edge's girl
Acrobat
two installments in one night, i'm so proud of myself.
disclaimer: fiction, honestly no basis in real life what so ever
It was a few weeks before Edge decided to take Vik up on her offer to talk. He found her sitting in a shadowy back corner of the hotel bar. Taking a deep breath he slid into the seat across from her.
Vik looked up at Edge and raised an eyebrow.
Edge gathered up his remaining courage. “A few weeks ago you confronted me out side of my hotel room and, well, I guess I’m taking you up on your offer.”
Vik nodded slowly.
“You were right about me knowing about the blood on the knife,” Edge glanced down. “And if you thought it came from me cutting myself then you were right.”
“Well that’s a step in the right direction,” Vik said.
“What?”
“The fact that you’re able to admit it. The people who are really bad off are the ones who have to keep it hidden from everyone. Speaking of which, lets see your left forearm.”
Edge looked surprised. “How did you know it was my left forearm?”
“Two reasons, one you’re right handed therefore you’d hold the knife in your right hand, and secondly I’ve only ever seen you in long sleeved shirts which are ideal for hiding cuts on forearms. People who wear short sleeves cut their upper arms. Now do you mind if I have a look at your arm?”
Feeling extremely self-conscious Edge pulled up his sleeve. Vik took a scrutinizing look at it before saying;
“Well that’s good at least.”
“What’s good?” Edge asked feeling baffled.
“It doesn’t look that bad.”
Edge looked at the mass of criss-crossing cuts in various stages of healing before pulling his sleeve back down and looking questioningly at Vik.
She sighed. “They’re all surface cuts. Meaning while there’s a fair number of cuts none of them are deep so a) they’ll heal really quickly and b) it means you’re not that serious about hurting yourself. The deeper the cuts are the more the person wants to hurt themselves which is why serious cutting can lead to suicide attempts.”
“How do you know all this?”
Vik grimaced. “I grew up with it.” Seeing Edge’s questioning look she elaborated. “I grew up in an orphanage. There if you don’t get adopted be ready to live a tough life, most of those who don’t get adopted leave in other ways.”
Edge wondered how many suicides she’d seen in her life. From the pain in her eyes he had a feeling that it had not only been quite a few but some of them had meant a lot to her.
“Why cutting?” she asked abruptly changing the subject.
“Pardon?”
“Why did you choose cutting instead of drugs or alcohol?”
“Because it’s personal and the pain is personal as soon as you get involved in drugs or alcohol it effects others and this doesn’t concern them anyway.”
Vik nodded toying with her glass. “So it’s become a way to equate physical pain with your emotional pain?”
Edge shrugged. “I suppose so. I’ve never really thought that seriously about it. Though you sound like you should be a psychiatrist, not a technician.”
Vik managed a bitter smile. “And where would I get the money to go to university?”
“Good point, I hadn’t thought of that.”
“There’s no reason that you should, after all money means nothing to you.”
“It wasn’t always that way.”
“Now that’s something I hadn’t thought of.”
Edge smiled. “Well I suppose you can’t know everything, even if you do appear to be a good psychiatrist.”
“Well they do say experience is the best teacher.” Vik stated bitterly.
“So did you act the part of a psychiatrist at the orphanage? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“A lot of the time. They never really did anything productive for the kids who really needed it so I tried to help them but even then I couldn’t help everyone.”
There’s a bitterness in her tone that speaks of a lot of past pain.
“But you never had any trouble?”
“I grew up there my entire life. I learned early that it’s better not to feel because if you feel you get hurt.”
‘Why am I telling him all this?’ Vik wonders. ‘He doesn’t need to know.’
Edge studied her across the table. He had a feeling that she had a great capacity for caring about others or else she wouldn’t have approached him in the first place but he could also see that years of pain had taught her to keep barriers between herself and the rest of the world. Suddenly he found himself wishing that he could show her that it didn’t always have to hurt to love.
