Antonia lay curled up on top of her bed, outside the window the first grey shards of morning light filtered through the curtains. It had been a long night, one in which she had got no sleep whatsoever, and even now she didn't feel in the least tired.
When she had returned to the function room she had hastily went in search of her purse and had managed to stuff the scarf and the address Bono give her into it.
Seamus came over and asked if she was alright, she told him she was fine, and was just glad to have him beside her for the next hour or so as she tried to remain calm as if nothing had happened, but it was hard work, and in the end she feigned an excuse, saying she had a headache to leave early with Seamus.
Her father had not been too pleased to see Seamus there, but could not say much in public, when he was soppose to be at his most gracious and had little other choice but to agree to let her go home with him.
They had got a taxi back to her place Seamus sat in the back with her, eyeing her with concern.
Antonia was not in a talking mood, her mind going over what had happened between her and Bono, it was only sinking in it had really occured
"You are not mad at me for bringing Bono along tonight.. only he was realy desperate to see you" Seamus had then spoke up quietly making her look round at him.
"No.. I am not mad at you" she had assured him then decided to confide in Seamus "He wants me to be with him"
"Yeah I guessed that much" Seamus had replied with a small frown "I just hope this hasn't upset you"
"I don't know what way I feel.. but I don't think upset is one of them" she had confessed
"Do you want to be with him?" Seamus had then asked
Antonia had taken a little time to think on it and there was only one reply "Yes, now more than ever " she admitted "But the question is will I be able to take that step?.. its kind of scary and I don't know if I could ever be that brave"
Seamus had put his hand over hers and patted it comfortingly "Whatever you decide to do, you know I will be there to help you, follow your heart" he added softly.....
And that was exactly what she was trying to do now as she lay on her bed, in her hands she clutched the football scarf Bono had given her, thinking on the possibilities of being with Bono, and weighing them against the upheavel it could bring between her and her father if she took such action.. he would not be happy, he would make things difficult.
Then there was Gareth to consider, he likes the prestige of having a father-in-law who was a politician.. it was the only reason he stayed with her.. how could she stand up these two men who had bullied and dictated to her for most of her life?
But when she was with Bono it all seemed possible, he had told her he was giving her an option, a way out, and he would take care of her, and she believed him, It was getting more scary thinking that she could let this chance slip away, and never know what it would be like to love and to be loved when she wanted it so badly.
The sound of the front door closing downstairs told her that Gareth had returned, she peered at the clock it was 6 oclock in the morning, he had not come home all last night and she hadn't even really missed him or realised until now his absence.
She guessed he had been sleeping in somone else's bed, whoever she was didn't really matter Antonia realised. But now she sat up thinking on her relationship with Gareth.. was this all she was going to have for the rest of her life, this farce of a marriage? One that neither of them were happy in.. it suddenly seemed crazy and un necessary why should she have to settle for this kind of life?, Bono was making her see that now.
Suddenly with a sense of determination she had never felt before, she decided to confront Gareth about their so called relationship.
Leaving the scarf on the bed, she got up and left the bedroom to find Gareth climbing the stairs, he was a little startled to see her standing there, with an expression he had never seen before.
"Gareth we need to talk" she then said
"Not now Antonia, I am tired, I just want to go and lie down.. I am not in the mood" he tried to dismiss her she was the last person he wanted to be around or talk to, but she remained standing in front of him blocking his way defiantly.
"No we need to talk now.. about our marriage" she stated vehmnently.
He looked quizzically at her , wondering what was going on, usually she was happy to avoid him.. now she seemed to want to confront him, not her usual style, he decided to humour her.. just out of curiousity
"You want to talk about our Marriage?.. ok then shoot"
She faltered a little realising he wasn't going to take her seriously.. but she was determined to show him she meant business, even if she was quaking in her shoes and her heart was hammering in her chest as she stood before him
"I-I just need to know a few things" she then said, and it took all her effort to look him straight in the eye.
"Did you ever love me?"
