A Hard Personal Decision for Me

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U2MaNaIcWeIdO

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I'm sorry I haven't said this sooner....but my mom is in the hospital...again. But this time she isn't going to come back.

I should start at the begining....She went to the hospital (again in two and a half years) last monday for a rash on her legs (My mother and I had an arguement the night before cause I wanted to let my dad know cause he was worried about the bills and my mom has been to the hospital twice before and this time would be harder on his emotions). She was starting to feel better as soon as last Friday

But then on St. Patrick's Day, just as soon as we got there (I set my alarm at the wrong time so I got up 24 minutes late and took a long shower...so we left late)......my mom got a really bad blood clot (I can say the offical name....but I can't spell it...but I know it's two words that start with a P and a E for the first and second part of the name) that resulted in stopped breathing (We don't know how long...but it was for a couple of moments). Once she started breathing again...she suffer extensive brain damage. We don't know how bad....but it looks bad enough to put her in a vegetative state. She's lucky to have a specialist to bring her back...even in this vegetative state....cause I would have been pissed on Saturday cause I didn't see her at all that day.

So after almost a week of seeing her in a semi-vegetative state (We don't know how aware she is or if she truly knows that we are there)....we have decided to release her breathing tube and try to let her pass on her own tomorrow. My dad is hopeful for one last suprise...if by moan and/or groan or looking at us straight in the eye...but I don't think so. She was looking at us crossed eyed today when we saw her. Yea...her nervous system is still working and so is her musles....but she's on anti-seizures meds cause she was have bad seizures on St. Patrick's Day and again on the 18th (This past Sunday).

My mom is a strong-willed and stubborn woman...and I know she doesn't want to be in a nursing home (again) with a breathing tube and a feeding tube in her. The doctors tried to put a feeding tube in her yesterday...but she didn't eat much at all...if any.

I'm so torn right now...cause she was in a ventilator twice before last year and came through...but then again she didn't stop breathing for a couple of moments and then have extensive brain damage afterwords last year. But I want to see her pass away too (I did most of my grieving on Sunday and Monday...after she went into the vegetative state...cause the woman I know died on Saturday). But I'm starting to make my peace with my mom (I said my regrets to her over the past couple of days...like anyone with a dying parent does) and I told her that I love her.

My dad is having regrets as I'm typing this....but he is as torn as me....maybe even worse. He's wondering if he would let my mom die overnight without us being there....just so that she can die in peace. I'm feeling guilty cause I'm already starting to accept her being dead and/or dying since Tuesday and I feel like I should grieve some more. But I know she wouldn't want to grieve or worry about her too much. And plus I want to see her one or two more times before they pull the breathing tube tomorrow too...but I know she wouldn't want to wait any longer.

Sorry for this long message....but I'm torn between sernity and grief.
 
I know I don't post in here, so I'm kind of out of place (I saw the title in a search and know from reading your journal of your mum's health problems over the past couple of years, so I checked it out), but after reading I wanted to post.

I'm so sorry about your mum. It is one of the (if not the) hardest things you will ever face. :( :hug:

A little under three years ago my mum died and it was a somewhat similar situation. She had a heart defect and had been getting progressively weaker for years, but still when she went into the hospital (for heart failure) I figured she would recover as she always had before. She didn't. She took a turn for the worse overnight and was transferred to a bigger hospital. By the time my sister (who flew in) and I made it there she was sedated and on a ventilator. She went into a coma soon afterwards, and never regained consciousness. We made the decision to withdraw life support. There really wasn't any other viable option, and I know she didn't want to suffer any more, but it was also very hard.

Only you can make the decision about whether you want to be there or not. I wanted to be there (and was) and for me it was comforting. It gave me comfort to know the people who loved her most were with her then. My advice is if you think you might want to be there, do it. But if you can't, don't be hard on yourself either. You have to do what is best for you. Your mother knows you love her. :hug:
 
indra said:
I know I don't post in here, so I'm kind of out of place (I saw the title in a search and know from reading your journal of your mum's health problems over the past couple of years, so I checked it out), but after reading I wanted to post.