* * *
Sorry this part's so long and depressing. For anyone who’s wondering the stuff that Vik says about people who cut themselves is true, I actually had a friend who was cutting herself so I ended up doing some research on the subject.
disclaimer: fiction, honestly no basis in real life what so ever
It was a few weeks before Edge decided to take Vik up on her offer to talk. He found her sitting in a shadowy back corner of the hotel bar. Taking a deep breath he slid into the seat across from her.
Vik looked up at Edge and raised an eyebrow.
Edge gathered up his remaining courage. “A few weeks ago you confronted me out side of my hotel room and, well, I guess I’m taking you up on your offer.”
Vik nodded slowly.
“You were right about me knowing about the blood on the knife,” Edge glanced down. “And if you thought it came from me cutting myself then you were right.”
“Well that’s a step in the right direction,” Vik said.
“What?”
“The fact that you’re able to admit it. The people who are really bad off are the ones who have to keep it hidden from everyone. Speaking of which, lets see your left forearm.”
Edge looked surprised. “How did you know it was my left forearm?”
“Two reasons, one you’re right handed therefore you’d hold the knife in your right hand, and secondly I’ve only ever seen you in long sleeved shirts which are ideal for hiding cuts on forearms. People who wear short sleeves cut their upper arms. Now do you mind if I have a look at your arm?”
Feeling extremely self-conscious Edge pulled up his sleeve. Vik took a scrutinizing look at it before saying;
“Well that’s good at least.”
“What’s good?” Edge asked feeling baffled.
“It doesn’t look that bad.”
Edge looked at the mass of criss-crossing cuts in various stages of healing before pulling his sleeve back down and looking questioningly at Vik.
She sighed. “They’re all surface cuts. Meaning while there’s a fair number of cuts none of them are deep so a) they’ll heal really quickly and b) it means you’re not that serious about hurting yourself. The deeper the cuts are the more the person wants to hurt themselves which is why serious cutting can lead to suicide attempts.”
“How do you know all this?”
Vik grimaced. “I grew up with it.” Seeing Edge’s questioning look she elaborated. “I grew up in an orphanage. There if you don’t get adopted be ready to live a tough life, most of those who don’t get adopted leave in other ways.”
Edge wondered how many suicides she’d seen in her life. From the pain in her eyes he had a feeling that it had not only been quite a few but some of them had meant a lot to her.
“Why cutting?” she asked abruptly changing the subject.
“Pardon?”
“Why did you choose cutting instead of drugs or alcohol?”
“Because it’s personal and the pain is personal as soon as you get involved in drugs or alcohol it effects others and this doesn’t concern them anyway.”
Vik nodded toying with her glass. “So it’s become a way to equate physical pain with your emotional pain?”
Edge shrugged. “I suppose so. I’ve never really thought that seriously about it. Though you sound like you should be a psychiatrist, not a technician.”
Vik managed a bitter smile. “And where would I get the money to go to university?”
“Good point, I hadn’t thought of that.”
“There’s no reason that you should, after all money means nothing to you.”
“It wasn’t always that way.”
“Now that’s something I hadn’t thought of.”
Edge smiled. “Well I suppose you can’t know everything, even if you do appear to be a good psychiatrist.”
“Well they do say experience is the best teacher.” Vik stated bitterly.
“So did you act the part of a psychiatrist at the orphanage? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“A lot of the time. They never really did anything productive for the kids who really needed it so I tried to help them but even then I couldn’t help everyone.”
There’s a bitterness in her tone that speaks of a lot of past pain.
“But you never had any trouble?”
“I grew up there my entire life. I learned early that it’s better not to feel because if you feel you get hurt.”
‘Why am I telling him all this?’ Vik wonders. ‘He doesn’t need to know.’
Edge studied her across the table. He had a feeling that she had a great capacity for caring about others or else she wouldn’t have approached him in the first place but he could also see that years of pain had taught her to keep barriers between herself and the rest of the world. Suddenly he found himself wishing that he could show her that it didn’t always have to hurt to love.
* * *
Sorry this part's so long and depressing. For anyone who’s wondering the stuff that Vik says about people who cut themselves is true, I actually had a friend who was cutting herself so I ended up doing some research on the subject.
