majxtc
The Fly
Not sure if this would be considered a poem or a story. The poetry may be only fair, but the story is true.
I Wasn?t There When My Love Left Town - On That Last Cold, Full Night of Winter.
I wasn?t there when she left - on that Winter night - the last one before spring.
For some -- Winter comes much sooner than for others, but for us all, it comes in due time.
Her Winter started 2 years prior, when diagnosed with breast cancer
- on her 33rd birthday - 8 months pregnant with our 3rd child.
She held on through months of treatments
and for a while we had an Indian Summer.
But the Winter Storm returned with a such great vengeance we could not stand.
The cancer had spread to her bones, hip and spine.
All the sensible people saw so clearly ?that it was just a matter of time.?
A matter of time - wasted worrying about so many things
that really weren?t of matter - at that time.
- of things easily seen with the physical eyes,
rather then with eyes for the unseen.
Time to preplan a funeral and put all her affairs in order...
Overrode the need for the time to celebrate who she was and the family we were.
As her parents and friends stayed vigil at her side,
I imagined angels attending to her - taking her to heal places hidden deep inside.
But knew it was time for me to go - My children needed me by their side.
As I left, I took off my watches (I, unusually, wear two)
and I switched my wedding ring from my left hand to my right.
I knew I was leaving her in that hospital alive for the last time that night.
- just knowing she was in God?s hands and was in His Time.
What time I got home, I really don?t know - We prayed and wept and went to bed.
And I wondered if somehow. somewhere some clock
might just stop as soon as she would leave us.
A few days after she had died, one of my children noticed
the hands of my ?Goofy? watch (a cherished gift from her) had stopped.
- not at midnight as one might suspect and what is typed on her death certificate,
- but right about the same time that I had said that last goodbye
from the side of her bed in the hospital room
- on that last full night of a long, hard Winter under a three quarters moon.
(I still wonder what we might have said if It was like in the movies or I had had more time alone with her. She was mostly comatose and didn?t really speak coherently to me once we got to the hospital room. Today, I?m still saying my good-byes, but I wonder what her good-byes would have been. When we went to the hospital, we knew it could be serious, but we did not know that she wouldn?t be coming home - at least to our familiar home here on earth.)
I do still sometimes see her or talk to her in my dreams,
But I still wish I could have said so much more in ?the Living Years?.
M. Anderson Jones in memory of Kim Marie (Latham) Jones (12/18/62-3/20/98)
majxtc (majestic)- Kim's story is on my web site at: http://members.home.net/majxtc/index.htm
------------------
And love is not the easy thing... The only baggage you can bring... Is all that you can't leave behind.
[This message has been edited by majxtc (edited 05-16-2001).]
I Wasn?t There When My Love Left Town - On That Last Cold, Full Night of Winter.
I wasn?t there when she left - on that Winter night - the last one before spring.
For some -- Winter comes much sooner than for others, but for us all, it comes in due time.
Her Winter started 2 years prior, when diagnosed with breast cancer
- on her 33rd birthday - 8 months pregnant with our 3rd child.
She held on through months of treatments
and for a while we had an Indian Summer.
But the Winter Storm returned with a such great vengeance we could not stand.
The cancer had spread to her bones, hip and spine.
All the sensible people saw so clearly ?that it was just a matter of time.?
A matter of time - wasted worrying about so many things
that really weren?t of matter - at that time.
- of things easily seen with the physical eyes,
rather then with eyes for the unseen.
Time to preplan a funeral and put all her affairs in order...
Overrode the need for the time to celebrate who she was and the family we were.
As her parents and friends stayed vigil at her side,
I imagined angels attending to her - taking her to heal places hidden deep inside.
But knew it was time for me to go - My children needed me by their side.
As I left, I took off my watches (I, unusually, wear two)
and I switched my wedding ring from my left hand to my right.
I knew I was leaving her in that hospital alive for the last time that night.
- just knowing she was in God?s hands and was in His Time.
What time I got home, I really don?t know - We prayed and wept and went to bed.
And I wondered if somehow. somewhere some clock
might just stop as soon as she would leave us.
A few days after she had died, one of my children noticed
the hands of my ?Goofy? watch (a cherished gift from her) had stopped.
- not at midnight as one might suspect and what is typed on her death certificate,
- but right about the same time that I had said that last goodbye
from the side of her bed in the hospital room
- on that last full night of a long, hard Winter under a three quarters moon.
(I still wonder what we might have said if It was like in the movies or I had had more time alone with her. She was mostly comatose and didn?t really speak coherently to me once we got to the hospital room. Today, I?m still saying my good-byes, but I wonder what her good-byes would have been. When we went to the hospital, we knew it could be serious, but we did not know that she wouldn?t be coming home - at least to our familiar home here on earth.)
I do still sometimes see her or talk to her in my dreams,
But I still wish I could have said so much more in ?the Living Years?.
M. Anderson Jones in memory of Kim Marie (Latham) Jones (12/18/62-3/20/98)
majxtc (majestic)- Kim's story is on my web site at: http://members.home.net/majxtc/index.htm
------------------
And love is not the easy thing... The only baggage you can bring... Is all that you can't leave behind.
[This message has been edited by majxtc (edited 05-16-2001).]
