secretly alone
Rock n' Roll Doggie FOB
A short chapter. I'm writing furiously 
~I'm too tired to say anything other than that this is FICTIONAL~
I wouldn't have noticed, but they didn't seem to think they played a good show. Actually, that was an understatement. They all agreed it was awful, but that was all they agreed on. Three of them seemed to agree on who's fault it was.
"Bon, what the HELL was that?"
Larry looked about as angry as I had ever seen him. "I mean, could you at least try to keep in time with the rest of us? Instead of just flailing around like an idiot? This is not a joke to us!" Edge threw him a somewhat disgusted look. "You made a fool out of us. Stop acting like that and just try and sing the right notes, ok? People don't want to listen to us struggling to play while you scream nonsense in their faces."
It wasn't my place to get involved in their argument, but I couldn't allow them to assault Bono like that. He looked so forlorn. "Hey...lay off him! You guys all screw up majorly every now and then. Don't pile up on him and treat him like he's going to sink the ship." I put my arm around him supportively, and for that I got an eyeroll from the others. I felt that in the past two days, all of their patience were wearing thin. I ruffled Bono's hair. "He's just a lil' boy, give him a break." I didn't expect him to turn on me like he did. He jerked himself out of my grasp and glared at me. "Will you cut that out?!" I felt like my blood ran cold. I was pretty sure that was the first time he had ever yelled at me. I stared back at him, confused. "What?"
"You always do that! I can take care of myself, Lilly. You don't have to come to my rescue. Stop condescending to me...I'm not five years old! You're always treating me like I'm some little boy you have to look out for, and hold my hand when I cross the street. I'm not! I'm not your fucking child. It's really starting to piss me off!" He may as well have punched me in the stomach. I had never felt more hurt in my whole life. Struggling to hold back tears, I yelled back at him. "Fine, if you want to let yourself get treated like shit, go ahead. I won't defend you. If you don't want me to care about you, then I won't." I threw his jacket, which I had been carrying, and walked away. I made a point of not running, even though I wanted nothing more than to do just that. The last thing I saw were the bewildered faces of the other three. I just kept walking, and as soon as I had gotten far enough from them, I allowed myself to cry. I hadn't cried so hard since I was a small child. Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I sobbed heavily. I wasn't sure what had just happened. Bono and I had never fought before. We had bickered over stupid things, of course, a few times. But we had never yelled at eachother like that, or said such nasty things. I didn't mean what I said. I couldn't not care about him if I tried. And I would never try. But it seemed like he had meant what he said. It gave me such a cold feeling inside, I felt that he really must have meant it. The way he looked at me was not a way he had ever looked at me before. It was hard and angry, and completely without an inkling of the tenderness with which he always seemed to look at me, no matter what. Thinking of it caused me to cry harder. I choked on sobs.
I just kept walking. I walked right out of the parking lot of the theatre, and down streets that I didn't count or bother to note the name of. All the while sobbing. Some people I passed didn't notice, or if they did, they didn't give me a second glance. Some gave me strange looks, but kept walking. I'd never felt more alone. There wasn't one person in Oklahoma City who gave a damn that I was crying my heart out. Not even Bono. When I was upset, he was always there to give me a hug and make me realize that there was never any need to BE upset. Now, I was alone...and lost. It was late, dark, and sort of cold. I was never going to find the hotel just wandering. It started to rain lightly, and I quickly hailed a cab. "Can you take me to the Days Inn? I...I don't know the street name. It's across from a cinema." The driver nodded. "Sure thing, miss. I know where you're talking about." As we drove, the rain got steady and heavier, until it turned into a full-on downpour. I didn't know what I was going to say to Bono when I got back to the hotel room. I had to go back, though. I had no choice. I wasn't good at dealing with people after I'd argued with them. With my parents, I usually pretended it never happened. Somehow, I didn't think that was going to work this time.
I thought about what he'd said, and I supposed he was right. I hadn't meant to be condescending, or make him feel like a child. I was so protective of him. Feeling that need to look after him was just part of my way of expressing how much I loved him. Somehow in the process, I hadn't been considerate of his feelings. My worst nightmare. I would apologize to him. Hopefully, removed from the tense setting of being blamed for an awful show, it would be easier for him to accept it. I only hoped he wouldn't yell at me again...or worse, not want to hear what I had to say at all. The thought of him giving me the cold shoulder made me feel sick. It was then that I realized I wasn't anywhere near as strong as I had always pictured myself. In fact, I was quite weak in comparison. I had always supressed my emotions because I was afraid to be vulnerable. Afraid. And I was afraid now, afraid of how he would treat me. I needed him, and I fully planned on telling him that. I liked to think he needed me to take care of him, but in reality, I needed him more than he could possibly need me.