Gareth blinked taking aback by the question.. it was not what he expected, "What has that got to do with anything?" he asked
"I think it has a lot to do with it" Antonia replied "I mean people usually get married because they fall in love and want to be together, correct me if I am wrong"
Gareth's eyebrows rose questioningly, She was getting snippy with him.. where the hell was all this coming from? It was a pity he had promised her father he would never lay a hand on her, she needed a good slap down for talking to him like this
She didn't wait for his reply, there was a strange sardonic smile on her lips as she continued. "But that was not so in our case I guess, you never loved me did you.. It had more to do with ambition and politics, and I was just the pawn"
"If that's the way you want to see it.. I am not going to argue.. like I said I am too tired right now" Gareth replied and brushed past her to go to his room across the hall from her own.
"I haven't finished yet" Antonia informed him, not sure where she was finding the strength to stand up to him, but now she had started she was not going to let it go so easily.
"Who the hell do you think you are talking to?" Gareth was starting to get really irate with her as he swung around to face her glowering.
She remained standing straight and defiant "What are you going to do?.. hit me?.. Just try and I will tell the world know what kind of a man you are, I am sure the tabloids would have a field day"
Gareth was beginning to wonder had Antonia gone crazy and lost her mind he took a step closer to her "Have you been drinking?" he then demanded
Antonia found herself laughing, that he thought her standng up to him was due to alcohol, he had no clue the real reason.. it suddenly seemed hysterically funny.
"No I am not drunk, I am stone cold sober, and my mind has never been clearer if you must know"
" I am not so sure, I think you need to go and talk to one of those therapists you are so fond of visiting Gareth retorted "You are obviously heading for another breakdown.. only this time you can't blame it on me"
"I don't need to talk to anyone, I am not on the verge of another breakdown.. Actually I am on the verge of freedom, from you and this bad joke of a marriage" she informed him defiantly, and with that she swept into her bedroom.
She had his full attention now, as he followed behind her, trying to figure out exactly what she meant, he had never seen her like this
she had pulled her suitcase out from the top of the wardrobe and opened it.
"What are you doing?" he demanded as he stood inside her bedroom door way
"I am leaving you" she stated going over and staring to throw clothes into the open suitcase on her bed.
Gareth seem to find this amusing and laughed "Oh yeah? and where are you going to go?.. who would want you?" he taunted
"You would be surprised" she replied back opening drawers and piling more stuff into her suitcase with renewed vigor that made him realise she was deadly serious.
His mind went back to the events of the night before wondering what had brought all this on.. then it dawned on him.
"Its that bloody Irish rockstar isn't it? what is his name.. Bono, I thought I saw you sneaking of with him last night at the party"
Gareth said sounding more amused than annoyed "I guess you are not past having little secret liasions of your own, so you can't come on all the poor hard done by wife who can point the finger at me anymore"
Antonia felt her cheeks flame up, she had not realised that Gareth had seen them together.. but then realised she had nothing to feel bad or guilty about
"I really don't care about you and your little liasons, or what you do anymore, you can sleep around with all the women in England if you like.. it is really not my concern" Antonia informed him and looked up at him "Its over between us, not that there ever was much between us" she finished scathingly.
"Well I suppose its better going out this way than trying to top yourself again" Gareth drawled as he watched her snap the suitcase shut. She got the feeling he was almost relieved that she was taking the stand and making the first move to end their marriage. He didn't want to be with her anymore than she wanted to be with him, but this way her father couldn't blame him and put the pressure on.
She grabbed the suitcase to leave but now Gareth stood in front of the doorway blocking her exit, his expression was that of curiousit more than anything else as he spoke.
"I think you are forgetting one thing.. your father is not going to be too happy about it" he reminded her softly studying her reaction wondering how she would respond
She looked up at him with a certain deliberation and nodded in agreement "I guess you are right he won't.. but that his problem" she finished with a shrug
Gareth's eyebrows rose again, his lips twisted into a small smile of what Antonia thought was admiration.. she found herself thinking it was ironic that it had happened now of all times.. maybe if she had shown a bit of more backbone and stood up to her father before this, Gareth's opinion of her might have been different
"So really do mean business then?" he drawled, and after a moment he stood aside to let her leave, " I guess there is nothing more for me to say except.. good luck" he was watching her intently now, to see if you would have the nerve to actually carry through with her plan
Antonia gulped, knowing now there was no turning back. If she faltered now, she would lose all her self respect in front of Gareth, and that was something she wasn't willing to do.
"Goodbye" she told him quietly and walked past him and down the stairs grabbing her purse and car keys, and not thinking too hard about this would be the last time she would go through the door of her house.. she left.
