "Well? Do either of have an explanation for me? And WHERE, might I ask, is Larry?? I've tried reaching him. Has he run off too??"
Bono coughed "Uhhh, err.. Larry's been delayed. He'll be here."
Paul raised an eyebrow "So you know where he is?"
Bono nodded hesitantly "Oh yeah, for sure."
"So where is he?"
"Well, errr, it's not so much that I know where he is exactly, but I know he's around."
"What??"
"He'll be here. I'm sure."
"That's not good enough for me right now!"
It was just then(oh so conveniently) that the intercom on Paul's desk buzzed and the voice of his secretary came on "Mr. McGuinness? Larry Mullen
Jr. has just arrived. He's on his way up."
Paul sank back in his chair and heaved a sigh of relief.
Bono and Adam shot each other looks of grave concern. Bono gulped and rose from his chair, attempting to creep inconspicuously closer to the window and closer to Adam.
A dazed Larry walked in with a goofy smile on his face, a sheet tied messily around his body. He didn't seem too concerned about anything at the moment "You know, lads.." He grinned stupidy "Spending time with fans isn't all that bad".
"Larry! Where the hell have you been?" Paul shouted.
"I was, err, detained.. by PLEBANS! I stumbled upon their secret headquarters." He suddenly seemed to snap back to reality at the realization.
The other three men's eyes widened.
"My GOD!"
"How did you manage to escape??"
"I thought no such place existed!"
Larry smirked "Oh it exists alright. It wasn't easy to escape either, let me tell you. I had to formulate a VERY clever plan."
"What was it??" Bono sat forward in awe.
"I said, 'LOOK! Over there! It's Bono and he's naked!' And when they all looked, I ran."
Bono sat back "WOW.. extraordinary!"
"I know," Larry smirked again "I had plenty of time to run too. It took them a good while to stop looking and realize I'd taken off. Those PLEBAns don't take
something like the suggestion of naked Bono in their midst too lightly."
"Good thing you did, too. I shudder to think what would've happened to you if they'd kept you." Adam shook his head in horror.
"Yeah.. well.. ahh, anyway. That's not all. I managed to confiscate something before getting away." Larry held up a book and the other three gasped in
disbelief.
"MY GOD!"
"It really DOES exist!"
"Think of the possibilities!"
"That's right," said Larry, dropping the book down on the table "The Official PLEBAn Manual, my friends. All the secrets of PLEBA, right in this very book."
They all leaned forward. None of them quite able to bring themselves to touch it or open it just yet. They sat and they stared.
Larry frowned(OMGwtfRLY?!!) and put a hand on his hip "Well don't just sit there! Somebody open it!"
They all sat perfectly still. Adam frowned "Oh bloody hell. Suddenly Adam has to do everything." He reached forward and pulled back the first page, revealing
the table of contents. Silently, they read it to themselves.
Section 1: PLEBA - What it is and how to navigate
- Section 1:A: Common phrases and their meanings
- Section 1:B: How to start a thread and maximize its droolworthyness
- Section 1:C: Smilies - How to use them
- Section 1: D: The Drool Smiley - Why it has its own section and why it's essential to your posts
- Section 1:E: Drama - Playing nice with other fangirls
Section 2: Knowing Your Men - The Basics
- Section 2:A: Larry Mullen Jr - Moobs, drooms, and deathglares
- Section 2:B: Adam Clayton - Fros, bass guitars, and frowney-smiles
- Section 2:C: The Edge - Beanies, guitars, and edge-stomps
- Section 2: D: Bono - Sunglasses, speeches, and shinies
Section 3: Knowing Your Men - Advanced
- Section 3:A: Larry Mullen Jr - Haircuts - The good, the bad, and the mullet.. and more
- Section 3:B: Adam Clayton - Public disrobing and more
- Section 3:C: The Edge - Greatest tshirts EVAR and more
- Section 3: D: Bono - Why it's perfectly okay that we talk about him 90% of the time and why everyone who disagrees is just jealous.. and more
Section 4: Dancing Girls
- Section 4:A: Getting onstage
- Section 4:B: How to and how NOT to feel up Bono
- Section 4:C: Letting go - No matter how determined, security is STILL stronger than you
Section 5: Meet and greets
- Section 5:A: Autographs - Remembering your name and where you are
- Section 5:B: Pictures - Simple phrases you can remember to request a picture while your jaw is essentially on the ground
- Section 5:C: Touching - How not to combust into oblivion when Bono hugs you, how to cop a feel when security isn't looking, and more
- Section 5: D: Touching - Moobs - Why moobs have their own section and various techniques for touching moobs including - the "accidental brush-up",
the "squeeze", and the "grabby hands"
Section 6: Restraining Orders And You
- Section 6:A: What they are and how to get around them
- Section 6:B: Why they don't really mean it and why you should persue them MORE!
"Good lord, it goes on for over 200 sections!" Paul shook his head again in disbelief "Do you realize what we could do with this information? We could
take PLEBA down from the inside.."
All four stood for a few moments in quiet contemplation. At last, Bono stepped forward, picked up the manual, and started ripping it apart from the spine.
He handed entire sections to Adam and Larry. "Right," he said "into the shredder you go." And one by one, they fed the papers through the machine.
"What in the hell are you doing??" Paul watched incredulously.
"You leave PLEBA out of this!" Bono warned.
Paul shrugged and walked over to their drummer. He put a hand on Larry's shoulder "Well, we're just glad to have you back safe and sound."
"Thankyou, Paul."
"Larry?"
"Yes, Paul?"
"Why are you sticky?"
***
Meanwhile, back at U2.com headquarters..
U2.com Guy 1: So we're going to make the pre-announcement announcement now, yeah?
U2.com Guy 2: Right.
U2.com Guy 1: So here's the wording I'm thinking of "U2.com can now confirm the rumours that The Edge has split from U2. Further information along with an official announcement will be released within the NEXT week."
U2.com Guy 2: Not quite. Not vague enough.
U2.com Guy 1: Huh?
U2.com Guy 2: You need to switch the wording up a bit.
U2.com Guy 1: Ahh, ok, how about something along the lines of "will be released within the NEXT week(s) OR when the information becomes available."
U2.com Guy 3: No no no! Agh! You noob! MORE vague. Try adding: "Whichever comes first."
U2.com Guy 2: BRILLIANT!
U2.com Guy 3: I'd also play around with the font a bit.
U2.com Guy 1: How do you mean?
U2.com Guy 3: Well I'd put "within" in italics, "OR" in bold, "when" in bold AND italics "the" in green, and "available" in Times New Roman font.
U2.com Guy 2: Yes yes, I like where you're going with this, I'd add "whichever comes first" re-written as "wHiChEvEr CoMeS fIrSt."
U2.com Guy 3: Why?
U2.com Guy 2: Why not?
U2.com Guy 3: Good enough for me.
*romantic sigh* Bono cares for us.... 
KAF!!! Loved it! The Pleaba guide book is brilliant!
you
Kafrun my dear, YOU are a genius! 
