I need some thoughts/prayers/vibes

[last unicorn]

Maybe some of you can send some good vibes over to me. I've been in a state of emotional distress and in a real psychological mess for the last couple of weeks and it keeps getting worse. I even had to take two days off from work because of it and today I feel I cannot even get out of bed properly. I first thought it was just the bad weather, but the sun's been shining since yesterday and it's still not getting better.

A few weeks ago, I started to have problems with sleeping and my anxiety attacks returned. I just feel so depressed and I'm full of negative and dark thoughts and so many doubts and fears. I really don't know where this is coming from. I just feel really desperate and lonely right now and just utterly scared, without a concrete reason.

I feel I'm afraid of everything, I cannot even turn on my cell phone or open my mailbox most of the time because I'm so scared that something bad might have happened. It's especially bad in the mornings. Now I'm starting to even feel physically sick, I'm exhausted and feel weak. I could sleep all day. I cannot eat and I feel like crying all the time. At the same time I hate that state I'm in so much, I feel like I'm coming totally undone and getting completely lost.

Thing is I have a history with depression and anxiety attacks and I thought I had it under control for such a long time. I've been in therapy for many years and I'm in a group now that I felt was really helping me in the beginning, but in recent weeks I found it harder and harder to open up and communicate or say what was going through my mind. I let all the other ones do the talking. I feel like I'm having a hard time feeling joyous or excited about anything. The worst thing is, I cannot even feel excited about the upcoming concerts. I even thought of not going because I felt so exhausted. I'm unable to make decisions of any kind and thinking alone is making me totally tired.

There are days when it's getting better but most of the time I'm feeling really down. It cost me a lot of strength to even do everyday stuff like brushing my teeth or going out to do some shopping, let alone work. I feel I cannot concentrate or think straight.

At the moment I really don't know what to do. I hope once the tour starts I will feel better and U2 will bring some joy back into my life again. Maybe some positive thoughts from you guys could help me to feel a little better. Thanks a lot.

 

[MsPurrl]

You got it, LU. I hope you will talk to your doctor soon, so you'll be all ready for the tour!

 

[RedRocksU2]

 

[partygirl43]

Postive Vibes your way....

 

[last unicorn]

Thanks

I'm having a workshop with students tomorrow and we're going away into the mountains, so I'm sure this will be a little distraction and help me. I feel better when I'm with people and not at home alone.

 

[bonocomet]

lu

 

[dazzledbylight]

lu

sometimes the chemicals in the brain just go off and return of/ or increasing depression & increasing anxiety happen.

And sometimes something(s) trigger it.

Can you think of anything(s) that might have started a new cycle?


I'm glad you'll be going into bigger Nature this weekend, it often gives people more strength & joy.

As far as the group-- maybe some part of you suddenly thot- I'm saying too much to soon?
It's different for each person how much you choose to reveal about yourself- even in a group where that is part of the goal. Esp since you are relatively new to it.


keep us posted. DO the deep, slow belly breath thing too. esp up there in the mountains.

 

[lauramullen]

Sending some positive vibes

 

[JCOSTER]

Tons, and tons of positive vibes coming your way.
I think you should get out of the group, it might not be the right atomosphere for you. I would go back to one on one therapy and see how you feel after that.

 

[Bonogirl777]

Sending a TON of good vibes your way!!
My mom can sometimes struggles with depression, so I've seen this. If you maybe talk to you doctor, or just going to your support group/therapist often, I hope you'll find relief.
And upcoming U2 stuff will hopefully cheer you up!
Feel better.

 

[achtung_girl]

Oh no! I'm really sorry to hear lu!
I agree with all postings here. You, know there's always light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to remember that and you already gave the answer yourself sweetie!!!!!!

I hope once the tour starts I will feel better and U2 will bring some joy back into my life again.

Of course it will!

 

[last unicorn]

Thanks to all of you

I'm actually better since yesterday and I really think the U2 concerts will help me and I just have to start concentrating on all the positive and exciting stuff coming my way now instead of always worrying about everything.

I've been in a real hole for some weeks now and I don't really know what's wrong with me, just so many different feelings/thoughts going on, sometimes I feel I'm not myself anymore.

