GraceRyan
Rock n' Roll Doggie FOB
First and foremost, this is all fake. It happened as a tour but that's where the truth ends.
So this is beginning to pick up some steam - at least in terms of writing. The next few chapters will feature letters that Bono writes during Gloria's absence. I hope it moves the story to it's climax during the last leg of the tour.
I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'd love to know your thoughts on where things are headed.
Bono scratched out the words before him, hard enough to rip the paper. He looked over to the blank page on his laptop, and typed out a few more there. After two minutes, he came up for air and scanned his work. With a sigh, he tapped furiously on the Delete button. Usually the right words found him at this hour, long after midnight when everything was still and no one needed him. In his house, he was not needed. Ali and the boys were off to the Hamptons. Staying with a friend, and Bono wasn't sure which one. Her distance had been palpable in the last few weeks. The promise of a new year and fresh start melted away by Martin Luther King Day like a gym membership. Bono knew he hadn't done anything to move them forward. Spider-Man and Gloria had filled him and taken everything. When Gloria left, Spider-Man filled the void.
He blinked at the clock. Three in the morning and he had to be at the theater at ten. They expected a new song after ‘Can't Walk Away’ just spilled out of him. The words came to him in a flood after Gloria left. He tried so hard to not think of her. It had been five days and no contact. As each day dragged to the next, he felt more anxious and edgy.
Bono pulled out a blank paper and stared hard at it. Lifting his pen, he began to write.
Dear Gloria,
Edge suggested that I write you a letter since I'm being such a miserable bastard. It's 5 days and counting. 5 days that we could have been near each other. Breathed the same air. Been close enough to possibly touch. I hate that you had to run away. I hate it even more than you've not called. Edge has taken my phone so I give the space you asked for. He's been a pain in the arse to be honest.
Things here have been slow and painful. I wonder if Rodgers and Hammerstein had to suffer trials like this. Meeting after meeting. The forced creativity. You'd think I'd be used to working under pressure. We've scrambled to finish albums before.
He thought back to the scramble to complete Pop before the tour began. To this day, he could hear all the mistakes made. If he could go back….
Going back. He closed his eyes. He recalled going to Gloria’s new office in Rockefeller Center back in 1997. The band had just finished a news conference regarding the new album and tour. If Zooropa was tongue in cheek, Pop was a fucking middle finger.
Andrew had been there, as was Steven. It wasn't lost on Bono that Gloria was definitely missing. He had only seen her in passing when he had gone to visit Andrew. She had passed him in the hall with a quick wave and downcast gaze. They had not spoken since the morning she left him, lying in a messed hotel bed. Bono, after having many glasses of wine, had ditched his security crew and took a taxi to the new office where he knew she would be working - most likely alone.
Bono's stomach filled with butterflies as the elevator climbed to Ryan Associates floor. The security guard in the lobby had been no problem at all. Bono had been recognized right away, and with the promise of concert tickets, he had been allowed to the 48th floor.
The reception desk was dark, and the hallways were dimmed. Down the corridor, light streamed out of one office at the end. He thought he heard the click clack of keyboard keys, but they weren't coming from the direction of Andrew or Steven's office. He had left them at the restaurant thoroughly pickled.
Bono ran a hand over his newly shorn hair nervously. Gloria had not seen him since he had cut off his jet black locks. Would she still find him attractive?
He straightened his back and pushed back his shoulders. With a deep breath, he followed the light guiding him to Gloria's office. Quietly, he peered around the door jamb.
Her golden locks were now fiery red, like the desert sunrise. Her glasses pushed the red strands away from her face. She frowned at the computer as she punched at the keys. The screen lit her face in lime green and electric blue. As usual, her desk was cluttered with files and calendars. Her eyes switched from the computer to the papers in front of her.
Bono could have watched her for hours without interrupting her. Just watch her frown at her fancy white computer and sneak away. She'd never know he had come to see her. Instead, he chewed on his lower lip and conjured the wry Bono from the press conference.
“You weren't there today,” he said, softly.
Gloria jumped a mile and yelped. She definitely did not expect to see him. “Christ,” she swore and panted.
He walked into her vast office. “I would have myself announced but reception was empty.”
“Because we're closed.”
He glanced around. “You're still here.”
“I'm scheduling a tour right now,” she replied.
He slipped into the seat opposite her. “And yet, it's not ours.”
