***
It was a particularily dreary morning that day. The boys were sitting in the waiting room at the counsellor's office. All was quiet, except for the soft clicking
of keys as Adam and Larry sat on opposite ends of the room, working on their laptops. The moments ticked by as the clock crept ever so slowly towards 9 o'clock and
the silence continued. Though the curtains were drawn, the grey light still seeped through the fine fabric, sucking the energy out of everyone in the room. Even Bono
was quiet, slumped down in his chair, his head down and his eyes half-closed. It wasn't clear whether he was dozing or just in a foul mood.
The silence was broken by the sound of Adam smacking his lips as if he was about to speak. He pondered whatever was on his desktop screen. "Ehh.. Bono?"
Bono groaned and stretched his arms, moving himself into an upright position in his chair. He yawned. "Mfffrrrr.. grmblegrmble."
Adam spoke again. "Bono? Why did you email me so many forwards?"
Bono folded his arms and shrugged. His eyes still heavy.
Adam smacked his lips again. "You know, I'm used to getting forwards from you, but 15 in one day is a bit much, don't you think?"
Bono perked up a bit. "Oh yeah! Right. Well you see, there was the one about the One Campaign I sent-"
"Bono, I've already joined the One campaign-"
"See, then there was the chain one that I HAD to send to 20 people in 20 minutes, otherwise it says something TERRIBLE would've happened to my dog."
"Bono.."
"Then there was the one that Larry sent me.."
Adam shot a suspicious glance in Larry's direction.
"It said that if I forwarded it to as many people as possible as quickly as possible, that a giant beachball would bounce across my screen."
"But you sent that to me 5 times."
"Yes, well the first one didn't work, y'see. Larry said the problem was that I must've got a defective one, so he said I needed to try again and send it to more people. I tried again,
but the darn thing still wouldn't work. I tried a few more times and sent it to bloody well everyone I know."
"Yes, okay, so did a beachball ever appear on your screen?" Adam felt his blood pressure begin to rise as he caught Larry out of the corner of his eye,
snickering.
"No." Bono scratched his chin as he contemplated this. "Maybe I need to send it again." He began to pull out his own laptop.
"NO!" Adam sat forward and waved his hands. "No no no no! Put it away!"
Bono pouted. "Well fine. I'll send it to everyone else. I've had a problem with several emails getting bounced back though. None of my emails to
Kanye seem to be getting through."
"Yeah, that's cause he had to block you and your bloody forwards." Larry snorted.
"What?" Bono was indignant. "You enjoy my forwards, don't you?"
"Sure I do." Larry laughed as his eyes still scanned his own laptop screen. "So does my trash bin."
"Jerk." Bono grumbled.
"Eejit." Larry snorted.
"You don't ever send me emails." Bono pouted.
Larry shrugged, still paying little attention to the conversation.
"What about the chain forwards though? You're supposed to send those back you know. It's bad luck not to! Or the friendship poems at least? You send those to all your friends,
INCLUDING the original sender." Bono couldn't understand why such a simple concept was so hard for Larry to grasp.
Larry didn't respond to the questions as he clicked away on his keyboard.
Bono frowned. "Lar, are you even bothering to listen to me??"
Larry continued to type. "Sure am. Check your inbox in 30 seconds or so."
Bono raised his eyebrows. "Oh?" He perked up a bit again.
Adam put his head down and averted his attention to back to his email. He could feel the situation about to escalate and he attempted to tune them out.
He shook his head and mumbled to himself, "Eejits."
A few moments later, the cheerful tone of Bono's voice broke through the silence once more. "Ooh! Forward!" He opened his inbox..
---------------------------------------------------------
Lardence -- subject: Forward:FOAD -- Tuesday, November 17th
Chris Martin -- subject: Fwd:Friends -- Monday, November 16th
Ali -- subject: Reminder! Car keys location. -- Monday, November 16th
Chris Martin -- subject: Fwd:Be my friend? -- Monday, November 16th
Gavin -- subject: re: tonight at the pub -- Monday, November 16th
Adam -- subject: Fwd: Dirty jokes -- Monday, November 16th
John Sampson -- subject: Where are you?? I'm going to lose my job if you don't quit wa.. -- Monday, November 16th
---------------------------------------------------------
Bono frowned and opened Larry's email.