~I'm too tired to say anything other than that this is FICTIONAL~
I wouldn't have noticed, but they didn't seem to think they played a good show. Actually, that was an understatement. They all agreed it was awful, but that was all they agreed on. Three of them seemed to agree on who's fault it was.
"Bon, what the HELL was that?"
Larry looked about as angry as I had ever seen him. "I mean, could you at least try to keep in time with the rest of us? Instead of just flailing around like an idiot? This is not a joke to us!" Edge threw him a somewhat disgusted look. "You made a fool out of us. Stop acting like that and just try and sing the right notes, ok? People don't want to listen to us struggling to play while you scream nonsense in their faces."
It wasn't my place to get involved in their argument, but I couldn't allow them to assault Bono like that. He looked so forlorn. "Hey...lay off him! You guys all screw up majorly every now and then. Don't pile up on him and treat him like he's going to sink the ship." I put my arm around him supportively, and for that I got an eyeroll from the others. I felt that in the past two days, all of their patience were wearing thin. I ruffled Bono's hair. "He's just a lil' boy, give him a break." I didn't expect him to turn on me like he did. He jerked himself out of my grasp and glared at me. "Will you cut that out?!" I felt like my blood ran cold. I was pretty sure that was the first time he had ever yelled at me. I stared back at him, confused. "What?"
"You always do that! I can take care of myself, Lilly. You don't have to come to my rescue. Stop condescending to me...I'm not five years old! You're always treating me like I'm some little boy you have to look out for, and hold my hand when I cross the street. I'm not! I'm not your fucking child. It's really starting to piss me off!" He may as well have punched me in the stomach. I had never felt more hurt in my whole life. Struggling to hold back tears, I yelled back at him. "Fine, if you want to let yourself get treated like shit, go ahead. I won't defend you. If you don't want me to care about you, then I won't." I threw his jacket, which I had been carrying, and walked away. I made a point of not running, even though I wanted nothing more than to do just that. The last thing I saw were the bewildered faces of the other three. I just kept walking, and as soon as I had gotten far enough from them, I allowed myself to cry. I hadn't cried so hard since I was a small child. Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I sobbed heavily. I wasn't sure what had just happened. Bono and I had never fought before. We had bickered over stupid things, of course, a few times. But we had never yelled at eachother like that, or said such nasty things. I didn't mean what I said. I couldn't not care about him if I tried. And I would never try. But it seemed like he had meant what he said. It gave me such a cold feeling inside, I felt that he really must have meant it. The way he looked at me was not a way he had ever looked at me before. It was hard and angry, and completely without an inkling of the tenderness with which he always seemed to look at me, no matter what. Thinking of it caused me to cry harder. I choked on sobs.
I just kept walking. I walked right out of the parking lot of the theatre, and down streets that I didn't count or bother to note the name of. All the while sobbing. Some people I passed didn't notice, or if they did, they didn't give me a second glance. Some gave me strange looks, but kept walking. I'd never felt more alone. There wasn't one person in Oklahoma City who gave a damn that I was crying my heart out. Not even Bono. When I was upset, he was always there to give me a hug and make me realize that there was never any need to BE upset. Now, I was alone...and lost. It was late, dark, and sort of cold. I was never going to find the hotel just wandering. It started to rain lightly, and I quickly hailed a cab. "Can you take me to the Days Inn? I...I don't know the street name. It's across from a cinema." The driver nodded. "Sure thing, miss. I know where you're talking about." As we drove, the rain got steady and heavier, until it turned into a full-on downpour. I didn't know what I was going to say to Bono when I got back to the hotel room. I had to go back, though. I had no choice. I wasn't good at dealing with people after I'd argued with them. With my parents, I usually pretended it never happened. Somehow, I didn't think that was going to work this time.
I thought about what he'd said, and I supposed he was right. I hadn't meant to be condescending, or make him feel like a child. I was so protective of him. Feeling that need to look after him was just part of my way of expressing how much I loved him. Somehow in the process, I hadn't been considerate of his feelings. My worst nightmare. I would apologize to him. Hopefully, removed from the tense setting of being blamed for an awful show, it would be easier for him to accept it. I only hoped he wouldn't yell at me again...or worse, not want to hear what I had to say at all. The thought of him giving me the cold shoulder made me feel sick. It was then that I realized I wasn't anywhere near as strong as I had always pictured myself. In fact, I was quite weak in comparison. I had always supressed my emotions because I was afraid to be vulnerable. Afraid. And I was afraid now, afraid of how he would treat me. I needed him, and I fully planned on telling him that. I liked to think he needed me to take care of him, but in reality, I needed him more than he could possibly need me.
ohh this is indeed getting interesting
honestly, dudes are always arguing Lol - but as usual great job on the writing 
, its been sorta quiet here lol. is there another chapter in the works er something, cause the story was getting pretty interesting 
So I've had virtually no time to sit down and just write 
And then I'm off until the end of January 
