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Old 04-17-2013, 09:29 PM   #1
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No line on the horizon chapter 2

Pure fiction

“Destiny I'm sorry to hear that, I'm sorry I was pissed off at you, I should have listened everybody is looking for you. They all think you went awol on us, because of the tour or that you couldn't stand to be away from larry so you were sad because he had been avoiding you because of the secret. I'm sure Larry had a good point for kissing tha-“ "wow Ads you are seriously defending the person who had cheated on me, the one who shoved his tounge down some blonde bimbo' s throught. I thought I loved him okay I still love him but if he's going to cheat I'm not going back, I'm sorry tell B & edge I love them and I'll try to keep in touch and Adam please don't hit on too many UN sespecting wemon Well I'm gone. I'll try to go to a concert and tell brain and Jerry there the best security detail ever and I love them. hell tell everyone but Larry I love them its true thought me and Larry Mullen no longer love each other and he can hit on any poor unsuspecting wemon with out a care. I just hope is doesn't turn out like Larry and I' s first date“ I start to think back to that day we both made sure that B was gone because b being b he'd follow us. Adam was right for once when he said Larry had a crush on me we had gone to the park and listened to a million different Elvis Presley song the ending it not a elvis Presley song but with the song perfect day and hand fulls of fans asking for autographs wich was rather hilarious. Larry kept apologizing ever 5second I kept saying it was no issue and to take pictures and sighn things he got the fans to go away eventually because he came and kissed me on the cheek and cuddled up close and that's when people got the hint. It was weird the first time someone asked me for an autograph I thought they were bonkers but apparently I'm an interesting person. Our next date was at my ranch and you'd think someone who rides harleys would ride a horse well the you are dead wrong he refused to ride on that horse which was hilarious then about a month after that was when the boys found out they acted a lot better then what I had thought they would.

'I know a girl who's like the sea I watch her change everyday for me'
That's Destiny in a simple song lyric I could write a novel about that girl her kindness beauty she helped Michelle and Emily get on there feet. After michs dad had left Destiny was there when there world came down she helped put mine back on orbit (my God do I spend to much time with edge... speaking of the mad scientist here he comes now) “ Larry Mullen Jr I could kill you right now for you cheating on Destiny, what we're you thing? I suppose you weren't and that it was mini Larry instead. With some blonde I thought you were going to purpose? this isn't how you properly purpose or have a good relationship. This is how you make me and every one else especially Destiny feel like shite. Now she's God knows where she is all because of you and you're idiocy. what do you have to say for your self?.“ “help me get her back the edge I love her, I know I was an is ejeet but I need you're HELP“ right after that I saw Adam and Dee walking her eyes that are normally brown were red and puffy she'd been crying. I had fucked up I knew that I want To go back in time and change it ask her to marry me, Dry all of her tears away. I ran straight pass edge and just said the first thing that popped in my head “ Dee I'm so sorry I didn't want to hurt you, she was supposed to help me purpose to you during the concert and she was a huge fan she kissed me and wasn't any help at all I'm sorry I-i love you an-" "Lawrence I love you to but I just need to think, I don't know if I can trust you I'm sorry but let me have 5 minutes to my self and make me not look as much of a mess as I am okay?" And with that I was devastated. I just want to hold her in my arms one last time
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Old 04-17-2013, 09:29 PM   #2
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More??? Anyone?
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Old 04-17-2013, 11:31 PM   #3
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Please respond I'm begging you oh and stick around for the next chapter there will be more Bono and ALOT more to do with Michelle the beatles have inspired me But it's only if enogh people wan another chaper
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Old 04-18-2013, 12:36 AM   #4
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I'm sorry, but I literally have no idea what I just read. Try and get a beta reader, because the whole thing read like a giant run on sentence. It was hard to tell who was talking, what was going on, etc, because the grammar is so bad.

Everyone had potential to be a good writer, but that comes with a good beta reader.

Good luck!

-T
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Old 04-18-2013, 04:38 AM   #5
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Okay I'll have to try that..... English has never been my strong suit...
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Old 04-18-2013, 07:52 AM   #6
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Writing is always fun for the writer, but the formatting and mechanics have to be right for a reader to be able to enjoy your content. There are lots of grammar and mechanics missing from your writing that make it difficult to read. For example, every time someone speaks, a new paragraph begins. I suggest that you do a lot of reading other peoples work, either fanfiction or not, and try to notice those kinds of things.

A good old writing hand book at the junior high or high school level might be a brilliant investment, because it addresses punctuation and sentence construction. You should be able to get one on Amazon for just a few bucks. Google is good for random questions like "How do I make a plural possessive?" And especially watch out for run on sentences. Each sentence expresses only one idea unless there's a semicolon involved. (Larry narrowly refrained from hitting Bono on the head; all he wanted was never to hear the words "we want the title back" ever again.) I can say from experience that the joy of writing is one thing, but the task of making it readable is a gigantic chore that takes up a lot of time.
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Old 04-18-2013, 08:52 AM   #7
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I echo in reading other fanfiction. I can learn a lot from good fic and from bad fic. You learn styles that you enjoy and other styles you appreciate but don't mirror your own.

Is English a second language?
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Old 04-18-2013, 10:43 AM   #8
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I have always spoken English but I was home schooled and never really had proper English classes but I can also speak Gaelic it was always more used then English at my home.
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Old 04-18-2013, 10:46 AM   #9
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I did some more research on proper English, and might not give it another go...
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Old 04-18-2013, 03:18 PM   #10
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I don't say these things to discourage you; you should definitely keep writing when it's something you enjoy. But like playing music, it's a skill that takes a lot of practice and polish. Every person who writes to share goes through the exact same process, and we all bang our heads in frustration sometimes. Or at least, I do.
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Old 04-18-2013, 07:16 PM   #11
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I agree with all of the above.

There must be a "Writing for Dummies" book..I find those are so easy to follow and they explain the why's and how's.

I should find one for myself....

Another suggestion is maybe just read more books. It can really help.
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Old 04-18-2013, 08:15 PM   #12
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I might I might not writing fan fiction isn't one. I do enjoy writing but there are certain limitations that I can't achieve but if you like the ideas and are willing to suffer my horride writing skills then I will continue on, or if anyone is willing to make it make more since and readable that would be awesome.

Thank you for reading
-Dee
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Old 04-20-2013, 12:07 AM   #13
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Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls I give you my last and final attempt at Fan fiction. I don't blame you if you don't want to read it especially after this one...
All that you can can't leave behind
Yes no maybe so
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