((((Chelsea)))) Sorry to hear that, I hope things get better soon...Okay, this is all I can think of right now, I hope it's funny.
DIRTY JOKE: 4 Irish musicians fell in the mud!
SILLY JOKE: Q: Why did the Edge cross the room? A: To get to the other slide...guitar. (okay, that was decidely not funny, my apologies)
SILLY STORY
*Adam, Larry, Bono, and Edge are walking down the street*
BONO: So then, I was like "You can't be serious, man!" and he said, "DUDE! no jokes, it's the truth!!"
EDGE: *rolls eyes* Sometimes I wish we didn't all live in one big house and do everything together.
ADAM: *points* OOH! a penny-candy store! I haven't seen one of those in years!! Can we stop!?!!? PLEASE!! Can we stop??
LARRY: No.
ADAM: *pouting* Why not?
LARRY: 'cos I said so.
EDGE: Where are we going, anyway?
LARRY: For a walk.
BONO: Walking's really good for you, you know? I was talking to Ali the other day, and I said, "Why don't people go for walks more often?" but she was all like "Why don't you come home and live with your family? It's just weird that you all live in one big house and do everything together."
ADAM: Is this exercise? Cos I'm not gonna exercise.
LARRY: You'll see where we're goin'.
*Larry directs everyone to take a left, then a right, and then another left*
LARRY: Okay, here we are.
ADAM: A residential street? Are we gonna buy a new big house where we'll all live and do things together??
EDGE: I quite like the one we have now.
BONO: YEAH! We've got a bowlin' alley and everything... do you think maybe this is where Ali lives??
LARRY: No, this is where Chelsea lives. We're going to cheer chelsea up.
ADAM: Well, we should bring her some penny candy then.
LARRY: *whips out bouquet of roses and box of godiva chocolates* No, I took care of it...
ADAM: Well what if she's allergic to chocolate? or flowers?
LARRY: *whips out some nice hard candy and a copy of the Boston DVD* Then this'll do.
ADAM: Or diabetic?
LARRY: I've sugar free candy too. And ZOOTV on VHS. She'll be fine.
EDGE: Does this story really qualify as a Joke??
BONO: The definition of a joke is quite subjective, really. I was talking to Kofi Annan the other day, and he was like "It's odd that you all live together in one big house..." and I was like, "Kofi, man, doesn't it strike you that humour is horribly subjective, and that cute tales could be sort of funny to some people but not others, who might prefer..."
LARRY: *snarls* I think you're funny, Bono. Funny in yer bleedin' head!
ADAM: That's not very nice, Lar.
EDGE: So, what are we waiting for? Shouldn't we go in now???
BONO: Yeah, man, you know what they say, "no time like the present" "a penny saved is a penny earned" "a rising tide lifts all boats" that kinda thing. *Everyone looks at him concernedly* What, what are you looking at??
EDGE: nevermind.
LARRY: Edge, can you hold me coat? I wanted her to get a good look at me sheer shirt.
BONO: I left me muscle shirt at home...
EDGE: I forgot to put my earring in.
ADAM: d'you have a pen?
LARRY: Bono, Edge you look fine. Adam, here's a pen.
BONO: I have some stationary. I was at the Ritz Carlton, and they were like "It's not a card store, Mr. Bono, sorry, we can't just give you some paper" and I was like "Well, it's just that I have this idea for a song and you know sometimes you've just gotta get out of the house, cos it's a bit strange..." and then eventually they jest shoved it at me and asked me to never come back. *Frowns* People can be cruel.
ADAM: Don't fret, we'll get some Penny Candy on the way back. *scribbles something* Okay. All set.
*The band approaches the door and Chelsea eagerly invites them in. They succeed in cheering her up, and as they're leaving, Adam hands her the slip of paper*
CHELSEA: What's this? A phone number?
ADAM: *smiles sweetly* Yep. Em, I thought that some day you might like to go out for penny candy or coffee or spoons or something.
CHELSEA: *Faints from joy*
THE END