---------------------------------------------------------
LMJ@yahoo.com
Tuesday, November 17th 2006
8:57am
Subject: FOAD
-------------
FOAD
Luv,
Larry <3
---------------------------------------------------------
Bono glared at his screen. Larry grinned to himself as he went back to what he was doing.
Adam chimed in. "Hey, did you guys get the dirty pictures I sent?"
Larry shook his head and laughed. "Oh god, those were disturbing. I'm not going to ask where you get these things."
Adam chuckled. "I thought you'd enjoy that. Oh, did you get the dirty joke I sent too?"
Larry snorted and laughed out loud. "THAT was just wrong! Hahaha.. Of course I had to send it to my whole contact list."
Adam grinned and nodded.
Bono sat in the corner, angrily typing.
An email alert suddenly popped up on Larry's desktop. He clicked and opened the email:
----------------------------------------------------------
shinybono@yahoo.com
Tuesday, November 17th 2006
8:59am
--------------
Here's a forward for ya. I think it might help to make you a cheerier person
Original message:
ENGLARE YOUR UNIT! ONLY 10 PILLS A DAY! CLICK NOW!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------
Larry glared. He contemplated the amount of time it would take to recover the lost data from his computer once he'd cracked it over Bono's fat head.
Just then Edge walked in with the therapist behind him. He introduced him. "Guys, this is Dr. O'Really."
Dr. O'Really smiled and stepped forward to shake everyone's hands. "It's a pleasure to meet you. Please, come into my office."
Bono and Larry reluctantly followed the other three men into the room.
As they all found a seat, Dr. O'Really spoke. "Now I have to say, this is very unorthodox - counselling four people in what would
normally be a couples session, but I've spoken with The Edge and he explained to me the situation. I understand his reasoning.
It will be one of the greater challenges of my career, but I took this case because it is one I feel will reap great benefits for you as well as futher my expertise in this field."
Larry cringed every time he said 'Couples'.
Edge, normally pleasant, scoffed. "You took this case because I'm paying you exorbitant amounts of money."
Dr. O'Really cleared his throat and looked down at his notepad. "Err, yes. Well let's begin, shall we?" He walked over to a closet and pulled out four giant, stuffed
mallets(That's
mallets, not
mullets. Don't panic!) He handed one to each man. These are for you in case you feel the need to express your anger
physically. Should you feel your temper rising, feel free to use it to hit any surface in the room. A couch, a chair, the wall, the floor.. This will help you
to vent and prevent you from feeling the need to engage in phyical confrontation with your friends. Do you all understand how it works?" All four nodded.
He sat down in his chair and picked up a notepad and pen. He directed his first question to Edge. "Edge, tell me.. how often do you set aside time to do
little things for your spou- .. for your bandmates? Little things to let them know you care."
Edge scoffed again. "I refrain from hitting them on a daily basis. You see? I care."
Dr. O'Really tried another angle. "Adam, do you feel appreciated by your bandmates?"
Adam sat forward. "Appreciated? On a good day I feel acknowledged! They always put me in the background. It's always, 'Adam, go stand over there. Adam, you're the tallest,
move back a bit, would ya? Adam, are you still here??"
Dr. O'Really nodded and tapped his pen to his chin thoughtfully. "Bono, I'm told that you and Larry in particular have trouble relating to each other.
Have you had trouble with relationships in the past?"
Bono nodded vigorously. "Oh yeah, I've had many troubled relationships with people in my life.. My father, my brother,
even my wife. We've always had a stormy relationship. I mean.. just the way it started was indicitive
of things to come.."
***flashback***
*gets gets down on one knee*
"Ali, will you marry me-....... ooooh... shiny ring"
*tries to fit ring on his own pinky finger*
"ACK.. fingers.. too.. chubby ><"
"Uhh.. it's not coming off anytime soon"
*struggles*
"We'll just get you another ring"
***end flashback***
Dr. O'Really nodded. "I see. So you obviously have issues regarding relationships that need to be addressed."
Bono nodded anxiously and paced the room, petting his stuffed mallet. "I have other issues too!"
Dr. O'Really nodded and made notes. "What might those be, Bono?"
Bono whispered, "I have issues with........ my height."
Dr. O'Really was still nodding. "And how do you feel about that?"
