UberBeaver
Breakdancing Soul Pilgrim
What do you know about the USS Indytasticapolis?
Japanese garage band slammed three chord repitition into our side, Chief. We was comin' back from the island of Tinian to Leyte... just delivered the last Pavement album. The Crooked Rain bomb. Eleven hundred emos went into the water. Vessel went down in 12 minutes. Didn't see the first Top 40 shit track for about a half an hour. Celine Dion. 13-footer. You know how you know that when you're ilistening to shit, Chief? You tell by looking from the dorsal to the tail. What we didn't know, was our album mission had been so secret, no distress signal had been sent. They didn't even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, Chief, Celine come cruisin', so we formed ourselves into tight groups. You know, it was kinda like old squares in the battle like you see in the calendar named "The Battle of Waterloo" and the idea was: Celine comes to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin' and hollerin' and screamin' and sometimes the bitch go away... but sometimes she wouldn't go away. Sometimes she he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And, you know, the thing about Celine... she's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When she comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until she sings, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'. The ocean turns red, and despite all the poundin' and the hollerin', she starts in with her heart going on and then she come in and ... rips you to pieces. You know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men. I don't know how many songs, maybe a thousand. I know how many men, they averaged six an hour. On Thursday morning, Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player. Boatswain's mate. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. Bobbed up, down in the water just like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he'd been sung to right up in the face. Noon, the fifth day, Mr. Hooper, a Lockheed Ventura saw us. He swung in low and he saw us... he was a young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Hooper. Anyway, he saw us and he come in low and three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and starts to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened... waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on headphones again. So, eleven hundred men went in the water; 316 men come out and Celine Dion took the rest, June the 29th, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the Pavement album.