She pulled her glasses from the top of her head. “You have Andrew and Steven. He's trying to show Steven the ropes.”
Bono rubbed his chin thoughtfully. How could he convince her to go on tour this time? What would happen if they started up again? He felt ready for a complete change.
“We miss you.” He leaned forward.
She chuckled dryly. “You might but no one else does. I made a mess of the last tour.”
Bono shook his head. “That was my fault. If I could do it over….” He looked beyond Gloria to the window behind her. “I would do it differently. Everything.”
She settled back in her chair. “That could mean a lot of different things.”
His eyes caught hers. “I wouldn't have let you leave.”
She shrugged. “You couldn't have stopped me. I knew it was time to go. If not then, in Japan? It would have dragged out the inevitable.”
“No, I would have made a different choice.” His voice broke for a moment. “I would have made a choice instead of being a coward.”
Gloria pushed away from the desk. “It’s fine now. I’m not mad. I’m not even hurt anymore. I was young and experiencing my first big crush.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Just a crush?”
She dropped her eyes. “Well, maybe I’m over simplifying it to make it seem smaller than it was. It might still sting a bit.” She met his gaze. “Despite everything, I can’t completely regret it all.” A small smile pulled at the corner of her mouth. “It was an amazing time.”
It was the opening Bono had hoped for. He stood and moved swiftly around her desk. Crouching in front of her, he took her hand. “It could be again. Come on tour with us.”
Her mouth hung open for a moment before she blinked away his gaze. “I’m already scheduled for a tour and album releases from Oasis and Pearl Jam. I can’t get away.”
“Let Andrew do that. He loves the studio. Come with me….” He felt her resolve waver.
She shook her head. “I can’t….I’m with someone now.”
Bono felt slapped, but what could he expect? That she would curl into a ball and waste away until he came for her? Until tonight, he had no idea that he would come for her, but here he was on bended knee.
He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Who?”
She pulled her hand out of his grasp. “I’m not telling you that. It’s still fairly new…”
A wave of sorrow crashed over him and pulled him into grief. He buried his head in her lap as he had done years ago. “Did I wait too long? I was gone too long.”
Tentative fingers ran through his hair. “It’s been 3 years.”
His hands ran up the sides of her thighs to clasp around her waist. “Glory, I think of you every single day.”
The tracklisting on Pop was practically a love song to her. From ‘Do You Feel Loved’ to ‘Please’ - the agony and ecstasy of two years by her side played out in lyrics and melody.
You got my head filled with songs
You got my shoelaces undone.
Take my shirt, go on, take it off me
You can tear it up if you can tie me down.
Take the colours of my imagination
Take the scent hanging in the air
Take this tangle of a conversation
Turn it into your own prayer.
With my fingers as you want them
With my nails under your hide
With my teeth at your back
And my tongue to tell you the sweetest lies
To
So love is big
Is bigger than us.
But love is not
What you're thinking of.
It's what lovers deal
It's what lovers steal
You know I've found it
Hard to receive
'Cause you, my love
I could never believe.
Her nails dug into his scalp. He could feel her breath quicken as his fingers grasped her blouse. Even after three years of virtually no contact, it only took ten minutes to feel that burning connection. In fact, he had underestimated his own emotions. Right now, he was ready to throw it all away tonight if she said the word.
He looked up into her confused face. “Have you heard the album?”
She licked her lips. “Not yet. Andrew has a copy somewhere.”
He took her hand again and placed a soft kiss to the palm of her hand. “I want you to hear it. So much of you is in it.”
“Bono…’”
He felt her begin to pull away. “Just listen...if you come on tour this time, it will be different.”
“I told you, I’m scheduled elsewhere.” She composed herself for a moment. “And Andrew would never allow it after what happened.”
“Perhaps if we go to him together….” Bono suggested hopefully.
Gloria bit her bottom lip. “I don’t know…you have come out of the blue with this. I wasn’t even expecting to see you.”
The sly Bono grin lit up his face. “Did you think I would stay away?”
“I thought you’d forgotten all about me.”
“Never.” He had to show her that she was never just a fling or a fleeting infatuation. “You will always be my Glory…”
Somehow, their lips met in the middle. Soft and nervous at first with a quickly building fire. God, had he missed her mouth and all the things it could do to him. Needing to feel her again, he stood and pressed against her. Her arms wound behind his neck like no time had passed between them. Images of her in his bed every night flooded his mind. It could be like this forever. If he had any doubts that he’d get over her, they had cemented in his heart. Gloria had become a part of him like oxygen. Tonight could the beginning of something wonderful.
