Naomi not to marry Bono!

[oliveu2cm]

Alright I don't know where this is from- my friend VelvetDress copied an article from AB era and sent it to me. A few words I couldn't make out so I put (cut) there. Enjoy mi amigas.

(SCENE: A U2 gig, backstage. Word has got around that top supermodel NAOMI CAMPBELL has attended the concert and BONO is eager to make a good impression on her)

BONO: Guys! Guys? Have you heard? N- Naomi C-Campbell! The Goddess! She's here! R-right here in this building!
ADAM (idly practising bass licks): Who's she?
Where have you BEEN, Adam?? You've never heard of Naomi Campbell?
EDGE: She's a supermodel.
She's THE supermodel! She's the epitome of grace, a shimmering ebony vision, so proud, so haughty, so enigmatic! When she sashays down the catwalk her hips write poetry on my loins! When-
She's the one that fell on her arse the other week.
Oh, yeah. Heh heh.
(angrily) That wasn't funny, that was jut unfortunate! Yes, and how typical of the base media to pander to the scoffers! (opens backstage door and looks up corridor) OH, my God! She's coming backstage! Do us a favour, fellas. Any chance you get, give me a boost. Impress upon Naomi what a great bloke I am, stress my masculine
qualities. She's my idol. You never know where this could lead.
Sure.
Whatever you say, Bono.
(peeping through peephole) Oh God! She's coming, she's coming, I'm coming.. ugh! (clunk, as door opens into Bono's face. Enter NAOMI)

....

 

[oliveu2cm]

U3

NAOMI: Are you guys U3?
U-U2...
N: Me what?
We're-U2. Er- yoo hoo! Hahahahahahahahahaha!
N: (to the Edge) is this guy with you?
sure
I'm Bono. I'm actually the lead singer, sort of the (cut) in the operation in a sense, you probably recognise me famous (cut).
N: Yeah. (to the edge) I checked out your show, you were okay. Good stuff.
Thanks.
Actually, and I think the guys will back me up on this, as being the lead singer and lyricist, I tend to shape the whole "vision thing" of u2, I'm something of a conceptualist...
N: Yeah. Sure. (Suddenly fascinated, as she catches a glimpse of ADAM CLAYTON sitting
at the back of teh dressing-room, nonchalantly strumming his bass) Say, who's that guy?
Adam. As I say, without being immodest, there are people who think that if I left U2 that would be the end of the band. Although I think that's a bit unfair on the other guys who do a great back-up job. All the same...
N: What's that he's holding?
A bass guitar. Yes, I'm very much in the spotlight (cut) are sought on all sorts of subjects, I'm something of a (cut) Some fans even think of me as a god. A greek god, even. Perhaps that's a little...
N: Could you introduce me to him? That adam guy. I'd really, really like to meet him.
Sure. Adam, Naomi, Naomi, Adam. You know what's amazing in my line of work the number of women who've (cut) you. Would you believe I actually have to hire a security guard all hours around the clock to keep them all at bay-
N: Would you give it a rest, big nose?
Big nose?

....

 

[oliveu2cm]

the biggest instrument

N: (nervously approaching ADAM CLAYTON) H-Hi. My name's Naomi. C-can I join you?
(not looking up, continuing to strum) Sure, love. pull up a pew.
N: That's a big guitar.
It sure is.
N: (pointing to THE EDGE) How come yours is bigger than his?
That's because mine's a bass guitar.
N: What does that mean?
(continuing to strum) It means the notes are lower. Deeper. Harder.
N: Can I hold it?
Oh, I don't know about that, love. It's very expensive, you might drop it.
N: Well- can I just stroke it?
Well- all right.
She called me 'big nose'!
...

 

[oliveu2cm]

N: And this is what you do? Play bass guitar in a band? That's so fascinating. I always wanted to do something important. Could you teach me how to play?
I'm not sure, we'd have to spend a lot of time together, practising licks..
N: I've got all the time in the world for you. Here's my number. Why don't you come round to my place tomorrow and you can show me the ropes.
Hm. I can't promise, I've got a rehersal with the band tomorrow, but I'll do my best...
N: Tomorrow at midnight, then. I'm looking forward to the instruction. Oh, and Adam? Bring some salad cream. (cut) (Blows a kiss at ADAM and departs, ignoring BONO)
Right you are love.
She called me 'big nose'!

 

[JemEvans]

*gasping for air from too much laughing...... calms down and reads the post once more....*





*happens a couple more times 'til it's out of her system and can go on to read other posts*

 

[stephannv]

HOOOOOOTTTTIIIIIEEEE HOOOOOOO!!!!
That was some good stuff!


BWAHAHAH- "BIG NOSE!"

 

[Sweet Tart]

as much as i dispise acknowleging superhooch's existance it was still absolutely hilarious

 

[Gina Marie]

I LOVE that!!!!



She's the one that fell on her arse the other week

Somehow I can picture him saying this-actually, I see DEFINITELY saying it

 

[JemEvans]

*ROTFLMFA)

can i just say...PLEASE more more more...we want more!!
*comforts Bono for the evil wicked witch calling him Big Nose*

 

[AdamsMango]

as much as i dispise acknowleging superhooch's existance it was still absolutely hilarious

LMAO!! How can guys find her so hot? She it a crazed bitch! I could never find a guy that acted like that attractive. But that story was soooo funny!! She is indeed the superhooch

 

[madonna's child]

Re: U3

Olive that is hilarous! That's the funniest thing I've read in a long time. And the (cuts) only unintentionally add to the humor.

N: (to the Edge) is this guy with you?
sure.

 

[oliveu2cm]

I still am over this!!!

sorry jem that's all of the article there was!! she sent me a bunch of fun articles tho so if there are any more funny ones i'll post 'em!

 

[verte76]

Naomi is sexy and hot but she's a b#$&ch in my opinion, anyway. I can see why guys want her, but also why they, uh, break up with her.

 

[adamswildhoney]

HAHAHAahaha!

 

[DML]

That is bout the funniest things I've read in sometime! HAHAHA

 

[verte76]

LMAO!!!!!

 

[u2er]

*gasps for breath*

 

[Giant Lemon]

That's awesome, olive!

 

[Stories for Boys]

.....i'se laughing.....

 

[JaraU2]

Hmmm...

Hmmm... It must be me because I didn't really find this funny. Now, if it ended with Naomi falling on her face again, that would be funny.

 

[verte76]

Re: Hmmm...

Hmmm... It must be me because I didn't really find this funny. Now, if it ended with Naomi falling on her face again, that would be funny.

Uh, make that falling on her arse......
*plotting a fall-on-the-arse scenario*