secretly alone
Rock n' Roll Doggie FOB
I know this forum is exploding recently with new and exciting things, but here is the last chapter of this story (Chapter 27 to be exact). I realized I started posting it last July...which means it's end has been long overdue!! I want to thank you all for reading it, all of you who have left me lovely comments, and even anyone who may have been lurking and reading but not making their presence known 
Thanks for your patience...this was my first attempt at any kind of fiction writing. I hope you've enjoyed reading about these two ridiculously mushy-gushy lovers 
~For the last time, this stuff is fiction! Sheesh!~
It was early, and then sun had not yet fully risen. The sleeping houses lining the dark streets of the Dublin suburbs looked exactly as they had when we were passing them in the other direction, months ago. Nothing had changed here. Not much had changed among us either. We had all grown closer, Bono and I in the most obvious way. Paul and I were friends. The morning we left, sitting in the Dublin airport waiting to depart, he was openly against my presence. Time and intense forced bonding had changed that. As we neared home, I played a sort of film of the past months' events through my mind: my return to America, sharing the room in LA and the bickering that ensued, Vegas-everything about it, making love to Bono for the first time, flying back home to see Killian, Bono's birthday, our fight that scared the crap out of me, the pregnancy scare, it's passing, the traumatizing doctor's visit, Bono meeting my family, all the miles of Interstates, hotels, and KFC in between. It had been a blast, but had gotten tiresome towards the end. For the final few weeks, I had just wanted to come home. And now, here we were, back in Dublin.
It was a strange feeling, leaving JFK. It was far from the feeling I had leaving New York for the first time, what seemed like decades ago. Then, I couldn't see the ground disappear fast enough. This time, I wasn't sad or happy to leave. It was like leaving one "home" and going back to another. I had reclaimed my fondness for the city that had been my home since birth, but it didn't make me sad to leave. I would be happy to be there when I was there, but Dublin was my home now.
I turned to look at Bono, who was resting his chin on my shoulder, just as he had the morning he was leaving home. "I can't believe we're here. It seems like no time has passed, and it seems like years have passed." He was right. And, I realized, I was wrong. A lot had changed with us. I grew up quite a bit along the way. When we left Dublin that April morning, I had just been a runaway teenage girl, falling madly in love with a boy unlike any I'd ever met. Now, merely months older, a few weeks from my 20th birthday, I was a much more stable young woman after going through quite a lot. And Bono...he hadn't changed. I got the feeling that in a way, he would never change, which was fine by me. He had known how to take care of me from the beginning. I had learned how to take care of him along the way.
The cab dropped the others off at their houses first. It felt wierd to say goodbye. We hadn't been in eachother's faces every hour, or even every day. But even so, there had been the knowledge that soon we would be continuing the journey cramped up together in the bus. Now, when would we see eachother? They were on a break now. In October, we would be hitting the road again, this time through Europe. I was beginning to feel a sense of helplessness. What were we going to do now? I supposed I would adjust to real life, but by the time I did, we would be off again!
That wierd feeling seemed to melt away when we got out of the car and walked up to front door of...well, I guess "our" house. I was living there, after all. Vivid in my mind was the memory of pulling the door shut behind me and getting into the cab, months ago. It had been a cold morning. This morning was warm and humid. Bono opened the door, and a wave of emotion hit me when I walked in, as well as that smell of cinammon. I flashed back once again to the very first time I had walked through that door, unsure and anxious. I dropped the suitcase and flopped down on the couch. Bono followed suit. "It feels so good to lay on this couch with you again," he murmured, nuzzling his face into my neck. I could barely mumble back an affirmative response. A heavy wave of fatuigue was settling on me fast. "Ugh, baby, we have to get up. If we fall asleep, the jet lag will just last longer." I pulled him into an upright position. "You sit here while I call my mom and let her know we're home. Don't lay down!"
I went into the kitchen, pausing a moment to flip through a few fond memories it held. Really it was silly. It had only been a few months, but it felt like so much longer. Maybe tomorrow I'll burn some more pancakes, I thought with a laugh. I dialed my phone number, but got the operator. I had forgotten to dial the country code.
"Hello? I'm assuming this is you, Lil, since it's three in the morning."
"Yeah, I just wanted to let you know that we're home now, so you can go to sleep."
"Listen, Lil, I didn't want to say this earlier, or yesterday, or whatever it was when you guys were leaving, but..."
She paused, and my stomach dropped. What now?!
