Sad_Girl
Blue Crack Supplier
*Disclaimer: Although obviously inspired in part by people who exist in real life, this story is in no way meant to represent reality, past, present or future. The author has no personal experience or contact with the band or their friends and family. There are facts within this story which may be contrary to real life either because they were changed for artistic purposes or simply because the author had no knowledge of the truth on a particular subject; i.e.: dates and times. No offense is intended to anyone who inspired this work of fiction. It’s just a wandering thought which I found trapped in the maze of my imagination.
Babyface pt 7
“Vale. Her last name is Vale.” Larry told the nurse as they rushed from the back of the ambulance into the hospital. His hands and face hurt and his head was pounding, but the fear of losing yet another woman he loved was far worse than any other pain.
“Janet Vale 22 year old female, history of progressively escalating asthma. Took three doses from her prescription inhaler with no effect…” The nurse wrote all the information on her chart as Larry and the ambulance driver answered her questions. All the while Larry watched as they lined the stretcher up with a small uncomfortable hospital bed and dragged Janet over onto the bed. They moved quickly and efficiently, attaching devices to her everywhere.
“I’m sorry, you’ll have to wait outside.” The nurse told him, placing a hand in the center of Larry’s chest and pushing gently until he had no choice but to step backwards toward the door.
“No, I need to stay here!” He objected, although he could tell from the set of the nurses jaw she was not going to be convinced. She shook her head and ordered him out again, pushing a little harder this time.
“Nurse Gallagher?” A tall, broad shouldered man asked, entering the room with broad, powerful strides. His red hair was receding from his forehead, but he wore a full beard on his face to compensate. “Just what are you doing?” He asked, his baritone voice resonating a thick Scottish accent.
“Explaining to this young man the trauma ward is no place for him.” She told the doctor, squaring her shoulders defensively.
“An’ just where is it you think he belongs? Look at him, woman! Or Are we in the business of turning patients away now?” The man demanded, winking at Larry when the nurse looked away.
“Patient? But he came in with the asthma attack in room 3!” She objected.
“Well, since that’s the case, and the other rooms are full, you’d best put him in room 3 where I can care for him properly.” The doctor ordered. The nurse stared at him, her mouth hanging mutely open and her blue eyes round in disbelief. Finally, her mouth snapped shut and she turned on her heel, storming back into room three without a glance back at either Larry or the dr.
“Thank you.” Larry told the giant of a man, and he grinned.
“C’mon then let’s go.” He said in response, following the nurses lead back into Janet’s room. Larry was close behind. The nurse made him sit in a hard, uncomfortable chair where she took his information, checked his vitals and poked at the swelling on Larry’s face. Larry was certain she did the last entirely out of malice, but he wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of wincing.
While she did this, Larry tried to gather just what was happening a few feet away as the hulk of a man who’d been called Dr. Wallace tended to Janet. There were IV’s and tubes of different sorts involved, and when he finally got a glimpse of her Larry’s blood ran cold. There was a tube protruding from her mouth, going down her throat and directly into her lungs. Attached to it was a tube that led to a machine with a pump which moved up and down and made an ominous whoosh as it did.
“Is she dying?” he asked, his throat tightening around the words, as if to ask such a question would make his fears become true.
“No, not tonight.” Dr Wallace told him, moving to wash his hands at a small sink in the corner. “But she’s lucky. Someone with such severe asthma shouldn’t be out dancing all night, and they certainly around all that cigarette smoke.”
“I didn’t realize.” Larry muttered, thinking of every time he’d smoked around her, and his friends had as well. How she had been to concerts without saying a word to him about it. The nurses finished cleaning up the sterile wrappers from the disposable equipment and gathering up the other for sterilization, leaving the doctor, Larry, and Janet alone in the room. The doctor picked up Larry’s chart to see what the nurse had noted.
“So what’s the other guy look like?” He asked, his aqua blue eyes twinkling playfully. Larry smiled, then winced because it hurt to smile.
