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Old 12-29-2002, 01:23 AM   #1
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Normal I feel soo lost and confused and scared

I feel lost and confused and scared of what will happen to me. im constantly wondering if i am making the right decisions for myself and constantly wondering why i allow my parents to decide things for me instead of fighting for what i believe in.

I went to mass tonite and it just hit me while in church,Do i really mean what im saying? I constantly say that i will try not lie and yet i do lie, I lie all the time to not hurt someone feelings, to not get in trouble with my parents and to allow myself to not deal with reality.

I just dont get how some people can have such a deep faith in God and yet i feel like mine is so weak and not deep at all. Dont get me wrong i believe in God it just seems like its not enough.

And I also dont understand why im so afraid to do things on my own or not with the permission of my parents or family. For some damn reason i dont want to get away from my parents and yet at the same time i do.

Dont mind me im just rambling and i know i dont make any sense at all and i just needed to vent and let out my thoughts. Sorry
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Old 12-29-2002, 10:42 AM   #2
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Ok, first of all, breathe!

You're not bad. You're young and confused. We've all either been there or will be there. A questioning of faith can frequently be the first in a series of steps that strengthen that faith. Your faith may change and grow; it may be a completely different thing when this part of your life is concluded.

If you don't like to lie, then stop. It sounds hard, and it is, but that's what growing and becoming an adult is all about. You don't have to blurt out what you think all the time (sometimes silence is the right answer), but stop lying. If you're lying to avoid getting into trouble with your parents, then maybe an examination of those actions is needed. Actions that don't require a lie to explain would be a better choice.

The reason you're confused about wanting to both get away from your parents and yet stay with them is because you're in that period of your life right now. It's a tough period. You're just starting to want to be an adult, but that can be scary. It's OK! If you love and trust your parents, talk to them. They went through this, too.


You'll be ok. You will. Trust me.
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Old 12-29-2002, 10:53 AM   #3
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While I don't know your exact situation, I can definitely relate. I grew up in a Christian home, my parents were even missionaries, and it wasn't until sometime in college that I found myself standing in church, singing the songs and it hit me...I didn't even know if the stuff I was saying was stuff I believed. Not deep down anyways. And it made me feel like a fake. Like a hypocrite. For myself, I had to get away from church entirely, to try to sort out where I was going and to try to be honest. I felt that if God knows all, he knows if I am not truly meaning what I say and then if I go through the motions, I am just lying to myself. So it has been quite a journey. I have been fortunate enough to be able to take some time to go away (in my case, to a place called L'Abri where asking all these sorts of questions is safe and encouraged) and to relearn things and decide on them for myself. And although it is often scary, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Because then what you believe is truly what you believe and not what someone else told you. Question everything. God is not afraid of your doubts. If he is worth believing in and serving, then he must be big enough to face serious questions. Don't fear. You're not alone.
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Old 12-29-2002, 08:43 PM   #4
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You are not alone and you will make it!

First of all... ... like Sula and Martha said: you WILL make it and you are not alone in this struggle.

Quote:
Originally posted by adamswildhoney
I just dont get how some people can have such a deep faith in God and yet i feel like mine is so weak and not deep at all. Dont get me wrong i believe in God it just seems like its not enough.
The mere fact that you asked this question shows that you have more faith than you think. Some people seem to have a "deep" faith... but that deep faith comes from the acknowledgement that their faith is small, but that's okay. Jesus said that you only have to have faith as small as a mustard seed. One mustard seed can flavor a whole lot. So the beginning place is small faith.

And your faith is bigger than you think at this point. A person has to have a deep faith to even recognize that there might be something wrong in their lives. You have enough faith to see that there might be something you can do differently. And that's the place to start.

You say that you are questioning whether you really believe all the things you've been saying... now is the time to seize on this and figure out what you DO believe. Don't put it off until later... sit down with yourself and maybe even write down the things you believe. In 2000 I went through this same stuff that you seem to be talking about. Like Sula, I just had to get away from the church. And that has been the best thing for me. It gave me a chance to really look at the things I had grown up believing and see how they fit into the life I was leading. I actually sat down and made a list of all the things I believed in, the things I wished, the ideas I had about God, etc. It was an incredible revelation to myself that maybe my faith wasn't as weak as I had thought. I would definitely recommend some time taken out to do something like this.

You also say that you feel lost and scared and confused. and I know what you're feeling. I've been facing some major personal decisions (and I know you have too). At these times it's easy to think that life is out of control. Part of being a Christian is learning to recognize that we're scared and confused. God doesn't say that that feeling will go away... and I'm constantly scared about decisions I've made. But we've got to recognize also that God is in control. And no matter how scared and confused and lost we think we are, He's always there. The "Footprints" story always reminds me of this... if you've never read it, let me know and I'll send it to you. As "Believers" we learn to trust that we are always going the direction that God wants us to be going. We make take detours from where *we* believe we need to be, but God is always steering.