*******************
on with the smut!
(coughs) um.. I mean romance in the next chapter 
When she had returned to the function room she had hastily went in search of her purse and had managed to stuff the scarf and the address Bono give her into it.
Seamus came over and asked if she was alright, she told him she was fine, and was just glad to have him beside her for the next hour or so as she tried to remain calm as if nothing had happened, but it was hard work, and in the end she feigned an excuse, saying she had a headache to leave early with Seamus.
Her father had not been too pleased to see Seamus there, but could not say much in public, when he was soppose to be at his most gracious and had little other choice but to agree to let her go home with him.
They had got a taxi back to her place Seamus sat in the back with her, eyeing her with concern.
Antonia was not in a talking mood, her mind going over what had happened between her and Bono, it was only sinking in it had really occured
"You are not mad at me for bringing Bono along tonight.. only he was realy desperate to see you" Seamus had then spoke up quietly making her look round at him.
"No.. I am not mad at you" she had assured him then decided to confide in Seamus "He wants me to be with him"
"Yeah I guessed that much" Seamus had replied with a small frown "I just hope this hasn't upset you"
"I don't know what way I feel.. but I don't think upset is one of them" she had confessed
"Do you want to be with him?" Seamus had then asked
Antonia had taken a little time to think on it and there was only one reply "Yes, now more than ever " she admitted "But the question is will I be able to take that step?.. its kind of scary and I don't know if I could ever be that brave"
Seamus had put his hand over hers and patted it comfortingly "Whatever you decide to do, you know I will be there to help you, follow your heart" he added softly.....
And that was exactly what she was trying to do now as she lay on her bed, in her hands she clutched the football scarf Bono had given her, thinking on the possibilities of being with Bono, and weighing them against the upheavel it could bring between her and her father if she took such action.. he would not be happy, he would make things difficult.
Then there was Gareth to consider, he likes the prestige of having a father-in-law who was a politician.. it was the only reason he stayed with her.. how could she stand up these two men who had bullied and dictated to her for most of her life?
But when she was with Bono it all seemed possible, he had told her he was giving her an option, a way out, and he would take care of her, and she believed him, It was getting more scary thinking that she could let this chance slip away, and never know what it would be like to love and to be loved when she wanted it so badly.
The sound of the front door closing downstairs told her that Gareth had returned, she peered at the clock it was 6 oclock in the morning, he had not come home all last night and she hadn't even really missed him or realised until now his absence.
She guessed he had been sleeping in somone else's bed, whoever she was didn't really matter Antonia realised. But now she sat up thinking on her relationship with Gareth.. was this all she was going to have for the rest of her life, this farce of a marriage? One that neither of them were happy in.. it suddenly seemed crazy and un necessary why should she have to settle for this kind of life?, Bono was making her see that now.
Suddenly with a sense of determination she had never felt before, she decided to confront Gareth about their so called relationship.
Leaving the scarf on the bed, she got up and left the bedroom to find Gareth climbing the stairs, he was a little startled to see her standing there, with an expression he had never seen before.
"Gareth we need to talk" she then said
"Not now Antonia, I am tired, I just want to go and lie down.. I am not in the mood" he tried to dismiss her she was the last person he wanted to be around or talk to, but she remained standing in front of him blocking his way defiantly.
"No we need to talk now.. about our marriage" she stated vehmnently.
He looked quizzically at her , wondering what was going on, usually she was happy to avoid him.. now she seemed to want to confront him, not her usual style, he decided to humour her.. just out of curiousity
"You want to talk about our Marriage?.. ok then shoot"
She faltered a little realising he wasn't going to take her seriously.. but she was determined to show him she meant business, even if she was quaking in her shoes and her heart was hammering in her chest as she stood before him
"I-I just need to know a few things" she then said, and it took all her effort to look him straight in the eye.
"Did you ever love me?"
Gareth blinked taking aback by the question.. it was not what he expected, "What has that got to do with anything?" he asked
"I think it has a lot to do with it" Antonia replied "I mean people usually get married because they fall in love and want to be together, correct me if I am wrong"
Gareth's eyebrows rose questioningly, She was getting snippy with him.. where the hell was all this coming from? It was a pity he had promised her father he would never lay a hand on her, she needed a good slap down for talking to him like this
She didn't wait for his reply, there was a strange sardonic smile on her lips as she continued. "But that was not so in our case I guess, you never loved me did you.. It had more to do with ambition and politics, and I was just the pawn"
"If that's the way you want to see it.. I am not going to argue.. like I said I am too tired right now" Gareth replied and brushed past her to go to his room across the hall from her own.
