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Old 07-22-2002, 03:12 AM   #1
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Why should I go to church?

I accepted Jesus into my heart when I was 11 years old, and was a regular church goer since then until about 3-4 years ago, maybe more. There were times when I fell back, had some times when I didnt want to go, but most of the time I went. Why did I stopped going to church? The excuses were lame on my ex's part: didnt have time, didnt want to be a hypocrite, etc., etc., so because of him, I stopped going also. I would have gone to church myself, but I didnt drive then. I just received my DL a half a year ago.

Anyways, about a year and a half ago, my ex and i seperated, and now I am waiting for my divorce to be finalized. In between that time we seperated, he has gone back to church, and takes my daughter when he has her for the weekends. He asks me why I dont go, and would like my daughter to be more involved. My reasons are simple, and maybe a little lame: I don't want to go back to church because, I dont want to be a hypocrite, and I don't want anyone to start praying that my ex and I get back together again(My ex wants me back). I do believe in the power of prayer, and I feel if I start going back to church, everyone there, will start to pray for some kind of healing in the marriage. If anything, I would rather start going to church when my divorces is final. I guess you could say that I don't trust God with that area in my life. I want my divorce to be over. Done with.

I DONT WANT HIM BACK. I am so happy with where I am right now. I really love being single. I have 2 jobs that I just started, my daughter is the happiest I have seen her in the longest time, I am becoming independent, slowly but surely. I am this new person who never had the chance to start living until now, and I don't want that to change.

There are too many things to list why I just don't want my ex back. Some of you interferencers may know my history, most of you don't. To make the long story short, I don't love him anymore. I don't want him back. My life WILL end if I end up going back to him. Its like I see myself dying inside when I think of him and myself together. It makes me sick thinking about him.

So my argument is this...why should I go back to church? I dont want to because of my fears, but I really miss going. It would make my daughter happy also, I guess. I'm torn over this. I'll end up regretting posting this sooner or later, but its something I needed to get off my chest. Thanks for listening.
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Old 07-22-2002, 03:25 AM   #2
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I believe that if God knows that you're much happier and better off without your ex, then he won't try to bring you back together with him. Also, I don't think that members of the church would start praying for you to get back with your ex. I sure haven't heard of any churches doing that. Finally, if you are really happy without your ex-husband, then there's no chance of you ending up with him again. It's your decision and nobody elses. No one can make you remarry him.
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Old 07-22-2002, 08:20 AM   #3
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Hi Nellie

I think God just wants your happiness, and he knows that being back together w/ your ex would not make you happy at all. I truly don't believe that God wants marriages to continue if they are actually that harmful to someone, but that's another discussion I guess. I'm sure He is quite proud of all you have accomplished, and knows what's in your heart.

As for going to church, I believe that church should be a safe haven-the last place on earth where someone should be judged. Maybe not everyone has my attitude, but it is certainly NOT my place to sit in church and judge anyone. I think the best thing to do is answer only to God, and forget what anyone else thinks.

You say you really miss going, and you feel you would be more comfortable after your divorce is final. So you can do only what feels comfortable for you. Please don't regret posting this-I know how you feel though, because I've posted a few things here that I've felt that way about, but this forum is great, and you should feel comfortable here.

Take care, and congratulations on all you have accomplished
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Old 07-22-2002, 08:31 AM   #4
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A few years ago I went on spiritual R&R I didn't go to church for about three years. I had been going all my life...had been surrounded by the so called "Christian sub-culture' where we only listened to Christian music...or read Christian books and magazines and watched only certain movies and TV programs. I felt I had to get away from all that....the church had declared if you stopped going to church...or reading your bible terrible things would happen and you would become a drug pusher or something equally evil...and my family sat around and waited for it to happen.

nothing happened. I came out of the ordeal ok...didn't fall to the 'dark side' and still believed pretty much what I had always believed all along. It was one of the best things I have ever done. I knew I could 'stand alone' spiritually without all those crutches (how do the Christians in communist China get along without a Christian sub culture to help them?)

When the time came I was ready to go back...but to a different church.

Do you have to go back to the same church? Isn't there another one in your area that believes basically the same things you do...but doesn't know your history...where you can start a new life with new friends...that is of course if you really want to attend church.

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Old 07-25-2002, 01:30 AM   #5
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thanks everyone for your words and encouragement
i believe God knows my heart, whether i am being scared, selfish or just plain untrusting when it comes to my fears about my divorcing. i know that i didn't give much information about my life for anyone to understand what i am going through, and how i am affected by this whole thing.

i struggle with my decision, because i realize more and more each day that i am held accountable for my daughter's spiritual well-being, and its a hard decision that i will have to make soon. its something i really don't want to do, but there will be a time when i will start to go back to church. my heart's just not in it right now. again, thanks for reading
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Old 07-25-2002, 03:39 PM   #6
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I am reminded of this passage in the Bible, Luke 18:10-14:

"[Jesus] then addressed this parable to those who were convinced of their own righteousness and despised everyone else. 'Two people went up to the temple area to pray; one was a Pharisee and the other was a tax collector. The Pharisee took up his position and spoke this prayer to himself, 'O God, I thank you that I am not like the rest of humanity--greedy, dishonest, adulterous--or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week, and I pay tithes on my whole income.' But the tax collector stood off at a distance and would not even raise his eyes to heaven but beat his breast and prayed, 'O God, be merciful to me a sinner.' I tell you, the latter went home justified, not the former; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted.'"

