"uninvited"

[BabyGrace]

she bites her nails carefully,
tiny pieces left on the satin
of her red lips;
his hand rests idly on the dead
leather of the steering wheel
as his breath frosts the space
between them.

he pretends he could see
her heartbeat against his chest
like another;
she trains her eyes to aversion,
keeping watch on the neon passage
and the faint distaste in his shadow,
subtle as wet glass.

no token of coffee,
or promise of more.
a distant siren warning,
still only alley-cat scrabble breaches
the bare space between them;
two gunshots misfire in the darkness,
and with the slam of a car door
the intended bullets are lost to the night.

______

I'm uncomfortable with the last stanza; I had this idea in my head but when I wrote it, it came out sounding corny and I can't seem to get rid of that effect

 

[The Wanderer]

I'm not sure if I've interpreted this correctly, not that it matters, so I will return later to ponder it further

 

[BabyGrace]

i dont think i put enough in to make the relationship discernable, it's not really that important. thanks for reading it though

btw, what is the title of the e.e. cummings poem that your previous signature was from?

 

[The Wanderer]

well I was thinking that it was 2 young people, a male who was interested only in a physical encounter, and a female who was reluctant and dreading the situation, knowing all-to-well of these dubious intentions, but that's just what I read into it

the previous signature if from [since feeling is first]

 

[ACROB@T]

he pretends he could see
her heartbeat against his chest
like another;
she trains her eyes to aversion

and the faint distaste in his shadow,
subtle as wet glass

 

[BabyGrace]

thank you guys
hmm..I didn't mean for it to be that cruel a portrayal of the guy, maybe i just naturally give off that kind of vibe, even when I'm writing

thanks for the poem title too btw! I read some great poetry while looking for it as well

 

[got2k9s]

I don't see this poem as about sex. I see it as about distance.
A distance that he dislikes more than she seems to.
Is that a fair description, though a bit vague?

Jennifer

 

[The Wanderer]

interesting, but I was taking into consideration that they are sitting there in a parked car and the female character seems very nervous and tense, while the male is thinking about physical contact (pretends he could see her heartbeat against his chest), now that could be metaphorical for wanting to be "in love," but in this situation where there is no token of coffee/ or promise of more, it seems that he is interested in a one-time physical encounter and yes that is about space, if you want to simplify it, anyhow, sorry to throw my interpretation on your poem, I read it on another level and I have my own perspectives and relate differently to things than someone else would, and that's what's beautiful about poetry!

 

[got2k9s]

You know, after reading your post, Wanderer, and reading the poem again, valid points. I also agree that it might be that he's interested in a one time encounter, especially because of the part about her heartbeat against his chest "like another," which might indicate he's thinking of someone else? Yes, that's the beautiful thing about poetry . . . it means something different to everyone.
Jennifer

 

[AcrobatMan]

awesome