"Hey Seamus, the place is pretty empty" Bono remarked as he and the other members of U2 which now included Larry walked through the door of O'Rourkes pub a few days later
"Yeah well its still pretty early" Seamus pointed out, "In fact I am surprised to see you lot at this time of the morning"
"Well you know what they say its the early bird that catches the worm" Bono replied
"Or even the booze" Larry piped in
Seamus chuckled "A drink it will be then, and its on the house" he told them
"Now thats what I like to hear" Edge grinned
Once the others had their drink they all went to find a table to sit around with the exception of Bono who remained at the bar counter talking to Seamus.
"While I am here, thought I would remind you about that invitation, we are having a bit of a knee's up at my place tonight, you and Antonia are more than welcome to join us.
"Well that is right good of you" Seamus smiled "I will see how it goes where Toni is concerned, she is still a bit jittery about being in public, It took all Pats effort a while earlier to get her to agree to go shopping with her with her eldest daughter Maggie, thought it might do her the world of good rather than being cooped up at my place all the time"
"Well then tonight you both can join us, that will get her out of the house as well" Bono pointed out
"I think it would be great" Seamus replied, "I just have to convince her of that.. to try and get her life back to normality, thats the only way she is going to deal with what happened" he stopped there, hesitated, looking at Bono as if deciding to finally confide in him "Look this goes no farther, and you must not let Toni know I told you, she is very sensitive about it.. but I know I can trust you"
"Yeah of course" Bono replied leaning forward a little.
"She has been through a bad time, I didn't know how bad till lately but it was so bad she tried to end her life overdosing on sleeping pills, thats why I have her staying with me, I am trying to help her recover, I thought I would let you in on it, just so you know why she is the way she is around people, She needs all the support and help from those around her she can get. She seems fairly at ease in your company.. but just wanted to warn you how bad its been for her and how low it has taken her, she is still suffering from depression.. so you will understand why she is having a hard time dealing with people around her"
"I think I do" Bono replied remembering his conversation with Adam about Antonia's farce of a marriage and wondering was it her husband's behaviour that had drove her to want to commit suicide? It wouldn't be in the least surprising, he was starting to understand a lot now.
**********************************************************************
Seamus casually mentioned Bono's invitation to go to his place, But Antonia seemed physically as well as mentally worn from her shopping trip with his sister Pat though she was proud she had survived it and it had not been quite as difficult as she thought it would be and she had enjoyed it but it had taken exhausted her as well.
So Seamus did not push her when she said she just wanted to have a nearly night in bed. He made her some hot chocolate as a treat and send her of to bed, and then phoned Bono to let him know that they couldn't make it.
Antonia's head had hardly hit the pillow and her eyes closed and she fell asleep dreaming first just a jumble of mixed up images
But then she saw herself sitting on a stairway clutching a phone, tears running down her cheeks the mascara mixed with the tears leaving black streaks down her face in her other hand an empty pill bottle she was trying to talk to her father over the phone calling for him to help her but she could hear his voice at the other end sounding remote uncaring, impatient "Not now Antonia I am very busy"
"Please Daddy" she was pleading in a little girls voice over the phone to him "I need you to help me daddy... please come and get me I think am going to die... save me"
There was no reply at the other end and it seemed that out of nowhere a menacing shadow seem to appear in front of her filling her with a new found fear and dread.. she could not see the face but she knew it was her husband Gareth.. he was going to hurt her.. she knew he wanted to hurt her she started to scream down the phone frantically for her father to come and help her as the shadow got closer looming over her threateningly.
Then she felt a pair of hands grab her, she screamed and thrashed, the hands tried to hold her, she could hear a voice call her name.. only it wasn't Gareth's voice.. but Seamus's full of concern
"Toni, wake up sweetheart its just a nightmare.. you are ok?"
Antonia opened her eyes coming out of the fog fear and confusion to find Seamus leaning over her looking worried "Toni are you alright.. you were shouting in your sleep and scared the hell out of me" he told her.
"Oh Seamus!" Antonia now clung to him realising she had been dreaming, but it had been so close to the events of that night when she had taken the tablets and had just wanted to die, that she thought it was real.
"Holding her and running a soothing hand down her back Seamus attempted to calm her tremoring body
"It was so real" she muttered, "Just like that night.. I thought it was really happening... I tried to tell my father how I felt, I tried to explain to him what Gareth was doing to me.. I wanted him to come and help me.. but he wouldn't listen.. he was too busy he thought I was over reacting thinking it was some silly tiff.. he never understood" she was sobbing now, "Why didn't he understand.. why didn't he care?"