“He looked worse.” He replied, though now that things were settling down a bit, he was feeling the pain more acutely. The doctor sat on a stool directly in front of Larry and conducted an examination. He instructed him to follow his finger with his eyes, asked several questions and finally pushed and prodded at Larry’s bruised face.
“I don’t think you have a concussion, or any broken bones in your face.” The doctor finally said, holding out his hands expectantly. Larry glanced down at the doctors thick hands and back up at his face, obviously not understanding what he was expected to do.
“Your hands, boy, let me see if you’ve broken your hands!” He ordered, and Larry’s heart jumped in his chest and began to race at the possibility. Quickly, he lifted his hands and held them out for the doctor to see.
“My hands can’t be broken.” He said, looking at them as if he could will them to be whole. “I’m a drummer. My band… we’re trying to get a record contract.”
“Well, perhaps you should’ve thought o’ that before you got into a brawl.” The doctor murmured, his attention focused on the boys long, slender fingers.
“I didn’t have time to think, he was hurting her!” Larry snapped. The doctor looked back up into his patients face, studying him closely.
“Well, I guess I’ll just eat my words then, lad. You’ve made me glad I made the decision to let you stay in here. Because if that isn’t love, risking your physical safety and your dream, your future even perhaps, than I don’t know what would qualify as love.” He said, returning his attention to Larry’s hands.
“I’m going to get you some ice, try and get rid of the swelling quickly, and an x-ray just to be safe. I don’t think you broke anything though.” He said, standing and making a note on the chart.
“What about Janet?” Larry asked.
“She’ll be asleep for awhile. You might as well try and get some rest yourself.” He replied kindly before slipping out of the room and closing the door behind him.
*************************************************************
“Larry!” He heard his fathers voice calling him out of the darkness of sleep. He jolted awake in the plastic chair, his feet slipping on the tile floor as he nearly tipped over sideways and fell on his already bruised face.
“Dad!” he exclaimed in surprise, blinking his eyes against the harsh florescent light reflecting against the pale tile walls and floor. “What are you…?” He started to ask, but his voice was muffled as his father pulled him tight against his body in a painfully tight hug, Then his breath failed him as he was shaken by the shoulders and scolded with a flurry of swearing the likes of which he’d never heard come out of his fathers lips.
“Dad, dad! I’m fine!” He said, struggling to pull away from his old mans grasp. “How did you even know I was here?”
“I’m here because the bloody hospital called me at one o’clock in the morning to tell me my son was in the trauma ward!” His father replied hotly. “What the hell is the matter with you?”
“I’m all right, da. I got in a fight, but I’m fine. I could’ve gone home but Janet…” He gestured to the silent figure in the bed at the center of the room. “She’s really sick.” He said, running a hand through his hair.
“This is the girl you’ve been spending all your time with?” Larry sr. asked, his voice softening slightly.
“Yeah, this is Janet.” Larry said, shoving his hands in his pockets as he moved to stand beside her. “This guy was… pushing her around, he was hurting her. I couldn’t just let him hurt her.” He said, and Larry’s father nodded in understanding, pursing his lips and holding back whatever he had been about to say.
“She doesn’t look like she’s been hurt.”
“She had an asthma attack.” Larry explained.
“A bad one.” Larry Sr. added. Then he sighed deeply, running a hand over his tired face. “All right. I understand you don’t want to go home. Will you at least go and tell Bono he can leave? The boy’s like the walking dead out there.”
“Bono’s here?”
“Aye, and Adam, and Edge. Where did you expect them to be?” He asked. Larry smiled, moved by the show of concern from his mates. His father walked out into the hall with him, showing him to the waiting room where they were pacing the floor. He went back to sign release forms so that Larry could leave whenever he made up his mind to finally do so.
“I know you guys are always looking for a place to party, but I’m not sure this is it.” Larry said as he walked into the waiting room to find his mates in various states of exhaustion. They all reacted to the sight of him with groans and winces which didn’t encourage him any.