"I haven't finished yet" Antonia informed him, not sure where she was finding the strength to stand up to him, but now she had started she was not going to let it go so easily.
"Who the hell do you think you are talking to?" Gareth was starting to get really irate with her as he swung around to face her glowering.
She remained standing straight and defiant "What are you going to do?.. hit me?.. Just try and I will tell the world know what kind of a man you are, I am sure the tabloids would have a field day"
Gareth was beginning to wonder had Antonia gone crazy and lost her mind he took a step closer to her "Have you been drinking?" he then demanded
Antonia found herself laughing, that he thought her standng up to him was due to alcohol, he had no clue the real reason.. it suddenly seemed hysterically funny.
"No I am not drunk, I am stone cold sober, and my mind has never been clearer if you must know"
" I am not so sure, I think you need to go and talk to one of those therapists you are so fond of visiting Gareth retorted "You are obviously heading for another breakdown.. only this time you can't blame it on me"
"I don't need to talk to anyone, I am not on the verge of another breakdown.. Actually I am on the verge of freedom, from you and this bad joke of a marriage" she informed him defiantly, and with that she swept into her bedroom.
She had his full attention now, as he followed behind her, trying to figure out exactly what she meant, he had never seen her like this
she had pulled her suitcase out from the top of the wardrobe and opened it.
"What are you doing?" he demanded as he stood inside her bedroom door way
"I am leaving you" she stated going over and staring to throw clothes into the open suitcase on her bed.
Gareth seem to find this amusing and laughed "Oh yeah? and where are you going to go?.. who would want you?" he taunted
"You would be surprised" she replied back opening drawers and piling more stuff into her suitcase with renewed vigor that made him realise she was deadly serious.
His mind went back to the events of the night before wondering what had brought all this on.. then it dawned on him.
"Its that bloody Irish rockstar isn't it? what is his name.. Bono, I thought I saw you sneaking of with him last night at the party"
Gareth said sounding more amused than annoyed "I guess you are not past having little secret liasions of your own, so you can't come on all the poor hard done by wife who can point the finger at me anymore"
Antonia felt her cheeks flame up, she had not realised that Gareth had seen them together.. but then realised she had nothing to feel bad or guilty about
"I really don't care about you and your little liasons, or what you do anymore, you can sleep around with all the women in England if you like.. it is really not my concern" Antonia informed him and looked up at him "Its over between us, not that there ever was much between us" she finished scathingly.
"Well I suppose its better going out this way than trying to top yourself again" Gareth drawled as he watched her snap the suitcase shut. She got the feeling he was almost relieved that she was taking the stand and making the first move to end their marriage. He didn't want to be with her anymore than she wanted to be with him, but this way her father couldn't blame him and put the pressure on.
She grabbed the suitcase to leave but now Gareth stood in front of the doorway blocking her exit, his expression was that of curiousit more than anything else as he spoke.
"I think you are forgetting one thing.. your father is not going to be too happy about it" he reminded her softly studying her reaction wondering how she would respond
She looked up at him with a certain deliberation and nodded in agreement "I guess you are right he won't.. but that his problem" she finished with a shrug
Gareth's eyebrows rose again, his lips twisted into a small smile of what Antonia thought was admiration.. she found herself thinking it was ironic that it had happened now of all times.. maybe if she had shown a bit of more backbone and stood up to her father before this, Gareth's opinion of her might have been different
"So really do mean business then?" he drawled, and after a moment he stood aside to let her leave, " I guess there is nothing more for me to say except.. good luck" he was watching her intently now, to see if you would have the nerve to actually carry through with her plan
Antonia gulped, knowing now there was no turning back. If she faltered now, she would lose all her self respect in front of Gareth, and that was something she wasn't willing to do.
"Goodbye" she told him quietly and walked past him and down the stairs grabbing her purse and car keys, and not thinking too hard about this would be the last time she would go through the door of her house.. she left.
*******************
on with the smut!
(coughs) um.. I mean romance in the next chapter
Last edited:
this story..can't wait for the romance!
