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Old 01-03-2014, 02:23 PM   #1
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Rose Part 8.

Happy New Year peeps! I hope you all had a good one. Meantime, here's the next bit of Rose. It's quite long so I hope you don't get bored.

Ok, last bit from last bit>>>

I’m sorry you feel like that Rose”. His words were cold, flat, as if he didn’t care and wasn’t sorry at all.

“Well, I’m not. And it’s got nothing to do with you who I choose to go out with”.

“Clearly not because if it had I wouldn’t have let you go out with that shite”.

“Oh and why’s that?”

“Because Rose,” He said and then made me wait whilst he took a swig at his ale before finishing his sentence. “I didn’t like him”.

“You didn’t like him”. I echoed.

“Nope”.

“I don’t give a shite if you didn’t like him”.

“He wasn’t good enough for you Rose”. The air around the table was still, a bit like the calm before the storm. Everyone considered us as we considered each other. I was furious. I stood.

“Oh and who exactly is good enough? In your eyes Jack; who is good enough?” He said nothing and we all watched as he put his empty glass on the table and sat back. I glared at him. He ignored me. “Well? Answer me. Who is good enough?”

“Anyone want another drink?” It was Jason. I hadn’t noticed him stand up holding his empty glass. All eyes swiveled in his direction and suddenly everyone was answering him. It was as though they were all relieved that someone had broken through the ice that was me and Jack.

Next bit>>>

A week later Geordie came into my life; funny, good company, not bad looking but something was missing. Like Aidan before him; he didn’t ‘do it’ for me either. And it seemed that Jason had an idea how things were for me. It was like he had a nose for things like that. One Friday night when I’d gone to the pub I found that Jason was the only one there. It was quite early so we got drinks in whilst we’d waited for the others and began a conversation. It was then that he took the opportunity to talk to me whilst there were just the two of us. And what he said astounded me. He asked me what I was playing at. He was like that, was Jason; straight to the point; no messing.

I was surprised. “What?” I asked. “What do you mean?”

“Why are you going out with these blokes when you don’t really want to?”

“Of course I want to”.

“No”, He said shaking his head. “No, you don’t. You just think you do”.

“Look, there’s nothing wrong with Geordie”.

“I never said there was. It’s just that he’s not the one for you”.

“And how would you know that then?”

“Because I know who…” And he stopped in mid sentence when a load of the others spilled in through the doors and made their way over to us.

I spent a lot of time after that wondering what Jason had been going to say; wondering if it had anything to do with Jack, wondering if Jack had said anything to him. Said something like; I’m desperately in love with Rose. Yeah right. The fuck he would. And if he did, Jason probably wouldn’t tell me anyway.

:-:

A few weeks later I was sitting in the pub with our crowd and Geordie, when Jack came in. He was alone. My stomach lurched. I hadn’t seen him since our face off when Aidan had finished with me and I felt anxious at the sight of him. I hoped that it wouldn’t all kick off again especially with Geordie sitting next to me as I couldn’t bear the embarrassment of another argument so when my eyes had settled upon Jack my first instinct was to get up and leave; to go home but I knew I couldn’t. Geordie would think it odd for a start and I didn’t want to upset him.

As Jack made his way over to us I felt sick and realised that as long as Jack was around I’d never be able avoid him. It would always be like this; him turning up somewhere and me wanting to crawl away and die. Trouble was if I wasn’t prepared to move away I knew I’d have to get used to it. So would he.

I held my breath as he approached us; watched discreetly as he sat down with me and the rest of the guys, only not next to me like he used to. He didn’t ask everyone to shove up so he could squeeze in beside me and for a moment tears welled up in my eyes. I missed the old days. My body ached to feel his pressed up close; thigh to thigh, his arm around my shoulder, his scent.

My stomach lurched several times with the anguish of it all but I covered it up; tried to ignore him as he perched on the edge of the group and although I tried to laugh and joke with Geordie my eyes kept on straying; kept on drifting over to Jack who was sitting there at the end of the table with his big hands wrapped around his ale and looking at everyone except me and I couldn’t stand it.

All night I sat there straining my ears to try to hear if he mentioned my name. All night I sat there watching him out of the corner of my eye, hoping that I might catch him looking across at me but he never did and when we all shared a conversation, he ignored any input I might have had or acted like I hadn’t said anything or like he hadn’t heard and it cut me to the quick. It hurt so much to have him act like that and I wanted to leave but as I couldn’t I decided to stop talking; to keep quiet.

I fell into silence. Some of our friends noticed and asked if I was ok but I just nodded and said that I was fine. Of course Geordie noticed too and tried to encourage me to join in but I didn’t want to. I was miserable. I wanted to go home. I thought about making some excuse to leave; to tell them that I didn’t feel well but then I knew it wouldn’t solve anything and anyway, why should I leave just because Jack was there? But I hated it so much; what with him sitting there looking like his face would crack if he smiled at me.

Eventually I stopped watching him. It became a waste of time. In the end I didn’t want our eyes to meet, not that they would anyways and Jason’s voice was continually in my ear asking me if I was ok and I kept lying. “Yeah”, I’d said. “Yeah, really I’m fine. I’m just tired is all”. And each time I said that I wanted to glance over in Jack’s direction, after all everyone except him was asking me if I was ok but I didn’t look at him.

I deliberately ignored him but when at last I couldn’t stand it and cast a discreet look at him I caught him staring at me. At first I’d a mind to pretend that I hadn’t noticed but I didn’t. I stared right back at him. He didn’t look the away as I’d expected him to. Instead, he fixed me with a strong, unwavering gaze. Only for a few seconds mind, and then he turned to talk to someone.

After that I decided I’d had enough and announced I needed to visit the toilets. I made a point of not looking at Jack and went the long way round, making everyone move so that I didn’t have to walk by him and once free of legs and feet I stalked directly over to the ladies. And, I completely ignored him even though I was sure that his eyes were on my back. I heard Keiron speak. “What’s wrong with her? She’s quiet tonight. Jack; you’re on the end of the seat. Go see what’s up”. My heart leapt into my throat when I heard that so I picked up speed. For some reason I didn’t want him catching up with me even though I did, if that makes any sense.
I needn’t have worried though because he didn’t come after me.

As I pushed open the doors and went inside to look at myself in the mirror I felt disappointment. Mind you, one look at my mug in the mirror and no wonder he didn’t want anything to do with me. I looked shite. Kay came in; the door bouncing back off the wall with the force of her entry. I jumped, half expecting her to be Jack; was disappointed when it wasn’t. She spoke. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Of course I’m ok!” I snapped, and then apologized.

I knew she didn’t believe me especially when she said; “You’ve got to deal with this”.

I looked at her through the mirror. Of course I knew what she meant but I was feeling argumentative “Deal with what?”

“You and him”.

