Bono on "With or Without You": Fidlelity vs. Creativity?

[biff]

Still more from U2 By U2. These remarks were triggered by questions about the meaning of "With or Without You", but are clearly about more than that.


"The lyric is pure torment. One of the things that was happening at the time was the collision in my own mind between being faithful to your art or being faithful to your lover. What if the two are at odds? Your gift versus domestic responsibility? I had always been the kind of person who would sleep on everyone else's floor, the eye of the travelling rat, a natural tinker. I would just wander off and be very happy. So now I have this person in my life whom I love more than my life but I'm wondering if the reason I'm not writing is because I'm now a domesticated beast. I'm wondering if I'm house-trained? If I meet somebody and I want to go off with them, to find out what their world is like, I can't because I'm a married man. It's not even about sexual infidelity. I just remember thinking: 'Is this the life of an artist? Am I going to have kids and settle down and betray my gift or am I going to betray my marriage? It was a very difficult thing in my head. I had met a couple of people on the way who had taken advantage of my naivete, is the best way I can put, and I realized I knew so very little about this world and now, the future looked like I was going to know even less. You can learn about politcs, culture, but your emotional life also has to be developed. I think in some senses mine wasn't, and I was going through all this kind of uncertainty. I was at least two people: the person who is so responsible, protective and loyal and the vagrant and idler in me who just wants to run from responsibility. I thought these tensions were going to destroy me but actually, in truth, it is me. That tension, it turns out, is what makes me as an artist. Right in the centre of a contradiction, that's the place to be. There I was. Loyal. But in my imagination filled with wanderlust, a heart to know God, a head to know the world, rock star who likes to run amok and sinner who knows he needs to repent....
If I had cut loose, what would have become of me?

(He goes on at further length about some artists he admires who did "cut loose". They lost a great deal, maybe everything. He prefers to maintain the tension between the two extremes, and to not "go too far either way".)

I find all of these remarks way more candid than his comments in the Assayas book. That was my major complaint about that work: that he seemed so cagey. He's less so here. Good!

 

[biff]

Related to the above, these are comments sparked by the subject of Clayton's relationship with Naomi Campbell:

(Bono speaking):

"Adam is a romantic at heart.
There have been times in my marriage when I thought about those conversations I missed, those nights out, those great girls that showed such promise. Now, with a little experience, I think I know what that night would have looked like and where that conversation would have taken us and it is not a place that is particularly interesting. But it's not easy to deal with money, it's not easy to deal with fame, it's not easy to deal with women throwing themselves at you, even being married, perhaps especially being married. No matter how strong you are, no matter how upright, these are real hurdles that you have to figure out how to get over.
I will never forget the time Adam saw me in a headlock with some starlet and said to me: 'It's fun. It's exciting having sex with someone you don't know. Don't let anyone tell you it isn't. It's a great adventure getting to know somebody. But as rare as it is to fall in love, it is not as rare as real love, I will die for you love, I will be there when you're sick and when you're frail love. Now that's rare. I would give everything, all these experiences that I'm having, all these different and extraordinary women, I'd give them all up for what you have.'
I remember Adam telling me that. And if there was one reason for having him as best man at my wedding, that was it, that one conversation."

 

[bonocomet]

My head is going to implode if I don't get this book SOON.

Thanks again for that biff

 

[Ancalagon]

Wow! That's great stuff!

Thank you, biff!

 

[Rochelle D]

thanyou for sharing

cant wait to get my hands on this book

 

[Nuala]

Oh man, I KNOW I am going to get flamed for this. As much as I have looked forward to reading this book I now don't know if I want to. I don't think I could stomach Bono going on about how hard it was for him to stay faithful to Ali or how many times he thought about cheating on her. I know he is saying he loved her so much he decided to resist temptation but that is what marriage is!!! Does he want a freakin medal or something??? Don't get me wrong.. I love this man.. but this just P*sses me off. I am not one to make waves in these forums but I just had to get this off my chest!

 

[Merc]

I would give everything, all these experiences that I'm having, all these different and extraordinary women, I'd give them all up for what you have.'
I remember Adam telling me that. And if there was one reason for having him as best man at my wedding, that was it, that one conversation."

Wauh!



Biff, again, thanks a million for all the quotes you've been posting - can't wait till my own copy arrives at the end of this month!

 

[Galeongirl]

Biff, thanks for all the pieces I hope to get this book soon too!
you're right that Bono's more opener here, it's the way he talks...

 

[kellyahern]

Thanks biff

 

[biff]

I know he is saying he loved her so much he decided to resist temptation but that is what marriage is!!! Does he want a freakin medal or something???

Well, I think that's what marriage is supposed to be, but often isn't, even for "regular folks". And within his line of work in particular, it must be extremely rare.

 

[Jam Jar]

Well, I think that's what marriage is supposed to be, but often isn't, even for "regular folks". And within his line of work in particular, it must be extremely rare.

ah the life of a rock star... women throwing themselves at you, late nights, drinks to drink, people to schmooze with.. of course it was extra hard for him!