"I don't know Toni" Seamus replied trying to keep calm in her distress "Don't do this to yourself darlin, you are safe now here with me, no one can hurt you"
She looked up at him tears still in her eyes, "I wanted to die that night Seamus I really wanted to die.. it seemed it would end all my problems what was the point in living?. she demanded in dispair
"Hush" Seamus chided holding her tight for a moment, unable to bear her talking this way then pulled her away a little
"Listen to me Toni" he then looked her directly in the eye, "I know what you are going through.. I have been there myself"
She just looked at him confused, not sure what he meant.
"When your mother died the way she did, there was a time I seriously considered ending my own life, because I didn't see the point of going on" he then confessed a tremor of emotion in his own voice.
Antonia's eyes widened and her lips parted a little as she took in what he was saying, not quite believing it
"Its true" he assured her still looking her in the eye, "But I didn't, and now I am glad, because if I had, then I would not be here to help you now when you need me.. isn't that a scary thought?.. it scares the hell out of me" he confessed
"Oh Seamus" Antonia manage to gulp
"So you see sweetheart, don't ever think your life is not important, someday in the future you will be needed and wanted by someone. You will touch some ones life, matter to them.. make a difference be there to help them... I know its hard for you to realise that now. But if you do anything to yourself it would break my heart just as much as your mother's death broke my heart.. so please don't think you don't matter or no one cares.. because I do"
This revelation did much to help Antonia gather her wits about her, as her mind turned from her own turmoil to what Seamus had told her, about what he had gone through.
"I-I didnt realise" she manage to say in a small voice, "I am so sorry" she then said
"Its all in the past now" Seamus shook his head dismissively, "The most important thing is getting you better, just promise me you will talk to me when things get bad.. don't ever resort to thinking of ending your life again"
"Antonia sniffed and wiped her eyes "I won't" she assured him with a conviction that even surprised herself "I promise"
He smiled and hugged her, "Thank you" he replied softly
*****************************
Ok things will start warming up a bit between Antonia and Bono after this chapter.. its a slow boiler.. but its getting there
"Yeah well its still pretty early" Seamus pointed out, "In fact I am surprised to see you lot at this time of the morning"
"Well you know what they say its the early bird that catches the worm" Bono replied
"Or even the booze" Larry piped in
Seamus chuckled "A drink it will be then, and its on the house" he told them
"Now thats what I like to hear" Edge grinned
Once the others had their drink they all went to find a table to sit around with the exception of Bono who remained at the bar counter talking to Seamus.
"While I am here, thought I would remind you about that invitation, we are having a bit of a knee's up at my place tonight, you and Antonia are more than welcome to join us.
"Well that is right good of you" Seamus smiled "I will see how it goes where Toni is concerned, she is still a bit jittery about being in public, It took all Pats effort a while earlier to get her to agree to go shopping with her with her eldest daughter Maggie, thought it might do her the world of good rather than being cooped up at my place all the time"
"Well then tonight you both can join us, that will get her out of the house as well" Bono pointed out
"I think it would be great" Seamus replied, "I just have to convince her of that.. to try and get her life back to normality, thats the only way she is going to deal with what happened" he stopped there, hesitated, looking at Bono as if deciding to finally confide in him "Look this goes no farther, and you must not let Toni know I told you, she is very sensitive about it.. but I know I can trust you"
"Yeah of course" Bono replied leaning forward a little.
"She has been through a bad time, I didn't know how bad till lately but it was so bad she tried to end her life overdosing on sleeping pills, thats why I have her staying with me, I am trying to help her recover, I thought I would let you in on it, just so you know why she is the way she is around people, She needs all the support and help from those around her she can get. She seems fairly at ease in your company.. but just wanted to warn you how bad its been for her and how low it has taken her, she is still suffering from depression.. so you will understand why she is having a hard time dealing with people around her"
"I think I do" Bono replied remembering his conversation with Adam about Antonia's farce of a marriage and wondering was it her husband's behaviour that had drove her to want to commit suicide? It wouldn't be in the least surprising, he was starting to understand a lot now.