But I feel more upbeat today and I only have to work for two more days. I think some stuff going on in my work and private life just put me on the verge of a slight burnout, I'm familiar with this situation.

Since we were in the mountains all day yesterday I was really tired in the evening, but in a good way, and finally was able to sleep well last night and actually felt better this morning than I've done for weeks now. So much fresh air and laughter was exactly what I needed.

 

[zuropa_fit]

Just saw this now. Hang in there.

 

[kassandra]

Hope you are doing well LU, hang in there!

 

[lauramullen]

 

[last unicorn]

It's getting better ... the U2 excitement is cheering me up ... still I got bad news at work, something that was to be expected, but still when you hear it made official it's kind of frustrating. I went out for more than an hour today and just walked around in the sun, the rest of the day was quite stressful.

I know these phases come and go, but I've been in this for quite some time now and it was really starting to worry me. I took meds before, especially against my depression and the anxiety attacks, but I just find it really hard to concentrate with the meds, and I'm also kind of losing my emotions if I take them over a longer period of time. I'll talk to the therapist that is doing our weekly group if he can recommend me someone to go to, because I don't think the group is helping much at the moment, I just feel I need to talk to someone one on one.

But all of you have been so kind Thanks a lot! I hope I'll continue to get better now.

 

[kassandra]

Have you tried to detox? Sometimes that helps, it is hard to do but worth it in the long run and you don't have to take any medications.

 

[last unicorn]

^ Yeah, I'm trying that from time to time, normally two or three weeks a year, sometimes it's really tough, emotionally, because it brings out all kinds of emotion. I couldn't do it now because I was under too much stress. But if I really do detox and manage to pull it through, I feel much better afterwards.

 

[kassandra]

for better days ahead!

 

[last unicorn]

I felt better but now it's all the same again

I've been so exhausted for days and had to leave work yesterday because I couldn't concentrate anymore and suddenly started to cry. I cannot eat anything and don't want to see anybody, I just want to sleep and hide underneath my blanket. I don't know how to get up in the morning. I really was fine for a couple of weeks now but on the weekend I had a family visit, and after the left I felt like I suddenly fell into a hole and I can't get out of it. I get so annoyed with everything and every little thing I do seems to be endlessly tiring. I don't want to eat and nothing seems to have joy for me at the moment, and I don't want to go to work, it all seems really senseless.

Now after the U2 soncerts I've been to I really thought I'd be better, but now I'm back to feeling really depressed. I'll be off to Germany at the weekend and I hope it will get better when I leave. I'm so full of fears and doubt and can't really get myself to be very excited about the upcoming concerts. I don't know what's wrong with me. Yesterday I couldn't even get up, it sucks so much.

Right now I just feel I'm in a real downwards spiral. Of course I call all meetings off because I don't want to see anyone and as a result it's getting worse.

After the concerts, I felt like coming down from the orbit into a hole, it's horrible. I'm scared it will be like this for the rest of the summer now.
I guess I have to go and talk to someone.

 

[kassandra]

"I guess I have to go and talk to someone."

There is nothing wrong with that, go fast. Only sane people see psychologists!

 

[Addicted To Bad]

Dear LU !

I know that´s this is not the cure for any problem but believe me: listen to Walk On lifts your spirit and gives you strength to face life. Most of our problems in life are only in our mind and it affects our body and makes us feel down.

"You" are the first one who can really help you. You are what you believe you are and be sure lots of people love you and want to see you well.


" and if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong.."

 

[JanuaryStar]

LU, these 'fallbacks' when you have been familiar with depression are very common. You feel like this could be the end of the world, nothing actually makes sense anymore and you just can't seem to get your mind straightened out. What you said last, that you think you should go and talk to someone, please do! When feeling like this, a human being has the natural behaviour of retreating and not wanting to see anyone because they will think it will make things worse. But there could be nothing worse than feeling like this, things can only get better! So please, when you find the chance, go and talk to someone because it can really, truly help you out of this downward spiral. They can provide the tools to see what exactly is going on, and then afterwards you can be the one being strong and fixing this. It comes from the inside, but has to be brought out with the help of someone else when you are feeling like this. Good luck and please, don't stick around with these problems all by yourself...