“Wow, Lardence I’ve never seen a shiner like that before.” Edge said, walking up to examine him more closely. “It encompasses half yer face!”
“That’s gonna heal right?” Adam asked. “I was counting on your pretty face on the album covers, to get girls to buy our records.”
“Fuck you.” Larry muttered, the corner of his mouth twitching into a smile.
“Seriously, are you ok?” Bono asked, his blue eyes clouded with genuine concern.
“I’m fine. You’ve looked worse after fights with your brother.” Larry told him, shoving him on the shoulder. He could tell they all seriously doubted that fact. “I’m fine. Nothings broken, just a bunch of bruises. Janet’s… the doctor says she’ll be all right, but she hasn’t woken up at all.”
His friends offered comfort and support as best they could, but it was late and Larry Sr had been right, they all looked ready to drop. He sent them home after a short chat, then went to tell his father goodbye as well. Larry recognized the distant look in his fathers eyes and knew he was thinking of his late wife, Larry’s mother.
“I would’ve chosen to spare you, if I had a choice about it.” Larry senior told him gently as they stepped out into the pre-dawn hours. He lit a cigarette, and Larry’s blood tingled for want of one of his own. He didn’t ask his father, though. He simply listened to what he had to say. His father was a quiet man, and when he chose to speak, Larry knew it was something very important that he had to say.
“Spare me?” He finally asked when his father drew in a deep breath and held it, finally exhaling a long, white stream of smoke silently. He still made no move to speak. Finally, Larry’s words prompted him to continue.
“To spare you the price of love.” He explained. “I know everyone seems to think that love is a magic cure all that will make life rosy and grand, but that’s just a giant pile of shite. Love brings with it a knowledge of pain and loneliness that you wouldn’t ever suffer without it.” Larry winced inwardly, thinking his father was still in mourning and therefore bitter at the prospect of new love.
“Sure, there’s plenty of good about love. But most people only want the romance, the rush of feelings and hormones that makes them all giddy and stupid. That, my boy, does not last. Sure it’s nice enough, but it isn’t practical. Can you imagine goin’ around every day of your life like that? Bah!” he said, waving his hand dismissively. He took a final drag from his cigarette and tossed it to the damp pavement, crushing it with the toe of his shoe.
“No, love needs to be deeper than romance to last. But some people can find that kind of love. Here’s the rub. The deeper love takes root, the bigger the hole it creates when love is lost.” He concluded, patting Larry on the shoulder before moving off into the night in search of his car, which would take him to his empty home. Where he would sleep in an empty bed. Larry’s heart ached at the thought.
Larry turned and hurried back to the small room where Janet slept. He sat by her side and said a prayer which would’ve lasted longer if he hadn’t been so tired that he kept dozing off mid sentence. Finally he found his seat in the corner again, folded his arms across his chest and stretched his legs out in front of himself, and went back to sleep.
Larry woke every hour or so, until finally, just after dawn, he gave up on sustained sleep. He stood and stretched, moving out of the room and down to the bathroom to splash water on his swollen face and to try and make himself look like less like he belonged in some gutter somewhere. He wet his hand down and ran it through his hair, and wished he had a toothbrush. When he was finally convinced that he had done the best he possibly could under the circumstances, he left the bathroom intending to find the cafeteria.
“There you are!” A young nurse who had introduced herself to him a short while ago said as she rushed up alongside of him. “Your gal is awake.” She said, and Larry’s heart jumped for joy. “We extubated her, and the first words out of her mouth were ‘where’s Larry’?”
***************************************************************
“Are you sure you’re alright?” Larry asked Janet once again as they reached the top of the stairs to her apartment. She rolled her eyes at him, but it was nice to have someone concerned for her. “The doctor said you could’ve died, you know.” He told her, coming up behind her and resting his head against her shoulder while he wrapped an arm around her waist.
“I could die from falling down the stairs. I could get hit by a bus crossing the street.” She told him, though her voice softened. She opened the door to her apartment and led the way inside.