"I'm sorry for what I said the other day, when you told me that...well, you know. I realized it was wrong, and when we were driving back from the beach and I saw the way you were looking at Bono, playing with his hair and all...I understood how what I said must have hurt you."
I swallowed hard.
"Yeah, it did. Mostly because I knew how much it meant to him that you not feel that way."
"Well, I don't. I see why you love him so much. You were right when you said that he was special, and as a mother, I couldn't imagine any better for my daughter. I just didn't want to say all that in front of him, he might have been embarassed."
I laughed.
"He probably would've been. I'm glad you understand. I promise I'll call again soon, but right now I have to make sure neither of us falls asleep."
"Okay hun, talk to you later."
"Bye."
Sure enough, when I went back to the living room, Bono was already asleep. I sat him up again. "No, wake up! We have to stay up till tonight!" He sighed. "Ok, well, let's take a walk, love. Otherwise I'm going to be out like a light."
We took the bus down to the river and walked along it. The humid August air wasn't exactly refreshing, but it kept us awake. "So, what happens now Bono?" He laughed. "It's a wierd feeling, right? We're going to finish up the next album before we leave in October. Hah, we're calling it "October", and releasing it in October!" He chuckled as if he had only now just realized that. I squeezed his hand. "This is exciting. Do you think, maybe, I could hang out at the studio sometimes when you guys are working?" I would miss him horribly if I couldn't see him all day for days. "Of course! You can come! As long as you don't make too much noise," he said, winking. "No problem, I'll leave my rattle at home. I'll just need some Cheerios to keep me busy." He tipped his head back and laughed, then hugged me tightly. "So what were you talking to your mom about?" I shrugged. "She just said that, well, that she was sorry about what she said the other day..." "That I was tearing your family apart?" I gave him a playful shove. "She didn't say that! She said that our relationship was, because we're living so far away. She liked you right off. And she just told me now that she was sorry, and she understands how much I love you." He nodded. "That's good. Hopefully as time goes on, we'll be able to afford to visit more often."
Bono nearly knocked his dad over when he got home from work that evening. "I missed you, daddy!" He said it teasingly, but under the teasing was an aching sincerity. I tried not to let my eyes tear up. Mr. Hewson hugged his son somewhat awkwardly, but I could tell that he was very happy to have him home. "Ah, Miss Lilly, you survived. Any grey hairs?" He hugged me too and I giggled. "Surprisingly, not yet. I checked yesterday." Bono yawned, probably involuntarily. It was just after eight, and I figured it was a safe enough time for us to go to bed. "I moved that mattress out of your room, Paul. I got tired of seeing it in there after a week or so. But, eh...well, shall I assume that we don't need to get it out again?" He was giving us both knowing looks, and I felt my cheeks burning. Bono shuffled his feet. "Yeah, we don't need it anymore." I needed some ice for my face. Just like that, his dad let it go. "Well then, goodnight kids."
Bono and I had slept in his bed together a few times, but not without the fear of getting the proverbial hose turned on us in the morning. And of course there would have been the suspicion of something happening that didn't, but that wasn't an issue anymore. Bono emergered from the bathroom in just his grey briefs and an undershirt. "It's too hot for clothes," he whined, opening the window. Nothing but more humid air came in. "BUT," he said, laying down next to me, "that doesn't stop me from wanting to snuggle up with you. So I guess we'll just sweat to death." I didn't care about the heat either. I curled up to him, stroking his chest. "Good night, baby." He lifted his head and kissed me, and literally within a minute, he was asleep. I was beginning to think I was over tired, because I couldn't clear my head. Something about the return home had brought us full circle, I felt. This was where it had all started, and this was where it would continue, in whatever way. A lot of uncertainty lay ahead. I took it for granted that the boys would get to a level where the income was sufficient to live off of. I believed that they would. All four of them loved what they were doing, and I wanted them to do it, no matter what. But if things never changed, Bono and I would be pretty damn poor, to put it bluntly. I wouldn't care, but I hoped it wouldn't be that way. Other things could change too. Neither of us had gotten past high school...would I ever have to go back to school? Truthfully, I didn't want to. I wanted things to stay just the way they were, fully aware that they would eventually change, in one way or another. The only certain thing was Bono and I. That was it. Whether we were travelling the world, or working nine to five jobs and living in a little house, or collecting welfare, or whatever, there would be us. I kissed his ear and his cheek, listening to his soft breathing. I decided not to worry about the future. What was to come would come, regardless of how much I thought about it. In this moment, Bono was but a young boy, innocent and naive, and sound asleep. What happened later didn't matter, because right now, everything was about as perfect as it could be.
