Effanbee
The Fly
In which Larry narrowly avoids being shot ....
Learning to Fly
Part Five
Morning, and the light telling me it is late. No cats asking for breakfast as they are piled up on the sofa on top of Bono. I inwardly groan, outwardly stifle a giggle, no way to treat a famous rock star.
The cats abandoned Bono in favour of breakfast, I made tea and took it into the sitting room. Bono had been wakened by the mass exodus of cats. He began to sit up then lay back down with a groan.
‘Oh, shit. I can’t feel my legs,’ he moaned. It seemed he was paying for the riding in a painful way.
‘And good morning to you,’ I said, putting the tea down and opening the curtains. This’ll be interesting, I thought, to see if we can look at each other in the cold light of morning and not run away screaming. Not that Bono would be running anywhere soon, by the look of him.
Bono made another attempt at sitting, accompanied by more groans.
‘Up, up,’ I said briskly. ‘Do it quickly, then it’ll only be agony for a second.’
Merciless woman,’ he grumped. ‘You’ve got a crap bedside manner.’
‘Don’t be an invalid then.’ I handed him a cup of tea. ‘Siobhan left a message, she needs you to be there this morning.’
Bono eyed me over his teacup. ‘I’d rather be here,’ he said.
I’d rather you were here, too, I thought.
‘I need to take care of some business today anyway,’ I said as casually as I could. ‘Now, please, I beg you, go put some clothes on. You’re in grave danger of losing your honour, y’know.’
Wicked grin from Bono.
I must be insane, I thought.
******
The business I needed to take care of was unpleasant. I’d noticed a fair amount of damage to the pockets of bush around the ridge which could only mean that possums had moved in. I set off with the shotgun to check the traps I’d set.
Hours later I trudged home, footsore, tired, hungry and wanting a long shower to wash away the distaste. I had six possums to bury, not enough but enough for one day for sure.
I kicked off my boots on the porch and wandered, yawning, into the kitchen. The shotgun needed breaking down and cleaning. I drew a long, cool glass of water and settled down to the job.
Absorbed in the task, I jumped a mile at a voice behind me.
‘Hey, what’s up? It was Larry, bored with the proceedings at the ranch, come over to raid my food cupboard and beer fridge.
‘Oh, hi Larry. It’s OK, I’m not planning on shooting anyone, especially if they bring me a cold beer.’
‘So what have you been shooting?’
Perhaps because I was so weary of the day’s work, I missed the ominous tone in Larry’s voice. So I told him what I’d been shooting. And before I knew it, Larry was laying into me about guns and animal cruelty.
Maybe he’s had a bad day too, I thought, and tried to explain how the possums destroy the native bush. ‘And they’re omnivorous, they eat the eggs and young of the birds …’ But I could feel anger welling up inside me and struggled to retain self-control.
Larry ran his hands up through his hair, the gesture of a person ready for a fight.
Please don’t, I thought. I don’t want to fight.
But somehow Larry had moved on to man’s inhumanity to everything in general, the misuse of firearms, and generally gave the impression he thought I was a trigger-happy moron. Quite how this had escalated I didn’t know, and, dangerously, didn’t much care.
I lost it. Totally and 100%.
‘I have a right to protect my land from devastation. Don’t you come here and lay into me about something you know nothing about!’ I yelled. ‘Fucking jerk,’ I added.
‘Don’t you call me a fucking jerk, you psycho bitch!’ yelled Larry.
‘Stop acting like one then. Can’t you understand …’
‘What’re you going to do, shoot me?’
Both of us shouting now, neither of us even trying to hear the other. Larry was striding up and down, his eyes narrowed, venomous.
We were saved from coming to blows by the timely arrival of Edge and Bono, who took in the situation immediately. Bono cornered Larry. ‘In here, right now. Now, Larry.’ He got Larry out of the kitchen, Larry slamming the door behind him hard enough to rattle the windows.
Edge sat down by me. Eyes green of the sea, showing concern but no anger, thank God. Adrenalin whipping round my bloodstream, making me shake, making everything stand out bright and sharp.
I put my head in my hands, I couldn’t look at Edge I was so ashamed.
‘You want to tell me what all that was about?’ he asked gently.
‘I called Larry a fucking jerk.’
Edge was silent. I looked up, thinking he would be angry now, and saw him put up a hand to hide a smile. I told Edge what had happened, quickly, before I lost my nerve. Edge listened patiently.
‘Am I a psycho bitch, Edge? I’ve blown it all apart, haven’t I? I like Larry, for God’s sake, he’s so sharp and funny. And I just let him have it with both barrels tonight.’
‘So to speak,’ said Edge. ‘Larry will get over it, I’m sure, and so will you. Nothing’s blown apart unless you want it to be.’