“Janet.” Larry said, and the way he said her name sent shivers down her spine. She turned to look at him, grimacing at the bruises that marred his face. “I can’t stand the thought of you dying. My mother, and before her my sister… I… I don’t want to lose someone I love like that again.” He told her, and she could see the moisture shimmering in his eyes.
“Larry, do you think somehow it’s your fault? None of this is your fault! I’ve been dealing with asthma since I was young. I should’ve been more careful, but that was my own choice. It had nothing to do with you. And the fight…” she reached out and brushed his hair away from his face gingerly. “That was my fault, too. I should’ve told you about Sean. I should’ve warned you, and I should’ve been watching out for him.”
“Who is he?” he asked, emotion causing a tremor in his voice. Janet sighed and led the way over to her bed, which she had not bothered to put away the day before. She gestured for Larry to sit next to her.
“Sean is my ex boyfriend.” She started, watching him closely, trying to read his scowl. He could close her out completely, when he wanted to. She would look at him and have no idea what he was thinking or feeling. This was one of those times. “I met him in Detroit. I was nineteen at the time, and … the reason I haven’t wanted to tell you about this is because I’m ashamed of things I’ve done in the past. You look at me with these rose colored glasses, Larry. I want more than anything to be who you think I am, and I think I could be. Now that I’m with you, now that I’m in this place, on my own. But I didn’t know who I was or who I wanted to be for a long time.”
“I don’t do that.” Larry interrupted, scowling seriously at her. “I know you aren’t perfect. I didn’t mean to make you feel like you had to lie to me.”
“I didn’t lie. Not exactly.” She offered. “I just … didn’t talk about certain things.” She could tell from the look on his face that this was the same as lying, in his mind.
“Ok. Here’s the truth. I was nineteen, and I worked in a bar in Detroit. That’s where I met Sean. He travels back and forth to the states a lot. He swept me off my feet, with his accent and his attitude. As soon as I moved here with him…”
“You lived with him?”
“Yeah. Yeah, it was stupid, I’d known him for all of two months and I moved to a different country, away from everything I really knew. I mean, my dad was always gone, my brother was MIA and my mom had tried to kill herself yet again and was in the hospital. He said he loved me. I just wanted someone to love me.” She told him, the tears spilling gently over long blonde lashes as she spoke. Larry reached out and wrapped his arms around her.
“My father says love always costs the price of pain. The deeper the love, the deeper the pain.” He told her.
“Well I got gypped then. Because All I got out of that relationship was pain.” She joked. She laughed bitterly, sniffling as she tried to quell her tears.
“I was thinking more of what pain he was willing to suffer for you. If he wasn’t… then it wasn’t love.”
“I know. I just wanted so badly to be important to someone, I closed my eyes and I believed him.”
“What about what he said about last Sunday? With Adam?” Larry asked when Janet pulled away from him to retrieve a tissue to dry her eyes with.
“Adam was here. He came to help clean up. He had good timing, because he got here right when Sean and I had a run in in front of the building. He came inside, and since you’d already cleaned up, we had a few beers and we talked. It sounds like a good thing he didn’t turn around and leave, too. If Sean was watching the place.” She told him honestly.
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”
“Because I would’ve had to tell you about Sean to explain why Adam was here. Why I didn’t just send him on his way. I’m not proud of who I was a few years ago. I did some stupid things.” She said. “And I liked the way you looked at me. I liked the fact that you didn’t see the stupid girl who thought she could run away from everything. You didn't see my mistakes when you looked at me. And because I was afraid. I didn’t want to lose that look in your eyes when you said you love me.”
“I do love you.” He told her sharply, impatiently. As if he were scolding an obstinate child. They stared at each other for a long moment before she felt a smile crawl across her face. He soon started to smile, as well. “Stupid girl.” He finally said, reaching out and stroking her blonde hair. She chuckled at the insulting words spoken with such a loving tone.
“I’m sorry. I should’ve warned you about him.” She said finally. “and about how bad my asthma was.”
