Stranger In A Strange Land: Chapter 15

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secretly alone

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:ohmy::ohmy::ohmy: Welp, here is chapter 15, after many many months. I apologize again for the mahoosive delay...AND I realized I left it hanging in such an awful spot! I have more time to write now :drool: :hyper:

~This is just as fictional as it was before~

It was still raining hard when the cab pulled up to the hotel. I held my jacket over my head and ran inside. I dreaded opening the door to the room, and yet I needed to apologize to Bono. The room was empty. I hadn't expected that...it was after midnight. Where could he be? I felt cold again. I wasn't sure I wanted to know where he was. He wasn't with me, and that was enough to make me start crying again. Maybe I could go ask the others? No. I was too embarassed to face them just yet, after telling them off, especially now that I had obviously been crying. I wrapped myself in the comforter, and sat there pondering the worst possibilites my mind could come up with.

What if he decided he's just had enough of me, that it wasn't working out, that he didn't like the way I treated him...I told myself I was being ridiculous. We had a fight for God's sake. Everyone fights. It doesn't mean the end of the world. But I couldn't shake the cold feeling I got when I replayed the exchange in my mind. I dug out my walkman and headphones. Music had always soothed me, and it had been awhile since I'd just sat down and listened to it. I wasn't alone very often, and there was always something to be done. Now, I laid down and fast-forwarded the tape to Shadows and Tall Trees. I got the feeling that this was one of those songs on an album that no one pays much attention to, but it was quite possibly my favorite. It was dark and quiet, yet intense somehow. As I listened, I was brought back to the night I had spent in the telephone booth in Dublin. It seemed like forever ago. I had been alone that night, but Bono came to rescue me in the morning.

Gradually, the song took me farther back than the night in the phone booth. I was a lonely girl curled up on my bed again. Bono's voice had been a comfort to me. I'd felt that something as powerful as this music must lead somewhere else...somewhere good. It was unbelievable how much had changed since then. For a moment I wondered if I hadn't dreamed it all up, and now I was about to awake, and nothing would have changed at all. I thought about everything that had happened in the past few months. I was pretty much on my own now, that was a big change. I had friends that were really more like family, and I had met someone who meant more to me than anything else possibly could. Our relationship hadn't progressed like the average one, though. We had gotten very close, very quickly. Perhaps I had made some kind of mistake in letting that happen. Maybe I shouldn't have made it so easy...maybe I should have played hard to get. I had many times heard that men like that "thrill of the chase". I had, in short, come off as desperate. There was no way for me to fix it. I had thought that the month Bono and I had spent dacncing around the line between friendship and romance was something special. It had been tense and exciting to me. But maybe I had looked at it wrong, and better words to describe it were easy and boring. Either that, or he felt somehow that I didn't really appreciate him. Or worse...maybe it was both.

"Do you feel in me anything redeeming, any worthwile feeling?"

That line spoke to me like never before. It was like Bono was specifically asking me that question. Yes, I thought...yes, I do! I wished that he would come back, so I could tell him. I was so lonely and upset that I almost reached for the phone. It would be so easy to call down the hall...but I was just too embarassed.

It was nearly two o'clock when I heard a key in the door. I stared at it, biting my lip. Bono trudged in with his head down, completely soaked, looking like he had just stepped out of the shower. He looked up, his eyes rested on me, and he sighed. "Oh, Lilly. Thank God." He practically threw himself onto the bed, wrapped his arms around me, and sobbed. I was relieved that some of my fears had been alleiviated. At least he didn't seem to be angry anymore. He was holding me. I pressed my lips to his head. "Oh, Bono...why are you crying?" He looked at me. "What? Why am I crying? Because I was terrified, Lilly! I had no idea where you were...do you realize I've spent the last three or four hours wandering the streets looking for you?" His voice was tinged with anger, but it was an anger that came from worry and desperation. Then I knew that I had been wrong earlier. This was not just any man who wanted to feel like he had chased a girl around and won the prize. This was a special kind of person. Bono was my soulmate, I was sure of it. In that moment, I knew that he was sure of it too. I felt ridiculous for even considering otherwise, for even so much as thinking of comparing Bono to anyone else.

I stroked his wet hair. "Paulie, I'm sorry..." He looked at me incredulously. "YOU'RE sorry?! For what??" "Well, for treating you like a baby, and acting like you can't take care of youself, and not being considerate enough to realize that it bothered you. And I'm sorry that you wandered around in the rain for hours...you're probably going to catch a horrible cold." He shook his head. "I cannot believe you just apologized. Lilly, you didn't do anything wrong. I didn't mean what I said...it doesn't bother me at all. I was stressed and being blamed for something that wasn't entirely my fault, and I guess that the fact that you stepped up to defend me before I could even think of something to say to defend myself just made me snap. But that doesn't excuse it! I can't believe I said that, and swore at you on top of it!" He stopped talking, but I could tell he wasn't done. He just looked at me for a second, and then went on. "I'm so sorry, Lilly. You defend me, put up with my crap, and do it with a smile. If that's not love, I don't know what is. You shouldn't forgive me so easily...but I'm going to ask you to anyway. Please?"

"Forgiving you isn't the issue, Bono...of course I forgive you, if you really feel you did something that needs pardoning. I know you say you didn't mean it, but..." He shook his head. "Lilly, regardless of what I said, I need you to take care of me. Very much so. And don't we all need that, though? Someone to care for us?" I was shaking a little, probably due to the fact that Bono was holding onto me and his clothes were soaked. "Of course we do. I need you to take care of me, Bono. I figured you knew that, but just in case, I'm making it clear." He stroked my cheek. "Good. I can worry about you, and you can worry about me, right?" I giggled. "Right. And in keeping with that, love, you need to change into dry clothes right now."

I tried not to pay too much attention to the fact that he was undressed, as neither of us were in the right emotional state for that, but it was still so new. I could feel myself blushing as I tried not to stare. I don't think that he noticed, though, and as soon as he had his dry clothes on, he pulled me into his arms again. We lay curled up on the bed, and he began to sing softly to me in a completely unfamiliar language. I wanted to ask him for an explanation, but I couldn't interrupt him. There was a spell over me, rendering me speechless as he sang quietly in my ear. After a minute or so, he returned to English, with a sly chuckle. "That's an Irish lullaby. It's like a love song, but sort of ambiguous, so it can be sung to a lover or a child. When I was little..." He paused. In the dim light, his eyes seemed to sparkle and bounce light off the freckles on his cheeks. "When I was little, me mother sang it to make me fall asleep. That's how I know all the words and what it means. Shall I translate for you?" I shook my head, still under the spell. "No, no...I like it just like that. It's beautiful." He continued singing, even quieter this time. Part of the charm was in not being able to understand, and in the unique sound of the words he was singing. His voice began to take on a more dreamy quality as I floated off to sleep.
 
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