~fairy_girl~
Acrobat
I've been working on a short story, I also posted it at another forum I go to and got some feedback on it, but I need more LOL.
I've done about 5 "chapters" so far, but I'm not quite sure how the story is going to end... I've gone for the effect of making the reader be confused by the opening paragraph, and hopefully wonder why shes there, what happened, and hopefully, want to read more. and then the 2nd chapter has taken the reader back, and you wonder how they all piece together...
Here is the 1st 2 chapters anyway, any feedback is appreciated. thanks in advance.
.......................................
Chapter 1: Yellow Silence
Natalie sat alone in the yellow room, the room was peaceful, the window was open and there was a slight breeze coming in. The room was quite large and spacious, but empty. The floor was wooden, and the walls were painted yellow, but that was it? There were a couple unopened boxes in the room, boxes that would never be opened now. There were samples of wallpaper casually sat in one corner of the room too, happy, cheerful wallpaper, with pictures of ducks, fish and frogs. But the room was sad, Natalie was sad.
Natalie sat peacefully and quietly, listening to the breeze, staring at the walls, the empty space. She knew she should be down in the kitchen, preparing her boyfriends dinner, but right now, the room seemed more important, the room was always important to her, but today it was especially important. Today would have been the day that the room would be full, full of happiness.. But the room stayed silent, slow tears dropped from Natalie?s eyes. She was cold, and she was shaking now, from being cold and because she was so exhausted. Exhausted from all the sleepless nights, the crying, and from doing simply nothing for the past 4 and a half months.
Natalie jumped when she heard the front door slam downstairs, heavy feet sounded in the hallway, ?Nat? Nat are you home?? A loud voice called her, waking her from her silence in the room.
She opened her mouth to call back, but no words would come out. The door to the room opened, a familiar face looked down at her slumped on the floor. It was her boyfriend, Nick.
?Sweetie, come on?? Nick spoke with a gentle voice, ?Come on, lets get you out of here.?
Natalie let Nick wrap his arms around her and lift her up off the floor, she let him take her out of the room and into their bedroom. He sat her on the bed and held her in his arms, she put her head deep into his chest and cried. She cried so hard she thought no more tears would ever emerge again.
?I?m sorry? she said, her voice muffled.
?It?s ok, I?m here now, it?s going to be ok now.? He replied, softly, holding her tight.
They sat in silence for what felt like eternity, until Natalie broke the silence.
?I love you Nick.? She said, sounding calm now.
?I love you too, sweetie.? Nick replied, hugging her tighter.
??????????
She thought of how ten months earlier, Nick had walked into her life and how her life had been turned upside down. She was shopping one day in the supermarket, minding her own business looking at the wine. She was actually after a nice bottle of wine to share with her best friend that evening as they were having a girls night in. Nick was also in the wine section, hoping to find something for his father. However, Nick was no wine expert? Neither was Natalie for that matter, but she worked a few years in a top notch restaurant, so she knew a fair bit about wine, but was no expert? While she was deciding what to get her friend, she noticed this guy watching her, and when she looked back at him, he apologised for watching.
?I?m sorry? I wasn?t meaning to stare at you?? He began.
?Oh it?s ok.? Natalie replied, not really bothered.
?Um? I just noticed you looking at lots of wine, and at one you screwed your nose up at, and one you twitched your nose at, and one you put in the basket, then you took it out and looked at it before putting it back where it came from, and then?? Nick blushed. ?Sorry, I?m not stalking you or anything, I just need a bottle of wine, and I am more of a beer person??
?Um, ok?? Natalie was somewhat taken aback by the stranger who had been watching her, although, he was a cute stranger.
?Oh, so I?m going to my parents house for dinner tonight and they told me to get some wine on the way. I think they?ll shoot me if I don?t get something.?
?Oh that?s nice.? Natalie looked again at the bottle she had in her hand, trying to sound cool.
?So, can you recommend one for me?? Nick pleaded, ?If you don?t mind??
?Let me see? Do you know what?s on the menu??
?Er? fish I think.?
?Hmm? Ok, take this Chardonnay, not too heavy and not overpowering to take the taste of the fish away.? Natalie hoped this was a good enough answer.
?Great, thanks! You know your wine! You?ve saved my life now.? Nick blushed again. ?I owe you one.?
Now it was Natalie?s turn to blush, ?Well that?s ok, enjoy your meal.? She said politely.
?Could I get you a coffee maybe?? Nick pointed toward the supermarkets coffee shop.