Bono exclaimed, "BAD! I'm too short!"
Larry jumped up and flailed his arms in the air dramatically. "REVELATION OF THE YEAR! SOMEBODY ALERT THE DAILY TELEGRAPH!!"
Adam grabbed Larry firmly by the arm and sat him back down, glaring.
Dr. O'Really gently pleaded with him. "Now Larry, this needs to be a nurturing, supportive
environment for all of you. Sarcasm is very damaging in a loving relationship."
Larry shuddered again.
"Bono, you may continue." Dr. O'Really encouraged.
Bono, however, had hardly seemed to notice the outburst. He was still pacing and talking. "Everyone says I'm fine the way I am, but they're lying! I mean look at me! My shoes are ridiculous and
everybody knows it! But I can't give them up!" He continued pacing and shaking his head over and over. "I can't do it! I need to look taller to compensate for
my waisteline. I have a belly, I know it. Women tell me it's cute, but they're all crazy! I know I need to lose weight, but I can't give up the Guinness."
Dr. O'Really asked, "So how do you think this is affecting your relationship with your bandmates?"
Still, Bono had hardly seemed to notice the question. "And my hairline! Don't get me started on my issues there."
Everyone watched as he paced the room. "Bono.."
"And my relationship with my dad, with my brother, like I said.. We haven't even gotten into that yet. My former stylist too.. she stole my pants you know. Big issues there."
Dr. O'Really attempted to interrupt. "Bono?"
"Then there was the time that Larry snuck into my wardrobe backstage and deflated my emergency stash of tour beachballs, I have serious issues with THAT!
Serious issues.. SERIOUS issues.." Bono shook his head again, pacing back and forth quicker, clinging to his mallet, now appearing to be talking to no one in particular.
Dr. O'Really tried again to jump in. "Emergency stash of tour beachballs? Are those props for the show?"
Bono shook his head. "No, they're just there if I get too stressed out. I can go into my wardrobe and sit with them, quietly. It's like a sort of meditation. They don't
judge me. They just listen."
Dr. O'Really nodded and scribbled away on his notepad as Bono ranted. He stopped a moment to look up and watch him pacing. His venting didn't appear to be
relieving his stress. He seemed to only be working himself up more and more. He jumped in. "You know, Bono, you can sit down if you like. There's a free chair right there next to Adam."
Larry snorted. "He can't sit down. I mean, you'd get more attention from a kid with ADD being fed Red Bull intravenously. Honestly, he's like-"
"NYYAAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!" Bono lunged forward and whacked Larry as hard as he could over the head with his mallet. Larry fell back in his chair, momentarily
dazed by the blow. He regained his sense of direction just in time to catch the end of the mallet as it was about to come down again. He ripped it from Bono's hands and sprung up from his chair, swinging. In their flurry of swinging limbs and stuffed toys, they managed to knocked Adam and Dr. O'Really away as they tried to intervene.
"NO!" Shouted Dr. O'Really "It's supposed to be a tool! A TOOL! You're not using it properly! Use your words! YOUR WORDS!"
"I AM USING MY WORDS!!" Shouted Bono as he flailed his arms to block the mallet as Larry swung. "FUCK OFF AND DIE LARRY - OWW - MULLEN - AGH - JUNIOR! I'LL KILL YA!!"
At last Adam wrestled the mallet away, and after seperating the two into opposite corners of the room, things managed to calm down a bit.
A few silent moments crept by as Dr. O'Really scribbled on his notepad and Bono and Larry sat fuming in their corners. Larry's attention quickly began to focus on the
notepad. What was that for anyway? What was being written about him? He leaned over a bit, attempting to catch a glimpse of what was written. He couldn't quite
see, so he leaned ever so slightly closer. He managed to make out a few words.
"Hey, what are you writing about me anyway? What's that say? Anger issues? Bad attitude?? Whackjob??!! What the hell!"
Dr. O'Really quickly turned over the pad and shook his head. "No.. what? No.. you shouldn't be reading that."
Adam wondered aloud. "What's a whackjob?"
Bono chimed in. "Isn't that when a man pleasures another man in exchange for money to buy drugs?"
"WHAT??? NO!?" Dr. O'Really was becoming exasperated.
