dazzledbylight
Blue Crack Supplier
(quick backstory + new crummy but controllable news from 3 weeks ago)
My sis talked to/or met already with the hospice care team people that provide services inside the Nursing Home he is in. She and I are going to have a family meeting on Mon. His Social Worker who has been his SW since the beginning (11 yrs) is leaving, and wanted to get him in to the Hospice Program ( he just met the criteria - certain physical/physiology stats ) My sis met the new SW and says she's lovely. (yay)
That was all sad but good. Hospice treatment there starts around a 6 month expectation of end of life. This was not a big surprise to us.
For those who don't know -sorry- he has a DNR- do not resuscitate. And after his steep drop in responsiveness and eating food in Jan/ they thot he had an kidney infection <he didn't>. We also put him on Palliative Care - no longer check his blood, weight etc on a regular basis. So a with DNR he would no longer be fed by feeding tubes.
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But 3 weeks ago or so he had his first seizure in 18 - 20 yrs.
The put him back on Dilantin- which he hadn't had for ?yrs.
When we were told - because seizures can be very painful ( different types), my sis gave permission to put him back on it; b/c it doesn't lengthen life, but prevents pain that come from seizures.
All was as good a it could be under the circumstances.
++++++++++++++++++++++
Now 4 hours ago my sis calls up half in tears because the team called her to say determined he can no longer swallow food safely (he hasn't been eating that much) and thus no food.... no more Dilantin.
So instead of closer to 6 months...
he's now got a few weeks or less-
depending on how long he can still or
wants to drink water .
While I "identified" more with my mom;
my sis because of parts of her work life and stuff identifies more with our dad.
(though my dad and I shared other strong interests)
Our dad became a very nasty person on & off for decades when we were around our late 20's/early 30's- so the relationship became very complicated. Oh he could be nasty before that, but it was usually in relationship to the differences he and our mom sometimes had to raising 2 girl teens! Not so unexpected (tough upsetting to us at the time) !
We lost our mom in May '08.
We lost our very long time friend in Sept' 09.
(her HS friend & 2nd longest-time friend)
( me becoming long-time friends with that same friend later a few yrs later when we found out we other major mutual interests b/c we were all together with a few other steady, and occasional people going to R&R concerts since mid 70's onward! Including
U2 ) She lost her closest friend made as a young adult (mid 20's);
unexpectedly ?day a half after major surgery last Oct '10.
She is afraid that his death after all these others which have been terrible- compounded by their rather closeness in occurrence is the one that's may make her "crack up".
(I was afraid until about 2 - 3 yrs before our mom died that that would happen to me <re my mom> but I got strong enough so it didn't).
I'm afraid that her grief might manifest in something physically threatening- not immediate but other time: she's had thyroid caner (14 months clear), serious and on nearly life threatening hernias, and started having macular degeneration (eyes, can cause blindness. Stabilized- thank the powers)
I'm 99% sure that my own sight threatening problem in my right eye was partly due to the grieving over my mother plus another crucial (to me) situation causing intense anxiety <not the worst but still intense> within a few months after her death.
One whammy, plus another severely potential one.
MY sis's name is Helen .
I hope that my dad has no more seizures .....
I'm "OK". QUite upset but I don't expect anything as close to
what happen re my mom to affect me.
But I'd be half-cracked up myself if anything really bad started happening to my sis ...........
So any prayers, good wishes, good vibes etc sent her, his & my way are greartly appreciated !!!
***Thank you*** in advance.
sssssss