Thanks for your patience...this was my first attempt at any kind of fiction writing. I hope you've enjoyed reading about these two ridiculously mushy-gushy lovers ~For the last time, this stuff is fiction! Sheesh!~
It was early, and then sun had not yet fully risen. The sleeping houses lining the dark streets of the Dublin suburbs looked exactly as they had when we were passing them in the other direction, months ago. Nothing had changed here. Not much had changed among us either. We had all grown closer, Bono and I in the most obvious way. Paul and I were friends. The morning we left, sitting in the Dublin airport waiting to depart, he was openly against my presence. Time and intense forced bonding had changed that. As we neared home, I played a sort of film of the past months' events through my mind: my return to America, sharing the room in LA and the bickering that ensued, Vegas-everything about it, making love to Bono for the first time, flying back home to see Killian, Bono's birthday, our fight that scared the crap out of me, the pregnancy scare, it's passing, the traumatizing doctor's visit, Bono meeting my family, all the miles of Interstates, hotels, and KFC in between. It had been a blast, but had gotten tiresome towards the end. For the final few weeks, I had just wanted to come home. And now, here we were, back in Dublin.
It was a strange feeling, leaving JFK. It was far from the feeling I had leaving New York for the first time, what seemed like decades ago. Then, I couldn't see the ground disappear fast enough. This time, I wasn't sad or happy to leave. It was like leaving one "home" and going back to another. I had reclaimed my fondness for the city that had been my home since birth, but it didn't make me sad to leave. I would be happy to be there when I was there, but Dublin was my home now.
I turned to look at Bono, who was resting his chin on my shoulder, just as he had the morning he was leaving home. "I can't believe we're here. It seems like no time has passed, and it seems like years have passed." He was right. And, I realized, I was wrong. A lot had changed with us. I grew up quite a bit along the way. When we left Dublin that April morning, I had just been a runaway teenage girl, falling madly in love with a boy unlike any I'd ever met. Now, merely months older, a few weeks from my 20th birthday, I was a much more stable young woman after going through quite a lot. And Bono...he hadn't changed. I got the feeling that in a way, he would never change, which was fine by me. He had known how to take care of me from the beginning. I had learned how to take care of him along the way.
The cab dropped the others off at their houses first. It felt wierd to say goodbye. We hadn't been in eachother's faces every hour, or even every day. But even so, there had been the knowledge that soon we would be continuing the journey cramped up together in the bus. Now, when would we see eachother? They were on a break now. In October, we would be hitting the road again, this time through Europe. I was beginning to feel a sense of helplessness. What were we going to do now? I supposed I would adjust to real life, but by the time I did, we would be off again!
That wierd feeling seemed to melt away when we got out of the car and walked up to front door of...well, I guess "our" house. I was living there, after all. Vivid in my mind was the memory of pulling the door shut behind me and getting into the cab, months ago. It had been a cold morning. This morning was warm and humid. Bono opened the door, and a wave of emotion hit me when I walked in, as well as that smell of cinammon. I flashed back once again to the very first time I had walked through that door, unsure and anxious. I dropped the suitcase and flopped down on the couch. Bono followed suit. "It feels so good to lay on this couch with you again," he murmured, nuzzling his face into my neck. I could barely mumble back an affirmative response. A heavy wave of fatuigue was settling on me fast. "Ugh, baby, we have to get up. If we fall asleep, the jet lag will just last longer." I pulled him into an upright position. "You sit here while I call my mom and let her know we're home. Don't lay down!"
I went into the kitchen, pausing a moment to flip through a few fond memories it held. Really it was silly. It had only been a few months, but it felt like so much longer. Maybe tomorrow I'll burn some more pancakes, I thought with a laugh. I dialed my phone number, but got the operator. I had forgotten to dial the country code.
"Hello? I'm assuming this is you, Lil, since it's three in the morning."
"Yeah, I just wanted to let you know that we're home now, so you can go to sleep."
"Listen, Lil, I didn't want to say this earlier, or yesterday, or whatever it was when you guys were leaving, but..."
She paused, and my stomach dropped. What now?!
"I'm sorry for what I said the other day, when you told me that...well, you know. I realized it was wrong, and when we were driving back from the beach and I saw the way you were looking at Bono, playing with his hair and all...I understood how what I said must have hurt you."
I swallowed hard.
