BlueSilkenSky
Rock n' Roll Doggie VIP PASS
This is like a treally short teaser transition chapter leading to the next and final one. I was planning to post the last chapter today, as it is the anniversary of Zoo TV Live From Sydney, but didn't get around to this one. So expect the next one coming in the days that follow today.
(And yes, I wrote that section in Dutch just to bug you.
Take it away, Marieke!)
I can barely sleep on my long flight home. I know it’s crucial that I rest up, as we’re crossing time zones and I don’t want to conk out as soon as I arrive in Rotterdam, but my mind will not shut up. It goes off running with plans for the future, none of them Zoo related. At last I get a chance to think long and hard about my time on the tour and what it- and everyone I met- meant to me.
When I first became personally acquainted with U2, I was still a girl at heart. For a few days everything was glitz and glamor and shell-shock. Then it shifted when I grew accustomed to the crew and the band- my family in Zoo. They had accepted me, given me a job, and I had fallen fast for a man I couldn’t have. I can’t put all the blame on Bono, though- the world of Zoo TV really did corrupt me, take over my mind. It felt as I’d been working there for my entire life.
And I’d hurt a lot of people along the way, during the transition from Zooropa to Zoomerang. Eric is the first one I can think of. He’d had a crush on me just as I had a crush on Bono, and a kiss had ended the relationship. But when he tried to apologize, the truth shinning from every pore, I took my frustration out on him and ruined his life.
I’d wreaked quite a lot of havoc in Larry’s life too- because of one bad decision on my part, I ended up forcing him into an engagement that meant little to him. No wonder he wanted me to pursue Bono in the end- it was all probably based on a hope that I would feel the pain of what had happened to him and Eric, and hoping that I would leave the tour. Because, really, that story about Bono loving me had to be bullshit.
My one close friend, the only one who really understood me on the tour, was Jack. And what have I done to him? While he put up with every one of my faults, I tossed him like an old boyfriend once he said one thing to offend me. Out of all the crew, it is Jack I will miss the most. He was only trying to help, throughout everything I’ve ever done.
And Bono…
I can’t figure out our night. Did he actually know what he was doing, or was he drunk off the performance high? Was it MacPhisto that took over his body, leaving reason behind as the Devil pulled me aside? Or maybe… was the whole thing just because he was lonely?’
Whatever the reason, I can see now in my crystal-clear thoughts that Bono never truly loved me. There was attraction, definitely, but all his love was reserved for Ali. Despite it all, I can’t hate her, not anymore. She was always the perfect match for him. I should have seen that right from the start.
I write letters to them, letters that may never be sent, but containing words that I have to get out. I’ll do my best to find the addresses.
Dear Eric,
I hope you haven’t thrown this away after seeing the name I’m sure to put on the envelope, if this ever gets sent. All I want to say is, I was being a complete bitch when I kissed you at the birthday party. To tell the truth, I was honestly hoping someone would walk in on us so I could tell that foolish lie about you assaulting me. I’m sorry, Eric. I never thought through my actions.
I hope your life in Miami is going well and that you haven’t been thinking about me very much. You know I don’t love you, and I never can or will. Again, I’m sorry. Sometimes I wish it was different. Please forget about me, or find me in someone else. We’re no good for each other.
Don’t think I’m writing this out of pity or because someone forced me to. As I write, I am on a plane bound for Rotterdam. Let’s just say that I’m leaving the tour in a similar fashion to you.
Best of luck,
Marieke Lang
Dear Larry,
You probably know by now that I have left Zoo TV, and, if Bono’s been talking to you, you probably know why. I’m not angry at you for urging me onwards. I shouldn’t have fallen for it in the first place, but I was blind to everything but my own wants. I’m not accusing you of lying to me, though- you could have said anything about Bono and I would believe it.
I have to confess- after that night we spent together in London, I harbored some small affectionate feelings towards you, whereas you instantly brushed me off and chalked it up to temptation. If it hadn’t been for Bono, I know I could have learned to love you, Larry. It just took some time. I’m sure you’re happy to be getting married to Ann, but I regret playing any part in your decision. It shouldn’t have been me who taught you the meaning of true love. It should have been her. And if you don’t invite me to the wedding, I’ll understand. I hope you’re sure you’ve gotten over me.