?Oh, that would be nice, but I?m supposed to be at my friends in an hour, I need to go home and change, and do all these things before I go.? Natalie replied.
?Oh, well some other time maybe.? Nick looked disappointed.
?Yeah?? Natalie wished there could be another time. ?Hey, how about tomorrow? I?m free after 2pm?? Natalie quickly added.
Nick smiled, ?That sounds great, so, say 2:30? At the new Starbucks??
?Sounds cool, I haven?t been there since it opened.? Natalie grinned at him, ?Oh, my names Natalie by the way.?
?Nick.? He held out his hand for her to shake, then quickly took it back when he saw her hands each had a bottle in. ?Take that one.? He pointed to the one in her left.
?You think?? Natalie looked at the cheap Ros? to her left?
?No! You?re the wine expert, remember??
Natalie blushed, she looked down at her right hand, ?So I guess I?ll take the Chardonnay too.?
They had exchanged numbers and had agreed to meet outside of Starbucks the next afternoon. Natalie had left the supermarket walking on the clouds, she couldn?t wait to get to Lucy?s place and tell her all about her supermarket stranger.
?????????
Natalie opened her eyes and looked up at Nick, he wiped the tears from her face and kissed her forehead. She couldn?t have wished for a better person to share her life with, he?d been there for her through thick and thin over the past ten months. All the hard times, he?d been her rock, she didn?t know what she?d do without him now.
............................
Chapter 2: One year earlier...
Natalie came home from a long day at work, all she wanted to do was have a bath, curl up in bed and go to sleep. Her job at the salon was crazy at the moment, it seemed, every time a famous celebrity got something new done to their hair, every woman in town wanted it too. At the moment, blonde highlights were in, so Natalie was busy highlighting hair all day, and the smell of the peroxide, and the hot weather was making her more tired than usual.
She knew she would have no chance to have her bath, and an early night though. Her boyfriend Simon had been laid off work due to the company he worked for, had gone bankrupt, so he was home these days and still expected her to look after the house for the both of them. Sure enough, she returned home and Simon was on the sofa, television on, beer in one hand. Natalie could see him through the window even before entering the house, she sighed.
?Hey, get me another beer when you get to the kitchen.? He shouted from the living room as he heard her step into the hallway.
?Hi, nice to see you Nat, did you have a nice day Nat? How are you Nat?? Natalie mumbled, sighing once more.
?What? I can?t hear you? He shouted again.
Natalie stepped into the room, bracing herself for the mess that she was sure to see. And right enough, the lounge was a mess, empty beer cans lined the coffee table, newspapers were on the floor and the television was on really loud. Simon sat in the armchair, wearing just his boxers, he hadn?t shaved for days and he stank of beer. She knew the kitchen would be just as bad. Natalie went to walk around him to get to the kitchen, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her close to him.
?Hey, what?s wrong?? He asked, slurring his words slightly.
?Nothing Si, let me go sort the kitchen out.? Natalie replied without looking into his eyes.
?I said. What?s wrong? Tell me what?s wrong.? He demanded, pulling her down so she was sat on his lap.
?And I said, nothings wrong, I?m just tired.? She sighed again and looked up at him.
He cupped her chin in his hand, ?Are you sure? You?d tell me if something was wrong right?? He sounded like he cared about her, like he always said he cared for her. And what, he didn?t see what a state her house was in?
?I?m fine.? She replied, with a feint smile.
?Come here and kiss me then.? He pulled her closer.
She could smell the beer, and then she felt the roughness of his face where he hadn?t shaved, she wanted to be sick. She turned her head to the side so his sloppy kiss landed on her cheek. ?Simon, I?ve got to sort the house out now?? She jumped up and escaped to the kitchen, she shut the door and breathed a sigh of relief. Last week when she?d come home and he had been drunk, he wanted sex from her. She hated it when he?d been drinking during the day, and when she refused him, he had gotten angry with her and turned violent. He had pushed her back against the wall and she had hit her head. Luckily a neighbour came to the door wanting to borrow something, so she was saved, until next time.
Natalie mindlessly tidied up the kitchen, the cups and plates from breakfast still sat next to the sink, she had asked Simon to do them as she was running late, he didn?t do them. He managed to boil the kettle, polish off 3 pot noodles and make all that mess though. She sighed again. She wished he would find a job, her income couldn?t support them both for much longer, it barely covered the mortgage and the bills for the house, leaving them minimal amount of money to spend on food and necessities. Natalie sat at the kitchen table and tears came to her eyes, she had to stay strong though or he might get angry with her again. Something had to be done, she couldn?t live like this much longer, in fear, in this mess. With Him?