 

[caragriff]

Oh man, I KNOW I am going to get flamed for this. As much as I have looked forward to reading this book I now don't know if I want to. I don't think I could stomach Bono going on about how hard it was for him to stay faithful to Ali or how many times he thought about cheating on her. I know he is saying he loved her so much he decided to resist temptation but that is what marriage is!!! Does he want a freakin medal or something??? Don't get me wrong.. I love this man.. but this just P*sses me off. I am not one to make waves in these forums but I just had to get this off my chest!

i have the book, too, and don't worry, he doesn't go on and on about how hard it was to stay faithful. these two instances are two of the most extreme statements he makes in the book - and like they did for biff, these statements jumped out at me, too, when i read them - mostly because they were such open and honest statements. this book covers 30 (!) years of his life, so obviously he has had his moments of temptation - i think he speaks about it with some class, personally.

he also makes plenty of statements about why he loves his wife so much. i don't think he wants a medal - but i'd be happy to pin one on him

 

[Bono's Betty]

I can't wait to read it.

 

[Nuala]

I'm sorry for my rant earlier in this post and I want to thank you guys for not flaming me and taking the time to express your opinion about the issue. I realized after I sent it that I shouldn't be mouthing off before I read the rest of the book. Of course he has had an extreme amount of temptation but I also look at how lucky he is to have her and all she has given him. I just love them as a couple so much and I really would have hated it if they had broken up over infidelity.

 

[Devlin]

I'm sorry for my rant earlier in this post and I want to thank you guys for not flaming me and taking the time to express your opinion about the issue. I realized after I sent it that I shouldn't be mouthing off before I read the rest of the book. Of course he has had an extreme amount of temptation but I also look at how lucky he is to have her and all she has given him. I just love them as a couple so much and I really would have hated it if they had broken up over infidelity.

I think that's what he's trying to point out in his own way: He's not especially a one-woman man, but he's managed to make it work because of who she is.

As much as people would like to say 'THat's what marriage is!' it's not that easy, even when you're NOT a celeb. Marriage is work. Marriage is hard. People forget that they don't become a singular person when they marry - they don't suddenly become monogamous, faithful people just because they say 'I do'. I think this kind of thing should be talked about more, not less - so that people know what marriage really is, not the romantic tales we're told as children.

But that's just me; I can be awfully pedantic at times.

 

[JCOSTER]

My head is going to implode if I don't get this book SOON.

Thanks again for that biff

Me too I can't wait......I love the fact that it was written by them and not someone else. I'm sure all 4 of them will provide great reading.

 

[thrillme]

Related to the above, these are comments sparked by the subject of Clayton's relationship with Naomi Campbell:

(Bono speaking):

"Adam is a romantic at heart.
There have been times in my marriage when I thought about those conversations I missed, those nights out, those great girls that showed such promise. Now, with a little experience, I think I know what that night would have looked like and where that conversation would have taken us and it is not a place that is particularly interesting. But it's not easy to deal with money, it's not easy to deal with fame, it's not easy to deal with women throwing themselves at you, even being married, perhaps especially being married. No matter how strong you are, no matter how upright, these are real hurdles that you have to figure out how to get over.
I will never forget the time Adam saw me in a headlock with some starlet and said to me: 'It's fun. It's exciting having sex with someone you don't know. Don't let anyone tell you it isn't. It's a great adventure getting to know somebody. But as rare as it is to fall in love, it is not as rare as real love, I will die for you love, I will be there when you're sick and when you're frail love. Now that's rare. I would give everything, all these experiences that I'm having, all these different and extraordinary women, I'd give them all up for what you have.'
I remember Adam telling me that. And if there was one reason for having him as best man at my wedding, that was it, that one conversation."

There were things Adam has said, that led me to believe he was a romantic at heart...aww

 

[U2isthebest]

Wow. I love the explanation of "With or Without You" The "heart to know God, a head to know the world" is what every believer faces if he/she is honest. However, many us have too much "spiritual pride" as the amazing C.S. Lewis put it in "The Screwtape Letters", which is one of my favorite books. God Bless Bono for being bold enough to say it. As for what Adam, said, that is so amazing. Anyone who sleeps around will feel empty, as much pleasure as it brings during the act, one will feel bad afterwards as it is w/any sin. I think Bono summed it up pretty well in "Running To Stand Still" (which although I hear was written for someone w/a heroin addiction, could easily apply to faith) "Sweet the sin, Bitter the taste in my mouth" . I agree. Btw, I know that Bono stated that Adam is now a believer in "Bono: In Conversation", is it mentioned in "U2 by U2?"

"What no man can own...No man can take.": Yahweh-U2

 

[Earnie Shavers]

I don't think I could stomach Bono going on about how hard it was for him to stay faithful

So you missed that little Achtung Baby album then...

 

[JCOSTER]

I'm sorry for my rant earlier in this post and I want to thank you guys for not flaming me and taking the time to express your opinion about the issue. I realized after I sent it that I shouldn't be mouthing off before I read the rest of the book. Of course he has had an extreme amount of temptation but I also look at how lucky he is to have her and all she has given him. I just love them as a couple so much and I really would have hated it if they had broken up over infidelity.

At the 2 Vertigo shows I've been to I couldn't believe how many women in the from row of the elipse and around the stage were dressed so scantly, even when he steps into the crowd women are like grabbing his legs and stuff, I'm sure that it is hard to keep a sane outlook, hes in the perfect situation for the wife never to find out and I totally admired him for it. His loyality and honesty is what make me love him so much. Hes a man who walks the talk.

PS. I'm not flaming you I totally understand where you were coming from.