Uncouth

[Achtung_Bebe]

The stars appear to wink
at this awckward display
crashing cars
hopping bars
my dizzying decay.

Chaotic surrounding energy
matching rhythms of my mind
the bitter-sweet
of a clumsy beat
in search of things to find.

Stumbling out of fortune
tossed in disregard
heavy eyes
thunder thighs
rendered mass of lard.

Feelings of elastic
stretched out way too far
drawing hope
so as to cope
from the winking of a star.

-Bebe

It feels good to dream out loud

 

[popkidu2]

Hey Bebe...I haven't seen you post here before. If you haven't, well, I'm glad you finally have

Your poem reminded me of a few U2 lines...

To taste and to touch
As much as a man can
Before he repents

"Chaotic surrounding energy
matching rhythms of my mind
the bitter-sweet
of a clumsy beat
in search of things to find"

Nice...very nice

 

[BabyGrace]

hey, I like it, other sister

yeah, popkid, she's been here...long before us...go check it out...
very structured poem with beautiful imagery...difficult to do
I LOVE the second stanza

it does feel good to dream out loud...

------------------
Everyone argues, then we do what I say.
-Bono

 

[Achtung_Bebe]

Thanks guys!

Yeah, as Babygrace said I've been here... it's just been a while. I've never stopped reading this forum though, this corner of Feedback is packed with vivid imagery from talented poets such as yourselves

[This message has been edited by Achtung_Bebe (edited 02-14-2001).]

 

[frogbat]

a most welcome return

i dunno which stanza i like best...

i think i'll go for the second one but i'ts a close call

 

[The Wanderer]

very nice reading your poetry again

 

[The Wanderer]

I love how you spelled "awkward" wrong, it's um, nevermind, hehe

wish you would post more in DOL, Bebe