Day In The Life Of Bono

[BonosSaint]

2:14 AM

WAKES TO ALARM FOR PREARRANGED CONVERSATION WITH
RUSSIAN DISSIDENT. DISSIDENT BECOMES BEWILDERED
DURING CONVERSATION WHEN BONO, TRYING OUT HIS
RUSSIAN, MISTAKENLY CALLS THE DISSIDENT A FRIED GOAT.
DISSIDENT LAUGHS POLITELY. BONO, PLEASED WITH HIS
LINGUISTIC TRIUMPH, JOTS DOWN NOTE TO REPEAT THIS
PHRASE NEXT TIME HE SPEAKS WITH PUTIN.

3:00 AM

CHECKS VOICE MAIL. THE EDGE HAS STILL NOT RETURNED
HIS CALL. HOWEVER, HAS MESSGES FROM TONY BLAIR,
CONDALEEZA RICE AND AN IRATE AFRICAN COMPLAINING
ABOUT THE DEPLORABLE CONDITION BONO LEFT HIS HUT
ON HIS LAST VISIT. BONO FORWARDS COMPLAINT TO
MANAGEMENT. ERASES PRANK CALL FROM COLDPLAY.

3:35 AM

OPENS FRONT DOOR. SMILES AND FLASHES PEACE SIGN
AT GROUP OF FANS SITTING OUTSIDE HOUSE.

4:00 AM

WATCHES NEWS. NOT ON IT. PLACES CALL TO
MANAGEMENT.

5:00 AM

WRITES NOTES FOR SPEECH HE IS TO GIVE AT UN.
WONDERS HOW IT WILL SOUND UNDER HEADPHONES
IN SWAHILI.

5:40 AM

JOTS DOWN NOTES FOR SELF-DEPRECATING SPEECH
WHEN HE IS NAMED TIME'S "MAN OF THE YEAR." CRUMPLES
PAPER. DECIDES TO WAIT TO SEE IF HE IS ACTUALLY
NAMED MAN OF THE YEAR, RECALLING TIME HE WASTED
ON ACCEPTANCE SPEECH FOR NOBEL PEACE PRIZE.

6:00 AM

VOICE CRACKS WHEN SINGING IN THE SHOWER. DECIDES
TO OVERDUB SHOWER LATER.

6:14 AM

PRACTICES "EARNEST" EXPRESSIONS IN MIRROR WHILE
BRUSHING TEETH.

7:00 AM

SKIPS BREAKFAST. DIDN'T LIKE PUDGY PICTURE OF SELF
IN PLEBA. READS NEWSPAPERS.

8:00 AM

PLACES CALL TO NEW POPE JUST FOR A CHAT. BONO
PROMISES TO PRAY FOR HIM.

10:00 AM

FLIES TO PARIS TO PLEAD FOR THE END TO THE FRENCH
RIOTS. PLACES URGENT CALL TO PAUL MCGUINNESS
WHEN RENTAL CAR IS TORCHED.

1:00 PM

RETURNS, SKIPS LUNCH. CHECKS CELL PHONE. NO CALL
FROM THE EDGE. IRATE CALL FROM SAME AFRICAN. NOT
SATISFIED WITH U2.COM MEMBERSHIP MANAGEMENT SENT
HIM TO COMPENSATE FOR DAMAGE TO HUT. CALLS
MANAGEMENT TO SEND AFRICAN 2 EDUN SHIRTS AND NEW
VERTIGO DVD. CALLS BACK TO ADD A COW.

1:22 PM

MANAGEMENT CALLS BACK TO SAY OFFER HAS BEEN
ACCEPTED.

 

[BonosSaint]

CONTINUATION:

1:35 PM

WONDERS AGAIN WHY HE WAS NOT IN ROLLING STONE
LIST OF 100 GREATEST GUITARISTS. WONDERS HOW
LONG IT WOULD TAKE HIM TO MAKE LIST IF HE ACTUALLY
LEARNED TO PLAY THE GUITAR. WONDERS WHY THERE IS
NO GREATEST TAMBOURINIST LIST AND IF THERE WERE
WHETHER HE WOULD PLACE HIGHER OR LOWER THAN
STEVIE NICKS.

3:00 PM

VANITY FAIR PHOTO SHOOT. AS HE IS SITTING IN CHAIR
LOOKING EXCEPTIONALLY EARNEST, TWO MEN'S SMELLY
FEET START CARESSING HIS FACE. PHOTOGRAPHER SNAPS
PICTURE AS BONO HEARS EDGE CHUCKLING IN BACKGROUND.
BEGS THAT NOT BE THE COVER PHOTO. THEN STARTS
LAUGHING. STILL LAUGHING WHILE TAKING CONFERENCE
CALL WITH SEVEN WORLD LEADERS AND HIS TAILOR.
OBTAINS ONE PROMISE FOR DEBT RELIEF AND A NEW SUIT.

5:11 PM

FLASHES PEACE SIGN OUT WINDOW FOR WAITING FANS.

6:00 PM

STARVING AND FEELING MORE SVELTE, EATS TWO
LAMB CHOPS PROVIDED BY BAND'S NEW ORGANIC
SHEEP FARM "EWE 2".