“There is no me an’ him”.

“You’re both as bad as each other. Why don’t you sort it out once and for all”?

“There’s nothing to sort out”.

“Oh, isn’t there? You’ve both been sitting there like piles of frozen chicken shit all night and ruining the atmosphere for everyone. Put us all out of our misery and go talk to him; get it off your chest because you know, if you don’t, someone else will”.

“Geordie,” I began but Kay cut me off.

“Never mind Geordie; he’ll get over it. What; think he doesn’t know? Think he hasn’t felt the tension between you two?” And I hadn’t thought of that. I’d been so wrapped up in own problems that I hadn’t even given Geordie a thought, least not one he deserved anyway. Kay was speaking again. “He’s not stupid. He knows he’s second best”.

I felt bad then. I had no idea; poor Geordie. What had I been doing? The weight of the world lay heavy on my shoulders and I’d created it all by myself. I felt guilt, I felt regret, I felt remorse but I also felt need, desire, an indescribable yearning. It was all messed up. I was all messed up.

I stared at the sink and then began to wash my hands even though I didn’t need to. I thought of Jack sitting out there at our table; sitting there with Keiron and the others. Jack, oh so fine Jack. The idea of opening myself up to him and admitting everything cut through me like a hot knife. I had no courage. I bottled it; cast out any idea of coming clean. “I’ve nothing to get off my chest”. I said as I dried my hands.

“Well, I think you have; so deal with it!”

And she left. I watched her go through the mirror and my heart sank. She doesn’t normally talk to me like that but I knew I needed a kick up the arse. I knew she was right. I couldn’t go on like this. I had to deal with it; had to deal with him. But how could I? I looked at my own reflection and grimaced. How could I tell him how I felt when he so obviously despised me? I couldn’t tell him. It’d ruin everything. Not that there was anything left to ruin.

:-:

I let out a huge sigh before leaving the toilets. I knew it had to be done so I filled my chest with a courage I didn’t feel and went outside. As soon as I was out in the bar area my eyes located him. He looked so fine sitting there that he took my breath away and I stared hard at him as I made my way over to the bar. I had to order a drink or ten. I needed courage. The alcohol would bolster me. Fueled with drink it would give me the boost I needed. Either that or I’d be so pissed I wouldn’t care.

As I stood waiting for the barman to notice me, I saw that Jack was in deep conversation with Keiron. He looked serious although every now and again a smile lit his face and I found my own mirroring it. He looked so attractive when he smiled, so warm and approachable.

“Yes?” The barman jolted me out of my not so discreet scrutiny. I jumped and apologized, feeling embarrassed and guilty at being caught leering. I ordered myself double rum. I’d knock it back and then I’d go and spill my guts and wait for Jack to stamp all over them.

As I stood at the bar, positioned carefully so that I had a good view of our table, I caught a movement. It was Kay. She was silently goading me, gesturing to me to get on with it. I nodded. I would get on with it but of course I was terrified. It was going to come to a head, wasn’t it? I didn’t want it to. I preferred to run away because that courage, well, it just wouldn’t come but the drink did so that was good.

:-:

I went and stood behind him, holding my rum soaked breath. Across the table Kay looked pointedly into my eyes. I knew she was waiting for me to make a move. I was waiting for me to make a move too but my body had turned to stone. Only my mind worked and that told me to go sit down and forget it all. Kay wasn’t going to let me off that easily though. One look at her widened, cajoling eyes and I hauled in another breath before tapping Jack on the shoulder. He didn’t move. He must have felt my presence behind him but choose to ignore it. I tapped his shoulder again. “Jack”.

He cocked his head slightly, looked up at me. I noticed his hair sway in the movement and then raised my eyes as he fixed me with those intense blues. “What?”

“Can I have a word?” I was afraid that my voice might falter and I glanced across at Kay but she merely nodded discreetly and I knew I had to go through with it.

“What for?” He asked.

I hauled in another breath. He was deliberately making it hard for me. “I need to speak with you”.

He sighed; put his drink on the table. “Make it quick. I’ve to be somewhere shortly”. And he waited for me to speak.

“Not here; outside”. I said.

He considered my request, looking up at me from his seat and for a moment I thought that he was going refuse me. I began to grow hot and agitated, ready to cover up my distress by rolling my eyes and stalking away, but at the last minute he stood. He took another swig of his beer before looking at me. “Ok, come on”. He said and waited for me to take the lead. There were huge butterflies in my stomach. As their wings touched my insides I knew an intense nausea. I wanted to throw up. Feeling his presence behind me as he followed me outside made it all real. I was doing this. I was facing up to it. As I pushed open the big wooden doors, one of his square hands appeared in my line of vision. He held it open for me and we slipped out into the night.

:-:

When we got outside I insisted on walking over to a spot in the far corner of the pub gardens. I didn’t want anyone to see or overhear us and as it was secluded and dark, illuminated only by the lights from inside the pub it was perfect. I stopped and turned to face him. I didn’t speak though. I just needed to look up at him; remember his face because I knew this would be the last time he gave me his attention. “Ok”. He said obviously bored with waiting. “What’s up?”

I took a moment to steady my nerves and then hauled in a deep breath; braced myself to speak. A huge lump had already formed in my throat and I had to look away. I needed to be in control of what I said. I needed to be confident, aloof even. He waited and then waited some more. At last he sighed. “Look”, He said stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “If you’ve nothin’ to say, why drag me out here? I’m wastin’ good drinkin’ time”.

I forced myself to look back up into his face; the face I’d kept close to my heart all these years. I knew that he might be able to see the lights from the pub reflected in my tears but I didn’t care. For a moment I thought I caught his face darken when he saw that I was tearful but he made no mention of it. Instead, he began to chew the inside of his mouth.

“Ok, look, Jack”, I said quietly trying my best to remain calm. “I have to ask you; what’s wrong?”

“Wrong; nothin’s wrong, why, should there be?”

And he wasn’t going to make this easy for me was he? So I went for it. “You haven’t spoken to me in weeks”.

“That’s because I haven’t seen you in weeks”.

“No, that’s not true. I saw you a little while ago whilst you were speaking to someone on the corner of Lagland Street. It was with some guy. I don’t know who it was”.

“Dunno; can’t remember”. And he was so cold.

I lowered my head again, deeply offended at his answer, his manner. The ground blurred before my eyes. I couldn’t stand it any more and if I came across as a stupid, simpering cow then so be it. I was through with the pretense. I loved him and that’s all there was to it. “Why don’t you speak to me any more?” I asked. “What’s happened?”

“I am speaking to you now, aren’t I?”

“Only because you have to! You haven’t spoken properly to me in ages. We haven’t talked about anything, discussed anything in weeks. We used to share so much. We used to talk all the time, about everything”. Course, I wanted to ask if it was because he was jealous of my boyfriends but I knew that it was a ridiculous question and that I’d really show myself up so I didn’t. And anyway, even if it were true, he’d never admit to it.