Have fun on the rest of the tour- or, if this reaches you after it ends, have fun with your loved one. Keep on drumming your heart out.
Sincerely,
Marieke Lang
Beste Jack,
Ik weet zeker dat tegen de tijd dat deze brief u bereikt, je hebt gehoord heb ik de tour verlaten. Ik schrijf dit op een vliegtuig terug naar huis, eigenlijk. Grappig hoe dingen gebeuren ... Hoe dan ook, het hele verhaal is dat Bono me uitgenodigd naar zijn kamer om te praten over iets, en ik lees te veel in de uitnodiging en kuste hem. Hij gooide me uit, en nu ben ik hier. Ik weet dat ze me niet willen niet meer rond. Eerlijk gezegd, kan Bono doe mijn werk beter dan ik kan.
Maar wacht, dat is echt niet het hele verhaal. Ik heb geen kus hem uit de lucht vallen. Ik had reden om te geloven dat hij wilde seks met mij. Weet je waarom? Omdat we eigenlijk hadden seks hadden de avond tevoren. Ik zie je geschokte uitdrukking in mijn hoofd nu.
Maar het eindigde betekenis niets, Jack, en dat is waarom ik naar huis gebonden. Ik kan daar niet vinden romantische liefde op tour. Ik moet ergens anders gaan zoeken naar dat.
Dank u voor het zijn mijn beste vriend op de Zoo TV tour. Serieus, je hielp me door enkele goede tijden en slechte tijden met genoeg geduld om iemand af te maken, Ben ik de ophef waard? Ik weet dat ik zeker als de hel was het niet waard, helemaal. Kijk eens wat ik je heb aangedaan, genegeerd jullie allemaal vanwege een klein vergrijp, dat op de lange termijn, niets betekende. Het spijt me, Jack. Ik hou van je, maar niet op die manier.
Ik hoop dat je veilig terug naar Edinburgh en geniet van uw tijd met Charm. Ze is een mooie vrouw, zeer verdienstelijke van je. Hoewel soms denk ik niemand verdient je. Ik weet dat ik niet. Je bent een stuk boven het gemiddelde bemanningslid, dat is zeker.
liefde,
Marieke Lang
Bono,
As I write, I am sitting on a plane headed to Rotterdam. You of all the people on tour know why. I guess this is my official letter of resignation.
Bono, I have to tell you the truth, from the very start. Ever since the Lisbon show, I fancied myself in love with you. It began as a crush, and the more I spent around you- the more human-like you became to me- the more I fell in love. By the Nijmegen show I wanted to have sex with you. By the Zoomerang leg I was convinced you felt the same way for me. Now I see that you never did. You’ve always loved Ali, and I can understand that. She’s more beautiful and much wiser than me anyhow.
I’m sure you don’t know the story about Bologna. Something happened there that changed my mind on the way you feel about me forever. You know the night you got drunk and Jack took you home? Well, it wasn’t Jack. It was me. I took you outside, called a taxi, and we rode home without you remembering any of it. And I told you I loved you. And you kissed me. It’s true. You kissed me, without thinking of the consequences. Does any of this ring a bell? I’m telling you, it really happened.
Here’s a question I would like to ask you- what happened last night, in Sydney, when we made love in your dressing room? I know now you weren’t in love with me. So why did you do that? Maybe I wouldn’t have kissed you tonight if you hadn’t led me on like that. But I’m not trying to accuse you.
Bono, I love you, and I’m sure it will take a long time for that love to fade. It won’t be easy, since you’re on TV and in the news all the time. But I’ll try my best to get over you. I know I can if I put my mind to it. Thank you for sharing one night with me.
Everything about you is beautiful. Please don’t ever change.
Ik hou van je,
Marieke Lang
I reread my letters, ready to revise if necessary. They all seem ready to be mailed. I write another one at the last minute-
Dear Bill,
Just writing to inform you that you no longer have permission from me to use any of my remarks in your book, including the interview. I don’t want to be remembered as being a part of the Zoo TV crew. I’m ashamed of it. Please remove me from any parts of your draft. Thank you.