7:00 PM

APPEARS ON CHRIS MATTHEWS' HARDBALL VIA
SATELLITE. IS FLUSTERED WHEN MATTHEWS DOES
NOT LET HIM SPEAK AT ALL BECAUSE HE ALWAYS
GIVES SAME SPEECH. MATTHEWS DOES WHOLE
SPEECH FOR HIM. BONO ADMITS TO SELF THAT IT
IS EXACTLY THE SAME SPEECH HE WOULD HAVE GIVEN
AND NOTES TO SELF TO CHANGE MATERIAL. FALLS OUT
OF CHAIR LAUGHING WHEN MATTHEWS DONS "COEXIST"
HEADBAND. PANS TO CHECK WITH MANAGEMENT AS TO
WHETHER THAT WAS TRADEMARK INFRINGEMENT.

10:00 PM TO 1:13 AM

GOES TO PUB WITH GUGGI. AFTER MANY, MANY PINTS,
SEEMS LIKE A GOOD IDEA WHEN GUGGI SUGGESTS THEY
PISS THEIR AUTOGRAPHS ON THE DARTBOARD.

1:14 AM

WITH HELP FROM OWNER, BONO LANDS ON TOP OF GUGGI
OUTSIDE FRONT DOOR. PASSES OUT.

1:23 AM

BONO STIRS. GUGGI IS GONE. TRIES TO REMEMBER WHY
HE EVER THINKS GUGGI'S IDEAS ARE GOOD ONES.

1:24 AM

LEAVES MESSAGE FOR THE EDGE.

4:15 AM

THE EDGE PICKS HIM UP.

4:49 AM

HE EXTENDS HALF A PEACE SIGN TO FANS WAITING OUTSIDE
HIS HOUSE.

 

[AtomicBono]

classic

I love the overdubing shower line

 

[aislinn]

1:24 AM

LEAVES MESSAGE FOR THE EDGE.

4:15 AM

THE EDGE PICKS HIM UP.

and the autograph thing is priceless!

Great job!

 

[youtooellen]

wow, hilarious

4:49 AM

HE EXTENDS HALF A PEACE SIGN TO FANS WAITING OUTSIDE
HIS HOUSE.



(if you're considering doing larry and adam, I definitely look forward to it )

 

[zooperson]

ORGANIC SHEEP FARM "EWE 2".


LOL!!!

 

[Thora]

Priceless! Please do one for Larry and Adam too!

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

that is superb

 

[Bono's Doll]

Bono is too cute!

 

[annj]

2:14 AM



8:00 AM

PLACES CALL TO NEW POPE JUST FOR A CHAT. BONO
PROMISES TO PRAY FOR HIM.

:

 

[youvedonewhat]

This is so totally brilliant! I absolutely love it. It's so light and different from anything else written in here. You must do Adam and Larry. Lookin' forward to it.

 

[Total U2 Nut]

CONTINUATION:


6:00 PM

STARVING AND FEELING MORE SVELTE, EATS TWO
LAMB CHOPS PROVIDED BY BAND'S NEW ORGANIC
SHEEP FARM "EWE 2".

This made me laugh alot, so much, I choked.

 

[hay]

^ yeah,that was fricken hilarous! please please do larry and adam ones

 

[labell]

the prank phone call from coldplay and edge picking him up three hours later. you're brillant.

 

[SimplyConfused]

Brilliant. I loved the prank call from Coldplay. Hehehe. Right, next up, Larry/Adam.

You know, my step dad knows someone from his work who looks very similar to Adam Clayton. I've never met him, but my mother came in one time when he was on the settee, and though, "Bloody hell, where's Bono?" Hahaha!

Anyway... looking forward to Larry and Adam.

 

[jobob]

My favorite moments in Bono's day:

4:00 AM

WATCHES NEWS. NOT ON IT. PLACES CALL TO
MANAGEMENT.

5:40 AM

JOTS DOWN NOTES FOR SELF-DEPRECATING SPEECH
WHEN HE IS NAMED TIME'S "MAN OF THE YEAR." CRUMPLES
PAPER. DECIDES TO WAIT TO SEE IF HE IS ACTUALLY
NAMED MAN OF THE YEAR, RECALLING TIME HE WASTED
ON ACCEPTANCE SPEECH FOR NOBEL PEACE PRIZE.

1:00 PM

RETURNS, SKIPS LUNCH. CHECKS CELL PHONE. NO CALL
FROM THE EDGE. IRATE CALL FROM SAME AFRICAN. NOT
SATISFIED WITH U2.COM MEMBERSHIP MANAGEMENT SENT
HIM TO COMPENSATE FOR DAMAGE TO HUT. CALLS
MANAGEMENT TO SEND AFRICAN 2 EDUN SHIRTS AND NEW
VERTIGO DVD. CALLS BACK TO ADD A COW.

1:22 PM

MANAGEMENT CALLS BACK TO SAY OFFER HAS BEEN
ACCEPTED.

Excellent, excellent stuff, BonosSaint!

How about "A Christmas Day in the Life of Bono"?

 

[sue4u2]

"makes note to self to change material"

Loved this, could so hear Chris Matthews telling him that..


Good job BonosSaint.