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Old 05-09-2006, 07:54 PM   #1
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Out Of Control - Chapter 20

**The following is a work of fiction. No offense intended to anyone, it’s all meant in good fun. Strong language, semi-adult themes

Chapter Twenty

“What are we doing for Christmas?” Bono asked casually. He stretched out on the bed, not the least bit modest about his lack of clothing. Not that he had ever been shy, Natalie thought with a smile. His confidence was one of her favorite things about him and at the same time, her least favorite. She turned back to glance over her shoulder at him and her smile faded.

“You’re not serious?” She asked, although she could already tell he was perfectly serious. He kept everything out in the open, and anyone who knew him at all could see every mood, every emotion by simply looking at him.

“What? You told me you were Lutheran. Last time I checked, Lutherans celebrated Christmas.” He teased, smirking at her as if she were setting up a joke.

“Yeah, they do. I was talking about the ‘we’ part.” She told him with a sigh. She turned away from the bathroom; where she had been going to get her robe, and sat on the bed beside him. “I mean, I’m going home to have Christmas with my family in Albany. You are going home to have Christmas with your family in Dublin. Right?”

“I was thinking maybe we could spend the holidays together. Without having to sneak around and hide from everyone.” He told her, reaching out to stroke the smooth skin on her side. “I can go with you to Albany.”

“That’s just crazy, Bono. First of all – how would you ever explain your absence to the others. There they are, on the plane back to Dublin and you’re missing. They might wonder where you are, don’t you think?”

“I can tell them something came up and I’m taking a later flight.” He replied. She could tell he’d given this more than a little thought.

“What about your family? Don’t you want to be with them?”

“I’d rather be with you.” He told her softly. She worried her lower lip with her teeth as she considered the situation. “Look, my father and I don’t really get along well. He celebrates but it doesn’t mean much more to him than any other holiday. He’s always been a bit baffled at my belief in God. My brother has his own family now – I’m just one more plate at the dinner table.”

“I don’t believe it’s quite like that.” She told him suspiciously. He tended to paint a darker mental image of his relationship to his family than she believed was true.

“Maybe you should come back to Dublin with me and see for yourself.” He said, and she rolled her eyes at his persistence.

“We couldn’t tell my family we were more than friends who work together.” She told him, and he grinned at how easily he had gotten her to consider taking him along.

“Why not?” He asked propping himself up on his elbows so he could better look her in the eye.

“For all the same reasons as always! One person who knows says something to someone else… it will just make everything complicated and difficult.”

“How, though? I understand what you’re worried about with work, but why can’t your family know about me? I love you, Nat. You’ve told me that you love me, as well. But you don’t want anyone to know. Are you ashamed of me?” He asked, his blue eyes darkening seriously as he spoke. He drew in a shaky breath and forced himself to smile before adding, “You’re just using me for my body, is that it?”

Natalie laughed through the worry that had been building steadily inside of her. She stretched out beside him on the bed and ran her fingers through the coarse hair that covered his chest.

“That’s it.” She joked. “You’re onto me. I’m a heartless nymphomaniac who only wants one thing from you.”

“Ok.” He replied, suddenly rolling her over onto her back and pinning her down with his own weight. He looked straight down into her surprised eyes, the tips of their noses touching. “I can live with that.” He told her with a smile which did not reach his eyes. Her heart ached for him; he was such a unique man. He tried to protect himself, but it was always too late by the time he tried to play it cool. He’d already shown her how much more he wanted.

“Bono, I hope you know….” She started, pausing to lick her lips. “I hope you know that isn’t true. I do love you.” He smiled at her, this time his beautiful blue eyes shone with happiness. “I just don’t know if I believe in forever, the way you do. I know how much time changes things, I know about regret. I don’t want to ever feel that way about you, and I really, really don’t want you to feel that way about me.”

“I could never regret loving you.” He told her, rolling onto his side and drawing her into his arms. He held her tight, his face buried against her neck and Natalie felt the overwhelming urge to sob. Not from sadness of any sort, but because she wanted it so badly to be real and she was so scared it would not be. She had never been loved and cherished like this. He not only loved her, but he needed her.

She was doing her best to keep herself from needing him. It wasn’t working.