With no sign of slowing down, his lips travelled across her jaw and down her throat. He nipped at her shoulder as his fingers worked the buttons of her blouse. He pressed his hips to hers, ready to lay her on her desk and take her back. Take her to ecstasy like he had in the past. Show her the future.
She pulled away, breathless. “Wait...wait…”
“We have, love.” He captured her lips again. The buttons of his shirt fell away. He lifted her to the edge of her desk to press himself into her, to let her know how much he wanted her.
She began to sink into him when she jerked away. “Wait. Where is Ali?’
He frowned. “Ireland.” He moved in for another kiss. She stopped him again.
“Does she know of your plan?”
Well shit. He had not thought of everything. When he came to the office, he only wanted to convince her tour with them again. He hadn’t expected to offer up his future with absolutely no planning at her feet. Of course it looked like another empty promise.
“No, I wasn’t sure until I saw you.”
Gloria moved away. “No, we are not doing this again.”
“I told you. It will be different.” He grabbed for her hand.
She ran her fingers through her wild hair. “No. I just got over you. I’ve just started to feel something for someone else, and I can’t go backwards.”
“I’m trying to move forwards with you,” he pleaded.
Gloria took a step back. “Get your shit together. If you really want this, then come to me a free man….”
Bono never did get his shit together. He went on tour, and Gloria went about her business. She toured with many groups, managed many actors (dated a few too) and went about her life. And when he saw her again in 1999, everything changed. She had completely grown up, and definitely had left her feelings for him behind. By the Elevation Tour, they had become friends again. Gone was the longing in her eyes, but it had been replaced with a different kind of love. Bono had dedicated himself to his family by adding two sons and took the box of memories to bury along with his feelings.
Bono squinted at the clock on the wall. It was past four now. The letter was still unfinished, like the songs. He picked up the pen again.
Gloria, I really miss you. This is worse than when you left Australia. I was confused then, but I am not confused now. I know exactly what I want, but I cannot have it. The cost is too much for all of us.
Dreaming of you. Yours eternally,
B
So this is beginning to pick up some steam - at least in terms of writing. The next few chapters will feature letters that Bono writes during Gloria's absence. I hope it moves the story to it's climax during the last leg of the tour.
I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'd love to know your thoughts on where things are headed.
Bono scratched out the words before him, hard enough to rip the paper. He looked over to the blank page on his laptop, and typed out a few more there. After two minutes, he came up for air and scanned his work. With a sigh, he tapped furiously on the Delete button. Usually the right words found him at this hour, long after midnight when everything was still and no one needed him. In his house, he was not needed. Ali and the boys were off to the Hamptons. Staying with a friend, and Bono wasn't sure which one. Her distance had been palpable in the last few weeks. The promise of a new year and fresh start melted away by Martin Luther King Day like a gym membership. Bono knew he hadn't done anything to move them forward. Spider-Man and Gloria had filled him and taken everything. When Gloria left, Spider-Man filled the void.
He blinked at the clock. Three in the morning and he had to be at the theater at ten. They expected a new song after ‘Can't Walk Away’ just spilled out of him. The words came to him in a flood after Gloria left. He tried so hard to not think of her. It had been five days and no contact. As each day dragged to the next, he felt more anxious and edgy.
Bono pulled out a blank paper and stared hard at it. Lifting his pen, he began to write.
Dear Gloria,
Edge suggested that I write you a letter since I'm being such a miserable bastard. It's 5 days and counting. 5 days that we could have been near each other. Breathed the same air. Been close enough to possibly touch. I hate that you had to run away. I hate it even more than you've not called. Edge has taken my phone so I give the space you asked for. He's been a pain in the arse to be honest.
Things here have been slow and painful. I wonder if Rodgers and Hammerstein had to suffer trials like this. Meeting after meeting. The forced creativity. You'd think I'd be used to working under pressure. We've scrambled to finish albums before.
He thought back to the scramble to complete Pop before the tour began. To this day, he could hear all the mistakes made. If he could go back….
Going back. He closed his eyes. He recalled going to Gloria’s new office in Rockefeller Center back in 1997. The band had just finished a news conference regarding the new album and tour. If Zooropa was tongue in cheek, Pop was a fucking middle finger.