“Yes, you should have,” He told her. “And you should be taking better care of yourself. I just found you, I don’t want to lose you already. Give it some time for the romance to die off at least.” He teased, making her chuckle again.
“I think I can do that.” She laughed, kissing the uninjured side of his face gently.
Babyface pt 7
“Vale. Her last name is Vale.” Larry told the nurse as they rushed from the back of the ambulance into the hospital. His hands and face hurt and his head was pounding, but the fear of losing yet another woman he loved was far worse than any other pain.
“Janet Vale 22 year old female, history of progressively escalating asthma. Took three doses from her prescription inhaler with no effect…” The nurse wrote all the information on her chart as Larry and the ambulance driver answered her questions. All the while Larry watched as they lined the stretcher up with a small uncomfortable hospital bed and dragged Janet over onto the bed. They moved quickly and efficiently, attaching devices to her everywhere.
“I’m sorry, you’ll have to wait outside.” The nurse told him, placing a hand in the center of Larry’s chest and pushing gently until he had no choice but to step backwards toward the door.
“No, I need to stay here!” He objected, although he could tell from the set of the nurses jaw she was not going to be convinced. She shook her head and ordered him out again, pushing a little harder this time.
“Nurse Gallagher?” A tall, broad shouldered man asked, entering the room with broad, powerful strides. His red hair was receding from his forehead, but he wore a full beard on his face to compensate. “Just what are you doing?” He asked, his baritone voice resonating a thick Scottish accent.
“Explaining to this young man the trauma ward is no place for him.” She told the doctor, squaring her shoulders defensively.
“An’ just where is it you think he belongs? Look at him, woman! Or Are we in the business of turning patients away now?” The man demanded, winking at Larry when the nurse looked away.
“Patient? But he came in with the asthma attack in room 3!” She objected.
“Well, since that’s the case, and the other rooms are full, you’d best put him in room 3 where I can care for him properly.” The doctor ordered. The nurse stared at him, her mouth hanging mutely open and her blue eyes round in disbelief. Finally, her mouth snapped shut and she turned on her heel, storming back into room three without a glance back at either Larry or the dr.
“Thank you.” Larry told the giant of a man, and he grinned.
“C’mon then let’s go.” He said in response, following the nurses lead back into Janet’s room. Larry was close behind. The nurse made him sit in a hard, uncomfortable chair where she took his information, checked his vitals and poked at the swelling on Larry’s face. Larry was certain she did the last entirely out of malice, but he wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of wincing.
While she did this, Larry tried to gather just what was happening a few feet away as the hulk of a man who’d been called Dr. Wallace tended to Janet. There were IV’s and tubes of different sorts involved, and when he finally got a glimpse of her Larry’s blood ran cold. There was a tube protruding from her mouth, going down her throat and directly into her lungs. Attached to it was a tube that led to a machine with a pump which moved up and down and made an ominous whoosh as it did.
“Is she dying?” he asked, his throat tightening around the words, as if to ask such a question would make his fears become true.
“No, not tonight.” Dr Wallace told him, moving to wash his hands at a small sink in the corner. “But she’s lucky. Someone with such severe asthma shouldn’t be out dancing all night, and they certainly around all that cigarette smoke.”
“I didn’t realize.” Larry muttered, thinking of every time he’d smoked around her, and his friends had as well. How she had been to concerts without saying a word to him about it. The nurses finished cleaning up the sterile wrappers from the disposable equipment and gathering up the other for sterilization, leaving the doctor, Larry, and Janet alone in the room. The doctor picked up Larry’s chart to see what the nurse had noted.
“So what’s the other guy look like?” He asked, his aqua blue eyes twinkling playfully. Larry smiled, then winced because it hurt to smile.
“He looked worse.” He replied, though now that things were settling down a bit, he was feeling the pain more acutely. The doctor sat on a stool directly in front of Larry and conducted an examination. He instructed him to follow his finger with his eyes, asked several questions and finally pushed and prodded at Larry’s bruised face.