“Let me see what I can do about rescheduling the flights.” She told him softly, kissing his hair and stroking the back of his neck. “Then we’ll figure out what we’ll say to the others.” She felt him smile against her skin and could not help smiling herself. He leaned back far enough to lift his mouth to hers and kiss her hungrily. She chuckled against his kiss. She had already noticed that he was effected by their embrace. It was nearly impossible not to notice, pressed against her thigh as it was.

“You’re insatiable.” She told him on a breath between kisses. Never had she been with a man with Bono’s appetite for lovemaking. They’d already been together once, but rather than immediately falling asleep on his side of the bed, he had wanted to talk. His pillow talk often took them to strange and unpredictable places. Sometimes they would talk until the first light of day began filtering into the sky. Other times, such as this one, they ended up in each other’s arms again.

“It’s because I want more of you. I want more and more and more…” he told her, kissing her neck and shoulders, intent on continuing to kiss every inch of her if she would let him. She smiled softly at his sweet, playful nature and hummed a note of approval as she acquiesced. It was damn near impossible to tell this man no.


“Hey, this is a surprise.” Edge greeted Holly. His smile didn’t last long once he saw the way her eyes were rimmed with red, her entire face puffy from crying. He’d hardly seen her in the two weeks since they’d had lunch with her parents in San Francisco. She’d been working harder than usual, telling him that she was trying to avoid being a lazy employee. She didn’t want people to think she was only here because she was dating someone in the band. He had know, deep down, that there was more to it, but he let her lie.

He knew eventually she would tell him what was wrong. Tonight, back in New York state, he wished it were any other night. He knew before she even spoke that everything was changing. It was too soon. He’d only just gotten used to the way she felt in his arms, just learned that the inside of her upper lips was ticklish. There was so much more he wanted to know about her, so much left unsaid and undone between them.

“Can I come in?” She asked, and he stepped aside to let her pass.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, setting next to her on the side of his bed.

“I don’t know how to say this.” She told him through her tears, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. Edge simply sat there and waited for her to continue. He knew in his gut what it was she was trying to say, but he needed to hear her say it out loud before he would accept it.

“I can’t… we, Edge…” She drew in a long breath and tried to steady herself. Still, Edge sat in silence and looked at her. Her face was mostly hidden behind her blonde hair. “I’m leaving.” She finally spat out, and Edge’s heart jolted sideways in his chest. This was not exactly what he had been prepared for. He thought she would say they should break up or she couldn’t date him anymore… not that she was actually leaving. The idea of losing Holly’s affections was difficult enough, and now she was telling him he was losing her entirely.

“What?” He asked, his already soft voice barely audible. “I don’t understand.”

“I’ve already talked to Natalie. She knows I quit. She helped me switch my airplane ticket. There’s no sense in me flying in to London for two days before going home. Not since I’m not coming back on tour with you after the holidays.” She explained, and Edge held his head in his hands. It didn’t make any sense to him, either. Why was she not coming back?

“What happened? Why…?” He managed to ask. Holly sniffled loudly before stopping him.

“I’m getting there.” She assured him, moving to the bathroom for some tissue and blowing her nose. When she returned, she seemed a little more composed at least.

“Until two days ago, I thought I might be pregnant.” She told him matter-of-factly. Edge felt as if his head were spinning in circles.

“But you aren’t?”

“No, I’m not.”

“You never said a word.”

“No. I didn’t.” She sighed. “Edge, I’ve never been so scared in my life. Not even riding the bus in L.A.” she laughed dryly at her own joke. “I was getting sick to my stomach and couldn’t remember my last period. All I was sure of was that it was too soon to be having symptoms if I was pregnant by you.”

Recognition blossomed in his sea green eyes. Adam. His stomach twisted at the thought.

“I realized then, that I can’t do this. It’s too fucked up! I’m so sorry, Edge. You are so wonderful, but it just got too weird. I can’t stand the thought of coming in between the two of you, you guys are just too right together. You’re already doing big things and I think you’re going to go places none of us have even thought of yet.” She said, wiping the tears off of her cheeks again.

“We’ve been through this though…” He started to argue, and Holly smiled gently.

“And we would go through it again and again. It isn’t something that was going to go away. Please don’t be mad at Adam or think that it was because I didn’t care about you. You’re my best friend. It kills me to think of hurting you.” She told him, bending forward and breaking down into soft sobs. Edge wrapped an arm around her and rested his head against hers.