I'm so sorry about your mum. It is one of the (if not the) hardest things you will ever face. :( :hug:

A little under three years ago my mum died and it was a somewhat similar situation. She had a heart defect and had been getting progressively weaker for years, but still when she went into the hospital (for heart failure) I figured she would recover as she always had before. She didn't. She took a turn for the worse overnight and was transferred to a bigger hospital. By the time my sister (who flew in) and I made it there she was sedated and on a ventilator. She went into a coma soon afterwards, and never regained consciousness. We made the decision to withdraw life support. There really wasn't any other viable option, and I know she didn't want to suffer any more, but it was also very hard.

Only you can make the decision about whether you want to be there or not. I wanted to be there (and was) and for me it was comforting. It gave me comfort to know the people who loved her most were with her then. My advice is if you think you might want to be there, do it. But if you can't, don't be hard on yourself either. You have to do what is best for you. Your mother knows you love her. :hug:

I'm so sorry about your mom Weldy :sad: :hug:

I was trying to think of what to say, but I think indra said it best:


Only you can make the decision about whether you want to be there or not. I wanted to be there (and was) and for me it was comforting. It gave me comfort to know the people who loved her most were with her then. My advice is if you think you might want to be there, do it. But if you can't, don't be hard on yourself either. You have to do what is best for you. Your mother knows you love her. :hug:


:hug:
 
Oh, Weldy. I'm so sorry to hear this. :( :hug:

Based on my experience when my own father was dying, I believe you and your dad will feel better if you're there tomorow. (You did say you wanted one or two more chances to tell her you love her.)

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, and you'll be in my prayers tonight.
 
Thanks you guys :hug:

Right now my dad is having doubts about wanting to remove the breathing tube from her tomorrow....but if we do that.....we would want to put off for another day...and then another day. I know my mom doesn't want to procrastinate and if we do....we would have to put another tube in her. I really am having a hard time making a decision. Plus I'm tired cause I haven't really gotten any good sleep since Friday night before all this happened.....so that's why I'm having a hard time deciding what to do :sigh:
 
Weldy :hug: I'm so sorry to hear that this has happened. I just wanted to tell you (and your dad) that you already know what the right thing for her is; the years of experience with these difficulties and the conversations you've surely had about what would happen when the time came have prepared you for the decision. It's still not easy, I know. Even the day my brother died I was still asking him again what he wanted, even though he'd told me more than once - I didn't want to feel like I was giving up. But in the long run, it's not about what we want, but about the person who is ill/dying and respecting their wishes.

Don't feel bad about having found some peace with it, you've been preparing for this day for a long time, whether you knew it or not. Anyone who has a close family member with long-running medical problems spends a lot of time thinking about it. You'll still mourn, but it is a little different than with a completely unexpected death. There is a sense of freedom for the person who has struggled with the health problems, because (Unless you have a different faith / belief) you know that they are not suffering any more. And you can remember the good things, focus on moving forward.

I wish there was something to do or say that would really help ease the pain and sorrow of your situation, Weldy. :hug: Just follow your heart - it'll lead you through these difficult days, and know that you and your family are in my prayers and in the prayers of your friends :heart:
 
Weldy, I am soooo sorry about your mom and your whole situation. Please know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Its good that you have told your mom your thoughts and and that you love her. Be assured that you and your dad will make the right decision. Its just really hard facing up to it. But be with her, it will be okay with family around.

I'm here if you need and ear or shoulder.:hug: :hug: :hug: :pray: :pray: :pray:
 
JCOSTER said:
Weldy, I am soooo sorry about your mom and your whole situation. Please know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Its good that you have told your mom your thoughts and and that you love her. Be assured that you and your dad will make the right decision. Its just really hard facing up to it. But be with her, it will be okay with family around.

I'm here if you need and ear or shoulder.

Thanks JCOSTER :hug:

I have told her that I loved her since Sunday when I first saw her in the ICU. I will say it again when I get there at 9am (Central) tomorrow.
 