“I don’t think you have a concussion, or any broken bones in your face.” The doctor finally said, holding out his hands expectantly. Larry glanced down at the doctors thick hands and back up at his face, obviously not understanding what he was expected to do.
“Your hands, boy, let me see if you’ve broken your hands!” He ordered, and Larry’s heart jumped in his chest and began to race at the possibility. Quickly, he lifted his hands and held them out for the doctor to see.
“My hands can’t be broken.” He said, looking at them as if he could will them to be whole. “I’m a drummer. My band… we’re trying to get a record contract.”
“Well, perhaps you should’ve thought o’ that before you got into a brawl.” The doctor murmured, his attention focused on the boys long, slender fingers.
“I didn’t have time to think, he was hurting her!” Larry snapped. The doctor looked back up into his patients face, studying him closely.
“Well, I guess I’ll just eat my words then, lad. You’ve made me glad I made the decision to let you stay in here. Because if that isn’t love, risking your physical safety and your dream, your future even perhaps, than I don’t know what would qualify as love.” He said, returning his attention to Larry’s hands.
“I’m going to get you some ice, try and get rid of the swelling quickly, and an x-ray just to be safe. I don’t think you broke anything though.” He said, standing and making a note on the chart.
“What about Janet?” Larry asked.
“She’ll be asleep for awhile. You might as well try and get some rest yourself.” He replied kindly before slipping out of the room and closing the door behind him.
*************************************************************
“Larry!” He heard his fathers voice calling him out of the darkness of sleep. He jolted awake in the plastic chair, his feet slipping on the tile floor as he nearly tipped over sideways and fell on his already bruised face.
“Dad!” he exclaimed in surprise, blinking his eyes against the harsh florescent light reflecting against the pale tile walls and floor. “What are you…?” He started to ask, but his voice was muffled as his father pulled him tight against his body in a painfully tight hug, Then his breath failed him as he was shaken by the shoulders and scolded with a flurry of swearing the likes of which he’d never heard come out of his fathers lips.
“Dad, dad! I’m fine!” He said, struggling to pull away from his old mans grasp. “How did you even know I was here?”
“I’m here because the bloody hospital called me at one o’clock in the morning to tell me my son was in the trauma ward!” His father replied hotly. “What the hell is the matter with you?”
“I’m all right, da. I got in a fight, but I’m fine. I could’ve gone home but Janet…” He gestured to the silent figure in the bed at the center of the room. “She’s really sick.” He said, running a hand through his hair.
“This is the girl you’ve been spending all your time with?” Larry sr. asked, his voice softening slightly.
“Yeah, this is Janet.” Larry said, shoving his hands in his pockets as he moved to stand beside her. “This guy was… pushing her around, he was hurting her. I couldn’t just let him hurt her.” He said, and Larry’s father nodded in understanding, pursing his lips and holding back whatever he had been about to say.
“She doesn’t look like she’s been hurt.”
“She had an asthma attack.” Larry explained.
“A bad one.” Larry Sr. added. Then he sighed deeply, running a hand over his tired face. “All right. I understand you don’t want to go home. Will you at least go and tell Bono he can leave? The boy’s like the walking dead out there.”
“Bono’s here?”
“Aye, and Adam, and Edge. Where did you expect them to be?” He asked. Larry smiled, moved by the show of concern from his mates. His father walked out into the hall with him, showing him to the waiting room where they were pacing the floor. He went back to sign release forms so that Larry could leave whenever he made up his mind to finally do so.
“I know you guys are always looking for a place to party, but I’m not sure this is it.” Larry said as he walked into the waiting room to find his mates in various states of exhaustion. They all reacted to the sight of him with groans and winces which didn’t encourage him any.
“Wow, Lardence I’ve never seen a shiner like that before.” Edge said, walking up to examine him more closely. “It encompasses half yer face!”
“That’s gonna heal right?” Adam asked. “I was counting on your pretty face on the album covers, to get girls to buy our records.”
“Fuck you.” Larry muttered, the corner of his mouth twitching into a smile.
