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This is a very insightful and honest post Lemon. You and I had spoken about alot of this privately - as happened with a few others behind the scenes once we all dropped the gloves and got to know each other a bit - and, or at least I thought, we generally settled on a measure of respect for one another and at least decent civil vibes, if not eventually far more friendly. And that was even after some things got hurtfully personal - zero need to rehash that here, as I said we spoke thoroughly about it via PM - I only mention it to show that redemption is indeed possible.

But yeah, there were plenty of times I felt I was getting the brunt of the wagons circling, and I can definitely empathize with anyone who feels that gang up is happening to them. We're all just people and fans after all.

You touched on another great thought: none of us knows from words on a public screen is what everyone is going thru behind the scenes. This forum stuff feels so important in the moment - and then some real life shit shows us just what truly matters.

I remember once you telling me something to the effect of do you realize that you're arguing with people young enough to be your kids? That stuck with me, and gave me a bit of a reality check. I can only hope my edges have been dulled alot more since then. Being a jerk on a message board might seem like great sport at the time, but there's far better ways to expend energy, thats for sure.



There is nothing you have said to me in public or in private that I continue to hold against you, Gabe. We're totally fine and I appreciate that you took the time to reflect on your priorities and the manner in which you present yourself, ultimately coming to the conclusion that it's better to take the high road more often than not. There are many things worth fighting for, but rarely in this setting.

One thing you guys don't know about me is that I like to apologize properly if I'm going to do it at all, sometimes waiting a very long time in the process, so I could not and would not have made that post even 5 years ago. I tried to avoid deflecting blame and to be as detailed and specific as possible, as you were with LN7. We can't turn back the clock (unless you're Harrison Ford) but we can be aware of how we misused our time and be intentional about where it's going. That's the best we can do.

Between struggling with first time parenthood, suicidal ideations, two car accidents this year alone that fucked up my finances, weathering a pandemic while having crippling germophobia, separations, reconciliations, betrayals, being assaulted last year, Jesus...I just want to relax when I come here, man. It's not that serious! So if anyone has an issue with me, I hope we can figure it out and move forward. Life is too short.
 
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Win has always been a dogshit human, he's just stealing people's teenage girlfriends now instead of stealing their basketballs.
 
There is nothing you have said to me in public or in private that I continue to hold against you, Gabe. We're totally fine and I appreciate that you took the time to reflect on your priorities and the manner in which you present yourself, ultimately coming to the conclusion that it's better to take the high road more often than not. There are many things worth fighting for, but rarely in this setting.

One thing you guys don't know about me is that I like to apologize properly if I'm going to do it at all, sometimes waiting a very long time in the process, so I could not and would not have made that post even 5 years ago. I tried to avoid deflecting blame and to be as detailed and specific as possible, as you were with LN7. We can't turn back the clock (unless you're Harrison Ford) but we can be aware of how we misused our time and be intentional about where it's going. That's the best we can do.

Between struggling with first time parenthood, suicidal ideations, two car accidents this year alone that fucked up my finances, weathering a pandemic while having crippling germophobia, separations, reconciliations, betrayals, being assaulted last year, Jesus...I just want to relax when I come here, man. It's not that serious! So if anyone has an issue with me, I hope we can figure it out and move forward. Life is too short.

Damn man sorry to hear that you’re having such a tough year. Just remember that things will get better. I went through a complete meltdown in pretty much every aspect of my life about 5 years ago and somehow stuck through it and things are amazing now. Hang in there man.
 
Nothing, we’ve all been posting here 20+ years. At the end of the day I’m glad that this place exists and that we are all still able to talk to each other.
 
finally getting back to responding to these posts.

It's good to see us all acknowledge the toxicity that bounced around this place. When I think about the work I now do, this place would have felt unsafe at many times for many people, but was often outweighed by the thrill of community. That's dangerous.

Screwtape was one of many. There's many others who were bullied. Zoots got bullied. I made fun of 'Numbers' quite a lot. Mikal has copped it savagely and unfairly for years, for the crime of liking a few artists who others don't. Many of us blamed LN7's style of posting for the arguments we got into, instead of stepping back and inquiring about our own behaviour. I'm friends with Impy, and I hope he would regret that comment. This is what happens when we all get too familiar, comfortable, safe in the belonging of being a poster on a forum, share too much of our real selves, but all from behind a screen, the lines get blurred and nasty stuff comes out that has real-world impact. I reached out to LMP a couple months ago... talking about reason how many years ago I posted something on the forum about Time, something silly like it being an uplifting song or something, and he responded saying something like, dude, it’s a break-up song. And I think I may have even replied something even more silly, like how is it a break-up song. And he said well dickhead you can probably deduce that from a line like “breaking up is hard”. There was also a time that I called the Reality version of "Heroes" reggae, and I got schooled for that. I'm sure I'm misremembering bits, but some of that stuff stung. I actually told him I thought fondly of the Time interaction, because, without it, it may not have had the gravity it has had as I've moved through this break-up. I won't share what he responded but he did apologise. We were all young people who thought we were cool as fuck and above one another.

In the early days of B&C/RMT, I really, really felt that. It took me a really long time to worm my way into the clique. I joined the forum in 05, discovering U2 albums as I posted. (Axver roasted me hard once, and I was definitely hurt, although I could see the great humour in it as time passed.) As I was discovering other artists, I began to post in B&C, and a lot of the time it felt like I was some little loser trying to fit in with the cool kids, who were bothered by my presence. I remember very clearly when I finally made my first RMT thread, I spent hours agonising over it, trying to make it perfect, lacing it with jokes and then putting it up, and just praying that I wouldn't get made fun of, and I was, and I am pretty sure someone immediately started a new RMT thread and we used that one for a while of the one I made, which was left up in the forum for everyone to see and laugh at. That stung. The friggin' cobbler joke also stung at times. I was often pouring my heart into stuff and to then be met with a meme was tough at times. This forum has always been a place very near and dear to my heart, and eventually I grew up a bit, stopped caring as much and became very much part of the gang, but I remember what it was like to be on the outside and it was not very pleasant.
 
I remember very clearly when I finally made my first RMT thread, I spent hours agonising over it, trying to make it perfect, lacing it with jokes and then putting it up, and just praying that I wouldn't get made fun of, and I was, and I am pretty sure someone immediately started a new RMT thread and we used that one for a while of the one I made, which was left up in the forum for everyone to see and laugh at.

Bro that thread you made went to 51 pages.

Thanks for the link though, allowed me to relive this bizarre Jive Turkey post:

https://www.u2interference.com/forums/f287/random-music-talk-xxvi-you-can-smell-the-whiskey-burnin-down-cobbledicks-rd-209903.html#post7147068

:applaud:

Only in B&C...
 
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