Untitled and unfinished

[Diemen]

Ok, I don't claim to be an even mediocre poet (especially after reading some of the excellent posts here), so please be kind

. I suppose I think more in terms of song lyrics, so these aren't exactly the most poetic thoughts ever - and it's also unfinished.

Also, I just had an incredibly rough and upsetting day (I don't think I will ever figure out relationships), so forgive the depressing tone, but just getting this out seems to help at least a little bit.

Words so simple yet so strong
Feelings so deep yet somehow wrong
I begged for you when all was black
You let me crawl and turned your back

I was so hurt, so great the shame
I broke my heart, but you I blamed
For my own inaction and self-doubt
That left me with but one way out

And that's all for now. I know, it isn't exactly profound or innovative, but again, I don't claim to be any good as a poet

?

And given a couple days or week I'll be out of this crappy mood.

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"Without music, life
would be an error."
-Nietzsche-

 

[Diemen]

oy....reading over this I sound like I'm a young teenager (no offense to any young teenagers here). It really isn't teenage angst - I'm 21, so it's probably the older cousin of teenage angst you're seeing here

. Especially after reading some of the other posts, my post suddenly looks extremely boring and plain. Oh well. Remember, be kind

[This message has been edited by Diemen (edited 12-31-2001).]

 

[Loafer]

what are you talking about? I think it's good. I like the first two lines a lot. And its always good to write when you feel like shit! It always helps me! Cool poem, hope you finish it one day!

 

[Achtung_Bebe]

Hey Diemen, great work! I really like it

I think you should finish it up for sure! There's a lot of potential here

 

[zooropamanda]

Diemen! You can join Ali and me in the 'we think we're crap' club

THe best poems in my opinion, are the ones that are written in that moment of weakness and come straight from the ehart.

I felt for you as soon as i started reading, its all about what makes you feel.This one definitely did.

 

[Alisaura]

Hehe! Good call ZooManda...
I like that poem too, Diemen... ZooManda's right, the ones that just blurt right out are the most honest, and evocative too, generally...
Welcome!

 

[scappy]

Diemen, it's terrific (and more than I've done lately)! The girls are right -- our best efforts come from the honesty of those dark moments...

Hope things work out for you. And hope you finish the poem!

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"And it's already gone too far..."