I’m not going to finish this foul day by crying on Edge’s shoulder, I thought. I need to retain a shred of dignity. ‘I’m very glad you turned up when you did,’ I said. ‘Thank you, for being here …’ Must go now, I thought. ‘There’s one more job I need to do …’ And I slunk out the back door into the cool night. Went to the shed, got the shovel. Dug a pit and buried the possums.
Bone tired now, back to the house. They would surely be gone, driven away by my foul temper, how stupid can you get? Into the sitting room, quiet and dark, but a soft light coming from the front deck. Someone’s sitting out there, a silhouette in the moonlight.
Candles lit all along the deck rail, their light glittering in Larry’s eyes as he turns towards me. We look at each other warily, what’s he going to say?
‘I’m sorry,’ he says simply, turning his hands palm up.
I sit down in the swing seat. ‘I’m sorry too, Larry. I’m the biggest prat that ever walked the earth,’ I say humbly. ‘What’s really stupid is I agree with a lot you were saying.’ I sighed.
‘Yeah, I could see your part too,’ he said. ‘What a pair of idiots, ay?’
‘Pax?’ I held a hand out to him.
‘Pax,’ he grinned, shaking my hand.
Edge appeared in the doorway, carrying a tray. ‘Is it safe? You finished killing each other?’
‘Yeah, yeah, all peace and love out here,’ Larry grinned.
Edge had brought bread and salad and cheese. ‘Oh, you lovely man. Let’s get married,’ I smiled at Edge, who blushed as he set the tray down.
Bono came in with fruit and wine. Swiping Larry across the head in passing, he sat beside me and heaved a sigh. ‘Glad that’s fucking sorted,’ he said.
‘I was so sure you’d be gone,’ I said to him quietly. ‘Yet you’ve done all this for me. It’s very … well, surprising.’
‘Takes more than a spat with Lars to get rid of me,’ said Bono, giving me a rough hug.
When food and drink were done and the candles burned low, Edge rose and started to clear the debris. ‘A hand please Lars, if you would.’
‘Too tired,’ yawned Larry, then jumped as Edge kicked him on the ankle. ‘Oh, er OK then.’ They departed to the kitchen.
Bono was quiet, looking out over the moonscape. I was totally exhausted, the aftermath of the fight leaving me feeling like wet string. I must have looked a wreck. I watched Bono watching the moon.
Please don’t give me a hard time over this, I thought. Don’t let it build a wall between us.
Bono turned to me as if I had spoken out loud, moonlight caught in his eyes. His arms encircling me, I laid my head on his chest, closed my eyes, and it was like coming home.
Learning to Fly
Part Five
Morning, and the light telling me it is late. No cats asking for breakfast as they are piled up on the sofa on top of Bono. I inwardly groan, outwardly stifle a giggle, no way to treat a famous rock star.
The cats abandoned Bono in favour of breakfast, I made tea and took it into the sitting room. Bono had been wakened by the mass exodus of cats. He began to sit up then lay back down with a groan.
‘Oh, shit. I can’t feel my legs,’ he moaned. It seemed he was paying for the riding in a painful way.
‘And good morning to you,’ I said, putting the tea down and opening the curtains. This’ll be interesting, I thought, to see if we can look at each other in the cold light of morning and not run away screaming. Not that Bono would be running anywhere soon, by the look of him.
Bono made another attempt at sitting, accompanied by more groans.
‘Up, up,’ I said briskly. ‘Do it quickly, then it’ll only be agony for a second.’
Merciless woman,’ he grumped. ‘You’ve got a crap bedside manner.’
‘Don’t be an invalid then.’ I handed him a cup of tea. ‘Siobhan left a message, she needs you to be there this morning.’
Bono eyed me over his teacup. ‘I’d rather be here,’ he said.
I’d rather you were here, too, I thought.
‘I need to take care of some business today anyway,’ I said as casually as I could. ‘Now, please, I beg you, go put some clothes on. You’re in grave danger of losing your honour, y’know.’
Wicked grin from Bono.
I must be insane, I thought.
******
The business I needed to take care of was unpleasant. I’d noticed a fair amount of damage to the pockets of bush around the ridge which could only mean that possums had moved in. I set off with the shotgun to check the traps I’d set.
Hours later I trudged home, footsore, tired, hungry and wanting a long shower to wash away the distaste. I had six possums to bury, not enough but enough for one day for sure.
I kicked off my boots on the porch and wandered, yawning, into the kitchen. The shotgun needed breaking down and cleaning. I drew a long, cool glass of water and settled down to the job.
Absorbed in the task, I jumped a mile at a voice behind me.
‘Hey, what’s up? It was Larry, bored with the proceedings at the ranch, come over to raid my food cupboard and beer fridge.
‘Oh, hi Larry. It’s OK, I’m not planning on shooting anyone, especially if they bring me a cold beer.’
‘So what have you been shooting?’
Perhaps because I was so weary of the day’s work, I missed the ominous tone in Larry’s voice. So I told him what I’d been shooting. And before I knew it, Larry was laying into me about guns and animal cruelty.