**********************************************************************
Seamus casually mentioned Bono's invitation to go to his place, But Antonia seemed physically as well as mentally worn from her shopping trip with his sister Pat though she was proud she had survived it and it had not been quite as difficult as she thought it would be and she had enjoyed it but it had taken exhausted her as well.
So Seamus did not push her when she said she just wanted to have a nearly night in bed. He made her some hot chocolate as a treat and send her of to bed, and then phoned Bono to let him know that they couldn't make it.
Antonia's head had hardly hit the pillow and her eyes closed and she fell asleep dreaming first just a jumble of mixed up images
But then she saw herself sitting on a stairway clutching a phone, tears running down her cheeks the mascara mixed with the tears leaving black streaks down her face in her other hand an empty pill bottle she was trying to talk to her father over the phone calling for him to help her but she could hear his voice at the other end sounding remote uncaring, impatient "Not now Antonia I am very busy"
"Please Daddy" she was pleading in a little girls voice over the phone to him "I need you to help me daddy... please come and get me I think am going to die... save me"
There was no reply at the other end and it seemed that out of nowhere a menacing shadow seem to appear in front of her filling her with a new found fear and dread.. she could not see the face but she knew it was her husband Gareth.. he was going to hurt her.. she knew he wanted to hurt her she started to scream down the phone frantically for her father to come and help her as the shadow got closer looming over her threateningly.
Then she felt a pair of hands grab her, she screamed and thrashed, the hands tried to hold her, she could hear a voice call her name.. only it wasn't Gareth's voice.. but Seamus's full of concern
"Toni, wake up sweetheart its just a nightmare.. you are ok?"
Antonia opened her eyes coming out of the fog fear and confusion to find Seamus leaning over her looking worried "Toni are you alright.. you were shouting in your sleep and scared the hell out of me" he told her.
"Oh Seamus!" Antonia now clung to him realising she had been dreaming, but it had been so close to the events of that night when she had taken the tablets and had just wanted to die, that she thought it was real.
"Holding her and running a soothing hand down her back Seamus attempted to calm her tremoring body
"It was so real" she muttered, "Just like that night.. I thought it was really happening... I tried to tell my father how I felt, I tried to explain to him what Gareth was doing to me.. I wanted him to come and help me.. but he wouldn't listen.. he was too busy he thought I was over reacting thinking it was some silly tiff.. he never understood" she was sobbing now, "Why didn't he understand.. why didn't he care?"
"I don't know Toni" Seamus replied trying to keep calm in her distress "Don't do this to yourself darlin, you are safe now here with me, no one can hurt you"
She looked up at him tears still in her eyes, "I wanted to die that night Seamus I really wanted to die.. it seemed it would end all my problems what was the point in living?. she demanded in dispair
"Hush" Seamus chided holding her tight for a moment, unable to bear her talking this way then pulled her away a little
"Listen to me Toni" he then looked her directly in the eye, "I know what you are going through.. I have been there myself"
She just looked at him confused, not sure what he meant.
"When your mother died the way she did, there was a time I seriously considered ending my own life, because I didn't see the point of going on" he then confessed a tremor of emotion in his own voice.
Antonia's eyes widened and her lips parted a little as she took in what he was saying, not quite believing it
"Its true" he assured her still looking her in the eye, "But I didn't, and now I am glad, because if I had, then I would not be here to help you now when you need me.. isn't that a scary thought?.. it scares the hell out of me" he confessed
"Oh Seamus" Antonia manage to gulp
"So you see sweetheart, don't ever think your life is not important, someday in the future you will be needed and wanted by someone. You will touch some ones life, matter to them.. make a difference be there to help them... I know its hard for you to realise that now. But if you do anything to yourself it would break my heart just as much as your mother's death broke my heart.. so please don't think you don't matter or no one cares.. because I do"
This revelation did much to help Antonia gather her wits about her, as her mind turned from her own turmoil to what Seamus had told her, about what he had gone through.
"I-I didnt realise" she manage to say in a small voice, "I am so sorry" she then said
"Its all in the past now" Seamus shook his head dismissively, "The most important thing is getting you better, just promise me you will talk to me when things get bad.. don't ever resort to thinking of ending your life again"
"Antonia sniffed and wiped her eyes "I won't" she assured him with a conviction that even surprised herself "I promise"
He smiled and hugged her, "Thank you" he replied softly
*****************************
Ok things will start warming up a bit between Antonia and Bono after this chapter.. its a slow boiler.. but its getting there
