PGP: Off with the yellow pants, Bono! (On with the leather...)

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i had sooo much phone calling, on-line address/map finding & notating cross streets for upcoming AaR trips today; and i lost my posting 3x's when i had some time to post, dropping signal etc

trying again!

FIRST- thanks to all of you who told your 9-11 stories. :hug:sss
Either i had not heard (read) them before, or you added in a lot more details.
EXTRA :hug::hug:ssss for those of you comet, GG, Grace, and (omg!) arw who witnessed this Tragedy turn into an Atrocity on the Television or radio.

I have never understood how people who put the TV on as they get ready esp for time-mandated activities such as work, school, meet-ups get out on time. I'd find it too distracting! Kudos to you. So I have always relied on either music, talk, news, or public radio (table, stereo, finally Walkman or cellphone) to help get me out the door in the morning or later in the day (later in my life).

Tues 9-11 (01) part of when I was living in Brooklyn started more or less as it had most reccently done- me getting out late. Of course, as usual no morning TV. The 3rd roomie always left early, and the 2nd roomie was still asleep in her room. But for what ever reason I had the walkman but did not turn it on. I ran out the apt doo and was down my buildin's front stairs at 10:30AM. It is was a warm, lovely day; deep blue late-Summer sky, happy bright-Summer clouds. Splendid.

I walk a "block" within my whole more longer 1 1/2 block (we from Manhattan <where street layout is much, tho not all, in grid pattern as it sometimes is in the other boroughs>) a standard block is a street block. An Ave block usually is 2-3 street blocks long. As I am heading northwest going towards Flatbush Ave getting to my first corner- I flick on my radio. I begin to hear several commentators... "firemen covered in ash"..."if this wasn't real...it looks like a movie!...".ed
As I crossed that corner, then turn northeast to cross to the next corner, and continue one block on the now northeast street that is parallel to Flatbush Ave they continue a bit more. I have actually no idea as to where, and what they are talking about. But it sounds pretty awful! For some reason I think of one of the big 12 story often Ave-block long ubiquitous red-brick apt buildings mostly found in Queens. As I reach the next streetcorner to cross they all fall silent.

I cross in the silence. This is 15, ?30, 30 plus? seconds of "dead air" in radio time, a looong time especially when "unannounced" (vs a planned moment to remember, reflect, pay tribute to, etc). But I am still keeping my pace to the subway now back to facing northwest, and walking the ave-block to Flatbush Ave.

But before I'm even quite a quarter of the way down the long block one voice returns. He says.... "The Towers.....are gone...". Then radio silence returned...not by my mind blocking out their talking, but in the unspeakableness which i had yet to realize and understand.

I spun 90° counterclock, stopped and stared at the walkman in my hand; as though it had turned into a squalling "baby" monster. Amazingly I didn't drop it in the not quite yet shock. Unconsciously my mind must have now started fitting all the pieces together... the comments...this final Declaration... for now "The Towers" rarely ever meant anything else but The Trade Towers to us New Yorkers...but still there wasn't yet an unspoken total thought of acknowledgement in my head. It was probably; as i must have started caculating deep inside once I stood still after my sudden spin- the final adding up of my all my directional changes into a final apalling equation that had to be confirmed. That I then again abruptly but this time probably knowingly, terribly turned back to the direction I was originally heading in- NorthWestardly. Which meant: beyond the more Brooklyn typical Brownstones and shorter 4 story Apartment buildings being so close by which blocked the most of it, and in this location blocked all Downtown Brooklyn, and any Manhattan buildings as well- I was facing Lower Manhattan and..... that "happy Summer cloud" ? That some of it now more than peeked over these buildings not compleatly close-by because there was still three-quarters of the block to go....

I determinedly looked up. My vision zeroed in on it. It was not the shinning white with light to medium blue-gray shadowed cloud that the time of day/season would engender. That I thought I "saw" at the very beginning of my trip - it hadn't been more more than 6-8 mins since I turned that same northwest direction once i cleared my building's fences. It was instead a light grayed yellow-beige. It looked more dense, possibly, even could I say a hint of grittiness to it.