 

[floweravalanche]

LU You know you got my love, support, and prayers. Talking to someone does really help, I know if I find at lest one person to listen to me even if its online it helps cause at lest I know I have someone to lean on, I know the feeling though 100%
Something that is helping me cause Im battling my own problems right now is writing it all down somewhere in a journal or make a private online blog, just so that you can get out whatever is brothering you, find a hobby like right now Im thinking about trying to draw again or pick up my violin I even asked my Dad if he could help me with the guitar just so I had something to distract my mind from all the negative that is bring me down. But if you can find someone to talk to go for that cause it helps, but do know you have all us here too. You're welcome to send me a PM if you just want to vent and everything.

 

[BonosLil'Pal94]

LU I have days like that too, and I'm sure they're not as serious (they're mostly do to schoolwork ), but I'm just letting you know I'm here supporting you as well. If you ever need anything....I know there are a ton of people here who would be willing to help Feel better soon!

 

[dazzledbylight]

hang in there and try to take a day, hour minutes at a time.

I hope you do talk to a professional very soon tho.

my prayers/good vibes go with you.

 

[last unicorn]

Thanks everyone, that's very kind of you

I think part of the problem is that I have times when I'm at a very high level emotionally (like, right now, when I'm going to a U2 show), and I feel everything is great and nothing can happen, and then I come back home and fall into a really deep hole, and that just sucks.

This year has been particularly difficult with a lot of emotional ups and downs, and sometimes I feel like I have no control over it.

But from experience I know that it's important to talk to someone. I'm in a therapy group and the therapist is really great. I just feel like I was starting to really get into the group and open up more, but then it ended for the summer break, it will begin again only in September, but I'll try to contact him and maybe arrange a 1 to 1 meeting with him in the meantime.

It sucks to have been in therapy for so long and just when you think you're life is in order and you have learned to deal with all your problems, you're starting to fall back into the same old crap.

Anyway, thanks so much for your support and your help and good thoughts, it is very much appreciated.

 

[KristenCaNaDiAn]

LU, I'm so sorry to hear about your recent troubles with depression. I know a lot about what you're going through. A few years back I went through a similar experience. Basically from the time I was born to the time I was 18 years old I was stuck living in a very abusive household. My dad was extremely abusive and finally when I was 18 my mom divorced him. The divorce was the best thing though because we were finally out of that situation. My mom went through a lot of therapy to help her deal with everything she went through and she is perfectly happy now. But about a year after the divorce I started getting major anxiety attacks and depression. For about a month straight I didn't wanna see anyone or do anything and I was sick to my stomach everyday. I didn't know where this was coming from because I thought being out of that abusiveness made everything better. Well it turns out that I had a lot of stuff that I had to deal with from my experiences and so I went into therapy for about a year. My therapist really saved me and helped me to understand why I was feeling the way I was feeling and he helped me to overcome my depression. Most importantly though, he taught me to embrass my anxiety because that is your body's way of telling you there is an issue in your sub-conscious that needs to be dealt with. I am perfectly happy now and I'm so grateful that I was able to get the help I needed and live a happy life now having dealt with all the problems of the past that were haunting me.

I guess my point is that if you are having anxiety problems it's most likely coming from an issue in your sub-conscious that you might not even be aware of. In my opinion and experience the best thing would be to keep up with the therapy, probably the one on one is the best. That will help you to get to the root of the problem and by understanding where the anxiety is stemming from you'll be able to overcome it.

If you ever need to talk feel free to pm me

 

[last unicorn]

Thanks for all your nice and thoughtful words.

Please send some positive vibes, it's very bad right now. I don't know what to do or how to get out of this dark hole.

 

[singyourlife]

I don't know you at all, but I just wanted to say please hang on in there. I actually discovered U2 and became a fan when I was going through a very dark and difficult time in my life. When you feel like everything's hopeless, I'm sure U2's music can go someway to helping you through. You seem to have lots of friends on here too. Stay safe!