I do not believe it to be necessary for you to go to church, especially when it is such an unfriendly environment to you. I believe we often put more expectations on ourselves than what God would even want. If you want to go to church, then go when you want. That doesn't mean you have to go to the same one as your ex-husband does either. But I also don't think God demands that we go to church, despite centuries of Christian tradition that commands otherwise. Follow your heart and let your conscience be your guide. "Honoring the Sabbath day" can certainly be done in other ways, aside from church.

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Old 07-28-2002, 03:20 PM   #7
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I used to go to church all the time when i was younger but i stop going regulary about 7 yrs ago bc I just did want to go and ill admit i lost my faith somewhere and somehow but about 2 yrs ago i started going back again bc i wanted to. I think that if you dont want to go then dont go or if you do want to go to church then go. Just dont do it bc someone else wants you to do it!
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Old 09-10-2002, 04:51 PM   #8
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i rarely make it to this forum, but i was running away from 9-11 type stuff in FYM and needed to find a comforting place...

anyway - nellie i've asked myself the same question (for different reasons than you) for a while. the conclusion i have come to is this:
it is more important to be a good person, the best you can be, every day of your life, than to make an appearance at church once a week.
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Old 09-11-2002, 03:40 PM   #9
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i'm don't belong to any churches or religions , but once or twice during the week or a month i go to church ( where they accept all people ) , i find it comforting , i'm looking for god and the rest of it is too private to speak about , to think about your life , good .
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Old 09-11-2002, 06:15 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by Fritzy
it is more important to be a good person, the best you can be, every day of your life, than to make an appearance at church once a week.
While I respect the sentiment behind this, I have never really thought of the church as a *place* where I make an appearence. To me, it's the community of people who support each other, experience Jesus together, and keep me honest about growing up spiritually. If I didn't experience God regularly at my church, or feel like the people were genuine, and really loved me (and vice versa) I probably would have moved to another congregation by now.

Just personally, and not speaking for anyone else, when I don't get together with my spiritual community each week (which is hardly ever) I notice a difference in *me* -- less centered, less joyful, less real.

I really think it's important to do what is honest and real at any given phase in your life for you though.
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Old 09-13-2002, 08:44 PM   #11
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In asking the question "Why should I go to church?", I immediately think to turn it around, and ask the question, "Why should I not go to church?" It is easy to ask the question you stated and find all the answers through the lives and things people would say out of ignorance, and therefore justify the very question you ask. In "Why should I not go to church?" for me has a resolve that despite whatever may go right or go wrong, I'm learning to put my faith in God, and not man. If I go with right motives, and generally seeking God and the fellowship of genuine people, I believe I will find it. The resolve is in seeking the question that will move me from what I can get out of church, to what the Holy Spirit through the messages, songs, and fellowship will do for me in a new level that I never dreamed.

Chris
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Old 09-15-2002, 03:31 AM   #12
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Why does it have to be the same church?

If your ex is still attending church, maybe he has already asked his mates to pray for your marriage.

You can always seek out another church, join another cell/support group.

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Old 09-16-2002, 03:03 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally posted by foray
Why does it have to be the same church?

If your ex is still attending church, maybe he has already asked his mates to pray for your marriage.

foray
See thats what I'm afraid of. I dont want anyone praying for the marriage at all whatsoever. It's not something I want at all. I want it over. I just want to be free and happy with my baby girl.
I guess its asking alot. I just don't trust God in that area of my life.

I have tried going to different churches that were recommended to me by friends and family members, I just have this knack for running into friends from the former church i went to before.

Quote:
. If I go with right motives, and generally seeking God and the fellowship of genuine people, I believe I will find it. The resolve is in seeking the question that will move me from what I can get out of church, to what the Holy Spirit through the messages, songs, and fellowship will do for me in a new level that I never dreamed.

Chris, I hear you. I miss being moved by the Holy Spirit, singing and dancing before the Lord, being ministered to, ministering to others...I am torn.

Thanks for your replies everyone.
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Old 10-05-2002, 02:40 PM   #14
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church is just a way to worship, nellie. there are a million other ways to worship. do what makes you feel in touch with God and what helps give you clarity.
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Old 10-05-2002, 10:51 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by Blue_Angel
church is just a way to worship, nellie. there are a million other ways to worship. do what makes you feel in touch with God and what helps give you clarity.
I would agree that no one denomination has the "right" way to worship. I would caution "doing what makes you feel in touch with God" by spending time in His Word. The less time we spend around other believers, the more likely we are to define God our way, and not as He has revealed Himself to us.

May God reveal Himself to each of you in a new way each day.
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Old 10-07-2002, 08:19 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally posted by nbcrusader


May God reveal Himself to each of you in a new way each day.

That is one awesome prayer.

Nellie, I have gone through a very tramatic separation from one of my parents. I do not wish to go into the details but I can tell you that it took many years for me to get back into church.

I guess it took a dope slap from one of my friends to get me to realize, that despite all of the evidence that this separation was necessary for my family, I still felt guilty and was not forgiving myself for a decision that had to be made. Even though rationally, I did not see a reason to have to forgive myself, that guilt made me separate myself from the religious community. I was unable to attend church without torturing myself over the situation. I am still not the best church attendee, but I do know know, that God loves me, and the first step I had to take was to forgive myself.

I do not know if my words mean anything to you, I hope they help.

Peace to you.
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