Adam glanced over at Edge. He was sitting in the corner with his arms folded, glaring at the wall. Adam's heart sank. He could tell Edge was giving up. He had checked out. Adam knew
he couldn't let that happen. This session was in a downward spiral and he knew he had to step in. He grabbed Dr. O'Really's notepad and pen and tossed them over
his shoulder. "Alright, enough of your questions."
Dr. O'Really protested, in shock. "Wha? But.. what?? I'm not finished."
Adam firmly shook his head. "You are now. I'm taking over this session. I'm far more qualified than you to knock their heads together." He grabbed both Bono and Larry's
chairs and spun them around to face each other. "Alright you two. I want you to look at each other, but I want you to listen to me. I'm not going to be hearing
any arguments either. Now LOOK.. We've been through a lot together. We've been through
a LIFETIME together. We've seen the best and the worst of each other, but despite the worst and in the absence of anything good at times, we've still stuck together.
That's personally and professionally. Aside from our families, we're the longest relationships each other has had. We always said if it came down to the band
or our friends, we'd pick our friends. Well, the band has now imploded. If you want to forsake your friends to, do it now. I'll spare you any more talk of how
important these bonds are or what you're losing. But you both know, however you may try to hide it or pretend. So you forsake each other with the full knowledge of what you're losing."
Adam's words began to slowly sink in with Larry. Moments in time flashed in his mind. Moments between him and Bono. Highs, lows, angry moments, funny moments. He came to
one in particular and all others stood still. It was the moment when Bono was standing on his front doorstep. Larry, peering out from behind a slightly opened door,
told him wearily to go away. Bono wouldn't leave though. He understood how Larry was feeling. He understood how his heart was empty and the very foundation
of his life was shattered. He understood what it was like to lose a mother. That's why he wasn't about to let him go.
Larry felt tears beginning to well up and he swallowed hard, trying in vain to prevent his emotions from showing. Letting any emotion show was difficult
for him. Letting them all spill out at once would almost be torture. Bono's dark shades hid the expression in his eyes, but they way his eyebrows angled up and
the corners of his mouth curved down, Larry knew that he knew. Adam slapped him hard on the back. "Give him a hug, ya eejit!" A slight smile forming on his lips.
"Oof!" Larry fell forward into Bono's waiting arms, which quickly latched onto him. He wanted to protest or push away indignantly in his usual manner, but his
face was stuffed into Bono's neck. "MMMMMPH." It was no use. Bono wasn't letting go anytime soon. Larry knew he was kidding himself too. He couldn't deny how he
truly felt as he swallowed his tears. He took a deep breath and patted Bono on the back. As long as nobody saw the tears glistening in his eyes, this was ok. He didn't
mind. But Bono had already seen them.
Adam turned to Edge. "We want you back. What's it going to be? Things will never be perfect and these two will always bicker like a pair of school children, but we
all know that we can't throw this away."
There was a pause.
Adam continued. "Look, don't make me hug you........... You're next in line for the hugs, you know. I'll do it! So help me-" He was cut off as Edge grabbed him and hugged him. There was a moment of quiet and then Edge pushed Adam away and patted him on the arm. They smiled at each other. They knew. All was fine
again. Nothing more was needed to be said.
"Right then!" Bono threw an arm around Larry's shoulder and the two walked towards the door, Larry and Adam following. "Thanks for the help, doc! We'll be
off now."
Dr. O'Really ran after them. "Wait! I'm not done with you! You can't just sort things out in one session,
your issues run too deep! They're just going to happen all over again! Wait!"
But it was pointless. U2 was gone. U2 were U2 again. Achtung, ya'll!
Real life responsibilities - I'm sure everyone understands. Also, I regret to inform my lovely fans that this will be the
I may revive the series in the future, provided the right inspiration. For now though, the plotline has run its course.
Bono, you're back.
You seem very nice 
I doubt that very much. Has anyone ever actually
Thanks, Bono. I like you too! So what are you up to today? All kinds of exciting things, I'm sure 
Occasionally a holding and caressing beachball, BUT THAT'S IT! And it's only for me to touch.
I'll take a Guinness over any of those anyday. 
I love this! Hilarity turning into mushyness, it's amazing! 
don't make us wait another fwe months for the next chap!
Great work Kaf! This was funny and full of love! 
