yeah Lilly I get it all the time too. I think it has to do with being in high school at the age we're at because face it: for the majority, regardless of their true feelings, God just isn't cool. It's nobody's fault really, or maybe everybody's, I'm not sure, but it's an attitude that rubs off on all of us as we run around all day, too busy to think of anything but the millions of useless little things we have to do. I don't go to Church Sunday mornings because it's the one day a week I don't have to get up at 4:45, and then if that isn't bad enough I often skip the night service (a casual service) because I have to much homework that I've been postponing all week-end just because I'm too mentally worn down to think about doing it.
Excuses aside, there is an old saying that if you make time for God, He will make sure there's time for you. Take that whatever way you want, but I have found it to be true (doesn't mean I'm good and follow it all the time) but sometimes if we just let God into our lives it can be a calming enough influence that we can work more efficiently and need less time to do our seemingly-impossible workload. And it doesn't even have to be Church, although that is sometimes the easiest route, it can be whatever way we find to communicate with God, through praying, taking a quiet walk, sitting in the grass and listening to the birds chirping as the sun sets, just basically getting in touch with the fact that we are really just a small piece of something in some grander scheme.
But yes, before I write a scary essay on you, I understand this feeling and have it quite often, and it's not nice because I know if I just opened myself up a bit more, it would go away. And another thing...sometimes doing stuff that you don't get any real reward for, besides the satisfaction of helping someone, can be incredibly spiritually-filling. For me it's working with homeless animals but there are so many ways and you'd think you'd come out tired, but the strange thing is you end up feeling so refreshed when you've done something like that. Anyway, I hope that helps a little, you prolly already know most of what I said, but at least we're experiencing the same thing and aren't alone
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tomorrow's just an excuse away
so I pull my collar up and face the cold, on my own...