I risked another look at him. “You haven’t spoken to me in ages. I…” And I didn’t want to open up but I knew that if I wanted to salvage our friendship then I must. “I miss you”. I whispered, deliberately looking into his eyes and trying to read any messages there.

He gazed down at me, his blue eyes intense, grim. When he didn’t say anything I felt sick. I’d admitted to him that I’d missed him and yet he’d given me nothing in return. I blinked away the tears. “Don’t you miss me at all?”

He tore his eyes off me, gazing up at the night sky and hauled in the deepest breath; letting it out slowly through his nose. “Well”, He said at last. “I can’t see how you’ve missed me. You’ve always got company so why would you miss talkin’ to me?”

“What do you mean, I’ve always got company?” He didn’t answer me and I suddenly realised what he meant by ‘company’. He meant my boyfriends. Apparently I didn’t miss him because I always had boyfriends. I disagreed with his statement. “What? Oh, you mean I wouldn’t miss talking to you because I’ve always got boyfriends cos if you do, I haven’t. I haven’t always got a boyfriend”.

“Of course you have. You’ve always got some cretin attached to your arm”. And he reeled off at least three names in as many seconds. Course, it didn’t occur to me at the time that he’d been keeping up with who I’d been seeing.

“So, I’m not allowed boyfriends now?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You can see who you want”.

“That wasn’t what you said before. What was it?” And I mimicked the argument we’d had recently. “I don’t like Aidan. He’s not good enough for you”.

“Come off it, Rose. He was a shite an’ you’ve always had shite taste in men”.

“What?” I was furious suddenly, what with him making that kind of comment after the herd of cattle he’d been taking out. But I said nothing; drew in a breath, let it be. Perhaps I shouldn’t have. Perhaps I should have told him to fuck off and go pick up a new girlfriend from the vets.

Taking my silence as a victory he spoke again. “Come on Rose, wake up an’ smell the coffee! Aidan? Aidan who was so tight, he’d sell his own grannie for a few notes an’ Geordie...”

“What’s wrong with Geordie?” I snapped.

“How’s he gonna look after you without a decent job?”

“Excuse me? Excuse me; a decent job?! What; you think I’m going to marry him; have ten kids with him?”

He sighed as though giving up. “Look, I dunno, Rose. I don’t really care who you go out with”. I didn’t believe him. Don’t you? Don’t you really? He spoke again. “Ok, I’m sorry”. He backed off a bit. “As long as he treats you right”.

It was the softest thing he’d said to me in months. Those words had come out of his mouth with sincerity. He meant them. I could tell. I pulled in a deep breath and squeezed my lips tight to stop them from trembling and after a lengthy silence I decided to speak. I needed him to re-enforce what he’d just said.

“And if they don’t; if they don’t treat me right?” I wanted him to say something courageous, something like he’d deck them for me but he didn’t and we slid back into an unpleasant silence. I suppose I should have been satisfied at what he’d said about Geordie treating me right and left it at that but when he didn’t answer my last question I knew I was wasting my time. The conversation had ended but I gave it one last shot. “Is this it then?” He shrugged, wouldn’t look at me, instead focused upon some spot above my head so I spoke again, repeating my earlier question; this time in a whisper; “Don’t you miss me at all?”

I heard him pull in another deep breath as he cast his gaze to the ground and begin to examine his shoes. “This is pointless, Rose”. He told his feet. “It’s not solvin’ anything”. He looked up at me and shook his head. “I’m goin’ back in”. And he began to back away. It was his way of finishing it. I was being dismissed. He could give me no more of his precious time. I couldn’t believe that we’d come to the end; that this was it; my best friend, the most important friend I’d ever had. He was going to walk away; just like that. And I didn’t even know why.

“What have I done?” I heard myself calling out as he turned and made for the pub doors but he didn’t answer me; didn’t even look back, just carried on walking, his head down, until he’d reached the doorway.

“Tell me!” I called out in desperation. I knew once he had his hand on that door he’d be through it and that would be that. “Tell me”. I repeated. “Tell me what I’ve done and then perhaps I’ll understand”.

He stopped as he reached for the door handle and turned round to look at me. I heaved a huge sigh of relief. I’d managed to stall him. Or at least I’d hoped I had. As I waited expectantly I knew I presented a pathetic figure standing out there alone in the pub gardens, tears streaming down my face and squeezing my own hands together but I no longer cared. I’d stalled him; made him stop and think. It was the best I could manage.

He said nothing though; just stared at across at me. The seconds ticked by as we considered each other. Tick tock. Tick tock. As I waited for him to say something I held my breath but he took so long I had to let it go. I knew that he was considering his next words, choosing them carefully and I was afraid.

And I wanted to run to him. I wanted him to fold me into his safe embrace and hold me tight but I couldn’t move. My pride wouldn’t let me. I wouldn’t beg but I couldn’t stand the waiting. My voice was insistent. “Tell me. Tell me what I’ve done”.

He sighed heavily. “You haven’t done anything, Rosie. You haven’t done anything”. His voice was resigned. It held a sadness and I couldn’t understand why. And as he was standing in the shadows of the pub, I couldn’t see his expression so I didn’t know if he really cared.

“Then why are we doing this?”

He didn’t answer for a few seconds and when he finally did speak, his words were soft as though he had something to confess; wanted to tell me something but wasn’t sure that he should. “Rosie, I…”

“Rose!” Another voice joined us. It belonged to Geordie. When he called out again, I ignored him. “Rose!” He snapped.

I shook my head. I didn’t want to see him. “Not now, Geordie”.

“Yes; now!”

I glanced across at Jack who was still standing in the darkened doorway but instead of looking at me he was looking at the ground. I wanted to go to him. I wanted Geordie to leave. There’d only ever been one man for me. I had no decision to make. Geordie shouted at me again, marching across the grass and all the while I ignored him and stared at Jack. “Come in!” He said angrily. “What are you doing out here anyway? Come back in; now!”

“No”. I said. He caught my arm. I repeated myself. “I said no!” And I shook him off. When I looked across at Jack I saw that he was watching us, standing there in silence and watching us. I uttered his name. “Jack”.

“What are you doing, Rose?” Geordie was saying. “You’ve been gone for ages! Come back in now!”

“No!” I wouldn’t be ordered about.

Geordie narrowed his eyes as he stared at me, his face barely containing his anger but he breathed in and sighed. “Ok,” He said. “But we will talk”.

I answered him but kept my eyes on Jack. “I know”.

Geordie responded like he had a bad taste in his mouth. “And not in front of him! Perhaps Jack would like to piss off so that we can have some privacy!”