If it wasn't a regular summer cloud...then there was by all facts only one thing it could be...I now turned 180° and went running back the way I came- screaming... oh, OH... oh my god!!!!!

The radio commentators finally returned... pieces beginning to drop into place for me.... Boston Airport? The Pentagon..... hit? I had enough sense about me to clap my hands over my verbal terror and horror. What ??!! Two planes........ PLANES??!!!????

I got home briefly spoke to my roomie, went to my room and flung myself on my bed. Bunching my pillow, crying deeply, fiercely. Then I stopped totally not long after. I would hardly cry again actually, and not like that, until our guys would hit the MSG stage first night post 9-11 concert.

I was frightened of turning on the TV. I wasn't sure I could manage my feelings at that point soo I put the walkman back on and listened into the night to my local Public Radio/NPR Station. Finally about 11PM I had to see it, and felt I could take it. So i spent about the next 4 hours glued to the TV.

In the meantime I'd finally managed to get a hold of my sister early mid-afternoon. She was in Mid-Manhatten at work, so you can imagine the phone lines!
The most unexpected intense part of our conversation was when I told her about seeing the cloud of destruction at first but not realizing it; she practically yelling at me how could you not know ....then catching herself and quieting down... " of course, why would you know"... all previous things considered, and how i didn't have any news on yet.

Some the most surrealness of the next several days/weeks...

The cloud becoming way higher thinner that day into evening streaming over our section of Brooklyn. Yeah, really!

Not being able to even go into Manhattan for ? 1 1/2 days. One thing to choose not to go b/c of fear, danger.....but having the Subway down? No buses going over the bridges!?

The first night riding back from Manhattan over the Manhatten Bridge Subway tracks. The eerie blue-white and orange glow in the near distance partly blocked by darkened (danmaged electrical lines) building where working on damaged areas began.

Not being able to go below North 14th St unless you were a resident or business-owner.

The silence in the air except for the patrolling fighter jets. Fighter Jets!!!

The awful and (exististensially) horricfic stench that permiated the subway platforms everytime the train doors opened when you were even not getting out. Burnt metals, burnt plastics, burnt wood and... the unspeakable extra mix in that miasmic odor. shudder.

Before heading out on to 42nd St in the Times Square Subway mezzanine the Flyers of the Missing on the tiled columns and the candles etc at their bases.

The beautiful things>>>>

All the prayers & help from particularly all over our country -only highlight that first because you know NYC was/still is to some such a "den of iniquities"- to get this intense outpouring from the "heartland". But if course from everywhere else as well.

NYC'rs helping each other & esp cheering on those working in the pit and supporting thre firefighters, all the rescuers.

The incredible memorials springing up all over- like small jewels of loving expression. And the incrediable one in South Union Square Park (northside of 14th St).

so that's my tale except for one more thing.
 
when i left in a huff... i had planned to o out anyway...but after I had finished my post.

so i was hoping and after walking around and down the longer section of my block going east then south down hill i was able to get to a spot where i was looking into a less lit area (though i was in a lit area)...

....and i saw them!!! :heart::sad::love::sad::heart: the beyond words etheric wonderous beauty and symbolism of The Tribute In Lights. On a clean, clear night like this they say you can see them 60 mile out!

Still, seeing them from about 10 1/2 miles away...is impressive to me ! sad & happy tears. They almost feel alive. The Towers and the people stretching towards Heavan.

While I may not always had the time/energy -esp once they moved them in the annual lighting from near right next to one corner of the WTC Site to much closer to the south end of Manhattan-- to get close to them- i've been down by the WTC Site.

This may be the first (or only 2nd) time I've not been down there at all on 9-11.

I went down either the first night or within the first week when they first set TTIL up. Then unless the weather was so bad because they were lit wevery night and shut at dawn until April '02.... I could see them when i came home at night or doing errands in the eve/night in my nabe back then.

I went that way late night 3AM or 4AM that last April night till when they shut them off in the dawn until sept 11, 2002.

they remain--- *********Astounding********* in their Beauty, Elgelic Elegance and even transcendent hope .

Veyimportant that I could be "a part of it" in some fashion this year since it might have been too physically stressful to go down there.
 
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