secretly alone
Rock n' Roll Doggie FOB
Here's chapter 5! I struggled a bit with this one 
but it's done!
~As usual, this did not happen. Purely fictional~
We were still clinging to eachother when the phone rang from inside the house. He pulled his face off my shoulder and winked. "I've got a feeling that's important!" We went inside and he answered the phone. "Hello?...Hi Edge...yeah, I figured...no, I haven't gotten a chance to...yeah, I might as well. As good a time as any. Hold on." He put his hand over the receiver and looked at me. "He's making flight reservations and such." WHAT?! My mouth dropped open. "You're leaving in six days and you don't have FLIGHT reservations yet?!?!" He looked sheepish. "I never said we were organized. And it's sort of my fault, because I waited so long to...well, this is the last day we can make them. And I really hope that...you'll come with us? They really want you to come too, they said they would miss you if they didn't see you for months." That was heartwarming, and I knew I would have missed them too. "I've been wanting to ask you for a long time, but, well, I felt that other things had to be settled between us first. And I was so nervous...but, love, I don't think I would make it three months without you. Please come with us?" Any problems I had left had just vanished before my eyes. He didn't need to convince me, but the fact that he thought he did was a nice touch. I hugged him. "Oh, Paulie, I'm so happy. The thought of you leaving made me miserable. I didn't know what was going to happen...of course I'll come." He grinned and put the phone back to his ear. "Ok Edge, it's a go...mhm...long story...yeah. Ok, goodnight." And he hung up.
"Yay, you're coming with us!!" He picked me up and spun me around. I had never felt happier than I did in that moment. And then I remembered something...the rather pathetic amount of money I had left. "Uhhhh, wait, Bono...you might have to call him back." He stopped. "Why??" "Because, I only have enough money to pay for maybe a few plane tickets..." Something about what I just said was very comical to him. "Wait a minute, you thought YOU were going to pay for this?" He was still laughing. "Well, yes, I did. I don't know why it's so funny that I assume I'm paying for my own travel expenses. You guys aren't exactly rolling in dough." He shook his head and put his arm around me. "Lilly, we made some money from album sales and playing gigs. Most of that money went into a 'tour fund'...at this point we need to tour a lot to get ourselves out there, so that's what we're putting most of our money towards. What we didn't put into that fund, we split four ways. So, no, we don't have a lot of money. But we do have enough to cover travel expenses for touring...plenty to pay for a few plane tickets for one extra person." "Well, how many flights are involved here?" "Not many. One from here to Los Angeles, where we're starting out...and then we're going to finish in Boston, so the flight from there back here...and I think there is just one in between somewhere, the shows are scheduled too close together for us to be able to drive between the cities. But we're going to be driving most of the time."
I was relieved. I had imagined scores of flights, from city to city, which would not only cost a lot, but I was terrified of flying. I thought I was going to vomit the whole flight to Dublin. He bit his lip. "That's another thing...it's only fair to warn you that this all might not be as fun as it sounds. We'll be spending a lot of time in a bus riding across the country. There are probably going to be instances where the five of us will have to share one hotel room. It...it can definitely be stressful." I shrugged. "It sounds like an experience, and I'm looking forward to it. Besides, the other option is what? Hanging out here and not seeing you for the next three months? No thanks." He gave me a peck on the lips. That was going to take some getting used to, so that I didn't feel like passing out every time. "I'm so happy you're coming. It's going to be fun, I promise...and we'll be together all the time!" That was the best part.
When Edge called back later, it was all settled. Apparently he had only been able to get the four of them on the flight from Dallas to St. Louis, and I would have to catch the next one. "Edge said there were only four seats left on that flight. The next one leaves a day later, though. The only reason we all couldn't take the second one is that it'll get you there a few hours before we're supposed to play...we can't cut it that close. You don't mind, do you?" I had flown by myself once, I could do it again. I couldn't see that it would be a huge issue. I shrugged. "Nah, it's only a one day difference. And I came here alone." "Oh no, you won't be alone! Paul has to catch that flight too. He'll be with you." I imagined he thought that was a comfort, but it was not. In fact, it gave me a bit of anxiety. The man had not warmed up to me at all...I had only seen him a few times since the first night, anyway. I was sure that our happy news of being a couple would only bother him more considering the circumstances. And finding out I was coming along with them? That would just make his day...not. Oh well, I thought, no use thinking about it now. I was going with them, and that was all that mattered.