I went to speak, to protest but I saw Jack nodding and then turning away. I mouthed his name. I didn’t want him to leave. As I watched him slip into the pub and close the door behind him I had to suck in my lips because I knew I was going to cry again. Beside me, Geordie was studying my expression keenly, his stony gaze raking over my face.

“You know what,” He said as I stared at the pub door. “I think we should finish right here; right now”.

“What?” I wasn’t really taking much notice. I was too busy arguing with myself. Should I go after Jack? Should I stay here with Geordie?

“You see, you can’t even look at me can you? Whenever he’s around, there’s no room for me”.

At last I looked at the man standing beside me. I felt bad for him. I knew that I’d messed him around. I didn’t want him; not really, never had. Probably never would. “I’m sorry”. I said by way of agreeing with him.

“Yeah, I’ll bet you are”.

“I am. I didn’t mean for it to turn out this way”.

“Well it has and I’m glad I saw through it. I just wish I’d noticed it earlier. You must be having a right laugh at me, Rose”.

My face crumpled. “Of course, I’m not”.

“And him; him in there. I’ll bet he’s just lovin’ this”.

“No, he’s not. He wouldn’t”.

“Defending him now?”

“What? No. You’re twisting my words”.

“You know what, Rose”.

“What?”

“He’s welcome to you”.

“What?” But Geordie was walking away towards the pub door. I shouted after him. “Geordie!”

“Forget it Rose”. He called over his shoulder. “Run to your lover. Have a good life cos I don’t want any part of it”.

“Geordie!” But it was no use. He slammed into the pub door and stalked inside.

:-:

I watched the door close behind him as tears streamed down my face. What a night it had turned out to be. I’d upset Jack and now I’d upset Geordie too. As I stood in the cool, semi darkness I heard the music and laughter coming from inside the pub and looked up into the night sky. It occurred to me suddenly that I was cold; very cold. I shivered; wrapped my own arms around myself. I looked back at the pub; in through the windows that were made up of small glass squares. From where I stood it appeared warm and cosy in there, softly lit, filled with people and voices. The folk inside were happy; having a good time.

And when I searched for Jack I found him up at the bar. He was talking to Keiron like nothing had happened; like we hadn’t had the conversation we’d just had. He looked fine. He looked relaxed. The tears slid down my face and I let myself cry more heartily. He really didn’t care did he? As the wind whipped up and played with my hair I took my first steps towards the pub but I knew that couldn’t face it. I couldn’t face them. I would go home.

:-:

Everyone was in bed when I got in. I was pleased because it meant I didn’t have to talk to anyone. I had no excuses to make or explanations to give. Besides, I knew that if my parents found out that I’d walked home alone there would have been a row. I was sick of rows. I’d had enough of those lately.

As I crawled up to my bedroom I hoped that I would die during the night; that I wouldn’t rise in the morning; that my parents would give me a good send off and everyone would enjoy the wake. But I didn’t die. Instead I woke up to the sound of thunder and rain lashing against the windows. As I hadn’t bothered to close my curtains I lay there in my bed, watching the lightning and the dark silhouette of a tree dancing nearby. The thunder came again so I counted the seconds until the lightning struck; one, two, three, four. And then it came. The storm wasn’t far away then.

I wondered where Jack was. I hoped that he was safe. I also hoped that he was alone in his bed and not with some loose knickered tart. As I lay in my bed, I tormented myself with that scene; dress on the floor, followed by bra, panties, his under kecks and socks, sounds coming from the bed, bodies writhing beneath cool sheets. I felt ill.

The imagined scene sickened me so I got out of bed and padded quietly downstairs to make myself a cup of tea. After I’d made it I slid into a chair by the table and sat there, my skin pimpling in the cold night air. I propped up my miserable gob on an upturned hand that eventually went numb with the weight of my head.

By the time the first streaks of daylight feathered the night sky I was frozen, stiff and totally knackered. I knew I needed to go back to bed. I didn’t want to but if I wanted not to wake up again then I at least had to be asleep to begin with.

I stood up, swore at the stiffness in my body and put my teacup in the sink. Upstairs I could hear father’s snoring and was immediately jealous. He was deeply asleep, totally oblivious to the shittiness of my life; lucky him. As I climbed wearily up the stairs and slipped into my cold bed the last thing I remember was saying goodbye to Jack and wishing him a happy life.

:-:

Saturday morning and it was raining. Day off work and it was fucking raining. Well, there you go. When I first opened my eyes and turned to the window I saw that the sky was a miserable grey. The weather echoed my feelings; grey, miserable and fucking grey. Beside my bed the clock said 11:45. I’d been asleep for hours and, unless it rained in the afterlife I clearly hadn’t died.

My head was banging; my throat sore, my eyes stinging. I’d done so much crying that my entire face felt like it’d blown up to resemble a huge, pink balloon. I knew I’d look terrible but I didn’t care. Why should I? I’d already decided that I wouldn’t be going into town with Kay like I usually did on a Saturday. I didn’t want to see her. I didn’t want to see anyone. I had no need of people and besides, I couldn’t run the risk of bumping into Jack. It was best stay at home. So I did.

What was left of the morning, I spent in bed. It was a mistake. If I’d got up I would have been distracted a little. As it was, lying there on my own in my silent room, I began to think about everything that had taken place between Jack and I since he came back. It had been great to begin with but something had gone wrong and I couldn’t pinpoint when or why. I found myself wondering if I should move away; ship out.

It made sense to go. It made sense to get away from everyone, especially Jack. I could start a new life somewhere else. I would forget about him, forget about all the times we’d shared together, wipe them out, delete them from memory but how do you forget who you are? How do you erase someone from your life; someone you care about, someone who’d been a major part of you? You can’t, can you? You can’t just pretend that they never existed.

At 1:00 I got up. I needed a shower. I needed to start my new life without Jack. I would, I decided as I gathered up various creams and potions and clean clothes. I would start afresh. In my lunch break Monday morning, I would be off down the job centre; see if I could find a job up north or somewhere. The Outer Hebrides sounded good. Nice and far away. With these renewing thoughts in mind, I passed the window to head for the bathroom. I took a quick glance out. I’d never been one to miss an opportunity to nosey at the neighbours.

I saw the bin men. Odd; clearing away the rubbish on a Saturday. But then I remembered that they broke down just up the road from our house the day before so I guessed that they’d be catching up. They were coming along the street picking up the rubbish and throwing it into the back of the truck. Pity I couldn’t put my old life in the bin and start again. What an excellent idea; put it all in the bin; all my memories, all my fantasies and all my dreams and desires. Chuck it all in the fucking bin. Oh, yes; and all my photographs. Didn’t want to be reminded of my old life did I?

