snow moth

[ACROB@T]

~we cradled our silence beneath the rain
as our silhouettes danced in a faithless light
..we watched every season pass away
as each day was eclipsed by every night~

we watched white roses bloom upon red wine
and nature's lips brush against their tarnished skin~
..her open wound bleeding under an ocean tide
as the sun died upon her every horizon

we lay under clouds to breath in the rain
as our hearts planted each and every unborn lie>
these tears will fall through the cracks of every whisper
as we leave them to sleep within our child's eyes~

 

[ZeroDude]

The sparse sibilance in the opening stanza helps to set the scene brilliantly and you’ve very nearly painted a perfect picture with the way in which you’ve used such a subtle rhyme scheme to great effect.

In fact it seems to be very well metered indeed.

More importantly however is the fact that the whole works as a startlingly intimate portrait of the “I” in question.

Beautiful.

 

[For Honor]