“I’m not mad. I’m sad; I’m disappointed. I’m sorry that… things worked out this way.” He told her numbly. She turned to him and held him close for a moment.

“You deserve someone so much better.” She told him, and he scolded her for even thinking such a thing.

“You deserve someone who can really, truly love you. With nothing else to get in the way.” She amended.

“So do you.” He told her with a sigh. He had wanted to be that someone. It was hard to accept that he could not. She stood to go, but he caught her hand. “You don’t have to quit.”

“I can’t be around you guys anymore. It’s too hard.” She told him honestly. He stood and hugged her once more, kissing her softly on the cheek. She told him goodbye at the door, then glanced at Adam’s suitcases. Her eyes welled up again and her lower lips trembled.

“Tell him… just, tell Adam I said goodbye.” She told him, turning quickly and leaving before her tears began again. Edge sank to sit on his bed, his face buried in his hands and his heart aching in his chest. His head hurt nearly as much as his heart. He was relieved that there were only two more shows before they went back to Dublin. Things always seemed simpler when he was back home, in his parents house. He was tired of traveling, tired of everything always changing so rapidly around him.

He loved music, loved the band, loved the feeling of a guitar in his hands… but he wasn’t sure at all that he could live this way all his life. He was twenty years old, but he felt very old that night. He and the others had promised themselves and each other that they would not make the sort of stupid mistakes many bands had made. They hoped to avoid burning out young and spending the rest of their lives wishing they could have it back. They had thought they knew how to avoid that, but now he had to wonder if it was just the career in general which took it’s toll.


Alyx had been surprised when tears spilled from her eyes when she told Holly goodbye. She liked having her around. Not that having a room to herself would be an unpleasant thing. There were plenty of possibilities opening up with Holly’s departure, and not all of them bad. Still, she was going to worry about the girl. She had heard her crying herself to sleep too many times not to be concerned.

Not to mention the mood Adam and Edge had been in since she took off. Even Bono’s ever-present playfulness had been dampened. Larry was quieter than ever, too. The first night back in London, he and Edge had nearly gotten into a fist fight when Edge thought Larry had been about to say ‘I told you so’. Larry swore he hadn’t even been thinking it, but Edge’s nerves were raw.

Larry was taking it out on her, complaining that she was going to stay in her flat in London rather than come back to Dublin for the holiday. She knew it was just residual tension but her patience was wearing thin.

Bono, for some reason, had also decided to remain in London in the flat that the four of them kept there. The lease ran out in January and most of the few things which they had kept there were already gone. To Larry, it made no sense at all. Alyx suspected he was feeling a little abandoned. Certainly, he was anxious to go home, but nervous at the same time. He always missed his mother most at Christmastime.

Alyx, on the other hand, was set on staying as far from her mother and brother as she could. Any time of the year was difficult to be around them, but the holidays were beyond difficult. They were torturous. She was trying to convince Larry to come back to London for New Years eve. Both of them were being stubborn and neither was willing to budge at all.

It was the first real test of just how well they could work together as a couple. So far, it wasn’t going well.

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Old 05-09-2006, 11:27 PM   #2
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Yep, that about sums it up.

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Old 05-10-2006, 01:36 AM   #3
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Ditto what Bri said!

Wonderful chapter, SG!
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Old 05-10-2006, 12:21 PM   #4
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wow you're on a roll SG!!!
poor holly
... it's pretty funny that Larry is the one being suspicious about Bono... I think it'd be that way IRL aswell
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Old 05-10-2006, 04:40 PM   #5
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Old 05-10-2006, 06:00 PM   #6
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i am so into this story
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Old 05-11-2006, 01:01 AM   #7
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ahh too many emotions!

poor Edge, I hope things get better

SG, you're an amazing writer
can't wait for the next chapter!!
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Old 05-13-2006, 03:01 PM   #8
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I absolutly love your story!! I can't get enough
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Old 05-14-2006, 01:43 PM   #9
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Poor Edge..

SG, this really is so amazing...

I can keep on reading and reading and reading...
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Old 05-20-2006, 08:04 AM   #10
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Poor Edge & Holly

Awesome as always SG

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