As I watched the bin men cleaning up the street, I found myself thinking about our old photographs. I closed my eyes on the thought. He was in practically all of them wasn’t he? Always there, sticking his fat beak in whenever anyone produced a camera; always stretching his face into an impossible grin and hugging someone. He’d always been a touchy, feely kind of person and not just for the lens; always felt the need to hug someone. For me, when I was a kid, he’d ruffle my hair and later when things were alright between us when he’d first come back, he’d take my hand and kiss it. It was all daft stuff but it made me laugh.

The memories brought an involuntary smile to my face. Yes, Jack always, but always, got his mug in all our family photographs. He was round ours so much that sometimes I think he thought that he actually was one of us; which of course, he was.

But that had gone. My face returned to its former scowl. All I was left with was a burning wish that I could have remained a child and he a half grown adult. I could have stayed with him forever then. I wouldn’t have had to face the shite of growing up or face a huge wide world without him. I could have been cocooned in my own little space; happy, giggling at silly, girly things or sitting on our front wall waiting for him to appear at the top of our street.

But time moves on, doesn’t it. We grow up and it’s not all it’s made out to be. Yes, it’s nice to have the freedom to do as you please, not to have to answer to parents or other adults but then with that comes the freedom for everyone else to do as they please as well and it doesn’t always work out best for you, does it?

:-:

The bin wagon chugged off round the corner, taking the bin men with it. I shook my head. I was too late. I should have run outside with my old life and stuffed it into the truck. I should have stood back and watched it go; knowing that they were taking it down the tip; getting rid of it, burying it alongside all the other shit the people created. I shook my head. I’d go in the shower. Maybe next week I’d catch them; stuff my life in the bin then.
As I moved away from the window something caught my eye; a movement, someone coming along the street. And there he was; Jack. He wasn’t alone. He had some cheap tart holding onto his hand. They were going to walk right past my house. I hated him then. Rub it fucking in why doncha?

I shuddered and took a step back from the window lest he saw me sneaking a look at him. I didn’t want him to see my big, pink balloon face or know that my heart was breaking. I took another step back into the room and waited until they’d walked passed the house and then I moved forward again so that I could watch them disappear into the distance. Another girl; he’s got another fucking girl.

And then a light bulb went on inside my brain. As I watched them go I finally came to the decision that as we’d never be together, the next best thing for me was to make sure that whoever he made his life with was going to be better than Rebecca The Betrayer. She’d hurt him so much and I didn’t want that for him again.

As I looked down into the empty street below I thought of the girl I’d just seen on his arm and I uttered a few words into the emptiness of the room. “Look after him”. I said through the glass. “Don’t hurt him. Don’t use him. Don’t mess him about. Just be good to him. Take good care of him because you know what; he’s very special”. A lump formed in my throat; very special.

:-:

In the shower my mind strayed. It slipped back in time. I was a little girl again. Jack was that happy twelve year old. I remembered him calling on my brother, winking at me at every given opportunity. And I remembered how he’d piggy backed me once and all because I hadn’t been able keep up with the big kids.

We’d been to the park, I think. My brother had whined as he’d waited for me to catch up. He’d complained and crabbed about me lagging behind all the time and I’d ended up crying because it wasn’t fair because their legs were so much longer than mine and that they were all walking too fast. Suddenly, there he was; Jack, stooping, telling me to catch a hold of him round his neck so he could carry me on his back.

And it’d been so much fun. He’d deliberately walked fast; overtaken my brother and his other horrid friends and then we were in the lead. We were practically running and Jack was calling back to his friends; “Who’s laggin’ behind now?”

I remembered how I’d squealed in delight as we’d overtaken my brother and laughed so heartily as we’d surged on ahead. And when we’d waited for them on the doorstep of our house I’d chorused; “Beat you! Beat you!” as a five year old would. Of course it hadn’t been at all exciting for my brother or Jack but for me it’d been a huge victory. How good that had felt. The water ran down my back. Those days were gone.

:-:

Why is it so painful to love someone? If it’s supposed to be so wonderful, why does it hurt so much? But then, I guess it’s only wonderful if they love you back isn’t it? And he didn’t; did he? In fact, I decided as I washed my hair, he hadn’t even cared that I’d walked home on my own. He would have cared before. Before, he’d have chained me to his wrist before allowing me to walk home alone, but not last night. Nope; didn’t give a shite, did he? Well, fuck him.

:-:

The phone rang in the hall. As everyone was out I knew I’d have to answer it. I climbed out of the shower. It was Kay. “Why aren’t you at the bus stop?”

“Cos I’m in the shower, or at least I was until the phone rang”.

“Are you ok? I really am worried about you.You haven’t contacted me since last night”.

“Why, think that I’d been molested on the way home, did you?”

“You shouldn’t have walked home on your own. You should have let someone walk you”.

“I didn’t want anyone to walk me. I wanted to be alone. Now if you don’t mind I’ve a hot shower to go back to”.

“Humph. Not one of your better ideas to go off on your own. Not that it mattered in the end”.

“What? Not that what mattered in the end?”

“Oh, you don’t know then?”

“Know what? Come on, I’m loosing interest, here. I’m cold and I want to get back in the shower”.

“He followed you home”. Her words were blunt; to the point.

“Followed me home? Who followed me home?”

“Can’t you guess?”

I was angry. “Fuck him! He can go shite. He went and finished with me; why would he want to walk me home?”

“Not Geordie”.

“What? Who then?”

Kay let her words sink in before she said anything more. For a few seconds I listened to the silence then, slowly slowly, catchy monkey, my brain kicked in. I felt the colour drain from my face. I no longer felt the water dripping from my hair onto my back. Jack? My next words came out in a whisper as I repeated what she’d said. “Not Geordie?”

“Of course it wasn’t Geordie. Mind you, I expect that he wishes it was”.

“Kay; what are you saying?”

“When Geordie came back into the pub on his own, Keiron asked him where you were. Geordie said he didn’t know and didn’t care. Jack heard what he said and went outside to look for you”.

“He did?” I was confused. Why did he do that? I thought he didn’t care. Kay continued. “When he came back in he said he couldn’t find you and asked Geordie where you’d gone. Geordie said he didn’t know but that you’d probably gone home”.

“And then what?”

“He just glared at Geordie and announced he was going to go and look for you again”.

“He did that? He did that for me?”

“Well, why shouldn’t he? He was worried about you. We all were. Keiron said someone should go look for you but Jack already had his jacket on and was out of the door. Anyway, after a while he came back saying that he’d spotted you and that he’d followed you to make sure you got home ok”.

I was shocked. Jack hadn’t made contact but had been discreetly watching over me. It was more than I could have wished for. He did care. He did. “Why didn’t he say anything? Why didn’t he catch up?”

Kay snorted. “You know what men are like. He probably doesn’t want you to know that he cares”. Jack cares for me. Jack cares for me. Tears filled my eyes and escaped down my face. He followed me home to make sure that I was safe. I shook my head questioning my own ears. Kay spoke. “Are you still there? You’ve gone very quiet”.