We laid curled up on his bed talking. "You haven't spoken to your parents at all since you've been here, Lilly. Did you even call them from the airport to let them know you were safe?" I had been feeling a little guilty, but he brought that guilt to the forefront and forced me to recognize it. "No, I didn't. And I know I should have, but I just didn't." His brow was furrowed. "I want you to call them. Before we leave." I raised my eyebrow. "Ohh, you're giving me an ultimatum now?" "No, I didn't mean to sound like that. I just think that you need to talk to them. Don't you think they're worried?" I was sure that they were worried, and that was why I felt guilty. But as selfish as it was, I was free. I was doing as I pleased without any intervention. Still, I knew he was right. I nodded. "I'll call them quickly before we leave, just so they know I'm ok and where I am." I didn't want to have a long conversation until we had already left Dublin. Somehow I felt like my mother would get on a plane and try to stop me.
It was getting late. Bono yawned. "Don't get mad when I say this, but...will you sleep up here with me tonight? I promise I won't try anything funny. I just want you near me." I trusted him. Not that I would necessarily object if he did try anything. I certainly didn't think we were really ready, but that didn't change the fact that I wanted him. "I'm not worried about that, baby. I know you're not like that." I nuzzled his ear. "You may have noticed I have a thing for your ears..." He laughed. "Yeah, why? They're just things that stick off the side of me head! Everyone has them." I shrugged. "I dunno, yours are very cute." I nibbled on one of them as if it were a gummy candy, and he squirmed. "Hey, that tickles!" He crawled on top of me and began kissing me, tenderly but with passion. He couldn't have weighed very much, but it was still enough to pin me down, and it felt nice. Safe, somehow. And suddenly, I became aware that something was poking me. He immediately backed off. "I'm so sorry!! I swear I didn't mean to!" I tried to interrupt him but he kept going. "It's just, I can't control that, you know...I-I'm a boy and it just happens. I'm really really really sorry!" Finally I just yelled "SHH!", and he looked startled. "Why are you apologizing for that? I know you didn't make it happen on purpose! I did take a science class or two in my life. And besides, it doesn't bother me." He moved closer again. "So...so you don't mind that we have company?" I laughed. "No, I don't mind at all. He can stay." It reminded me of something I had been wondering about him, and it seemed that now it was finally appropriate to ask. Before, it just seemed to me that asking this question would be crossing a line of sorts. "Uhm, Bono, this reminds me...of a personal question I wanted to ask you, I hope you don't mind-" He rolled his eyes and chuckled. "Oh no, here it comes. I know what you're going to ask."
Despite the fact that he was holding me, I felt a little chill. Something about his tone, and the 'oh no', made me feel that the answer was not going to be the one I wanted to hear. "Have you...ever..." He interrupted me. "No, I haven't." I raised my eyebrow. "I could have been about to ask you anything, like 'have you ever been to the top of the Empire State building' for instance." He was laughing. "Yes, but I knew you weren't. I know what you were going to ask me, and the answer is no, I haven't. Or, if you had started your question 'Are you a...' then the answer would have been yes, I am. Satisfied?" That was an understatement. Relieved was an understatement. Even if I had offended him, it was worth it. "Are you mad that I asked?" He shook his head. "Not at all. It only makes sense that you would ask me, right? But I've never been in a situation like this before, let alone...you know..." I nodded. "Not all boys my age are...man-sluts!" I burst out laughing. It was a funny phrase in itself, but hearing him say it was too much. He grinned. "I heard that on TV!" When I stopped laughing, he was looking at me. "It's my turn to ask."
Considering my social history, it was an absurd question. "No way, of course I haven't...loner, remember?" He smiled sympathetically, brushing my cheek with his finger. "Well, if you were a loner, you sure did change." And he was right...I had, in a way, become the person I had always known was inside me somewhere. Smiling, I said, "You know, they say when you're in love with someone, they bring out the best in you." He pulled me into his arms again. "I love you, Lilly. I'm going to tell you that at least ten times a day now. I have to make up for lost time." I giggled. "I love you too. I think I would have cried if your answer had been different. Not that it would have changed anything, but...I don't know. I just thought of you a certian way-" He smiled his crooked smile. "What, sweet and innocent?" I blushed. "Well, yes, actually." He kissed me and ran his tongue over mine."Hmmm, I'm not feeling very sweet and innocent right now." I shook my head. "Nooo, me either." He sighed. "Do you want to go back to your bed?" That was about the last thing I wanted. I put my head on his chest. "No, I want to stay right here." He stroked my hair gently. I could hear his heart beating. It was comforting, and made me feel safe. I loved him, and he loved me. I wasn't going to have to say goodbye to him in a few days, after all. As long as I had him, everything would be ok. Eventually, the sound lulled me to sleep.