"Yeah, it did. Mostly because I knew how much it meant to him that you not feel that way."
"Well, I don't. I see why you love him so much. You were right when you said that he was special, and as a mother, I couldn't imagine any better for my daughter. I just didn't want to say all that in front of him, he might have been embarassed."
I laughed.
"He probably would've been. I'm glad you understand. I promise I'll call again soon, but right now I have to make sure neither of us falls asleep."
"Okay hun, talk to you later."
"Bye."
Sure enough, when I went back to the living room, Bono was already asleep. I sat him up again. "No, wake up! We have to stay up till tonight!" He sighed. "Ok, well, let's take a walk, love. Otherwise I'm going to be out like a light."
We took the bus down to the river and walked along it. The humid August air wasn't exactly refreshing, but it kept us awake. "So, what happens now Bono?" He laughed. "It's a wierd feeling, right? We're going to finish up the next album before we leave in October. Hah, we're calling it "October", and releasing it in October!" He chuckled as if he had only now just realized that. I squeezed his hand. "This is exciting. Do you think, maybe, I could hang out at the studio sometimes when you guys are working?" I would miss him horribly if I couldn't see him all day for days. "Of course! You can come! As long as you don't make too much noise," he said, winking. "No problem, I'll leave my rattle at home. I'll just need some Cheerios to keep me busy." He tipped his head back and laughed, then hugged me tightly. "So what were you talking to your mom about?" I shrugged. "She just said that, well, that she was sorry about what she said the other day..." "That I was tearing your family apart?" I gave him a playful shove. "She didn't say that! She said that our relationship was, because we're living so far away. She liked you right off. And she just told me now that she was sorry, and she understands how much I love you." He nodded. "That's good. Hopefully as time goes on, we'll be able to afford to visit more often."
Bono nearly knocked his dad over when he got home from work that evening. "I missed you, daddy!" He said it teasingly, but under the teasing was an aching sincerity. I tried not to let my eyes tear up. Mr. Hewson hugged his son somewhat awkwardly, but I could tell that he was very happy to have him home. "Ah, Miss Lilly, you survived. Any grey hairs?" He hugged me too and I giggled. "Surprisingly, not yet. I checked yesterday." Bono yawned, probably involuntarily. It was just after eight, and I figured it was a safe enough time for us to go to bed. "I moved that mattress out of your room, Paul. I got tired of seeing it in there after a week or so. But, eh...well, shall I assume that we don't need to get it out again?" He was giving us both knowing looks, and I felt my cheeks burning. Bono shuffled his feet. "Yeah, we don't need it anymore." I needed some ice for my face. Just like that, his dad let it go. "Well then, goodnight kids."
Bono and I had slept in his bed together a few times, but not without the fear of getting the proverbial hose turned on us in the morning. And of course there would have been the suspicion of something happening that didn't, but that wasn't an issue anymore. Bono emergered from the bathroom in just his grey briefs and an undershirt. "It's too hot for clothes," he whined, opening the window. Nothing but more humid air came in. "BUT," he said, laying down next to me, "that doesn't stop me from wanting to snuggle up with you. So I guess we'll just sweat to death." I didn't care about the heat either. I curled up to him, stroking his chest. "Good night, baby." He lifted his head and kissed me, and literally within a minute, he was asleep. I was beginning to think I was over tired, because I couldn't clear my head. Something about the return home had brought us full circle, I felt. This was where it had all started, and this was where it would continue, in whatever way. A lot of uncertainty lay ahead. I took it for granted that the boys would get to a level where the income was sufficient to live off of. I believed that they would. All four of them loved what they were doing, and I wanted them to do it, no matter what. But if things never changed, Bono and I would be pretty damn poor, to put it bluntly. I wouldn't care, but I hoped it wouldn't be that way. Other things could change too. Neither of us had gotten past high school...would I ever have to go back to school? Truthfully, I didn't want to. I wanted things to stay just the way they were, fully aware that they would eventually change, in one way or another. The only certain thing was Bono and I. That was it. Whether we were travelling the world, or working nine to five jobs and living in a little house, or collecting welfare, or whatever, there would be us. I kissed his ear and his cheek, listening to his soft breathing. I decided not to worry about the future. What was to come would come, regardless of how much I thought about it. In this moment, Bono was but a young boy, innocent and naive, and sound asleep. What happened later didn't matter, because right now, everything was about as perfect as it could be.
: 
...I'm getting a bit 
at the moment...
Your story was incredible!
As soon as I write it, and think of a title 
