*Bono, a Towel and a Page Full of Questions*
Bono, one of the most famous men in the world graciously accepted an interview with me, Blue Eyes, cub reporter for TAMALE Magazine. I showed up at his hotel room at about ten in the morning. The interview was scheduled for seven p.m. that evening, but I was kind of excited! Nine hours later, I knocked on the door. I had been staring at that door for some time and let me tell you, it was a very handsome door, evenly stained with a nice woodgrain throughout and a brass knob...
Bono: Hello?
BE: Hi, it's the reporter from TAMALE, we have an interview.
Bono: *Opens the door, still wearing the towel* Oh yes, you're the girl that's been sitting out there all day, aren't you?
BE: Me?
Bono: Yes, I had to call security a couple of times.
BE: Oh sorry, I thought they were janitors or something. Sorry about that.
Bono: Well, that's alright. Make yourself at home.
BE: Thanks...
Bono: No problem
BE: So...I couldn't help noticing you are wearing a towel.
Bono: Yes, quite comfortable actually. I'm thinking of wearing the towel onstage now...but I've heard of some orginization called..Ehm, what is it again? PLABA? PLOBA? Anyway, my security have advised me that this orginization has been plotting to publicly disrobe me for years...*laughs* But I mean I think the boys are just making that up to scare me, I mean can you imagine anything so ridiculous?
BE: Ummm, no. How silly *Hides her PLEBA badge in her bag* I'm sure they don't exist.
Bono: The towel thing...Does it bother you?
BE: No! I mean, of course not.
Bono: Well I started wearing the towel when I got out of me shower this morning, I was going to change but I can't find my clothes.
BE: Can't find them?
Bono: No...Ali's not home, usually she dresses me. I have trouble with the buttons and zippers sometimes but I have that whole righty-lefty thing down.
BE: Righty-Lefty (so glad Mona is not doing the interview)?
Bono: Yeah...you know...right hand, left hand Etc. I learned once but I've been so busy that I kind of shoved that information out of my brain to make room for lyrics. Then those got shoved out to make room for all my work with the third world debt. I am working on shoving all that out too, so I'm kind of "between brains" right now.
BE: Ahhh, so what are you shoving it out for?
*Somewhere, Edge blushes*
Bono: I forget.
BE: Oh. Okay. Well, I have some questions from our readers that they sent in, would you mind answering them?
Bono: Not at all.
BE: Here's the first one, "Are you planning on bringing Macphisto back?"
Bono: Macphisto?
BE: Yes...is he going to return anytime soon?
Bono: Oh no, I don't think so. It's just not appropriate for this tour. This tour is all about purity and the raw connection between us and the audience, he wouldn't fit in there.
BE: Okay. Here's another..."If we paid you a lot of money, would you bring Macphisto back?"
Bono: *Laughs* Wow... Ummm, no. Probably not. I mean money is not really an issue, so I don't see how it would...Where did you get these questions?
BE: Just normal readers...normal.
Bono: Okay. *Laughs* Go on.
BE: Okay...hypothetical situation here.
Bono: Okay.
BE: Say that someone camped outside your house for weeks with signs and everything and promised to devote their lives to relieving thrid world debt..if you brought Macphisto back.. would you do it then?
Bono: *Looks confused* I don't know. Right now this person sounds a little fixated. *He laughs and considers* Maybe for the devoting their life to helping others thing, maybe.
BE: Oh! Okay, so would you need like a written promise, or is verbal fine? And how many signs do you need outside the house?
Bono: *A little scared* Verbal is fine...Can we move on?
BE: Sure! Okay, our next question..."If Macphisto-"
Bono: Can I see those questions? *He takes the paper from the reporter's hand and stares at them, confused* Isn't the question supposed to be "What do you like better, showers or baths?"
BE: Ummm, no.
Bono: It says that right here!
BE: Okay, if you like those better...*Sighs* What do you like better showers or baths?
Bono: Baths. *Looks at reporter warily* Next question...
BE: What do you want to accomplish with the Drop the Debt campaign?
*Bono brightens and somewhere Larry can be heard screaming in pain*
Bono: WELL!!! About time someone asked a proper question! Thanks! What I want to do with the campaign is ...*Reporter tunes out and goes to her "happy place"*...So really if you examine the long term effects of such an investment in humanity, we are going to be saving ourselves billions of dollars in the future and ensuring that the next generation inherits a more stable world, capable of dealing better with the crisises that we have unfortuneately set in motion. For example, the possibility of an energy crisis in the next ten or twenty years. Are you familliar with OPEC's current oil reserve situation?
BE: *Daydreaming* I'd love another martini...
Bono: What?
BE: Oh...go on.
Bono: No that's fine, I do tend to run off a bit at the mouth from time to time don't I? *Laughs* Next question.
BE: Does Larry wax his chest?
Bono: *Bursts out laughing* If I told you he did, he would come and wax my chest too! I'll just say that...maybe he's born with it, maybe it's maybelline.
BE: Oh...okay. Would you ever wax your chest?
Bono: Ehm, no. I can't imagine how painful that would be.
BE: Have you and Robin Williams ever had a "hairy" contest?
Bono: *Shocked*
BE: Or maybe if you guys had a fight you would get all tangled up in each other's chest hair, like Siamese twins!? *Awkward silence*anyway...our next question comes from an Edge fan. She wants to know why Edge can't ever get to dance with a girl?
Bono: *Still recovering from the hairy comment* Umm, well he's kind of busy behind the guitar...*Bitterly*and if I tried to take the guitar, it might get all caught up in my chest hair!
BE: Really? WOW! Has that ever happened? How did you get it out!? Peanut butter?
Bono: *Sigh* Next question please.
BE: Aww, this is my last question!
Bono: That's really a shame.
BE: Yeah, isn't it? Okay, our readers want to know, "It is just the lighting?"
Bono: Is what just the lighting?
BE: You know what I mean! Wink, wink, nudge, nudge!
Bono: No, I don't! What do you mean?
BE: You know...elevation!
Bono: The song?
BE: Not exactly.
Bono: *Just gives her a blank look* I really have no idea...
BE: Just say no.
Bono: What?
BE: Just say "no".
Bono:*Confused* No.
BE: Great! We knew it all along!
Bono: Yeah...*He stands and shakes the reporter's hand guiding her out of the suite* Very nice to have met you, miss.
BE: Yes, you too! We should do this again sometime.
Bono: Sure. Whatever.
*Shuts the door*
[This message has been edited by blueeyes (edited 11-23-2001).]