but it's done!~As usual, this did not happen. Purely fictional~
We were still clinging to eachother when the phone rang from inside the house. He pulled his face off my shoulder and winked. "I've got a feeling that's important!" We went inside and he answered the phone. "Hello?...Hi Edge...yeah, I figured...no, I haven't gotten a chance to...yeah, I might as well. As good a time as any. Hold on." He put his hand over the receiver and looked at me. "He's making flight reservations and such." WHAT?! My mouth dropped open. "You're leaving in six days and you don't have FLIGHT reservations yet?!?!" He looked sheepish. "I never said we were organized. And it's sort of my fault, because I waited so long to...well, this is the last day we can make them. And I really hope that...you'll come with us? They really want you to come too, they said they would miss you if they didn't see you for months." That was heartwarming, and I knew I would have missed them too. "I've been wanting to ask you for a long time, but, well, I felt that other things had to be settled between us first. And I was so nervous...but, love, I don't think I would make it three months without you. Please come with us?" Any problems I had left had just vanished before my eyes. He didn't need to convince me, but the fact that he thought he did was a nice touch. I hugged him. "Oh, Paulie, I'm so happy. The thought of you leaving made me miserable. I didn't know what was going to happen...of course I'll come." He grinned and put the phone back to his ear. "Ok Edge, it's a go...mhm...long story...yeah. Ok, goodnight." And he hung up.
"Yay, you're coming with us!!" He picked me up and spun me around. I had never felt happier than I did in that moment. And then I remembered something...the rather pathetic amount of money I had left. "Uhhhh, wait, Bono...you might have to call him back." He stopped. "Why??" "Because, I only have enough money to pay for maybe a few plane tickets..." Something about what I just said was very comical to him. "Wait a minute, you thought YOU were going to pay for this?" He was still laughing. "Well, yes, I did. I don't know why it's so funny that I assume I'm paying for my own travel expenses. You guys aren't exactly rolling in dough." He shook his head and put his arm around me. "Lilly, we made some money from album sales and playing gigs. Most of that money went into a 'tour fund'...at this point we need to tour a lot to get ourselves out there, so that's what we're putting most of our money towards. What we didn't put into that fund, we split four ways. So, no, we don't have a lot of money. But we do have enough to cover travel expenses for touring...plenty to pay for a few plane tickets for one extra person." "Well, how many flights are involved here?" "Not many. One from here to Los Angeles, where we're starting out...and then we're going to finish in Boston, so the flight from there back here...and I think there is just one in between somewhere, the shows are scheduled too close together for us to be able to drive between the cities. But we're going to be driving most of the time."
I was relieved. I had imagined scores of flights, from city to city, which would not only cost a lot, but I was terrified of flying. I thought I was going to vomit the whole flight to Dublin. He bit his lip. "That's another thing...it's only fair to warn you that this all might not be as fun as it sounds. We'll be spending a lot of time in a bus riding across the country. There are probably going to be instances where the five of us will have to share one hotel room. It...it can definitely be stressful." I shrugged. "It sounds like an experience, and I'm looking forward to it. Besides, the other option is what? Hanging out here and not seeing you for the next three months? No thanks." He gave me a peck on the lips. That was going to take some getting used to, so that I didn't feel like passing out every time. "I'm so happy you're coming. It's going to be fun, I promise...and we'll be together all the time!" That was the best part.
When Edge called back later, it was all settled. Apparently he had only been able to get the four of them on the flight from Dallas to St. Louis, and I would have to catch the next one. "Edge said there were only four seats left on that flight. The next one leaves a day later, though. The only reason we all couldn't take the second one is that it'll get you there a few hours before we're supposed to play...we can't cut it that close. You don't mind, do you?" I had flown by myself once, I could do it again. I couldn't see that it would be a huge issue. I shrugged. "Nah, it's only a one day difference. And I came here alone." "Oh no, you won't be alone! Paul has to catch that flight too. He'll be with you." I imagined he thought that was a comfort, but it was not. In fact, it gave me a bit of anxiety. The man had not warmed up to me at all...I had only seen him a few times since the first night, anyway. I was sure that our happy news of being a couple would only bother him more considering the circumstances. And finding out I was coming along with them? That would just make his day...not. Oh well, I thought, no use thinking about it now. I was going with them, and that was all that mattered.