“Look, Kay. Are you still going into town?”

“Of course; why do you think I phoned you?”

“Good; I think I need a drink. If we hurry we’ll catch the pub before it closes”.

“Not the pub”. She said. “The café; meet me in the café”.

“But I want alcohol”.

“The café; in one hour”.

“But…” She’d gone. I put the phone down. My brain ached with all the information she’d given me. I couldn’t believe that Jack had done that for me. I went upstairs, got dressed, grabbed my coat and went out. It’d stopped raining by then and I knew it would do me good to get out of the house.

:-:

The bus stop sits on the edge of the village green. At the back of the Green where the village church sits proudly watching over its dead, there is a bench that nestles snugly underneath the boughs of a huge, ancient oak tree.

It was kindly donated by some old crab when she passed away; Edna someone. I forget her surname. All I can remember of her was her small, beady eyes behind her round glasses, her pinched mouth and the hairs that peeked out of her left nostril. She croaked when I was about seven and in her will she left some money to be used in the purchase of a village seat.

Over the years it’s been taken over by the younger villagers who like nothing better than to lounge upon its wooden slats and perch upon its weathered back. And so I guess you could say it used to be our bench; the young folk; us next generation.

When we were all about twelve or so we used to gather there. It was our meeting place. A bench where great decisions had been made, like what to do in the school holidays and in later years what film to go see or whose turn it was to persuade outsiders to buy ale and cigarettes for us from the local off license.

Anyway, when I turned the corner and the bus stop came into view I saw Jason resting his fine arse upon the aforementioned bench. He was reading a book. He liked to read, did Jason. When he wasn’t composing music or smoking pot, he’d have his head stuck inside a book.

He didn’t see me and as the bus wasn’t due for another twenty minutes or so, I decided to go sit with him. When I cast a shadow over his book he looked up and squinted. A smile lit his face. “Rose. Hi; you catchin’ the bus to meet Kay?”

I sat down next to him. “Yeah,” I said. “It’ll be along shortly”.

He closed his book though he kept his thumb inside it so that he wouldn’t loose his place. “And how are you today?”

I answered. “Ok, I suppose”.

“You don’t sound very convincing. You look crap”.

“Thanks”.

“Are you ok?”

“Yes; I’m fine”. I stared off into the distance.

I felt him study me over the rim of his John Lennon glasses. “Why did you walk home alone last night?” So, he knew about it too.

“I needed to be on my own”.

“You should have asked someone to walk you or give you a lift”.

“I’ve just had this conversation with Kay” I complained. “I didn’t need anyone to walk me nor did I want a lift. I told you; I wanted to be on my own”.

“Why?”

I hauled in a breath as the memories of last night crowded into my mind. Jack’s coolness towards me, the look on his face when I thought he was about to tell me something; the fact that he went back into the pub when I so desperately needed him to stay. I sighed before answering Jason. “I needed to think. And anyway, I wasn’t on my own was I?”

Jason slowly tore his eyes from my face to focus on the back of the bus stop. “You know about that then?”

“I know he followed me if that’s what you mean”. I heard Jason chuckle softly. “What’s so funny?” I asked.

“You two”.

“What about us?”

“When are you two going talk?’

“I don’t know what you mean”.

“Yes you do. You look like shite this morning and he’s off festering somewhere”.

I looked at Jason who was still studying the back of the bus stop. “You’ve seen him then?”

He didn’t look at me. “I have”.

“And?”

“And what?”

“Why’s he festering?”

“I know you two had a row but he wouldn’t tell anyone what it was about. He was in a black mood after you’d gone. He’s still festering this morning. Got bruised knuckles to prove it”.

I snorted and did my own bus stop watching. “Why has he got bruised knuckles? And anyway, I saw him this morning and he didn’t look particularly festering to me”. And a vision of the hag slipped inside my head.

We fell into silence for a while and then he spoke again, still not looking at me. “When are you going to tell him?” He took me by surprise. I had no clue was to what he was on about.

“Eh? Tell him what?”

“You know what”.

“No, I don’t”. I was lying and we both knew it.

“Ok. How you feel about him”.

“I don’t feel anything about him”.

“Come of it”. Jason sighed. “Admit it. You should talk to each other”.

“I tried that last night”.

“Oh what with Geordie taking notes?”

“It wasn’t Geordie’s fault. His timing was off that’s all”.

“So when would you have liked him to finish with you?”

“You know about that too? Shite. Why is everyone so interested in my love life all of a sudden?”

“Oh yeah. We all know about Geordie finishing with you.” Jason said matter of factly. I wasn’t impressed. No doubt he’d gone straight back into the pub and told them all.

“Anyway, it wasn’t that”. I said. “Jack was about to say something when Geordie came along so Jack pissed off back inside”.

“So, go find him and ask him what he was going to tell you”.

“No. It’s too late now”. I sank my chin into the collar of my coat.

Jason sighed again. “You need to speak to him because it’s driving me insane”.

“Why?”

At last Jason looked at me. I returned his stare. His grey eyes held concern for me, for Jack. “You don’t get it do you? Give yourself a break; go talk to the man. He wants to clear the air with you”.

I hauled my eyes back to the bus stop. “Rubbish! He had plenty of opportunity to do that last night”.

“I thought you said Geordie interrupted?”

“Not then; before, before Geordie came out. And anyway, how can I talk to him when he’s got a constant gaggle of people with breasts constantly attached to his arm?”

Jason smiled. “There’s a reason for that”.

“What reason?”

“Ask him”.

“No”.

“Ok, let’s get this sorted”. Jason said getting comfy on the seat and closing his book thereby giving me his undivided attention.

“Get what sorted?”

“Rose,” He faltered a little and then clearly thinking better of it got straight to the point. “Rose. Why do you pretend that you haven’t got any feelings for Jack? Have you even admitted it to yourself?”

I didn’t want to answer either question but Jason was a good friend. He was quiet and unassuming, always ready to take the heat out of any situation, always talked sense and was a great listener. I braced myself.

“Ok,” I said. “Yes, I’ve admitted my feelings to myself”.

“And the other question?”

I looked down at my knees. I knew exactly why I pretended that I had no feelings for Jack. What person in their right mind would admit to caring for someone when that person was clearly too busy with other people to take any notice. “I don’t want him to know”.

“Why not?”

“Because he’s too interested in everyone else”.

“And I’ve told you that there’s a reason for that but I’m not telling you what it is. That’s Jack’s business and for him to tell it”.

“I don’t know when it all went wrong”. I whined. “It was fine when he first came back and then, suddenly, he was off, acting like a single guy…”

“That’s because he is a single guy. Admit it Rose; you’re jealous. Say it! Say it out loud!”