Kelly, you WILL make it and I promise you that your faith will be stronger because of these questions, mine definitely is. I'm always here if you need to talk
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Old 12-30-2002, 01:55 AM   #5
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Thanks guys for letting me vent and giving me ideas of ways to help me thro this part of my life.

Its just hard for me to be questioning my faith so much and yet im surrounded by people that are very secure in their faith.

My mom awhile back went thro a phase where she questioned her faith and even went to the point of not allowing my siblings and I to go to church and so she knows what im going thro but i cant really talk to her about it bc my gram will hear us and immediately share her opinion and she is as religious as you can get.

Its just so hard sometimes not knowing whether i am coming or going!!!
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Old 01-08-2003, 09:28 PM   #6
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What great responses! Martha hit the nail on the head. We all go through this at some point in our lives. It can be a very unsettling period. Everyone eventually has to figure out for themselves their beliefs and it can be difficult if they are different from your parents. This will not be the last time you find yourself thinking about where you are in the world and your relationship with God. God knows your heart, God created you, God loves you. Peace
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Old 01-30-2003, 05:26 AM   #7
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I will advice you to avoid telling lies. You will be free of all confusions.

You dont need to be deeply religious to be good and vice versa. I have many people who are very very religious ( pray 3 times a day) yet are corrupt morally.

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Old 02-04-2003, 12:57 AM   #8
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you are on the right path, Kelly. and you are not alone.

Keep asking questions, praying for guidance and I'll keep you in my prayers.

feel free to PM me anytime
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Old 02-04-2003, 02:05 AM   #9
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Thanks guys I am soo happy there is a place for me that can I vent all my fears and doubts to because in my house its kinda like be seen and not heard.

I have recently tried to tell my mom about how I am not fully comfortable with going to church I am . And all she said was you need to be going to church and whether you wanna go or not you are going to go as long as you live under this roof. The thing that really bothers me about that is that she had the same problem with her parents and yet she is doing the same thing to me and realizes it.

Its just so irratating bc she doesnt realize that I am not happy right now and frankly I dont know what I need to do to make myself happy and secure with my faith.
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Old 02-04-2003, 03:38 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by adamswildhoney


I have recently tried to tell my mom about how I am not fully comfortable with going to church I am . And all she said was you need to be going to church and whether you wanna go or not you are going to go as long as you live under this roof. The thing that really bothers me about that is that she had the same problem with her parents and yet she is doing the same thing to me and realizes it.

Its just so irratating bc she doesnt realize that I am not happy right now and frankly I dont know what I need to do to make myself happy and secure with my faith.
It sounds as if your choices are limited, but you can still think and pray and read. So do what you can until you can make your own choices.
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Old 02-04-2003, 03:57 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by adamswildhoney
I have recently tried to tell my mom about how I am not fully comfortable with going to church I am .
Maybe you can visit other churches in your area. There have been times when we feel disconnected from our church, so we will visit another congregation. Or take a small break from corporate worship and spend time in worship on your own.

From what I am reading, your faith is secure (it can't be taken from you), you just need a fresh voice.

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Old 02-18-2003, 01:56 AM   #12
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Hi adamswildhoney,

Im new here and Im glad that there are discussions of this kind here. Like Martha and the others say, there isnt one true Christian in the whole world that hasnt experience the kinds of doubts and fears that you have. I was like you too...grew up in a Christian home did everything in the church and when I went to a girl's boarding school in my country and met other Christians with some wierd ideas, I got as confused as you.

Anyway I did take time off, time away from the church and from my family (studied in England). You need that time to find out who you are, what you want in life and what you believe in. Im glad to say that I have strengthened my bond with the Lord, but I could never have done that with the pressure from family and the church. nbcrusader is right in saying you need to get away from the crowds and spend sometime alone in thought, prayer and/or meditation.

Its ok to question, its ok to doubt. Thats the only way you will get to know more about yourself and what your place in this world is. Another thing, I feel, like you do, that its wrong to go through the motions without feeling anything. But do not lie. You will learn one day that you cant please evryone all the time and the more lies you tell, the more hurts you create, not just to others, but to yourself.

You are on the right track, hon, and I will be praying that you'll be able to make a decision and find yourself.

Love and Prayers!!
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Old 04-11-2003, 12:21 AM   #13
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So a little update: I still have periods when I feel insecure but I am basically okay now, I do realise that its okay to ask and be insecure in my faith bc not everyone is at first and my gram is 80yrs old and therefore she should be more secure then I am!!

Thankyou everyone for your comments and suggestions
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Old 04-11-2003, 12:56 AM   #14
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I'm glad things are feeling better for you... a crisis of faith is certainly not a fun time... but when you get to the other side of it, you get a whole new perspective

Keep trusting and loving... it's all we can do
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