Marieke Lang
Out of the responses I get to my letters, only one means the most to me, and it says the least-
Marieke. You left this in my dressing room in Sydney. B.
Enclosed is my silver bracelet, the M charm removed.
(And yes, I wrote that section in Dutch just to bug you.
Take it away, Marieke!)I can barely sleep on my long flight home. I know it’s crucial that I rest up, as we’re crossing time zones and I don’t want to conk out as soon as I arrive in Rotterdam, but my mind will not shut up. It goes off running with plans for the future, none of them Zoo related. At last I get a chance to think long and hard about my time on the tour and what it- and everyone I met- meant to me.
When I first became personally acquainted with U2, I was still a girl at heart. For a few days everything was glitz and glamor and shell-shock. Then it shifted when I grew accustomed to the crew and the band- my family in Zoo. They had accepted me, given me a job, and I had fallen fast for a man I couldn’t have. I can’t put all the blame on Bono, though- the world of Zoo TV really did corrupt me, take over my mind. It felt as I’d been working there for my entire life.
And I’d hurt a lot of people along the way, during the transition from Zooropa to Zoomerang. Eric is the first one I can think of. He’d had a crush on me just as I had a crush on Bono, and a kiss had ended the relationship. But when he tried to apologize, the truth shinning from every pore, I took my frustration out on him and ruined his life.
I’d wreaked quite a lot of havoc in Larry’s life too- because of one bad decision on my part, I ended up forcing him into an engagement that meant little to him. No wonder he wanted me to pursue Bono in the end- it was all probably based on a hope that I would feel the pain of what had happened to him and Eric, and hoping that I would leave the tour. Because, really, that story about Bono loving me had to be bullshit.
My one close friend, the only one who really understood me on the tour, was Jack. And what have I done to him? While he put up with every one of my faults, I tossed him like an old boyfriend once he said one thing to offend me. Out of all the crew, it is Jack I will miss the most. He was only trying to help, throughout everything I’ve ever done.
And Bono…
I can’t figure out our night. Did he actually know what he was doing, or was he drunk off the performance high? Was it MacPhisto that took over his body, leaving reason behind as the Devil pulled me aside? Or maybe… was the whole thing just because he was lonely?’
Whatever the reason, I can see now in my crystal-clear thoughts that Bono never truly loved me. There was attraction, definitely, but all his love was reserved for Ali. Despite it all, I can’t hate her, not anymore. She was always the perfect match for him. I should have seen that right from the start.
I write letters to them, letters that may never be sent, but containing words that I have to get out. I’ll do my best to find the addresses.
Dear Eric,
I hope you haven’t thrown this away after seeing the name I’m sure to put on the envelope, if this ever gets sent. All I want to say is, I was being a complete bitch when I kissed you at the birthday party. To tell the truth, I was honestly hoping someone would walk in on us so I could tell that foolish lie about you assaulting me. I’m sorry, Eric. I never thought through my actions.
I hope your life in Miami is going well and that you haven’t been thinking about me very much. You know I don’t love you, and I never can or will. Again, I’m sorry. Sometimes I wish it was different. Please forget about me, or find me in someone else. We’re no good for each other.
Don’t think I’m writing this out of pity or because someone forced me to. As I write, I am on a plane bound for Rotterdam. Let’s just say that I’m leaving the tour in a similar fashion to you.
Best of luck,
Marieke Lang
Dear Larry,
You probably know by now that I have left Zoo TV, and, if Bono’s been talking to you, you probably know why. I’m not angry at you for urging me onwards. I shouldn’t have fallen for it in the first place, but I was blind to everything but my own wants. I’m not accusing you of lying to me, though- you could have said anything about Bono and I would believe it.
I have to confess- after that night we spent together in London, I harbored some small affectionate feelings towards you, whereas you instantly brushed me off and chalked it up to temptation. If it hadn’t been for Bono, I know I could have learned to love you, Larry. It just took some time. I’m sure you’re happy to be getting married to Ann, but I regret playing any part in your decision. It shouldn’t have been me who taught you the meaning of true love. It should have been her. And if you don’t invite me to the wedding, I’ll understand. I hope you’re sure you’ve gotten over me.
Have fun on the rest of the tour- or, if this reaches you after it ends, have fun with your loved one. Keep on drumming your heart out.