....................................
Chapter 3 is WIP
I've done about 5 "chapters" so far, but I'm not quite sure how the story is going to end... I've gone for the effect of making the reader be confused by the opening paragraph, and hopefully wonder why shes there, what happened, and hopefully, want to read more. and then the 2nd chapter has taken the reader back, and you wonder how they all piece together...
Here is the 1st 2 chapters anyway, any feedback is appreciated. thanks in advance.
.......................................
Chapter 1: Yellow Silence
Natalie sat alone in the yellow room, the room was peaceful, the window was open and there was a slight breeze coming in. The room was quite large and spacious, but empty. The floor was wooden, and the walls were painted yellow, but that was it? There were a couple unopened boxes in the room, boxes that would never be opened now. There were samples of wallpaper casually sat in one corner of the room too, happy, cheerful wallpaper, with pictures of ducks, fish and frogs. But the room was sad, Natalie was sad.
Natalie sat peacefully and quietly, listening to the breeze, staring at the walls, the empty space. She knew she should be down in the kitchen, preparing her boyfriends dinner, but right now, the room seemed more important, the room was always important to her, but today it was especially important. Today would have been the day that the room would be full, full of happiness.. But the room stayed silent, slow tears dropped from Natalie?s eyes. She was cold, and she was shaking now, from being cold and because she was so exhausted. Exhausted from all the sleepless nights, the crying, and from doing simply nothing for the past 4 and a half months.
Natalie jumped when she heard the front door slam downstairs, heavy feet sounded in the hallway, ?Nat? Nat are you home?? A loud voice called her, waking her from her silence in the room.
She opened her mouth to call back, but no words would come out. The door to the room opened, a familiar face looked down at her slumped on the floor. It was her boyfriend, Nick.
?Sweetie, come on?? Nick spoke with a gentle voice, ?Come on, lets get you out of here.?
Natalie let Nick wrap his arms around her and lift her up off the floor, she let him take her out of the room and into their bedroom. He sat her on the bed and held her in his arms, she put her head deep into his chest and cried. She cried so hard she thought no more tears would ever emerge again.
?I?m sorry? she said, her voice muffled.
?It?s ok, I?m here now, it?s going to be ok now.? He replied, softly, holding her tight.
They sat in silence for what felt like eternity, until Natalie broke the silence.
?I love you Nick.? She said, sounding calm now.
?I love you too, sweetie.? Nick replied, hugging her tighter.
??????????
She thought of how ten months earlier, Nick had walked into her life and how her life had been turned upside down. She was shopping one day in the supermarket, minding her own business looking at the wine. She was actually after a nice bottle of wine to share with her best friend that evening as they were having a girls night in. Nick was also in the wine section, hoping to find something for his father. However, Nick was no wine expert? Neither was Natalie for that matter, but she worked a few years in a top notch restaurant, so she knew a fair bit about wine, but was no expert? While she was deciding what to get her friend, she noticed this guy watching her, and when she looked back at him, he apologised for watching.
?I?m sorry? I wasn?t meaning to stare at you?? He began.
?Oh it?s ok.? Natalie replied, not really bothered.
?Um? I just noticed you looking at lots of wine, and at one you screwed your nose up at, and one you twitched your nose at, and one you put in the basket, then you took it out and looked at it before putting it back where it came from, and then?? Nick blushed. ?Sorry, I?m not stalking you or anything, I just need a bottle of wine, and I am more of a beer person??
?Um, ok?? Natalie was somewhat taken aback by the stranger who had been watching her, although, he was a cute stranger.
?Oh, so I?m going to my parents house for dinner tonight and they told me to get some wine on the way. I think they?ll shoot me if I don?t get something.?
?Oh that?s nice.? Natalie looked again at the bottle she had in her hand, trying to sound cool.
?So, can you recommend one for me?? Nick pleaded, ?If you don?t mind??
?Let me see? Do you know what?s on the menu??
?Er? fish I think.?
?Hmm? Ok, take this Chardonnay, not too heavy and not overpowering to take the taste of the fish away.? Natalie hoped this was a good enough answer.
?Great, thanks! You know your wine! You?ve saved my life now.? Nick blushed again. ?I owe you one.?
Now it was Natalie?s turn to blush, ?Well that?s ok, enjoy your meal.? She said politely.
?Could I get you a coffee maybe?? Nick pointed toward the supermarkets coffee shop.
?Oh, that would be nice, but I?m supposed to be at my friends in an hour, I need to go home and change, and do all these things before I go.? Natalie replied.