Andrew had been there, as was Steven. It wasn't lost on Bono that Gloria was definitely missing. He had only seen her in passing when he had gone to visit Andrew. She had passed him in the hall with a quick wave and downcast gaze. They had not spoken since the morning she left him, lying in a messed hotel bed. Bono, after having many glasses of wine, had ditched his security crew and took a taxi to the new office where he knew she would be working - most likely alone.
Bono's stomach filled with butterflies as the elevator climbed to Ryan Associates floor. The security guard in the lobby had been no problem at all. Bono had been recognized right away, and with the promise of concert tickets, he had been allowed to the 48th floor.
The reception desk was dark, and the hallways were dimmed. Down the corridor, light streamed out of one office at the end. He thought he heard the click clack of keyboard keys, but they weren't coming from the direction of Andrew or Steven's office. He had left them at the restaurant thoroughly pickled.
Bono ran a hand over his newly shorn hair nervously. Gloria had not seen him since he had cut off his jet black locks. Would she still find him attractive?
He straightened his back and pushed back his shoulders. With a deep breath, he followed the light guiding him to Gloria's office. Quietly, he peered around the door jamb.
Her golden locks were now fiery red, like the desert sunrise. Her glasses pushed the red strands away from her face. She frowned at the computer as she punched at the keys. The screen lit her face in lime green and electric blue. As usual, her desk was cluttered with files and calendars. Her eyes switched from the computer to the papers in front of her.
Bono could have watched her for hours without interrupting her. Just watch her frown at her fancy white computer and sneak away. She'd never know he had come to see her. Instead, he chewed on his lower lip and conjured the wry Bono from the press conference.
“You weren't there today,” he said, softly.
Gloria jumped a mile and yelped. She definitely did not expect to see him. “Christ,” she swore and panted.
He walked into her vast office. “I would have myself announced but reception was empty.”
“Because we're closed.”
He glanced around. “You're still here.”
“I'm scheduling a tour right now,” she replied.
He slipped into the seat opposite her. “And yet, it's not ours.”
She pulled her glasses from the top of her head. “You have Andrew and Steven. He's trying to show Steven the ropes.”
Bono rubbed his chin thoughtfully. How could he convince her to go on tour this time? What would happen if they started up again? He felt ready for a complete change.
“We miss you.” He leaned forward.
She chuckled dryly. “You might but no one else does. I made a mess of the last tour.”
Bono shook his head. “That was my fault. If I could do it over….” He looked beyond Gloria to the window behind her. “I would do it differently. Everything.”
She settled back in her chair. “That could mean a lot of different things.”
His eyes caught hers. “I wouldn't have let you leave.”
She shrugged. “You couldn't have stopped me. I knew it was time to go. If not then, in Japan? It would have dragged out the inevitable.”
“No, I would have made a different choice.” His voice broke for a moment. “I would have made a choice instead of being a coward.”
Gloria pushed away from the desk. “It’s fine now. I’m not mad. I’m not even hurt anymore. I was young and experiencing my first big crush.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Just a crush?”
She dropped her eyes. “Well, maybe I’m over simplifying it to make it seem smaller than it was. It might still sting a bit.” She met his gaze. “Despite everything, I can’t completely regret it all.” A small smile pulled at the corner of her mouth. “It was an amazing time.”
It was the opening Bono had hoped for. He stood and moved swiftly around her desk. Crouching in front of her, he took her hand. “It could be again. Come on tour with us.”
Her mouth hung open for a moment before she blinked away his gaze. “I’m already scheduled for a tour and album releases from Oasis and Pearl Jam. I can’t get away.”
“Let Andrew do that. He loves the studio. Come with me….” He felt her resolve waver.
She shook her head. “I can’t….I’m with someone now.”
Bono felt slapped, but what could he expect? That she would curl into a ball and waste away until he came for her? Until tonight, he had no idea that he would come for her, but here he was on bended knee.
He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Who?”
She pulled her hand out of his grasp. “I’m not telling you that. It’s still fairly new…”
A wave of sorrow crashed over him and pulled him into grief. He buried his head in her lap as he had done years ago. “Did I wait too long? I was gone too long.”
Tentative fingers ran through his hair. “It’s been 3 years.”
His hands ran up the sides of her thighs to clasp around her waist. “Glory, I think of you every single day.”
