The Flower And The Glory

[lazarus]

first time posting in here...something about parallels between the Catholic Church & Communist China...please forgive my vaguely political debut and penchant for wordplay:


THE FLOWER AND THE GLORY

oh when the saints come parched and thin
there's a canteen sip for each sun-baked sin;
all good things must come to a bend,
the hump on the back of the camel skin

she mumbles out the feather-pen writ
cabalist incantations,
nothing more tragic than misspelled magic;
the croak of desperate desert vespers

she takes the paperwhites outside
to overdose on natural light
like incinerated astronauts
in welcome home atmosphere,
ashen scent on the breeze

she snaps a malade stalk
and thinks of Youth in Asia;
tanks for nothing--
scars on the stars in the city square;
root out the rats and their last caveats,
the hammer and sickly banner

all year-plans rolled up and stored away;
varied degrees of internal decay
betray a hemisphere of flying
in the falter of marches and churches;
the withered remains of growing pains--
deaf throes of the flower and the glory.


laz

 

[ZeroDude]

Theres a couple of clumbsy lines best examples would be imo

"all good things must come to a bend,
the hump on the back of the camel skin"

These two really don't push forward the narrative at the end of the first stanza, leaving me uneasy as where to go next, but to generalise the whole thing, it's alright imo but not great and works as a simplistic yet effective polemic

 

[blueyedpoet]

wow, i was just thinking that i wish i could write this well

 

[lazarus]

Theres a couple of clumbsy lines best examples would be imo

"all good things must come to a bend,
the hump on the back of the camel skin"

These two really don't push forward the narrative at the end of the first stanza, leaving me uneasy as where to go next, but to generalise the whole thing, it's alright imo but not great and works as a simplistic yet effective polemic

thanks for the feedback. it's a bit indirect, but the play on "all good things must come to an end" and "straw that broke the camel's back" both refer to the decay of the institutions dealt with in the poem (the government & church).

if anything, the middle stanza about the paperwhites has little to do with the theme of the poem. but I spit these things out as they come into my mind, and try to edit very little. I certainly wasn't trying to write about any particular subject...I believe that it all fits together somewhere in the subconsciousness of the writer...


laz

 

[beegee]

but to generalise the whole thing, it's alright imo but not great and works as a simplistic yet effective polemic

zerodude, seriously.

his work is the most interesting thing dream out loud has seen in a very, very long time. i was actually able to read it all the way through without wanting to scratch my eyes out, which - in this forum - is pretty good.

that said, i did enjoy thanksgiving skin trade more than this one.

good work, laz

 

[Tania]

I really liked this one.

 

[ZeroDude]

zerodude, seriously.

his work is the most interesting thing dream out loud has seen in a very, very long time. i was actually able to read it all the way through without wanting to scratch my eyes out, which - in this forum - is pretty good.

that said, i did enjoy thanksgiving skin trade more than this one.

good work, laz

I'm sorry if I'm been a bit nasty or too pretentious of late I've not been particularly happy with my own work so I see fit to indirectly bash others, Laz I'm sorry I was too ignorant to appreciate the metaphors you employed, I'm sorry to everyone who posts here aswell,

 

[lazarus]

hey no sweat...the fact that you are interested in reading and commenting on other people's work, trying to help them improve, says a lot.

good luck on your next endeavor


laz

 

[ZeroDude]

Cheers, I just to clear my head a bit you know, but thanks your an excellent writer