?Oh, well some other time maybe.? Nick looked disappointed.
?Yeah?? Natalie wished there could be another time. ?Hey, how about tomorrow? I?m free after 2pm?? Natalie quickly added.
Nick smiled, ?That sounds great, so, say 2:30? At the new Starbucks??
?Sounds cool, I haven?t been there since it opened.? Natalie grinned at him, ?Oh, my names Natalie by the way.?
?Nick.? He held out his hand for her to shake, then quickly took it back when he saw her hands each had a bottle in. ?Take that one.? He pointed to the one in her left.
?You think?? Natalie looked at the cheap Ros? to her left?
?No! You?re the wine expert, remember??
Natalie blushed, she looked down at her right hand, ?So I guess I?ll take the Chardonnay too.?
They had exchanged numbers and had agreed to meet outside of Starbucks the next afternoon. Natalie had left the supermarket walking on the clouds, she couldn?t wait to get to Lucy?s place and tell her all about her supermarket stranger.
?????????
Natalie opened her eyes and looked up at Nick, he wiped the tears from her face and kissed her forehead. She couldn?t have wished for a better person to share her life with, he?d been there for her through thick and thin over the past ten months. All the hard times, he?d been her rock, she didn?t know what she?d do without him now.
............................
Chapter 2: One year earlier...
Natalie came home from a long day at work, all she wanted to do was have a bath, curl up in bed and go to sleep. Her job at the salon was crazy at the moment, it seemed, every time a famous celebrity got something new done to their hair, every woman in town wanted it too. At the moment, blonde highlights were in, so Natalie was busy highlighting hair all day, and the smell of the peroxide, and the hot weather was making her more tired than usual.
She knew she would have no chance to have her bath, and an early night though. Her boyfriend Simon had been laid off work due to the company he worked for, had gone bankrupt, so he was home these days and still expected her to look after the house for the both of them. Sure enough, she returned home and Simon was on the sofa, television on, beer in one hand. Natalie could see him through the window even before entering the house, she sighed.
?Hey, get me another beer when you get to the kitchen.? He shouted from the living room as he heard her step into the hallway.
?Hi, nice to see you Nat, did you have a nice day Nat? How are you Nat?? Natalie mumbled, sighing once more.
?What? I can?t hear you? He shouted again.
Natalie stepped into the room, bracing herself for the mess that she was sure to see. And right enough, the lounge was a mess, empty beer cans lined the coffee table, newspapers were on the floor and the television was on really loud. Simon sat in the armchair, wearing just his boxers, he hadn?t shaved for days and he stank of beer. She knew the kitchen would be just as bad. Natalie went to walk around him to get to the kitchen, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her close to him.
?Hey, what?s wrong?? He asked, slurring his words slightly.
?Nothing Si, let me go sort the kitchen out.? Natalie replied without looking into his eyes.
?I said. What?s wrong? Tell me what?s wrong.? He demanded, pulling her down so she was sat on his lap.
?And I said, nothings wrong, I?m just tired.? She sighed again and looked up at him.
He cupped her chin in his hand, ?Are you sure? You?d tell me if something was wrong right?? He sounded like he cared about her, like he always said he cared for her. And what, he didn?t see what a state her house was in?
?I?m fine.? She replied, with a feint smile.
?Come here and kiss me then.? He pulled her closer.
She could smell the beer, and then she felt the roughness of his face where he hadn?t shaved, she wanted to be sick. She turned her head to the side so his sloppy kiss landed on her cheek. ?Simon, I?ve got to sort the house out now?? She jumped up and escaped to the kitchen, she shut the door and breathed a sigh of relief. Last week when she?d come home and he had been drunk, he wanted sex from her. She hated it when he?d been drinking during the day, and when she refused him, he had gotten angry with her and turned violent. He had pushed her back against the wall and she had hit her head. Luckily a neighbour came to the door wanting to borrow something, so she was saved, until next time.
Natalie mindlessly tidied up the kitchen, the cups and plates from breakfast still sat next to the sink, she had asked Simon to do them as she was running late, he didn?t do them. He managed to boil the kettle, polish off 3 pot noodles and make all that mess though. She sighed again. She wished he would find a job, her income couldn?t support them both for much longer, it barely covered the mortgage and the bills for the house, leaving them minimal amount of money to spend on food and necessities. Natalie sat at the kitchen table and tears came to her eyes, she had to stay strong though or he might get angry with her again. Something had to be done, she couldn?t live like this much longer, in fear, in this mess. With Him?
....................................
Chapter 3 is WIP