Sincerely,
Marieke Lang
Beste Jack,
Ik weet zeker dat tegen de tijd dat deze brief u bereikt, je hebt gehoord heb ik de tour verlaten. Ik schrijf dit op een vliegtuig terug naar huis, eigenlijk. Grappig hoe dingen gebeuren ... Hoe dan ook, het hele verhaal is dat Bono me uitgenodigd naar zijn kamer om te praten over iets, en ik lees te veel in de uitnodiging en kuste hem. Hij gooide me uit, en nu ben ik hier. Ik weet dat ze me niet willen niet meer rond. Eerlijk gezegd, kan Bono doe mijn werk beter dan ik kan.
Maar wacht, dat is echt niet het hele verhaal. Ik heb geen kus hem uit de lucht vallen. Ik had reden om te geloven dat hij wilde seks met mij. Weet je waarom? Omdat we eigenlijk hadden seks hadden de avond tevoren. Ik zie je geschokte uitdrukking in mijn hoofd nu.
Maar het eindigde betekenis niets, Jack, en dat is waarom ik naar huis gebonden. Ik kan daar niet vinden romantische liefde op tour. Ik moet ergens anders gaan zoeken naar dat.
Dank u voor het zijn mijn beste vriend op de Zoo TV tour. Serieus, je hielp me door enkele goede tijden en slechte tijden met genoeg geduld om iemand af te maken, Ben ik de ophef waard? Ik weet dat ik zeker als de hel was het niet waard, helemaal. Kijk eens wat ik je heb aangedaan, genegeerd jullie allemaal vanwege een klein vergrijp, dat op de lange termijn, niets betekende. Het spijt me, Jack. Ik hou van je, maar niet op die manier.
Ik hoop dat je veilig terug naar Edinburgh en geniet van uw tijd met Charm. Ze is een mooie vrouw, zeer verdienstelijke van je. Hoewel soms denk ik niemand verdient je. Ik weet dat ik niet. Je bent een stuk boven het gemiddelde bemanningslid, dat is zeker.
liefde,
Marieke Lang
Bono,
As I write, I am sitting on a plane headed to Rotterdam. You of all the people on tour know why. I guess this is my official letter of resignation.
Bono, I have to tell you the truth, from the very start. Ever since the Lisbon show, I fancied myself in love with you. It began as a crush, and the more I spent around you- the more human-like you became to me- the more I fell in love. By the Nijmegen show I wanted to have sex with you. By the Zoomerang leg I was convinced you felt the same way for me. Now I see that you never did. You’ve always loved Ali, and I can understand that. She’s more beautiful and much wiser than me anyhow.
I’m sure you don’t know the story about Bologna. Something happened there that changed my mind on the way you feel about me forever. You know the night you got drunk and Jack took you home? Well, it wasn’t Jack. It was me. I took you outside, called a taxi, and we rode home without you remembering any of it. And I told you I loved you. And you kissed me. It’s true. You kissed me, without thinking of the consequences. Does any of this ring a bell? I’m telling you, it really happened.
Here’s a question I would like to ask you- what happened last night, in Sydney, when we made love in your dressing room? I know now you weren’t in love with me. So why did you do that? Maybe I wouldn’t have kissed you tonight if you hadn’t led me on like that. But I’m not trying to accuse you.
Bono, I love you, and I’m sure it will take a long time for that love to fade. It won’t be easy, since you’re on TV and in the news all the time. But I’ll try my best to get over you. I know I can if I put my mind to it. Thank you for sharing one night with me.
Everything about you is beautiful. Please don’t ever change.
Ik hou van je,
Marieke Lang
I reread my letters, ready to revise if necessary. They all seem ready to be mailed. I write another one at the last minute-
Dear Bill,
Just writing to inform you that you no longer have permission from me to use any of my remarks in your book, including the interview. I don’t want to be remembered as being a part of the Zoo TV crew. I’m ashamed of it. Please remove me from any parts of your draft. Thank you.
Marieke Lang
Out of the responses I get to my letters, only one means the most to me, and it says the least-
Marieke. You left this in my dressing room in Sydney. B.
Enclosed is my silver bracelet, the M charm removed.
