youvedonewhat
Rock n' Roll Doggie Band-aid
Short one today. Not much time. 
© Works by YDW.
As usual, please don't copy or paste this anywhere without my consent.
Susan. Part 4.
Saturday 7th. Continued.
Where, exactly, does a person begin when that person is so geared up with excitement that she has to pinch
herself to believe that a thing really happened? I’m gobsmacked. I’ve been stood in my room for ages since
I got home, just looking out of the window and thinking, gazing way across the fields, to the hedgerows and
beyond but you know I hadn’t see any of that.
Now, as I sit here writing, I know that all of it may as well have turned to dust cos right then all I saw was his
face coming towards me. All I could feel were those hands, the warmth of them, the pressure of them
travelling through my clothing to heat up my skin. And more, oh yes, so much more.
I can’t help but close my eyes at the memory of it. That moment when he’d taken my face in his hands; the
shock that had sprung up in me when he did that; the moment when he’d closed his eyes and pressed his lips
to mine. Oh God; the feel of those lips, the pressure of his kiss and oh but it had been so perfect. It’d been
firm yet gentle; firm enough to excite me and yet gentle enough not to render me afraid.
And I’d been filled with an odd kinda sweetness. Do you know anything about that? Have you felt it? Well, I
hadn’t; never even knew it even existed but I guess you have. And I’m sorry if I’m boring you with it but, you
know, I need to write it down; tell it as it is cos it’s so very important to me, so please, play along on this one.
So anyway, where was I? Oh yes; this sweetness; this feeling that I’d never experienced before; it’d kinda
radiated right through my entire body, you know; ended up, well, I guess you could say it totally enveloped
me but I suppose some parts of me reacted to it more than others. And I hadn’t expected it. It’d been both
surprising and exciting and, though I hate to admit it, it had given rise to so many questions about adulthood
and what I could expect.
And I can feel it now. Even though he’s gone from me, even though he’s not here I can still feel it; still sense
the memory of it. Why, I’m heating up just at the mere thought of him, (and wouldn’t The Shit Head explode
if he knew what thoughts were going through his daughter’s head right now. It makes me smile, that; the
thought of getting one over on the Shit Head by thinking these brazen thoughts). And, och, I don’t know why
I’m writing all this down cos I don’t really want to. I’d much rather spend my time daydreaming about him,
thinking about how he kissed, about how he smelled, how he felt. But then, if I don’t write it down I’ll forget
stuff, won’t I? Or, will I? Och, never mind. I’m gonna continue writing anyways. At least that way I’ll be able
to remember every single detail.
:-:
Thinking about it now, cos I do like to dissect everything, I don’t know what I’d expected cos well, you already
know that I’ve never been kissed before. I think I told you it was my first kiss; my first and only kiss. And oh,
I wish I could go back in time and experience it all again. Of course, since I got back I’ve wanted to shout
out about it. I’ve wanted to climb up onto the rooftop of our house. I’ve wanted to yell across the whole
bloody village; “I just got snogged by one of the travellers! All you old farts can go shite!”, But well, I guess I
wouldn’t have gotten away with that. The Shit Head would have spotted me and grilled me before I even got
up there. I’d have been punished before I’d even got the chance to say anything. Besides, do I really want
that bag of shit to know what I’ve done?
Course, when I crossed mother’s path earlier I wanted to tell her. I wanted to say, “Oh, by the way, Rowan
kissed me today, you know, Rowan; that filthy bloody traveller, well he kissed me and what’s more, I liked it”.
But I didn’t. And I’m so giddy with excitement. I need to tell someone but there is no one I can tell; no one I
can trust with my news. It’s so not fair. And, I’ve had to keep my smile in check too. If The Shit Head
catches me smiling he’ll guess I’d been up to no good. He’d beat the truth out of me and ruin everything, so
I’m keeping my face long as usual; been sullen and moody just like normal whilst inside I’m bursting with my
secret; imploding with happiness and a whole lot of glee.
:-:
Later…
He’s ruined it hasn’t he? Oh yes, ruined it. The Bastard Shit Head has just been in my room. I was so deep
inside my head that he shocked me when he burst in. My fantasies popped. At the sound of his booming
voice I’d shrivelled inside and waited to see what he wanted. And, as usual his words were accusatory;
“Where the bloody ‘ell d’ yer think yer’ve bin?!” And I’d panicked. He always has this effect on me; always.
Even when I’ve done nothing wrong he makes me panic. Well, this time I had actually done something wrong
so I panicked even more. I felt sure that my face would be displaying my guilty secret and I was sure I
wouldn’t be able to cover it up.
But, I’d answered him as best I could. In my usual pathetic apologising voice I spoke. “I went….I went for
your paper”.
Of course, this was a stupid thing to say because I’d forgotten all about his shitty paper hadn’t I? I must have
left it on the wall when Rowan showed up.
The Shit Head got in quick: “So where is it then, fat girl?”
“I think…I think I lost it somewhere”.
He answered my words by mimicking my voice, making me feel even more stupid and pathetic. “I think I lost
it somewhere”. I wouldn’t look at him so he spoke again, spitting out two words. “Stand up!”
At his command I closed my eyes momentarily and pulled in a deep breath. I knew what was coming. I
always do. Without looking at him I heard him begin to breathe slow and controlled. Despite my lofty
intentions not to cry, my eyes heated up with tears. And that usual voice inside my head began its lament;
Go away. Go away. Leave me alone. Please don’t hit me. I could feel him glaring down at me so I did
as I was told and slid my legs over the side of the bed. As I pressed my feet into the dirty, threadbare carpet
that was rucked up on the floor I held my breath for as long as I could.
And then I waited.
Ok, that's all I've time for today....laters taters...
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