“No”.

“Say it!”

“No!”

“Say it!”

“Ok, ok! I’m jealous! Ok! I’m jealous! And yes, I hate to see him with other fucking people! I hate to think about what he does with them but I won’t be made to look a fool by letting him see that it upsets me! There! Satisfied?”

“Are you?”

I let out a hot sigh. “Am I what?”

“Satisfied?”

“I don’t know what you mean”.

“Are you satisfied that you finally said it; that you finally said those words out loud, to someone else?”

“Kay knows”.

“Yeah, but she’s your best friend. Now you’ve said it to me and Jack’s my best friend. How do you know that I won’t tell him? How do you feel about that?”

I tried not to cry again; held onto my breath for a moment. I felt drained; sick of fighting my own feelings; sick of pretending. Finally, I spoke; “I don’t care; if you want to tell him then go ahead”.

“I’d rather you did”

“I don’t want to”.

“He’s worried about you, Rose. He hates the fact that you’ve drifted apart”. When I said nothing, he continued. He was studying me intensely and I didn’t much like it. “You’re pretty good at hiding things aren’t you, when he’s there, when you’re arguing; making out that it doesn’t hurt when he brings some girl to the table or when he ignores you, but I’ve seen the look in your eyes when he turns away, Rose, when you think no one is looking. I’ve seen the look in your eye when he announces that he’s going somewhere to meet someone. I’ve seen how you sink when he leaves. How you do your best to hide it but don’t quite succeed. What I don’t understand is why you’re hiding it?”

I snorted as though Jason was thick. “You know why! I’m hiding it to save face! I’ve got pride you know!”

“Pride can be a lonely place”.

“And anyway, I tried to talk to him last night. I…”

Jason cut me off. “Did you tell him how you feel?”

“Sort of”.

“What’s that supposed to mean; sort of?”

“I told him I missed our conversations”.

“That’s it? You miss the conversations?” I nodded. “Well,” Jason said with a humourless laugh. “I’ll bet he was made up with that! You never told him anything else?”

“How could I? Geordie…”

“Interrupted”.

“Yes”.

“You have to tell him how you feel. It’s destroying you and well, if it doesn’t work out at least you can put it behind you and start anew”.

“I can’t”.

“You can”.

“He hasn’t got time. He…”

“He’ll make time”.

“He won’t. He didn’t”.

Jason stood. “Look, I can hear the bus coming. You have got to sort it, Rose. Cos if you don’t I’m going to do it for you. In fact, I’ll be seeing him later anyway”.

I jumped up beside him. “Jason! Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare go say anything! I won’t let you make a fool out of me!”

“Then you do it. Go. Your bus is coming and I have something to do”.

My eyes shot daggers into his back as he walked away but I only hated him because he spoke the truth. I watched him go for as long as I could then sprinted across the grass to the bus stop. When it came I climbed inside, paid for a ticket and went to sulk on the back seat.

:-:

“Hey, Rose”. Keiron was walking passed the bus stop when I got off.

“Hi,” I said and fell into step with him. “Good timing. Where are you off to?”

“So it’s over between you and Geordie then?”

I stopped mid stride; irritated. “Why are we having this conversation? Jason has just informed me that he knew Geordie has binned me off. What; did you all discuss it after he came back into the pub? Did you all chew it over, take bets on whose fault it was that it didn’t work out?” I was angry. “Fuck sake!”

“Of course we didn’t”. Keiron fell into silence but I could tell by the grin on his face that he was hiding something.

“What?” I said.

“You haven’t seen Geordie since last night then?”

“Why would I want to see Geordie after he finished with me”?

“So you haven’t seen him then?”

“No. Why do you ask?”

“Just wondered”. And Keiron was grinning far too widely for my liking.

“And anyway,” I said “Why should I wanna see that shite?” I decided that I no longer liked Geordie. He was a man and therefore a creep. And I hated all creeps right then. And as for the reason he finished with me… No. I wouldn’t think about that. But Keiron had got my curiosity peeked. I had to ask. “Come on then. I know you’re dying to spill”. Keiron chuckled, his goat like laugh coming out from the back of his throat. I got more angry. “Look, I tell you what,” I said irritably. “Why don’t I just kick you in the knackers now; save me time waiting for you to have your fun?”

“Ok”, Keiron said as I watched the whiskers stretching across that fine jaw. “Ok”. He repeated. “You’ll like this”.

“What? What will I like?”

“Are you sure that you don’t like Geordie any more?”

“No”. I lied. “I hate him, why?”

“Well, in that case, I’m so glad that he got what was coming”.

“Ok,” I said. “I’m really bored now. What have you done to him?”

“Me? Oh I haven’t done anything; never laid a finger on him”.

“Oh, come on! Tell me what’s happened!”

“He got a bloody nose”.

“A bloody nose?”

“Yup”.

“And how’d he get that?”

Keiron was grinning. I stopped walking again. Keiron carried on for a few steps then stopped to look back at me. “He’s ok”. He said. “Come on; keep up”.

I caught up with him. “So, how did he get the bloody nose?”

We fell into step together again. Keiron continued. “Got him a real good crack right on the end; blood everywhere”.

“That’s not funny”.

“He asked for it”.

“Asked for it? Why; why’d he ask for it?”

“Cos he let you walk home on your own”.

“Someone hit him because he let me walk home on my own? That’s not particularly fair is it?”

“According to Jack…”

Jack? I cut him off. “According to Jack, what?”

“If you’d shut up an’ listen, I’ll tell you; Geordie kind of fell onto Jack’s fist after he’d seen you home”.

“Oh so you know about that too. Seems that everyone knows Jack followed me home except for me, well fuck!”

“He came back to the pub later; said that you were fine. He’d watched you get home. Seen you drop your keys and heard you swear. He’d waited until you were indoors an’ then came back to the pub”.

“Where Geordie fell onto his fist? I suppose he’s been banned from the pub now?”

“Nope; him and Geordie went outside. Then Geordie fell onto Jack’s fist”. Keiron chuckled.

Me, I shook my head. “You mean Jack punched him; on the nose”.

“Well, y’know. Maybe Geordie tripped. I dunno. I wasn’t out there”.

“And this just for letting me walk home on my own?”

“Not just that”.

“What then?”

“You should talk to Jack”.

“Funny, someone already said that to me today”.

“Meetin’ Kay in the café?”

“Yes”.

“Good. That’s just where I’m headin”.

:-:

We turned the corner and approached the café. When we got there, Keiron held the door open for me. I took a step inside but when I saw who was in there I stopped abruptly, having Keiron almost trip over me in the process. My heart was in my throat. I turned quickly and faced Keiron’s shoulder. “I have to go!” I said.

“Rose”. I heard my name, soft on recognized lips. I knew who the voice belonged to. I needed to leave but Keiron wasn’t going to move. He was blocking my escape and the voice came again. “Rose”.