“Seriously, are you ok?” Bono asked, his blue eyes clouded with genuine concern.
“I’m fine. You’ve looked worse after fights with your brother.” Larry told him, shoving him on the shoulder. He could tell they all seriously doubted that fact. “I’m fine. Nothings broken, just a bunch of bruises. Janet’s… the doctor says she’ll be all right, but she hasn’t woken up at all.”
His friends offered comfort and support as best they could, but it was late and Larry Sr had been right, they all looked ready to drop. He sent them home after a short chat, then went to tell his father goodbye as well. Larry recognized the distant look in his fathers eyes and knew he was thinking of his late wife, Larry’s mother.
“I would’ve chosen to spare you, if I had a choice about it.” Larry senior told him gently as they stepped out into the pre-dawn hours. He lit a cigarette, and Larry’s blood tingled for want of one of his own. He didn’t ask his father, though. He simply listened to what he had to say. His father was a quiet man, and when he chose to speak, Larry knew it was something very important that he had to say.
“Spare me?” He finally asked when his father drew in a deep breath and held it, finally exhaling a long, white stream of smoke silently. He still made no move to speak. Finally, Larry’s words prompted him to continue.
“To spare you the price of love.” He explained. “I know everyone seems to think that love is a magic cure all that will make life rosy and grand, but that’s just a giant pile of shite. Love brings with it a knowledge of pain and loneliness that you wouldn’t ever suffer without it.” Larry winced inwardly, thinking his father was still in mourning and therefore bitter at the prospect of new love.
“Sure, there’s plenty of good about love. But most people only want the romance, the rush of feelings and hormones that makes them all giddy and stupid. That, my boy, does not last. Sure it’s nice enough, but it isn’t practical. Can you imagine goin’ around every day of your life like that? Bah!” he said, waving his hand dismissively. He took a final drag from his cigarette and tossed it to the damp pavement, crushing it with the toe of his shoe.
“No, love needs to be deeper than romance to last. But some people can find that kind of love. Here’s the rub. The deeper love takes root, the bigger the hole it creates when love is lost.” He concluded, patting Larry on the shoulder before moving off into the night in search of his car, which would take him to his empty home. Where he would sleep in an empty bed. Larry’s heart ached at the thought.
Larry turned and hurried back to the small room where Janet slept. He sat by her side and said a prayer which would’ve lasted longer if he hadn’t been so tired that he kept dozing off mid sentence. Finally he found his seat in the corner again, folded his arms across his chest and stretched his legs out in front of himself, and went back to sleep.
Larry woke every hour or so, until finally, just after dawn, he gave up on sustained sleep. He stood and stretched, moving out of the room and down to the bathroom to splash water on his swollen face and to try and make himself look like less like he belonged in some gutter somewhere. He wet his hand down and ran it through his hair, and wished he had a toothbrush. When he was finally convinced that he had done the best he possibly could under the circumstances, he left the bathroom intending to find the cafeteria.
“There you are!” A young nurse who had introduced herself to him a short while ago said as she rushed up alongside of him. “Your gal is awake.” She said, and Larry’s heart jumped for joy. “We extubated her, and the first words out of her mouth were ‘where’s Larry’?”
***************************************************************
“Are you sure you’re alright?” Larry asked Janet once again as they reached the top of the stairs to her apartment. She rolled her eyes at him, but it was nice to have someone concerned for her. “The doctor said you could’ve died, you know.” He told her, coming up behind her and resting his head against her shoulder while he wrapped an arm around her waist.
“I could die from falling down the stairs. I could get hit by a bus crossing the street.” She told him, though her voice softened. She opened the door to her apartment and led the way inside.
“Janet.” Larry said, and the way he said her name sent shivers down her spine. She turned to look at him, grimacing at the bruises that marred his face. “I can’t stand the thought of you dying. My mother, and before her my sister… I… I don’t want to lose someone I love like that again.” He told her, and she could see the moisture shimmering in his eyes.
