What I have learned today

[For Honor]

HOLY SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHit, holy shit, holy holy shit......

I just realized it.

(forgive my language....)



We


We were living each other's fantasy.
We're not really what each other "is looking for", but what "we think we're looking for". Holy shit. It makes so much sense. That makes so much sense.

That's why it was so surreal, because it was fake.


I was her dream, her knight in shining armor - but she doesn't need one, just thinks she wants one. She was my version of the fantasy, my damsel that could be mine and protect, but she isn't that. She's not that way yet - she's just a kid.

She has nothing stable enough for a romace within her.

Ironically, I would be what she needed, because....... because we woulc create a balance between us. But it isn't so. Too many other factors.



But I can't think that way right now.


I just have to remember that we were each others fantasies.
The problem is, our real selves couldn't manifest those fantasies.
We're just not liek that. IN addition, we're just not capable yet.


So.......


so it was a good shot, but........ it just can't happen yet.


talk about MIA............ there is no way to define this one. And that, my friends, is why it haunts me so damn much....

 

[wizard2c]

reply

Things to do today....improve my listening skills, get preparations made, learn, read more.

Friday night I foresaw that Asian earthquake, except I kept hearing LA through the music.....but I did not concentrate enough to hear all the other words in the song...I saw everything else except the location I could not focus on....now I have a better understanding of why mankind's timeline is running out.

Oh....there is so much I need to learn.....I hope there is enough time left for it all. I don't worry about finding my timeline back as I'm certain my mentor will hold it open for me......

The quest for the golden ring.

How are you doing, For Honor? My friend is not doing well, I don't know if they told her yet about the cancer...she doesn't want to talk to anyone but I did write a poem for her the other night called "A Dozen Roses" which I'll send to her in the hospital......that was troubling me all day yesterday........hope she can hold on.....

I have to go since I've been sitting too long in thought....need to do things...it's that timeline is moving faster with each passing day.

carol
wizard2c

 

[For Honor]

I am doing well...... my brain has been buzzing lately.


I have trouble reading sometimes............
I get too into a book or passage, and one of 2 things happens

1 - in school this was it: It wasn't interesting to me. Fictional things.... I hardly read anything in school. All you had to do was understand the jist of it, and then look up the meat online af cliffsnotes or similar, and then that was that. :shurg: I wrote two top score essays on books I only skimmed through. Fictional things are so.. predictable sometimes. But then again, ........ we all are. We're human....

2 - I find something I DO like, and it's great. But, like the book I'm reading now, I'm only on page 39 (including a lengthy intro), and it's hard for me to make progress, because every page leasds me into thinking and understanding something else. Whenever I find a ... a source of data or inspiration, or something I like, (more so.... something I can use ****FH's little secret: "like" and "use" are synonamus... I like what I can use, I don't like what I can't use... ****

But... I'm reading this book, and what I learn, as I do with everything I really can apply and use (like) in my life... I read something, and then I test it to see how it fits in my grand scheme of things. Often times I'll read, and then I will think of 1000 offshoots and relations to what I read.

So it makes actual progress slow.

But I suppose....... if I do make progress, and can fully intergrate what I'm learning....... then it can be a powerful and benificial thing.



However...... I'm reading a book about things I usually do/know anyways. Yet........ yet................. there are tiny nuances (newances? sp is bad lately).... and those little things can often send my brain spinning...... but in a good way.........

Anything that broadens my perspective is like....... like catnip - I MUST learn more about it......

And like in this book... I always saw something, acknowledged it, but the new way the author brought something to my attention... it...... vastly...... and positively.... altered how I view things, (people - which are the topic at the moment). But I honestly thrive on things like this


Heh heh heh
I am fitting into "my role"... I can feel it... My "personality type" - it's coming through.

I finally understand, more so, my destiny............

 

[For Honor]

" I don't expect good times any more. I make them"

11/2.2005