We laid curled up on his bed talking. "You haven't spoken to your parents at all since you've been here, Lilly. Did you even call them from the airport to let them know you were safe?" I had been feeling a little guilty, but he brought that guilt to the forefront and forced me to recognize it. "No, I didn't. And I know I should have, but I just didn't." His brow was furrowed. "I want you to call them. Before we leave." I raised my eyebrow. "Ohh, you're giving me an ultimatum now?" "No, I didn't mean to sound like that. I just think that you need to talk to them. Don't you think they're worried?" I was sure that they were worried, and that was why I felt guilty. But as selfish as it was, I was free. I was doing as I pleased without any intervention. Still, I knew he was right. I nodded. "I'll call them quickly before we leave, just so they know I'm ok and where I am." I didn't want to have a long conversation until we had already left Dublin. Somehow I felt like my mother would get on a plane and try to stop me.
It was getting late. Bono yawned. "Don't get mad when I say this, but...will you sleep up here with me tonight? I promise I won't try anything funny. I just want you near me." I trusted him. Not that I would necessarily object if he did try anything. I certainly didn't think we were really ready, but that didn't change the fact that I wanted him. "I'm not worried about that, baby. I know you're not like that." I nuzzled his ear. "You may have noticed I have a thing for your ears..." He laughed. "Yeah, why? They're just things that stick off the side of me head! Everyone has them." I shrugged. "I dunno, yours are very cute." I nibbled on one of them as if it were a gummy candy, and he squirmed. "Hey, that tickles!" He crawled on top of me and began kissing me, tenderly but with passion. He couldn't have weighed very much, but it was still enough to pin me down, and it felt nice. Safe, somehow. And suddenly, I became aware that something was poking me. He immediately backed off. "I'm so sorry!! I swear I didn't mean to!" I tried to interrupt him but he kept going. "It's just, I can't control that, you know...I-I'm a boy and it just happens. I'm really really really sorry!" Finally I just yelled "SHH!", and he looked startled. "Why are you apologizing for that? I know you didn't make it happen on purpose! I did take a science class or two in my life. And besides, it doesn't bother me." He moved closer again. "So...so you don't mind that we have company?" I laughed. "No, I don't mind at all. He can stay." It reminded me of something I had been wondering about him, and it seemed that now it was finally appropriate to ask. Before, it just seemed to me that asking this question would be crossing a line of sorts. "Uhm, Bono, this reminds me...of a personal question I wanted to ask you, I hope you don't mind-" He rolled his eyes and chuckled. "Oh no, here it comes. I know what you're going to ask."
Despite the fact that he was holding me, I felt a little chill. Something about his tone, and the 'oh no', made me feel that the answer was not going to be the one I wanted to hear. "Have you...ever..." He interrupted me. "No, I haven't." I raised my eyebrow. "I could have been about to ask you anything, like 'have you ever been to the top of the Empire State building' for instance." He was laughing. "Yes, but I knew you weren't. I know what you were going to ask me, and the answer is no, I haven't. Or, if you had started your question 'Are you a...' then the answer would have been yes, I am. Satisfied?" That was an understatement. Relieved was an understatement. Even if I had offended him, it was worth it. "Are you mad that I asked?" He shook his head. "Not at all. It only makes sense that you would ask me, right? But I've never been in a situation like this before, let alone...you know..." I nodded. "Not all boys my age are...man-sluts!" I burst out laughing. It was a funny phrase in itself, but hearing him say it was too much. He grinned. "I heard that on TV!" When I stopped laughing, he was looking at me. "It's my turn to ask."
Considering my social history, it was an absurd question. "No way, of course I haven't...loner, remember?" He smiled sympathetically, brushing my cheek with his finger. "Well, if you were a loner, you sure did change." And he was right...I had, in a way, become the person I had always known was inside me somewhere. Smiling, I said, "You know, they say when you're in love with someone, they bring out the best in you." He pulled me into his arms again. "I love you, Lilly. I'm going to tell you that at least ten times a day now. I have to make up for lost time." I giggled. "I love you too. I think I would have cried if your answer had been different. Not that it would have changed anything, but...I don't know. I just thought of you a certian way-" He smiled his crooked smile. "What, sweet and innocent?" I blushed. "Well, yes, actually." He kissed me and ran his tongue over mine."Hmmm, I'm not feeling very sweet and innocent right now." I shook my head. "Nooo, me either." He sighed. "Do you want to go back to your bed?" That was about the last thing I wanted. I put my head on his chest. "No, I want to stay right here." He stroked my hair gently. I could hear his heart beating. It was comforting, and made me feel safe. I loved him, and he loved me. I wasn't going to have to say goodbye to him in a few days, after all. As long as I had him, everything would be ok. Eventually, the sound lulled me to sleep.
getting better , I didnt even notice any difficulties you had!
cant wait for more!