The tracklisting on Pop was practically a love song to her. From ‘Do You Feel Loved’ to ‘Please’ - the agony and ecstasy of two years by her side played out in lyrics and melody.
You got my head filled with songs
You got my shoelaces undone.
Take my shirt, go on, take it off me
You can tear it up if you can tie me down.
Take the colours of my imagination
Take the scent hanging in the air
Take this tangle of a conversation
Turn it into your own prayer.
With my fingers as you want them
With my nails under your hide
With my teeth at your back
And my tongue to tell you the sweetest lies
To
So love is big
Is bigger than us.
But love is not
What you're thinking of.
It's what lovers deal
It's what lovers steal
You know I've found it
Hard to receive
'Cause you, my love
I could never believe.
Her nails dug into his scalp. He could feel her breath quicken as his fingers grasped her blouse. Even after three years of virtually no contact, it only took ten minutes to feel that burning connection. In fact, he had underestimated his own emotions. Right now, he was ready to throw it all away tonight if she said the word.
He looked up into her confused face. “Have you heard the album?”
She licked her lips. “Not yet. Andrew has a copy somewhere.”
He took her hand again and placed a soft kiss to the palm of her hand. “I want you to hear it. So much of you is in it.”
“Bono…’”
He felt her begin to pull away. “Just listen...if you come on tour this time, it will be different.”
“I told you, I’m scheduled elsewhere.” She composed herself for a moment. “And Andrew would never allow it after what happened.”
“Perhaps if we go to him together….” Bono suggested hopefully.
Gloria bit her bottom lip. “I don’t know…you have come out of the blue with this. I wasn’t even expecting to see you.”
The sly Bono grin lit up his face. “Did you think I would stay away?”
“I thought you’d forgotten all about me.”
“Never.” He had to show her that she was never just a fling or a fleeting infatuation. “You will always be my Glory…”
Somehow, their lips met in the middle. Soft and nervous at first with a quickly building fire. God, had he missed her mouth and all the things it could do to him. Needing to feel her again, he stood and pressed against her. Her arms wound behind his neck like no time had passed between them. Images of her in his bed every night flooded his mind. It could be like this forever. If he had any doubts that he’d get over her, they had cemented in his heart. Gloria had become a part of him like oxygen. Tonight could the beginning of something wonderful.
With no sign of slowing down, his lips travelled across her jaw and down her throat. He nipped at her shoulder as his fingers worked the buttons of her blouse. He pressed his hips to hers, ready to lay her on her desk and take her back. Take her to ecstasy like he had in the past. Show her the future.
She pulled away, breathless. “Wait...wait…”
“We have, love.” He captured her lips again. The buttons of his shirt fell away. He lifted her to the edge of her desk to press himself into her, to let her know how much he wanted her.
She began to sink into him when she jerked away. “Wait. Where is Ali?’
He frowned. “Ireland.” He moved in for another kiss. She stopped him again.
“Does she know of your plan?”
Well shit. He had not thought of everything. When he came to the office, he only wanted to convince her tour with them again. He hadn’t expected to offer up his future with absolutely no planning at her feet. Of course it looked like another empty promise.
“No, I wasn’t sure until I saw you.”
Gloria moved away. “No, we are not doing this again.”
“I told you. It will be different.” He grabbed for her hand.
She ran her fingers through her wild hair. “No. I just got over you. I’ve just started to feel something for someone else, and I can’t go backwards.”
“I’m trying to move forwards with you,” he pleaded.
Gloria took a step back. “Get your shit together. If you really want this, then come to me a free man….”
Bono never did get his shit together. He went on tour, and Gloria went about her business. She toured with many groups, managed many actors (dated a few too) and went about her life. And when he saw her again in 1999, everything changed. She had completely grown up, and definitely had left her feelings for him behind. By the Elevation Tour, they had become friends again. Gone was the longing in her eyes, but it had been replaced with a different kind of love. Bono had dedicated himself to his family by adding two sons and took the box of memories to bury along with his feelings.
Bono squinted at the clock on the wall. It was past four now. The letter was still unfinished, like the songs. He picked up the pen again.
Gloria, I really miss you. This is worse than when you left Australia. I was confused then, but I am not confused now. I know exactly what I want, but I cannot have it. The cost is too much for all of us.
Dreaming of you. Yours eternally,
B