“Larry, do you think somehow it’s your fault? None of this is your fault! I’ve been dealing with asthma since I was young. I should’ve been more careful, but that was my own choice. It had nothing to do with you. And the fight…” she reached out and brushed his hair away from his face gingerly. “That was my fault, too. I should’ve told you about Sean. I should’ve warned you, and I should’ve been watching out for him.”
“Who is he?” he asked, emotion causing a tremor in his voice. Janet sighed and led the way over to her bed, which she had not bothered to put away the day before. She gestured for Larry to sit next to her.
“Sean is my ex boyfriend.” She started, watching him closely, trying to read his scowl. He could close her out completely, when he wanted to. She would look at him and have no idea what he was thinking or feeling. This was one of those times. “I met him in Detroit. I was nineteen at the time, and … the reason I haven’t wanted to tell you about this is because I’m ashamed of things I’ve done in the past. You look at me with these rose colored glasses, Larry. I want more than anything to be who you think I am, and I think I could be. Now that I’m with you, now that I’m in this place, on my own. But I didn’t know who I was or who I wanted to be for a long time.”
“I don’t do that.” Larry interrupted, scowling seriously at her. “I know you aren’t perfect. I didn’t mean to make you feel like you had to lie to me.”
“I didn’t lie. Not exactly.” She offered. “I just … didn’t talk about certain things.” She could tell from the look on his face that this was the same as lying, in his mind.
“Ok. Here’s the truth. I was nineteen, and I worked in a bar in Detroit. That’s where I met Sean. He travels back and forth to the states a lot. He swept me off my feet, with his accent and his attitude. As soon as I moved here with him…”
“You lived with him?”
“Yeah. Yeah, it was stupid, I’d known him for all of two months and I moved to a different country, away from everything I really knew. I mean, my dad was always gone, my brother was MIA and my mom had tried to kill herself yet again and was in the hospital. He said he loved me. I just wanted someone to love me.” She told him, the tears spilling gently over long blonde lashes as she spoke. Larry reached out and wrapped his arms around her.
“My father says love always costs the price of pain. The deeper the love, the deeper the pain.” He told her.
“Well I got gypped then. Because All I got out of that relationship was pain.” She joked. She laughed bitterly, sniffling as she tried to quell her tears.
“I was thinking more of what pain he was willing to suffer for you. If he wasn’t… then it wasn’t love.”
“I know. I just wanted so badly to be important to someone, I closed my eyes and I believed him.”
“What about what he said about last Sunday? With Adam?” Larry asked when Janet pulled away from him to retrieve a tissue to dry her eyes with.
“Adam was here. He came to help clean up. He had good timing, because he got here right when Sean and I had a run in in front of the building. He came inside, and since you’d already cleaned up, we had a few beers and we talked. It sounds like a good thing he didn’t turn around and leave, too. If Sean was watching the place.” She told him honestly.
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”
“Because I would’ve had to tell you about Sean to explain why Adam was here. Why I didn’t just send him on his way. I’m not proud of who I was a few years ago. I did some stupid things.” She said. “And I liked the way you looked at me. I liked the fact that you didn’t see the stupid girl who thought she could run away from everything. You didn't see my mistakes when you looked at me. And because I was afraid. I didn’t want to lose that look in your eyes when you said you love me.”
“I do love you.” He told her sharply, impatiently. As if he were scolding an obstinate child. They stared at each other for a long moment before she felt a smile crawl across her face. He soon started to smile, as well. “Stupid girl.” He finally said, reaching out and stroking her blonde hair. She chuckled at the insulting words spoken with such a loving tone.
“I’m sorry. I should’ve warned you about him.” She said finally. “and about how bad my asthma was.”
“Yes, you should have,” He told her. “And you should be taking better care of yourself. I just found you, I don’t want to lose you already. Give it some time for the romance to die off at least.” He teased, making her chuckle again.
“I think I can do that.” She laughed, kissing the uninjured side of his face gently.
looking forward to the next one 
