For me, as an ape, it all started when I first came to the big city. First, I got an apartment. Inside, I found a box...a giant glass box! And when I would hit the control thing with the end of my banana, the box would come to life. I was mesmerized as sound surged out of the appliance. "It's a Beautiful Day!" shouted the box. I mimicked the singer in my skillful ape voice.
Then, suddenly, from another room, came a hairy primate, a human I later learned, in a bathrobe, interrupting my blissful interlude.
"What the bloody hell!?" he exclaimed, much to my surprise. I threw a banana at him and squawked in response. "ALI!" he said, "Call animal control! There's an ape in my new apartment here in New York!!"
But Ali did not come. For you see, my apey friends, he was alone in the apartment, but for me. The hairy man sighed, and offered me a bagel.
Eventually we established that the apartment was his. I felt shameful and angry, for I had been exposed as a mere squatter. But I still had a lot to learn about your human practices...
"Do you like beer?" he asked, too kind a soul to kick an ape out into the cold winter air.
I squawked in response, with a positive tone to my voice. He comprehended perfectly, and went to the kitchen and returned with some frosty brews.
His name, my new friends, was Bono. He was very lonely, in that ginormous, posh apartment. He told me his life story; I squawked mine in reply. He seemed, unlike so many others, to understand me.
"Would you like to be my helper ape, Gramps?" he asked. He was without the fatherly Edge, the motherly Ali, the no-nonsense Larry, the wise Paul McGuinness, or even the posh Adam to give him guidance. He needed someone to make his dinner, reply to some of his emails, do odd jobs for him, and pay his bills online.
"Yes!" I squawked. He smiled warmly. And that day, after I fixed the shower curtain rod and made breakfast, we got down to the business of writing songs. You see, dear humans, "wild honey" is the story of my one true love, grams magee. But she is no longer with us, and that story is for another time.
I thank you for reading my tale of how I became involved in the music of U2, and I look forward to becoming your apey friend.
*extends banana of friendship to other U2 fans*
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"You might say I'm the 'top banana'!" ~ myself
