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Old 10-25-2002, 11:02 PM   #1
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when and how

I don't know when too much is too much. He's all worn out from chemo, I went to visit him last weekend and he was so scared and I know my visit meant a hell of a lot to him. I wish I could go again. And I want to email him constantly and give him encouragement, but I am so afraid of smothering him. How do you give support in a situation like this? He's going in for chemo again soon and you can see how absolutely terrified he is of this. I want to do more. I don't know. Does anyone know if it's good to constantly email him or if it will wear him out? wish there were easy answers. wish i could make him see this is not his burden alone. he's such a beautiful person and he doesn't deserve this.
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Old 10-26-2002, 10:08 AM   #2
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It depends on the person, doesn't it? I mean, my good friend who had terminal disease, said that he didn't want me at his funeral if it came to that. We lived in different countries at the time. I asked him to tell me immediately it was his 'time' so that I could be with him. He refused. So, anyway, it depends on how the person wants to handle it.

I am guessing, really guessing, that if your friend showed you how scared he was about the chemo, he was in fact telling you that he'd appreciate your company. In any case, praying for him in your bedroom, alone, will also be helping him.


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Old 10-26-2002, 10:10 AM   #3
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Oh yeah, and you might want to try fasting for him, too. It does make a difference; fasting and prayer are powerful, man. If you do, don't just skip a meal; actually pray and read your bible while you are skipping the meal.


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Old 10-26-2002, 06:24 PM   #4
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Thank you, foray. it seems like he needs the attention and support but it is so hard to tell. He is a firm believer in prayer though, and this has suddenly brought religion and God back into his life in a big way. he amazes me. I've never thought of fasting but that makes such good sense especially since he can't really eat now either. Im not very good at prayer though, mostly it just sounds like pleading for me. how do you pray? is there anything specific you do?
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Old 10-26-2002, 07:04 PM   #5
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There is no proper formula for prayer - God simply wants to hear from us. There are, however, some things that I have found to be helpful.

In general, I try an follow a pattern of (1) praising God for who He is, (2) confessing the sins in my life that make me unclean in His sight, (3) thanking God for what He has promised and what He had done in my life, and (4) requesting God help in my life and the life of others.

Praying with an open Bible is also helpful. When ever I feel like I can't find he right words, I find God's Word to be a helpful source.

Like anything, pray takes practice. One of the most difficult yet helpful things for me was praying out loud with a group.

I'll be praying for your joy, peace and confidence through this situation.
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Old 10-27-2002, 09:31 PM   #6
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thank you so much, nbcrusader. do you think music is a form of prayer too? that seems to be the only time i can ever feel it but this may because i am an impatient person.

thanks guys, I'm sorry for posting this, I just want to talk to someone about it, and I dont want to constantly talk to my friends about it cos it's not fair to them. sorry, I am just a very vocal person.

maybe he has a chance with this, at least if only just with suppressing it. thank you.
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Old 10-28-2002, 11:48 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally posted by Blue_Angel
do you think music is a form of prayer too? that seems to be the only time i can ever feel it but this may because i am an impatient person.
Definitely!!!!! Martin Luther once said that he wished every believer had a copy of the bible and a psalter (hymnal).

I tend to be old fashion and enjoy hymns over praise music. I find the words filled with deep meaning and make me think. Don't get me wrong, praise songs can also be filled with great meaning, I just prefer the old hymns.

Either way, one of the most repeated commands from God is to sing to Him.

Have a joy-filled day!
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Old 10-28-2002, 01:29 PM   #8
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BA, I'm sorry sweetie, this must be really hard on you especially with all your school stuff going on. One of the things that I've done for my handful of friends that have been sick is to send them actual cards and letters in the mail. I don't know if your friend is in the hospital but it shouldn't make a difference for getting notes to him. When my girlfriend was super-sick during the first few months of her pregnancy and couldn't leave the house, I sent her a note at least every other day - she said that knowing something was coming gave her something to look forward to and made her whole day. Hallmark has lots of cute little cards for $.99, it helped me to have something get me started with what to say, but you don't even need to write alot, just a few words of encouragement. It will give him something tangible to hold onto and look at, probably easier than going to look back at an old email. But it wouldn't hurt to send him notes by email too, maybe with links to funny sites, things like that, something to make him smile .
I think music is a great idea too, don't know if he's a U2 fan also but you could make a tape or CD with some low-key U2 songs to go to sleep to, something to that effect.
I hope he pulls through, he's really blessed to have you as a friend.
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Old 10-30-2002, 08:43 PM   #9
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Thank you guys. He has gone in for treatment of the left lobe of his liver so I probably won't hear from him for 2 weeks or so now. Prayer is all that is left, thanks for helping me..
bonosloveslave, that is a wonderful idea about the card, he did mention how when he gets sad he looks at all the cards everyone has sent him and realizes how much people love him.
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