Ah..This is a very difficult thing to decide on .. I don't know you very much but my family went through this in 2005 with my great grandma.. she had a stroke and got better from it but we had to put her in a nursing home..she was doing okay for a few months..she walked..talked..but she ..well it was almost like she had alsheimers..you would be talking to her then she would pause and start on a completely different topic..we knew she wasnt coming out of it..so the time we spent with her provided for closure...she lived a long life..had many kids and was very happy..then..she had another stroke..but no one was at the home the time they took her into the hospital..they put her on a ventilator and a feeding tube and heavily sedated her.. when they put in the feeding tube we all knew there was no reversing what was happening.. so even tho she was still clinically alive..to me she was gone...it was just a body hooked up to machines..and we all knew there was no presence..so it was decided to take her off the ventilator and let her go..it took a week after un hooking it..a week..and it hurts to know that we can kill a criminal by leathal injection in minutes but we let our loved ones suffer (yes they are on morphine but still) .. so whatever you do..but when you think shes gone..she is..so dont feel guilty for grieving in a short period..everyone is different..but I would say if you can handle it be there before they remove the breathing tube..say your goodbyes..but be prepared if it takes a week for her to finally give in because that happens sometimes..my friends dad tho..he went in minutes.. be strong and follow your heart..:hug:
 
Weldy I am so incredibly sorry for what you and your dad are going through right now :( :hug: Believe the right decision is being made given the circumstances. Doesn't mean that it makes it any easier though :(. If you need anything at all Im always here :hug: :hug:

You and your family are in my thoughts and :pray: during this difficult time :hug:
 
Weldy, I'm so sorry to hear this... :hug: I can't imagine how difficult this must be for your and your family. My thoughts are with you... :hug: :hug: :(
 
I don`t know what to say,I`m sorry Weldy,I`m useally the one to brighten things up,But I do hope she Gets somewhat better:hug: :hug: :hug: :pray:
 
tanner_sis said:
Ah..This is a very difficult thing to decide on .. I don't know you very much but my family went through this in 2005 with my great grandma.. she had a stroke and got better from it but we had to put her in a nursing home..she was doing okay for a few months..she walked..talked..but she ..well it was almost like she had alsheimers..you would be talking to her then she would pause and start on a completely different topic..we knew she wasnt coming out of it..so the time we spent with her provided for closure...she lived a long life..had many kids and was very happy..then..she had another stroke..but no one was at the home the time they took her into the hospital..they put her on a ventilator and a feeding tube and heavily sedated her.. when they put in the feeding tube we all knew there was no reversing what was happening.. so even tho she was still clinically alive..to me she was gone...it was just a body hooked up to machines..and we all knew there was no presence..so it was decided to take her off the ventilator and let her go..it took a week after un hooking it..a week..and it hurts to know that we can kill a criminal by leathal injection in minutes but we let our loved ones suffer (yes they are on morphine but still) .. so whatever you do..but when you think shes gone..she is..so dont feel guilty for grieving in a short period..everyone is different..but I would say if you can handle it be there before they remove the breathing tube..say your goodbyes..but be prepared if it takes a week for her to finally give in because that happens sometimes..my friends dad tho..he went in minutes.. be strong and follow your heart..:hug:

Actually I understand what you are going through. My dad had a stroke....but you can never tell. All the stroke took was some memories (Think Etch-A-Sketch :wink: ) and something else...but I forgot :shrug: :hug:

My dad kinda wished for a stroke....but it was a Pulmonary Embolism in her lungs that cause her to stop breathing and for her to become a semi-veg.
 
Weldy, I'm so sorry to read about all of this. :hug: I don't have any words that will do justice, but know that I am thinking of you and praying for you. :hug:
 
I'm so very sorry to hear this... Words can't even begin to describe all the things that I would want to say after having read your message... :(

I can't imagine what this has to feel like, and I won't say that I think I do. All I can do is send you my prayers, thoughts and strength, and wish that your mother is in as less pain as possible.

Take your time to grieve - this won't heal easy. Lots of love for you and your family. Hang in there :hug:
 
:sad:

:hug:

So sorry to read this. It sounds like you and your parents have already had your fair share of ups and downs. No one deserves something like this.

:pray:
 
omg Weldy, I am so sorry you are going through this. What a horrible thing for you and your family to deal with. Wish there was more we could do for you, please please let me know if I can help in any way, ok?
You poor thing. I'm wishing for peace for you and your parents right now. :hug:
 
oh wow Weldy, this is so sad. :sad:

As Lila said, how you need to decide is by thinking of what's best for you. I can't even imagine how hard it is for you....hugs and prayers for you....You know we are all here for you. :hug:
 
Dear God, I can't imagine what U're going through right now. Just know U will b in the prayers of me and mine.... God bless and keep U and Ur family through this hardest of times.
 
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