Maybe he’s had a bad day too, I thought, and tried to explain how the possums destroy the native bush. ‘And they’re omnivorous, they eat the eggs and young of the birds …’ But I could feel anger welling up inside me and struggled to retain self-control.
Larry ran his hands up through his hair, the gesture of a person ready for a fight.
Please don’t, I thought. I don’t want to fight.
But somehow Larry had moved on to man’s inhumanity to everything in general, the misuse of firearms, and generally gave the impression he thought I was a trigger-happy moron. Quite how this had escalated I didn’t know, and, dangerously, didn’t much care.
I lost it. Totally and 100%.
‘I have a right to protect my land from devastation. Don’t you come here and lay into me about something you know nothing about!’ I yelled. ‘Fucking jerk,’ I added.
‘Don’t you call me a fucking jerk, you psycho bitch!’ yelled Larry.
‘Stop acting like one then. Can’t you understand …’
‘What’re you going to do, shoot me?’
Both of us shouting now, neither of us even trying to hear the other. Larry was striding up and down, his eyes narrowed, venomous.
We were saved from coming to blows by the timely arrival of Edge and Bono, who took in the situation immediately. Bono cornered Larry. ‘In here, right now. Now, Larry.’ He got Larry out of the kitchen, Larry slamming the door behind him hard enough to rattle the windows.
Edge sat down by me. Eyes green of the sea, showing concern but no anger, thank God. Adrenalin whipping round my bloodstream, making me shake, making everything stand out bright and sharp.
I put my head in my hands, I couldn’t look at Edge I was so ashamed.
‘You want to tell me what all that was about?’ he asked gently.
‘I called Larry a fucking jerk.’
Edge was silent. I looked up, thinking he would be angry now, and saw him put up a hand to hide a smile. I told Edge what had happened, quickly, before I lost my nerve. Edge listened patiently.
‘Am I a psycho bitch, Edge? I’ve blown it all apart, haven’t I? I like Larry, for God’s sake, he’s so sharp and funny. And I just let him have it with both barrels tonight.’
‘So to speak,’ said Edge. ‘Larry will get over it, I’m sure, and so will you. Nothing’s blown apart unless you want it to be.’
I’m not going to finish this foul day by crying on Edge’s shoulder, I thought. I need to retain a shred of dignity. ‘I’m very glad you turned up when you did,’ I said. ‘Thank you, for being here …’ Must go now, I thought. ‘There’s one more job I need to do …’ And I slunk out the back door into the cool night. Went to the shed, got the shovel. Dug a pit and buried the possums.
Bone tired now, back to the house. They would surely be gone, driven away by my foul temper, how stupid can you get? Into the sitting room, quiet and dark, but a soft light coming from the front deck. Someone’s sitting out there, a silhouette in the moonlight.
Candles lit all along the deck rail, their light glittering in Larry’s eyes as he turns towards me. We look at each other warily, what’s he going to say?
‘I’m sorry,’ he says simply, turning his hands palm up.
I sit down in the swing seat. ‘I’m sorry too, Larry. I’m the biggest prat that ever walked the earth,’ I say humbly. ‘What’s really stupid is I agree with a lot you were saying.’ I sighed.
‘Yeah, I could see your part too,’ he said. ‘What a pair of idiots, ay?’
‘Pax?’ I held a hand out to him.
‘Pax,’ he grinned, shaking my hand.
Edge appeared in the doorway, carrying a tray. ‘Is it safe? You finished killing each other?’
‘Yeah, yeah, all peace and love out here,’ Larry grinned.
Edge had brought bread and salad and cheese. ‘Oh, you lovely man. Let’s get married,’ I smiled at Edge, who blushed as he set the tray down.
Bono came in with fruit and wine. Swiping Larry across the head in passing, he sat beside me and heaved a sigh. ‘Glad that’s fucking sorted,’ he said.
‘I was so sure you’d be gone,’ I said to him quietly. ‘Yet you’ve done all this for me. It’s very … well, surprising.’
‘Takes more than a spat with Lars to get rid of me,’ said Bono, giving me a rough hug.
When food and drink were done and the candles burned low, Edge rose and started to clear the debris. ‘A hand please Lars, if you would.’
‘Too tired,’ yawned Larry, then jumped as Edge kicked him on the ankle. ‘Oh, er OK then.’ They departed to the kitchen.
Bono was quiet, looking out over the moonscape. I was totally exhausted, the aftermath of the fight leaving me feeling like wet string. I must have looked a wreck. I watched Bono watching the moon.
Please don’t give me a hard time over this, I thought. Don’t let it build a wall between us.
Bono turned to me as if I had spoken out loud, moonlight caught in his eyes. His arms encircling me, I laid my head on his chest, closed my eyes, and it was like coming home.
Love the very last sentence!
you're the best! 