Ok, that's it for today. Last bit coming along later. *sighs*. I so loved thinking about those joshua tree guys when I've been writing this, lol. Ok, as usual, lemme know wotcha think.
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Old 01-03-2014, 03:31 PM   #2
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Ooooo, you tease, you!!
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Old 01-03-2014, 04:29 PM   #3
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“Nope; him and Geordie went outside. Then Geordie fell onto Jack’s fist”.


That NEVER fails to make me laugh.

Gotta love their mates for setting them up though. About bloody time!

Is it just me or is this different from the original story? I do recall the bench, but I also recall a different person sitting there and the story ending there... or am I jumping ahead of things and have forgotten things in the process?
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And if U2 EVER did Hawkmoon live....and the version from the Lovetown Tour, my uterus would leave my body and fling itself at Bono - for realz.
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Old 01-03-2014, 05:23 PM   #4
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MORE...please
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Old 01-03-2014, 05:38 PM   #5
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Yay! Very, very fun. Those two are never going to make it together! Even though her attitude is totally misogynistic I love Rose's hostility towards Jack's other partners; her filthy language is one of the most realistic parts of the story. And the characterization of Adam/Jason is perfect:
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He liked to read, did Jason. When he wasn’t composing music or smoking pot, he’d have his head stuck inside a book.
And this
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I wondered where Jack was. I hoped that he was safe. I also hoped that he was alone in his bed and not with some loose knickered tart. As I lay in my bed, I tormented myself with that scene; dress on the floor, followed by bra, panties, his under kecks and socks, sounds coming from the bed, bodies writhing beneath cool sheets. I felt ill.
is one of the best passages in the story. Great work!
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Old 01-04-2014, 05:45 AM   #6
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misogynistic?? She's just jealous.. that has nothing to do with misogynism.
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Old 01-04-2014, 08:07 AM   #7
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I think Rose keeps choosing men that are misognistic. None of her boyfriends treat her right...except our hero, of course.

Which leads me to another point. I love the theme of chivalry, honor and justice that runs throughout the piece.
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Old 01-04-2014, 08:10 AM   #8
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Well, when disliking a woman/jealousy takes the form of slut shaming her, shaming and criticizing her appearance and dehumanizing her, ie comparing her to an animal, refusing to acknowledge that she has a name and possibly thoughts, desires and motivations of her own but acts purely in service of a man's ego, that's employing misogyny to express negative feelings. Not to get into it here because I really like YDW's story and I think it's a realistic depiction of how this character Rose would actually act, but it is. But gender criticism of fanfiction can be its own universe and we don't really need to go there!
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Old 01-04-2014, 08:18 AM   #9
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I think Rose keeps choosing men that are misognistic. None of her boyfriends treat her right...except our hero, of course.
It's hard to know if any of the boyfriends could be good partners or not. Rose sets them up for failure by choosing them when she doesn't really want them Is Geordie a controlling asshole by nature or is he totally frustrated that he's been chosen by a woman who doesn't really want him and picking a bad way to express an unreasonable last ditch hope that his gf will show that she wants to be with him?
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Old 01-04-2014, 11:40 AM   #10
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Hey girls. I love the fact that you're discussing my characters. It's great, thank you.

I didn't realise that Rose came across as misogynistic. To be honest, I never thought of her like that. She hasn't got a hatred of women in general (she has women friends). She simply loathes Jack's partners and only then because she's jealous of them and it makes her feel better to insult them in her mind. She knows that they're not ugly. She knows she's being bitchy when she suggests to herself that they are. You'll notice that she admits she's being bitchy and, if not for the fact they're with a man whom she considers her hero, she'd probably like them.

Anyway, thanks again. All criticism of any kind is good.
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Old 01-04-2014, 11:59 AM   #11
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To be clear, I don't think Rose is a misogynist-- I think she's utilizing misogynist tropes to express her loneliness, resentment and insecurity. What do you think though, do Rose's boyfriends really not treat her right or is that the way Jack perceives them because he's jealous himself?
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Old 01-04-2014, 01:19 PM   #12
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When I was reading this, I kept hearing Billy Joel's song with modified lyrics to fit the situation: "Tell him about it! Tell him everything you feel..." But these two are so stubborn, they definitely needed a little help from Jack's friends to finally get together... or will they? Can't wait to see what goes down in the cafe...

I also think there's a lot of good writing here. The paragraphs as Rose observes the people collecting trash and her thoughts on the bench were particularly evocative.
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Old 01-04-2014, 04:27 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by youvedonewhat View Post
Hey girls. I love the fact that you're discussing my characters. It's great, thank you.

I didn't realise that Rose came across as misogynistic. To be honest, I never thought of her like that. She hasn't got a hatred of women in general (she has women friends). She simply loathes Jack's partners and only then because she's jealous of them and it makes her feel better to insult them in her mind. She knows that they're not ugly. She knows she's being bitchy when she suggests to herself that they are. You'll notice that she admits she's being bitchy and, if not for the fact they're with a man whom she considers her hero, she'd probably like them.

Anyway, thanks again. All criticism of any kind is good.
That's how I perceived it as well.


All Criticism I got is that it's too bloody short, as usual!



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And if U2 EVER did Hawkmoon live....and the version from the Lovetown Tour, my uterus would leave my body and fling itself at Bono - for realz.
Don't worry baby, it's gonna be all right. Uncertainty can be a guiding light...
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Old 01-05-2014, 05:46 AM   #14
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“Nope; him and Geordie went outside. Then Geordie fell onto Jack’s fist”.


That NEVER fails to make me laugh.

Gotta love their mates for setting them up though. About bloody time!

Is it just me or is this different from the original story? I do recall the bench, but I also recall a different person sitting there and the story ending there... or am I jumping ahead of things and have forgotten things in the process?
Hi GG. I almost forgot to answer this post. You're right; a lot of this fic is different from the original story although the theme is exactly the same. All I've done is flesh it out a bit; add an extra scene here, add more dialogue there. It's been fun.
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Old 01-05-2014, 06:32 AM   #15
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Hi GG. I almost forgot to answer this post. You're right; a lot of this fic is different from the original story although the theme is exactly the same. All I've done is flesh it out a bit; add an extra scene here, add more dialogue there. It's been fun.
Figured as much. Extra scenes are always good, means the fic's longer right?

I recognize a lot of it, but some parts seem new to me. It's fun for me to figure out, though my memory isn't perfect as it's been years since I read the original(though I read it a bunch of times, not everything sticks haha).
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And if U2 EVER did Hawkmoon live....and the version from the Lovetown Tour, my uterus would leave my body and fling itself at Bono - for realz.
Don't worry baby, it's gonna be all right. Uncertainty can be a guiding light...
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