when we're..

[Blue_Angel]

nevermind, sorry

 

[Cowgirl]

i understand
i like seeing your name around here though babygrace

 

[The Wanderer]

well if I can't read it here, at least have the courtesy to send me it via PM or refer me to where I can read it!

 

[foray]

you can send it to me, too, BG


foray

 

[Blue_Angel]

You are so full of a moonlight
sway, shuddering to a close
on a quiet day. Maybe I should climb
out of this chemical warfare
on skinned hands and bare legs,
and make a shelter from your
scratching limbs. The thought train
derails, cutting me down and stretching
me across the tracks. There is
no movement, no stirring within the skin
of your soul. When we move
together we have no soul, only the vacuum
pull of the tides that sink us
while we're tied together by
this bottled convention.

__

Im sorry guys, I really didn't mean to do that. Now I have to go do work since I just missed my 9am class.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

Wow. Paints a very strong image, BG.

Love it.

 

[ACROB@T]

The thought train
derails, cutting me down and stretching
me across the tracks

When we move together we have no soul,
only the vacuum
pull of the tides that sink us
while we're tied together by
this bottled convention

 

[Cowgirl]

ive commented elsewhere

 

[oliveu2cm]

You are so full of a moonlight
sway, shuddering to a close
on a quiet day.

great word- shuddering. I would take out the comma after "sway". beautiful internal rhymes.


scratching limbs. The thought train
derails, cutting me down and stretching
me across the tracks. There is

verrry nice metaphor here.

 

[foray]

only the vacuum
pull

pull of the tides that sink us
while we're tied together by
this bottled convention

Nice touch to end this poem with a bottle reference. Good cohesive imagery, too. moon/vacuum/tides/bottle

foray